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Alright, after heavy talk about global politics, the end of the world and whether 2K is too retro or not retro enough, let's get back to the real reason we all log on - pointless drivel.

Question: How do you read yours?

What's your favourite environment for reading the weekly dose of thrill power?

The Trout takes up position on the sofa, with natural light behind him and plenty of munchy sweets, especially chocolate peanuts. Or, in an emergency, Happy Face biscuits.
A cup of tea is also an essential accessory.

Anyone else? I bet Oddboy reads his in a treehouse while Oddgirl cooks his tea!
I bet Jenny-Mek has built a robot to turn the pages for her.
Is anyone brave enough to read it in the bath?

The most creative or funny answer will earn its owner special Trout powers conferred by me.

- ALL HAIL THE KING!

Given that we've managed 20 posts so far on the tiny credit cards on stories in 2K, just how bad can we get?

Is there any issue too tiny for us to blether about?

Does anyone have any strong opinions on the size of the logo, or the smell of the paper the comic is written on?

How about the colour of Tharg's hair?

Discerning Trouts need to know....

Take care! Here's a cautionary tale from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Science Fiction-related Accidents.


I've had the first two Big Finish CDs for ages and ages but hadn't managed to get round to listening to them. It's very busy being a king and a fish-based superhero AND having to go to work too, sadly.

Made the mistake of listening, for the first time, to the first part of Wanted: Dredd Or Alive on a personal CD player as a made my Royal prominade to work today - and I almost died several times!

I'm not slagging off the content (giving it a chance; haven't heard it all) but the experience of hearing "blam!" sound effects and people shouting things like "Drokk" and "Stomm" with straight faces made me laugh and laugh.

In fact, I laughed so much I almost walked into the traffic, more than once. Beware of this danger, loyal subjects!

I realise I'm talking about this months after the rest of you, but did anyone else cringe slightly at hearing their favourite comic book jargon in actual voices?

I can't wait to hear the next one. "Sssss... I want to be a fireman, Pauline! Sssss.. This iss a local dimenssssion for local people..."

For my info, what accent does Simon Pegg use to do Johnny Alpha?

- King Troutman

My fellow message boarders, I have some important announcements to make.

First of all, in order to ensure constant martial law and paranoid control over the populace, I've decided to declare war on someone.

The enemy will be announced just as soon as your king thinks of one, but until then, trust no-one and be as prejudiced as possible against people who look a bit out of the ordinary.



Secondly, here are the people you must look up to as your rulers and betters - the government.

Troutman is currently Emperor, King, Head of State, Prime Minister, Chief Judge and Deputy Chief Judge, plus other things I haven't thought up yet.

Somethingfishy is Prince Regent and heir to the throne

Col Marbles is my valued Head of Security, Torture and Assorted Vileness

JimBobReturns commands the title Grand Moff JimBob as secondary henchman.

Slippery_jim is doing sterling work as Royal Sycophant First Class

KatanaX has become Minister of Treasure, Piracy and Diggin' Up Gold, Me Hearties

SiGu can be Royal Fool as long as he doesn't overstep the mark

Jenny-Mek, I'm delighted to say, is Chief Mad Scientist Robot Creator and top grease monkey

And Strontium Doug has just been confirmed as Minister for Disinformation and Mind Control


Finally, be on the lookout for  the following enemies of the state:
Oddboy, Smiley, eggonlegs, Judge Dudus, Finnigan Sinister and Devons Daddy.
All must be arrested and imprisoned on sight!

- That will be all for now. As you were.


REJOICE THAT TROUTMAN IS YOUR EVIL KING!

I thought that since this is a 2K message board, I might as well post something vaguely relevant to comics.

1. For David Bishop, where's your column in this month's Comics International? Is it dead?

I hope not, because I quite liked it.

2. For Frazer Irving, my compliments on your excellent work on the Dark Horse Fort comic.

One question, though. Your style seems a bit more controlled here, although still that great b&w moody stuff. Was that a conscious thing and, if so, was it for the US market?

((And that's how long I can stand to be serious for. Mindless drivel time:   ))

Since you're comics professionals, I'd like to offer you both really great jobs in the evil regime of King Troutman The Perfect. How about it? It'd really piss off Oddboy and Smiley!

- Trout drained the treasury after spending too much in Forbidden Planet. Print more money Pirate Chancellor!

Isn't it great to have the board back? I missed it so much.

Now I have so many new ways of avoiding work!

By the way, I'm still King of the Message Board. ;-)

If anyone wants a job in my hideous regime, simply apply here.

Darth Marbles, my secret police chief and head torture guy, are you still out there?

- Absence made the Trout grow fonder...

I don't want to come across as arrogant, but I've decided to declare myself King of this message board.

Henceforth, you must all address me as Your Majesty and refer to me as His Splendidness King Troutman.

(Sometimes I wonder if I should just shut down the internet and do some bloody work.)

ALL HAIL KING TROUTMAN!

I've long wanted to ask this on the board, but I thought it might be too painful.

Stop me if we've done this before.

Let's share our experiences of lost comics. At least two poor individuals, who I won't name unless they volunteer the info again, were telling stories of evil ex-wives/ girlfriends in the chatroom last week.

I can barely type it: comics plus lighter fuel plus match. AAAAAAAGH!

My own experience just involved my poor mum (who's never got over the guilt I made her feel) chucking out a pile of admittedly tattered early Progs.


Anyone else want to pour out their past anguish?

Troutman

I'd be interested to hear other boarders' experiences of storing comics.

I've been forced to devote a large part of my spare room to stacks of storage boxes (the ones A4 paper come in are perfect for US format comics) and piles of 2K stacked haphazardly on shelves.

Has everyone else resorted to lofts, garages and mysterious sub-bed spaces, where odd shoes breed and no-one ever goes?

Trout

What's wrong with this bloody site?

I have to refer to the database administrator, apparently.

This keeps happening.

Wake, what's wrong?

Trout

So, good weekend, everyone?

Trout was sober. *Sob*

Marbles, how did you get on with the Samba babes?

(Further to "Beer me!" and carrying on from the hungover comments from Jaysus at the end of the Thread.
Heh, heh, heh. :-)  )

Troutman

So, anyone up to much this weekend?

Trout is off the alcohol, sadly.

The icons idea is working wonderfully - well done to Marbles for an excellent suggestion.

But there are one or two notable exceptions to our latest craze.

Why haven't the likes of PVS or Jenny-Mek jumped on the bandwagon yet?

Jen, you should have Halo, since you implied you looked a bit like her.

Hey Peevs, would you have ignored other trends like Get Ugly or Blobs?

Or are you a closet Simp?

Heh, heh.

MikeD

Once again, the Trout has a suggestion to keep everyone skiving off work and put our economy in the doldrums.

It's storytelling time.

Continue the story, until we get bored with it, following these simple rules:

1 It must make sense to some extent; ie no nonsense contributions.

2 Each contribution must be no more than one sentence long.

3 You can't make another contribution until at least two other people have added to your last one.

It begins with my dull intro:


"As the graveyard shift wound towards its end, Judge Dredd was sitting on his lawmaster watching the early morning traffic rolling along the 47-lane highway."

NEXT!

- Trouty

Troutman needs help.

I love the new using-icons thing, but badly need a personalised one.

Does anyone have the ability to make me a wee trout icon for my own personal use?

Sadly, I'm clueless on computers and can't do it myself.

I'd be ever so grateful to a generous fellow Squaxx.

MikeD

So far today, my favourite inoffensive expletive - swearing without swearing - is PANTS!

But I used to like shengis, which was code for sh*t.

And you?

- Potty mouth trouty man.

Hi there - this is MikeD, secretly Troutman during my rooftop rambles.

I'd be interested to hear some suggestions for desktop art.

Until recently, I had the Steve Y Zenith one from this site, but the other day I changed it to a great pic of Spider Jerusalem stamping on a lap-top.

What does everyone else have?

MikeD

- Will take place on the chatroom at 1.30pm today.

Oddboy will be risking the hideous conveyor belt of doom.

Everyone's encouraged to look in, in case he shouts for a lifeline.

Cheers, MikeD

If Si Spurious is brave enough to invite comments from the board on his work, then why is no-one else?

Which writers/ artists would you like to have the ear of? (That's not a reference to Resyk's automated scalpels, by the way.)

Personally, I'd like Grant Morrison to explain to me what the hell he was on when he wrote the end of Arkham Asylum.

Finally, a challenge. Garth Ennis - talk to us! We need to have a wee word with you about something...

MikeD

Well, that was a great start - I've posted it again, with a title this time, so people know it's on the go!


- Hopefully it won't be a damp squib, but here we have the grand launch of the Resyk Challenge!

Wil4 is due for the Resyk treatment at 1.30pm (unless Moly reappears) and evryone else is welcome to pitch in - but only at Wil4's request.

Answer the questions correctly, and Dredd rescues you from the hideous processing conveyor.

Get them all wrong, and you will be processed alive!

For the record, here are the rules.

1. Each question must receive an answer logged on the message board no later than five minutes after the question is posted; eg question at 13:05, answer by 13.10. Failure to do so will earn you a strike for a wrong answer.

2. Five strikes and it's munceburgers time. You will survive four, but will spend the rest of your life horribly maimed.

3. Each contestant has one lifeline - and one lifeline only. If you don't know the answer, post "Phone A Friend" and hopefully someone will help. But you still only have five minutes.

4. Each challenge will start with an easy one, end with a particularly difficult question and will include at least one quotes question and one multi-parter, where more than one answer is required. There will be five questions in total.

5. Answering one question quickly does not earn extra time for others.

6. The Challenge will be fun and fun only. Pedants criticising the questioner's lack of knowledge/ glaring errors will receive Rigelian Hotshots.

7. A league table will be drawn up - assuming we have enough candidates - based on how many correct answers contestants give and, in the case of the inevitable draw, how quickly they were posted. The grand prize will be a Pa Angel Super Scream Torture Machine (Mark I). Consolation prizes will include bottles of pizen to liven up those dull parties!



Cheers, MikeD