The Black Dog Thread

[The Legendary Shark]

Great to hear, Grugzie!

[Old Tankie]

Good to hear.

[Taryn Tailz]

One of the girls who attended my trans support group just died. She was only in her twenties. I didn't know her well, but still...

[Tjm86]

There are never any decent words.  Just because we don't know people well, doesn't mean they don't affect us in some way.  I always think it is one of the ways we honour those who pass away.  The hole they leave is an acknowledgement that they were someone and they mattered.

Kind of puts my failed job interview in perspective.

Hang in there.

[JayzusB.Christ]

One of the girls who attended my trans support group just died. She was only in her twenties. I didn't know her well, but still...

Really sorry to hear that.

[The Legendary Shark]

So young. That really sucks, Taryn, sorry to hear it.

[JayzusB.Christ]

I recently did an online questionnaire (on a respectable mental health site, not a shitty Facebook link) and it would seem very likely that I have some form of ADHD.  Having looked into it, I realise it explains a lot about me (extreme absent-mindedness, financial wastefulness, procrastination, depression, lack of punctuality - the list goes on).  I also realise now that my mother very probably has an undiagnosed case of it too, which is where I get it - fortunately for her, and me, she's married to my father, a very reliable, punctual and sensible man.

I haven't had it professionally diagnosed yet but I kind of hope it's true - At least I've finally accepted it's an intrinsic part of my personality, for better or worse.  I realise it will never be cured but have started trying to work around it rather than trying to fix it.  Does anyone else have any experience, advice, etc?

[The Legendary Shark]

It just means you're human, JBC. I think you trying to work with it, to accept it and fold it into the incomprehensibly complex and wonderful organism that is you is entirely the right way to go. If you attempt to have it "diagnosed" it will be seen as a problem for which medication is required. Regarding it as a problem with yourself (so long as it's not hurting you or anyone else) will just make it worse. Regarding it as an aspect of yourself will make it a potential strength, imho.

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." Doris Mortman.

[JayzusB.Christ]

. If you attempt to have it "diagnosed" it will be seen as a problem for which medication is required. ...

Regarding it as an aspect of yourself will make it a potential strength, imho.

Thanks, Sharky; with you on the second part all the way.

Not so much the first part, though, I have to say - I used to suffer from anxiety-related panic attacks, and it's precisely because they were diagnosed by professionals that I recognise them for what they are and don't get them any more.  Also, medicine for psychological problems isn't always a bad thing IMO - it stopped me from having suicidal thoughts, for one thing.

[Hawkmumbler]

Aye Jayzus, hope you can find something that helps you get through this time!

[The Legendary Shark]

My experience is just different from yours, JBC, that's all. I used to suffer from anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks as well and was medicated for a long time. I found the medication robbed me of myself and decided to try a different approach without meds. This worked for me but I in no way suggest it would work for everyone. Horses for courses and all that.

Whatever you decide, though, you have my understanding and support.

[Tjm86]

I haven't had it professionally diagnosed yet but I kind of hope it's true - At least I've finally accepted it's an intrinsic part of my personality, for better or worse.  I realise it will never be cured but have started trying to work around it rather than trying to fix it. 

I've found Steve Redgrave's line about Diabetes having to live with him both helpful and amusing.  TBH the last week or so has been pretty shitty and yesterday was the icing on cake as anyone who has been following the news about a language teacher's court case in Ipswich might appreciate.  The biggest challenge I find is changing my relationship with effects.  Personally I've found mindfulness very effective for helping to manage and limit the duration of episodes.  I'm not saying it is for everyone but the non judgemental awareness seems to be incredibly useful.  Perhaps rather than working around it, working with it?  Adopting an exploratory posture and simply being curious about the sensations? 

The other technique that I have found useful for the 'mind worm' (bit like ear worm but with all those greatest hits about how shit you are) is treating them like radio stations.  Takes a bit of practice and can sometimes require multiple repetitions but acknowledging the thought stream with, "ah, heard this station before, let's find something better," works for me.  Someone likened the mind to a puppy being toilet trained, have to keep bringing it back to where you want it.

I have a major thing about medication, partly because of family experience.  There are others I know who speak very positively about the experience.  Ultimately you have to make the decision that feels most comfortable for you.  All I would say on that score is that doctors seem a damn sight better at advising and guiding on that matter these days.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Aye Jayzus, hope you can find something that helps you get through this time!

Cheers, HM, but it's not like this is a sudden crisis or anything - it's an inconvenience I've had my whole life and never realised before.  Now I have some idea of why I'm the way I am I can look into doing something about it.

Tjm, thanks too - I've been trying to practice mindfulness for years and have had some successes with it.  I've started repeating mantras in my head, telling myself to remember things I need and keep things in general order - it seems to be making a difference so far, I'm pleased to say.

Sharky - thanks again for your support.  Really, I'm fine, though - just in the process of making a few small adjustments to make life more manageable.

I don't think I need any more medication.  I already take a fairly low dosage of Lexapro for depression - I haven't had hardcore, debilitating depression in years, and just over a tenner a month (with no noticeable side effects whatsoever) is a small price to pay for relative peace of mind.

[Eric Plumrose]

Currently going through one of my milder manic modes, hence my engaging online far more than I usually care to. I just wanna comment, comment, comment and I fucking hate it. Just let me lurk, already.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Hang in there, Eric.  It'll pass