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Messages - Buttonman

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1
Nice words Colin and a fun distraction. Best panel next? 'Cos I hate you' vs 'Who's gonna mess with us?' for the final?

2
General / Re: FINAL!!!! - The Killing v Rage - Bolt-01 Cup
« on: 19 October, 2021, 11:46:12 PM »
The Killing (of Moses Quest)

3
General / Re: Outlaw v Rage - Bolt-01 Cup - SEMI-FINAL 1
« on: 13 October, 2021, 01:02:45 PM »
Close call but Rage for me.

4
One stront tale to take to a desert island? Of these two I'm taking The Killing.

5
Can Malak resurrect Moses one last time?

6
Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 06 October, 2021, 08:28:09 PM »

The great letters crisis of 2021 continues unabated. There are reports of people panic writing and stockpiling missives to Tharg. The army have been called in to ensure that letters are delivered and the government has appealed for calm whilst raising the price of stamps.

Here at LETTERSENTERTAINYOU we have basked in the warmth of our many unpublished letters and remember fondly the days when the Magazine printed three pages worth along with Preacher reprints just to fill the thing up.  Don’t worry, we get a mighty injection of SEVEN letters in Prog 2252 with Tharg scraping his barrel and printing any old toot.

First up in the Letter of the Week slot is Marcus Hanford of emailland. Interestingly (term used advisedly) the last letter printed in the last Input page was also from a Marcus;  in that case the Nyahow variety. We’ve not had this many Marcuses since ‘Eldorado’ went two nights a week! This Marcus dressed up as Tharg to run a race and sent in photographic proof. What a rubbish outfit! Our effort including mother’s brooch as a Rosette of Sirius was far more authentic!  Tharg lazily asks if Marcus finished the race. We’ll Google that for you Tharg - Yes he did, in 2.04:15 finishing in 2498th position. We’ll done him, especially as he must have been towing a caravan with that time. Excuse us, just getting another cream bun…

This is Marcus’  4th letter to see print with him previously seen in Prog 2033 following a Letter of the Week debut in 2010’s Prog 1696. He has a rival in his Bristol hometown in the shape of Ella Handford who had a letter  printed in Prog 2033 with a “photo of a little girl”. We’re guessing a relative.

Newbie writer Dave Marsden  of Salisbury next. We went there once and found this lovely perfummmm…. Dave joins Elizabeth of Maidstone in the ‘Marsden 1 letter printed gang’ with Lizzy’s offering appearing in Meg 151 (V3.48). Dave talks about a ‘Sacs Magiques’ which of course is (back to Google) a magic bag. He takes exception to two such receptacles appearing in consecutive thrills. Clearly Dave is a new reader and not used to tropes and themes. Or in other words the cookie cutter can only work so much and so fast Dave!

The Chris Browning version of a good letter next which is sadly a bit of a gusher. Chris likes it all; which is fair enough really. Black and white, cartoony  - spidery - he loves the lot. We do prefer a bit of nit picking or bitching in our letters, but if Chris is happy we all should be too. Even if we can’t always follow stuff or it looks a bit busy. Chris knows the score however, with this being his 18th letter to see print. This effort takes him up to joint 16th on the Beast letters board with erstwhile scribe Kevin Hall, who we last saw in Prog 2034 in 2017 when he had moved from East Lothian to County Antrim never to be seen again - in the letters pages at any rate!

Pipe down in front, it’s time for the debut offering of Steven Pipe of Swindon. He makes it a Pipe party with Carwyn of Gillingham who had her moment in the pipe smoke in Prog 767 in 1992. Steven’s letter reads like a report card with the quality of Tharg’s offering being deemed “Very High” with the droids doing “Sterling work”. He thanks Tharg for his “ Hard Work” and “Expresses Gratitude” for the Damage Report text. Stick that in your Pipe and smoke it!

Colin of Ireland is ‘King ‘ for a day next as he enjoys possibly his first letters outing. We do have a Colin King of Romford gracing Prog 154 but the Irish version will need to claim that one given the distance rules the Beast employs. It’s impressive if it is him as Kings can only move one square at a time! Chess joke there for all the brainiacs out there. There was also a Rodney King who had letters in Progs 1592, 1764 and 2013 but he hasn’t been seen since. No doubt the LAPD caught up with him. Colin likes the podcasts and everything that Tharg sees fit to print, which is good to hear.

Tristan Fitzgerald of Emailland takes the penultimate spot in his second outing following his 2007debut in Prog 1552. At that time he went with ‘Tris’ - wise change there Tristan - don’t be ashamed at being named after the speccy kid in ‘George & Mildred’. Tristan is on the lookout for John Smith whom we met in the bar of the 40th anniversary gathering. He was a bit tired and emotional then but weren’t we all! Oh happy days, no masks and viruses were things that infected our laptops when we tried to watch  a funny cat video, honestly dear. Sadly Tharg says John Smith is away doing something else but you can still buy his wares in the shop.

Finally, we get to the end. Comment ‘ratchet set’ if you are still here! Last up is Jonathan Fisher  of Nord Ireland. We read his letter with an Ian Paisley shouty voice in our heads and for that we apologise. Actually, THERE WILL BE NO APOLOGY! Anyway when we read this we’d planned lots of frog puns but after some detailed research we found that the frog was in fact Jeremy not Jonathan.

Anyway this one was a bit green about the gills and we hope it won’t spawn a sequel. It was really amphibiboring  and it seems like a Frenchman has had the best bits. Sorry but we’re not wasting Grade A material like that. This is Jonathan’s (ribbit) 8th letter to see print with his first, a Letter of the Week no less, appearing in 2008’s Prog 1606. Jonathan goes flat out and  sticks his long tongue over Tharg’s ‘Regened’ issues - he hates them he does! He want’s more killings - well he is from Northern Ireland - and hates this ‘stomm’. Not as tasty as a nice fly is it Jeremy, er, Jonathan?

Overall a good outing here with some saccharine stuff offset with a brickbat at the end. 7 letters is a recent record letter haul and, despite increasing our workload, we do prefer the pithier and the to the point offerings.

Right off to queue for some envelopes and to fight off those who crave our precious letters.


7
Close call but The Killing for me.

8
General / Re: Rage vs. The Gronk Affair - Bolt-01 Cup - Quarter Final 2
« on: 05 October, 2021, 08:10:49 PM »
Got a big rager for Rage.

9
General / Re: Outlaw vs. Top Dog - Bolt-01 Cup - Quarter Final 1
« on: 04 October, 2021, 06:37:50 PM »
Top Dog is top annual fodder but it can't shine a light on the lovely Outlaw.

10
Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 26 September, 2021, 09:30:09 AM »
It arrived! And mercy me, it's Mercy Heights. Which is at least something I haven't read, running as it did during my 27-year prog-lapse.

Mercy, Mercy me! At least it's new to you!

11
General / Re: Rage vs. Beast of Milton Keynes - Bolt-01 Cup - Group 4 Game 3
« on: 25 September, 2021, 11:47:22 AM »
Beast of... nah Rage for the granny.

12
Moses for me.

13
Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 10 September, 2021, 07:16:19 PM »

How long does one normally have to wait until one's complimentary graphic novel arrives..?

Once again this thread delivers! Letter writers arrive at the watering hole with breathy excitement. Welcome Andy, or Norton to give you your non-letter name.

To answer your question- you should have had it by now. When I get one in, the graphic novel normally appears with or before the Prog that publishes the letter. Sometimes I feel it's a bit of a spoiler to see the familiar handwriting on the envelope - 'guess I got one in this week' I say to the long suffering wife.

Well done on your great success!

14
Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 08 September, 2021, 10:06:54 PM »



Quote
You're not allowed to go from the house to the garage?  Lockdown rules are strict up there!

Beast Towers is a penthouse flat two floors above the sub-level garage. Any attempt to access would result in an attack from Der Fuhrer's shock troops.

15
Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 06 September, 2021, 05:16:31 PM »
Do you know that thing YouTubers do when they pay someone on Fiverr to design their logo? Let’s see what £4.50 buys us…


Whaaa? I could pull a better logo out of my aaaaAnd welcome back to another edition of LETTERSENTERTAINYOU the pointless and rarely read analysis of all things 2000ad and Megazine letters pages. This edition comes to you from a state of house arrest as those government drones have ordered us to stay indoors just because of a small virus. And some flashing and public urination and the poking of badgers. We are on many pills and have a fevered state of mind, so there should be no change in the usual quality of this offering.

We are sticking pins in the Prog 2248 Input page this episode, and we have five letters to digest, throw up and send to the lab.

We open in the traditional fashion with the Letter of the Week which is delivered by Steve Hallam from Wrexham. This is Steve’s fifth letter to see print in a career that dates back to 2015’s Prog 1930 when he scored his only other Letter of the Week hit. He was previously seen in Prog 2165 in a letter that possibly had fewer clichés, but we can’t check our garage data file, what with being locked down and all.

Steve says “variety is the spice of life” but chooses to quickly forget this and go down a predictable route of throwing lots of praise and hoping it secures a graphic novel - job done. He does diss ‘The Returners’ but we doubt that’s coming back anyway. Steve  likes the ‘one and done’ style of the Regened Progs which may be a nice way of saying they’re already in the recycling. He uses a clumsy metaphor to describe what we assume to be his child, although it maybe a ventriloquist dummy made out of lager cans - his writing could be clearer. Overall it’s a happy tale of a man liking his comic and condemning his offspring to liking it too. Lovely stuff.

Get your vaccinations done quick as we’re off to Edinburgh next in the company of new scribe Gary McGovern. Gary openly admits to having never had a letter printed before (SHAME!). He says he sent one, but it wasn’t printed. We can only assume that Tharg’s empty sack meant that this effort was saved a similar fate. Gary scores the normal brownie points by liking the Regened Prog but secures the bonus plan by praising the Treasury editions also. He does maintain his track record of asking dull questions , eliciting a ‘No’ from Tharg for his ‘Will Savage return?’ poser. Will Gary return? Maybe, if he needs to know if ‘Moonrunners’ is slated for a reboot.

Gary’s letter is the 127th to come from Edinburgh and he has some ground to make up on the East Coast leaders Tom Proudfoot on 21 (last seen in 2012 in Meg 234 and later in an old folks’ home) and Neil Colquhoun on 16 (last seen in Prog 2151 in 2019). Glasgow has had far more letters printed, with a mighty tally of 162. The leader is Probably Scott Ferguson on 24 although many of his were send from East Kilbride which doesn’t really count as Glasgow, or indeed, civilisation. Stephen Watson of Paisley fame has 5 Glasgow letters, but then his Mum kicked him out.

Off to Naughty Norwich next in the company of Michael ‘Sofa’ Crouch. Michael is a top five letter writer with this offering being his 31st in total. He has an impressive CV which includes 3 Letters of the week and two drawings in Progs 521 and 670. He also has a decent Prog to Meg ratio of 19/12 with this letter taking him to fifth place overall in the Beast chart, on his own. He is now one letter behind Steve Frame for the coveted 4th spot or ‘Best of the Rest’ as they won’t be catching Grant Goggins in third place anytime soon, with his distant total of 44.

Michael controversially gives the Regened Progs a kicking saying they are “a little lightweight”. He also doesn’t think that a child will buy one and then start buying the Prog off the back of it. Unless it has a plastic toy on the cover and something to sniff, he’s probably right. Michael doesn’t seem to appreciate that Tharg is aware that his readership is dying off and if he doesn’t try something new his audience will soon be a couple of vultures and a disinterested gravedigger. Michael does say that his heart drops when he sees a Regened Prog - We suggest you get that checked Michael; we have a cardiologist on our speed dial if you’re keen?

More on the Regened topic next (make it stop!) from Andy Currington on Lancaster who wisely suggests that Tharg start a separate comic to cater for older readers and call it ‘Degened’. Brilliant! Nearly as clever as the last time this was floated by an unnamed Paisley lettersmith who suggested the title be the less obvious ‘Blue Harbour Genes’. You had to have been there. This is Andy’s first letter to see print but that’s no excuse! He trails in the wake of Lancaster’s ‘Mr Letters’ Austin ’Officer’ Dibble who has seven scores to tell the cats about, the last being in 2017’s Prog 2061.

Last up before our lie down is Marcus Nyahoe who, in a bit of symmetry to letter one, is also celebrating his 5th letter to see print. Marcus Tandy was first seen way back in Los Barcos, er, Meg 236 in 2005. He once revealed his address to be in Poulton Le Fylde but has went with Lancashire the majority of times. His last appearance, prior to this, was in 2018’s Prog 2101 when he snagged the Letter of the week bragging rights.

Marcus opens by saying he’s been losing interest in comics. Well Marcus we’ve been losing our interest in you too! Don’t fret though - it’s all a big bait and switch! Marcus loves comics again! He covets a Wagner Dredd which is understandable, but  he also heaps praise on Skip Tracer and Department K which aren’t generally the strips most punters would cite in a love of comics essay. Still you pays your money, you have your say. Marcus does however panic towards the end, clearly seeing his letter is a bit short. Oh wait…the colourists - I love them too! Don’t we all, but what abut the man who makes the staples? What’s he? chopped liver?

Overall a Regened dominated letters page with not a lot of insight -  love it hate it - we all have our opinions and we doubt any of these letters will sway the argument one way or another. It’s always nice to have a letters page and it certainly shook some covid germs from our aching faces. That’s the cats and neighbours getting it too now! Stay safe and until next time…


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