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Author Topic: The Letters Beast - Online!  (Read 30286 times)

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #150 on: 14 February, 2021, 12:33:21 AM »
Or show them the drawing you had in the Nerve Centre? Oh no, you can’t do that  ;)

You've been dining out on that since Methuselah was a nipper!

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #151 on: 10 March, 2021, 12:52:38 PM »

And we’re back for our celebrated 55th edition. Don’t listen to anyone who says we’re a new letters blog - an unbroken history of the same jokes confirm that we are the same blog that took those first furtive steps towards the light all those years ago.

This edition covers the full inside back page Input page of 5 letters in Prog 2222. This is the usual month after the previous offering and the range of stories covered suggest that a letter covering each Prog in the proceeding month has been chosen to cover that specific issue. It is a fair way to ensure everyone has a chance but we don’t like those odds! We have a bird in the air for the next edition, so let’s hope our ‘you’re doing great work’ effort gets the nod this time.

This was a fine outing with no noobs getting an airing. A good thing too - we don’t need that fresh blood around here as the current readership is still young and vibrant and…sorry I forget the point I was making…

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent. He’s a familiar sight in this parish with this being his 24th effort to see print that moves him to 11th= in the all-time Beast leader board. Ashley first achieved grace in Prog 1008 in 1996 and holds a near balanced 13 Prog / 11 Meg split. This is his first ever Letter of the Week and the old stager must be working on his 25th entry that will see him join Craig Grannell in the top ten bottom spot.

For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!

Another old hand next in the shape of The Chris Browning of Todmorden Version. This is Chris’ 17th letter and that neatly moves him up to 17th= on the all time chart. Chris is the great nerd hope of letter writing with his 17 entries all appearing in the 6 short years since his Prog 1961 debut in 2015. At this rate he’ll be topping the charts by the time the person compiling them is long dead. He has 2 ‘Letter of the Week’ crowns and a disjointed 14 Prog letters to a measly 3 Megs.

Chris takes a gamble by slagging off Slaine, but it pays off with him notching the published credit - albeit with Tharg marking his card with a “harsh words” assessment. Dog shit in a box coming your way Chris! Chris does overbalance however by loving everything else, saying ‘Proteus Vex’ is ‘coming together’ which is always nice.

‘Least Letters of the week’ award goes to Stan Wilks of Email Land who doubles his all time tally with this, his second offering to see print following a Prog 2212 opener. This is a cause for celebration in the Wilks household as it puts Stan on a par with Matt Wilks whose quick fire double saw print in Progs 1026 and 1073.

Stan has a bit of a rant over politicising in the small bit of text the editor allows himself in the copyright box. Good for Stan! Yeah we don’t buy a satirical comic for satire or political comment. Stan starts off by saying he’s ‘annoyed’ by the comment but loses his nerve towards the middle and suggests that Tharg will “appreciate our thoughts and concerns”. Fake news! Be it a man in a mask or a resident alien I doubt Tharg give a rat’s ass over peoples' thoughts on his Trump rants and is probably surprised that anyone actually reads them - magnifying glass needed here at Beast Towers.

Martin Topping of Worcester now, who seems to be channelling Jim Bowen with his judgement that the stories in recent Progs have been “Great”, “Brilliant” and “Smashing”. Hope Tharg allows him his BFH for this effort! Martin wonders what Dredd’s underpant secret is and Tharg remains coy. We can exclusively reveal that he has a Mean machine style appendage that he takes up to 4 on Walter when Maria is cooking the synthetti - Mama Mia!

Martin isn’t quite Topping the class but his 9th offering here has him knocking on the door for a Beast designation code and a 36th= place on the leader board. He has 5 Prog letters to his name with his first appearance being in Meg 121 (V3.18). His previous appearance to this outing was in Prog 2095 in 2018, so he’s not in a rush.

Last up is Dave Stone of Crawley who celebrates his 4th offering here. His first two were as ‘David’ starting with a letter of the Week offering in Prog 1548. Prior to this his last entry was in 2018’s Prog 2095 where he shared a berth with Martin Topping (see above)! What a coincidence! -  or is Tharg just recycling old input pages?!

Dave’s letter is understandable which is a surprise as we could never work out his ‘Armitage’ stuff. He doesn’t mind a cliché, noting the Prog is ‘firing on all cylinders’ - we kneew you were going to say that Dave! He likes to spend the weekend “Dipping in and out” which is nice but just remember to rubber up Dave. He likes everything and calls ‘Proteus Vex’ “interesting and intriguing” - don’t worry Dave, we don’t understand it either.

Overall a full and experienced monthly workout for the Emerald Editor with some nice varied opinions and no small commentaries offered in response. See you in 6 weeks!

dweezil2

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #152 on: 10 March, 2021, 08:10:23 PM »

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent.
For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!


With reference to the stripey socks.
I can only apologise in the strongest terms possible for my egregious error and attempt to redeem myself with some healthy self flagulation as a means of penance.
I'm assuming a 1985 Judge Dredd annual across the bare buttocks will suffice?!!!!  :-)


sheridan

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #153 on: 11 March, 2021, 02:50:14 PM »

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent.
For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!


With reference to the stripey socks.
I can only apologise in the strongest terms possible for my egregious error and attempt to redeem myself with some healthy self flagulation as a means of penance.
I'm assuming a 1985 Judge Dredd annual across the bare buttocks will suffice?!!!!  :-)

Wow, you must like punishment - the 1990 Sci-Fi Special would have been much easier on you!

dweezil2

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #154 on: 11 March, 2021, 02:55:16 PM »

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent.
For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!


With reference to the stripey socks.
I can only apologise in the strongest terms possible for my egregious error and attempt to redeem myself with some healthy self flagulation as a means of penance.
I'm assuming a 1985 Judge Dredd annual across the bare buttocks will suffice?!!!!  :-)

Wow, you must like punishment - the 1990 Sci-Fi Special would have been much easier on you!

I prefer a hardback!!!!  :o :lol:

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #155 on: 12 March, 2021, 11:45:50 PM »
A kinky niche has developed in this thread. Must start an 'Only Fans' account...

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #156 on: 22 March, 2021, 06:30:18 PM »
Spoiler Alert...
















See you next Prog!
« Last Edit: 22 March, 2021, 06:32:51 PM by Buttonman »

Colin YNWA

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #157 on: 22 March, 2021, 06:33:36 PM »
Arh damn I knew i shouldn't have looked its that Ffrank nBruno vs Mike Tyson fight all over again.

Bolt-01

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #158 on: 23 March, 2021, 08:06:35 AM »
Nice trade!

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #159 on: 31 March, 2021, 04:13:13 PM »

Well here we are, back again with seemingly indecent haste. Only 3 weeks after the last Input page Tharg serves up another selection of half baked goods in Prog 2225, meaning we’re bang on schedule for that weekly letters page we’ve all being craving. The year 2525 remains favourite.

Still, it has come at a good time with our Golden Anniversary celebrations still in full swing. That’s right, 50 editions of Lettersentertainyou which is pretty good going given all those threats, diseases and downright abuse that we’ve been passing out, er, receiving.

This is a healthy offering with the new and the old (and the very old) all standing shoulder to shoulder and saying ‘is your arm sore where you got your jab?’.

We kick off with the appropriately named Paul Newrick from Dorset. On the day the new ‘Rick & Morty’ trailer dropped Newrick has never been more relevant. Alas there isn’t a ‘Newmorty’ in the Beast’s database but we do have a Simon Mort from Poulton le Flyde who had his drawing of ‘Thrillbuster’ published in Prog 397. Maybe Paul and Simon should get together to offer a crumb of entertainment in these dark days? No? Suit yourself. Paul should probably focus on getting more letters printed to be honest, as he lags far behind the all Dorset Champion Paul Tapner who sits atop his heady pile of five Beast credits.

Paul Newrick&mortyonlyonAdultswim’s letter starts with a redundancy when he says that he is a ‘new’ and ‘first time’ subscriber - hard to be one without the other! He thinks he’s John Betjeman by slagging off Slough - come friendly bombs fall on Paul instead! He is also a big fan of sandwiches and Durham Red. We prefer a flan to be honest. Overall this follows the classic ‘I was lost but now I am found’ template and for that the Letter of the Week laurels were assured.

Next up an old face and erstwhile friend of all things letters. Linton Porteus used to live in Dundee but he likes American things now. He has sat on his weedy 29 credits since his last appearance in 2007’s Prog 1560. This effort, his 30th, makes for a tidy symmetry between his Prog and Meg successes, with them now 15 apiece. This resurgence sees him move up to 5th= on the all-time chart and pushes friend of the thread Alan Holloway down to 8th place overall.

Linton is obviously a reader of this thread as he’s taken our lead to lambast previous scribe Stan Wilks’ suggestion that the Prog should avoid politics. Linton may do well to follow Stan’s advice however, as his anti-Trump rhetoric may see some Good Ole Boys show up at his door armed with MAGA hats and pointed sticks. It is nice to see an old stager return to the fold and it proves once again the ‘Hotel California’ effects of writing in - you can write in any time, but you can never leave.

Another new writer with a slightly funny name next in the shape of Paul Broadhead of Emailland. Paul has only one Widenoggin compatriot in the shape of Keith from Doncaster who has two drawings to his name, ‘Space Fighter’ and ‘Hammerstein’, from Progs 409 and 421 respectively. Keith was also profiled in Prog 376.

Paul Massivecranium mirrors the Letter of the Week as he was also lost and then was found too. Was Tharg out trawling the streets for waifs and strays this week? Paul bought books and subscriptions and is very happy with his decision to do so. Bet his wife is too!

Another first timer next in the shape of Tony Smith from Nuneaton. Party fatigue means we can’t be bothered going through all the Smiths but we can say there have been 13 letters printed from Nuneaton with the previous offering being Simon Bissker’s Letter of the week in Prog 1435. Tony has the chance to make a name for himself in the Nuneaton ‘getting letters printed in 2000ad’ scene as the current record is only two and is jointly held by Chris Spicer, Paul O’Sullivan, Simon Buckley and Paul Huxley.

Tony is another long term reader and one who claims to have never written to Tharg before. For shame Tony! He breaks his duck with a short effort in which he says he likes the 3hriller and considers himself ’mature’. That’s nice Tony, pipe and slippers for you.

Last up is Stephen Watson of Paisley who unashamedly begs for a credit due to him managing to exist for 50 years. To be fair this does make him the oldest man in Paisley. Fans of synchronicity will be pleased to learn that this is Stephen’s 50th letter in the Prog and 101st overall. He is still 3 shy of Floyd Kemode’s Prog record of 53 and breaking that will be his ideal birthday present (60th).

This letter isn’t his best with a transparent opening thanking every man and his dog for doing their job during the pandemic. Somewhat ironically, we understand that he didn’t get his Prog this week and had to beg a copy of the letters page from dubious sources so that he could impress no one at all. The remainder is a set up for a weak pun about Marks and Spencer jeans favoured by old farts and people who maintain letters databases.

Tharg’s generous greeting was gratefully received as was the Lobster Random trade.

Overall a wonderful letters page that saw the world record for letters published in 2000ad and the Megazine extended once again, the return of an old stager and three new writers to take up slack from the aging old guard.

See you next time, if we’re spared!

Funt Solo

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #160 on: 31 March, 2021, 04:19:09 PM »
My name has too many vowels. I must write a stern note to my dad.
++ map ++ thrills ++ coma ++

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #161 on: 31 March, 2021, 04:24:31 PM »
My name has too many vowels. I must write a stern note to my dad.

A poor Scrabble value it is true.

In the moment letters interrogation : Was this your first letter in all these years or just the first to see print on account of the others being rubbish?

Funt Solo

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #162 on: 31 March, 2021, 04:46:35 PM »
 :lol:

To answer honestly - I wrote a couple of really short ones in the summer (more like Tweets than anything) that must have been, as you say, rubbish. I did write in about the most recent Regened - either that's still to be published or is, again, just a bit rubbish. Who knows how the mind of The Mighty One works?

But I did take a long break from letter writing. I felt like, when I won the competition to sneak poop-related metaphors into the prog I'd achieved a life goal and could rest on my (dirty) laurels for a decade or so.

++ map ++ thrills ++ coma ++

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #163 on: 04 April, 2021, 12:15:39 PM »
Bumped for a genuine new reader enquiry!

The glory days indeed Funt - I remember getting in behind you with 'the Browns won the super bowl' but the prize had already been claimed!

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #164 on: 04 May, 2021, 08:19:58 PM »

And we’re back, one more time and maybe for the last time. Well not if the letters and cardio defibrillators keep on coming. If they do you should have your ‘scroll past to keep him happy fun’ for days to come.

This outing covers Prog 2230, an Input page that follows the near standard 5 weeks after the previous episode. It’s not clear if that’s all Tharg, or indeed the readership, can bear or whether it’s down publication schedules or even a lack of reader input. Tharg does end the page begging for more letters, but until that long awaited Government enquiry is completed we won’t know for sure. At least Boris got a new sofa, that’s the important thing.

A little bit of politics there - an unwelcome intrusion into our sci-fi fun that continues into the Letter of the Week which is penned by the old, and possibly claw like, hand of Steve Frame from Caithness. Steve used to go by the name of ‘D Reay’ which was a nod towards his local nuclear power station Dounreay - and clearly the three eyed fish aren‘t his only concern. Steve starts with a rant about ‘Covid Passports‘ which he sees a national segregation scheme. C‘mon Steve surely you want to know which radioactive local is safe to eat and which should be avoided! Choice is the thing here and we feel that most people would like the choice of going on holiday flight without a plague carrier coughing in their general direction for 8 hours. Steve gives his thoughts on most strips and includes our least favourite phrase (part from ‘brace yourself’) in ‘What’s not to like?’ - never understood that one.

Steve knows his onions (and glowing parsnips) as this is his 32nd letter to see print and it also extends his letter of the week lead to 3 with his 9 lording it over Watson and Kermode’s weedy sixes. Steve has 31 Prog letters and one solitary Meg offering from Meg 284. He was previously sighted in Prog 2180.

Starting in sepia tones before bursting into colour , like that lunchtime Aussie soap, is Martin Sullivan of Ireland. This is Martin’s 5th Prog letter and, er, fifth overall. His career started out with a Letter of the Week in 2017’s Prog 2014 (not confusing) and he was last seen, prior to this offering, in Prog 2153 in 2019.

Martin’s letter is Fantastic! Not that it’s any good , he just uses ’fantastic’ four times. He should get a thesaurus, a book of words, a similar words guide, a… you get the idea. Like us Martin reads the Dredd and doesn’t understand the rest which is fine but we do appreciate it when a writer explains stuff to us. That’s fantastic when it happens!

The middle of the page berth is taken up by the souper Michael Chowder, er, Crowder who comes from the Cheshire town of Frodsham. Things must be going well for Michael who lived in Liverpool for his only previous outing in Meg 308 in 2011. Nothing wrong with Liverpool, but Frodsham has a candle shop - that’s run by Bob Carolgees! I wonder if they have a means of putting out the candles at night? Probably a snuffer rather than a highly flammable puppet dog , we’d imagine,

Michael is a fan of pod casts and flags a couple that we like - the Mega City Book Club has an especially good one about  Invasion 1984! Just saying. He also likes Space Spinner 2000 which we also like, especially when Fox is pissed. Tharg latches on to promote his own wares in a reply that is nearly as long as the letter it responds to. Well played Verdant One!

Another old stager next in the shape of Craig Grannell of Hants, another ‘Top Ten’ letter writer. This is Craig’s 26th letter to see print and further imbalances his ratio to 22 Prog and 4 Meg. He was last seen in Prog 2172 and this offering takes him up the charts to 9th= place alongside ‘not seen in a while - has he better things to do?’, Dr Rich Evans.

Craig takes a chance but rolls a six in getting his praise laden Durham Red letter printed. We preferred her in the shower with Ron Reagan, but each to his own. Craig has the shortest letter of the week but we do like them brief and to the point.

Last up is Marcus Willson of Mexborough - mind the two ‘L’s there. This letter actually corrected a Beast entry as a previous score had been logged as ‘Wilson’ - or was the Prog wrong? Either way 2:1 says ‘Willson so we’ll go with that. Actually to save confusion we’ll call Marcus ‘Tandy’ like his namesake from ‘Eldorado’. Mar-cuss speaks for the nation when he says it’s time to pension off Slaine. It needed saying Mr T and we’re glad you did. Tharg however seems incredulous that any one would tire of sword and axe excitement along with some new age gubbins. But they do. T-Mobile does hedge his bets at getting a 4th letter by praising ‘Thistlebone’; but it’s too little too late for Slade. This was his 3rd (and last) letter with his previous offerings being sighted in Progs 1994 and 2084. He runs the Mexborough letters lodge, lording it over the only other Mex-man to trouble the scorers, David Oxer who was seen in Prog 208, and never again.

Overall a fun offering with two big hitters and no newbies - just how it should be. Until we all die of old age/Covid/radiation poisoning and there’s no one left to write in. Still we won’t care! We’ll be dead.

See you next month for more of the exact same.