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Author Topic: The Black Dog Thread  (Read 75428 times)

TordelBack

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #540 on: 19 May, 2021, 10:52:27 AM »
Ooof, Jade Falcon, you really get knocked about. To see someone so negatively affected by a system that should exist only to help them through exactly these situations is upsetting. It's not right. 

As the Shark says, you are a being of worth irrespective of how you are made to feel by your material circumstance, things can get better that this for you, even if you can't see the path yet. I wish I could offer any useful advice, but know at least that there are a lot of us on a similar road and we understand.

sheridan

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #541 on: 19 May, 2021, 01:09:39 PM »
I've started a thread to schedule a video / audio / real-time text chat.

JayzusB.Christ

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #542 on: 19 May, 2021, 02:55:58 PM »
I've been ranting about my own relatively minor problems on the Life Spugs thread and have missed this.  Jade - that sounds incredibly difficult.  The people who say that money doesn't matter are the people who have never been without it.  I really hope things will improve for you.
“Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest”

Jade Falcon

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #543 on: 02 June, 2021, 09:36:55 PM »
Well I got my PIP results yesterday, null point as they say in Eurovision.  What makes it even worse is that its full of exaggerations and lies.  Stuff like saying I can plan a journey and use a satnav.  I have an old car, I've never owned a satnav, I've never used one, I've never even borrowed one.  I can plan a basic journey because I'm 50 years old and I've lived in the same area all my life, so I know the area fairly well.

I don't know if anyone here knows Ayrshire in Scotland but it hasn't changed too much in terms of transport layout over the years, not drastically anyway, not like say the centre of Glasgow in the 50s and 60s.

Saying I go to the supermarket and go round quickly is apparently a negative, what I was trying to say was I go in, get exactly what I need and out ASAP, not hang around.  It seems every statement is treated the wrong way.  I was on the phone to the DWP and tried to set them straight but I'll see how that goes.

Also, I tried to go back to the Oxfam book shop, but the manager refused to take me back.  Apparently I'm 'unreliable and untrustworthy' and I disrespected her which is all false.  She says I walked out twice.  Once in one of my particular bad moments I said I wasn't coming back but worked the rest of the day, someone I worked with asked me to come in and help when they were swamped.  In the 4 years I've worked there, I've only been off twice, once for a couple of weeks due to being immobile with a knee problem, once when I was in hospital due to various problems.  I specifically wanted to work there as its a bookshop and I'm not really interested in general charity shop work..ho hum.

Funt Solo

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #544 on: 02 June, 2021, 09:52:18 PM »
The specific reference to satnav seems a bit odd - as if the person who wrote the generic text for the responses was quite privileged. At least, it sounds like it was a generic response.
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Tjm86

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #545 on: 03 June, 2021, 06:51:53 AM »
Well I got my PIP results yesterday, null point as they say in Eurovision.  What makes it even worse is that its full of exaggerations and lies.  Stuff like saying I can plan a journey and use a satnav ...

Not entirely sure what point they're trying to make with stuff like that.  Just because someone has a mental health condition diagnosis that doesn't mean that they are 'cognitively challenged'.  Not to mention the fact that a journey may well be considered 'safe' if it can be done in a way that minimises 'risk'.

That is the biggest frustration when trying to cope with officialdom in its various guises.  I've no doubt that the official that wrote the report would take issue with your characterisation of the content as 'exaggerations and lies' but that is an entirely valid personal perspective. 

At the end of the day it looks like they've responded in a way that invalidates your perspective, experience and the way it affects you.  To describe that as 'unhelpful' is an understatement of epic proportions.  Anyone would be distressed by such treatment.

I'm assuming that you are going to appeal the decision?  Certainly I hope you do.  It's worth bearing in mind that the reported success rate is around 75%.  Hope it works out.   

Tjm86

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #546 on: 10 June, 2021, 07:41:51 AM »
Sorry for bringing first world problems into things.  I'm ashamed to say that compared to a lot of folks round these parts my issues don't even begin to compare.  That said, considering what has happened to one well-regarded forumite and the admonitions to reach out following that, please excuse some ramblings / ranting / ...

I think it is fair to say that my ability to manage my BPD has never been great, despite all efforts.  I suppose turning around a lifetime's behavioural habits is ambitious to say the least for most people, never mind the psychologically compromised.  Even before Covid things had gone badly with a colleague setting me off after a particularly bad day then triggering a disciplinary action.

Since September things have gone from bad to worse with Covid-secure methods making teaching untenable.  The colleague in question has not accepted the results of the disciplinary and has acted in a way that makes this clear.  Meetings have been unpleasant to say the least and even moving around school is challenging to avoid 'uncomfortable' crossings.

Adding in the redundancy situation has been pretty much the final straw.  Given that attempts to address the impact of the colleague's behaviour have pretty much proven fruitless together with a strong suggestion (probably accurate) from my union that the selection process would land on me anyway, it seemed prudent to take the enhanced offer rather than the likely alternative.

So sitting in the departmental meeting last night listening to the rest gleefully discussing the sets that they would like to teach from September was 'unhelpful' to say the least.  Having slipped slowly down into the darkness during the course of the year and resuming NLSI (much to my wife's distress when she realised where the blood was coming from) I find myself now enviously reflecting on my cousin's success with his 9mm trepanning.

Having been through different forms of cognitive, psychotherepeutic and chemical treatments without any success (in some cases the opposite) it is becoming increasingly challenging to avoid considering options to follow his course.  Whilst I'm fairly confident that I can withstand the temptation, it is becoming something of a challenge.

My GP has been great (or rather the selection of GP's that I've dealt with over the last year or so) as has Primary Care and even Secondary Care.  I'm now waiting on the next stage in what seems to be a futile effort to work with me.  Given the situation with NHS workload I'm having to be patient there.

In the meantime I'm trying to ride this rollercoaster as best I can, minimise its impact on those around me and function as best I can.  I get the frustration and exasperation of those I have to work with.  I feel it too.  I'm just not sure its fair to inflict me on those around me.  Then again I do recognise that this is a problem at my level.  As I say, managing the BPD right now is possibly a little more challenging than I give myself credit for.


Anyway, my apologies for the long and rambling post.  The greater probability is that i will continue fighting through this and come out the other side.  I am fortunate to have a wife who knows me better than I do, recognises many of the warning signs and is able to help me manage the extremes.  That said, i feel guilty for giving her that burden.  Vicious circle, I know.  I know that there are fellow boarders who are in a far worse situation and facing far greater challenges.  Hence feeling more than a little annoyed with myself.

Right now I'm just focusing on getting through the day.  I'm pretty sure I will but the darkness is disturbing.  For those who do get this far, thanks for your patience.  For those who do feel this way and are struggling as well.  Please, reach out.  Sorry. Thanks.  F*** ...

Trooper McFad

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #547 on: 10 June, 2021, 09:20:45 AM »
Tjm86 there’s no shame or apologies needed in using this thread to get things off your chest and if it helps then all the better.
I can’t offer any practical advice on your situation other than there will be people on this board that understand your situation and may offer better support or advice than I ever could.
Sounds you have a great support and love in your home. Stay strong.
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Funt Solo

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #548 on: 10 June, 2021, 03:01:39 PM »
Hey tjm86. It’s always a pleasure to have you on the board and I’m sorry to hear that you’re having troubles. Your story reminded me of the time I got put onto a 50% contract, and then got asked at the staff meeting to come up with a positive story. Me being me, I pointed out how inappropriate I felt that was. Best wishes, any road.
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paddykafka

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #549 on: 10 June, 2021, 04:32:46 PM »
So sorry to hear of your recent difficulties, TJM86. Just to echo what Trooper & Funt said, you've no need to feel like you're burdening any of us with your problems - that's what this thread is for.

(And upsetting issues in your work-place can in no way be dismissed as 1st World problems. It is entirely normal that you - or anyone else, for that matter - would feel bent out of shape by current events. And as you've probably noticed over the years, quite a few of us on this forum have had our own share of bad experiences in the work-place; so we can certainly understand what you're going through. Needless to say, that also applies to mental health challenges and all the grief that can give rise to, as well.)

Anyways, I hope that you'll not have to weather this particular storm for too long, and that Fortuna will soon meet you on the upswing again.

Jade Falcon

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #550 on: 14 June, 2021, 07:32:33 AM »
I'm pdate, I got my appeal results in and got Pip for the next six or seven years, even better it was backdated to October last year. It's a substantial amount but I'm going to be careful and not go mad.

Without sounding like a moan it's not really helping the loneliness, depression or bad sleep, but it's nice to be able to get shopping without being anxious as to whether I can afford it or worrying whether I have money for the next week

Trooper McFad

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #551 on: 14 June, 2021, 10:52:43 AM »
Falcon glad to hear you have gotten past that insidious hurdle. It will now allow you to focus on other issues. If we can now get out of the pandemic to allow help to start filtering through.
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Funt Solo

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #552 on: 14 June, 2021, 04:56:41 PM »
Great news, Falcon.
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JayzusB.Christ

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #553 on: 16 June, 2021, 06:08:58 PM »
Great stuff - glad to hear it.
“Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest”

Hawkmumbler

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #554 on: 17 June, 2021, 08:44:36 AM »
Fantastic news Falcon, its a shame you where even in the position to need to appeal in the first place but i'm delighted you got the outcome you deserved.