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Shock Proposal

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Mr C:
Evenin all.
I was thinking about submitting a future shock and wanted some feedback on the idea that I’ve had:

A scavenger explores a ruined space station encountering various dangers such as unstable decks, space parasites, security droids, etc. He reaches the cargo hold and grabs the case that he’s been looking for and manages to escape the station as it collapses around him. Back on his ship he looks inside the case and finds a strange oblong box thing with thin pieces of paper inside. Annoyed at the lack of anything valuable to be found in the station, he chucks it out of the garbage disposal. Last panel would be his ship leaving in the background with the book floating with the debris of the station in the foreground opened on the words “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”.

Any thoughts, comments, flames are more than welcome. Is this worth doing or am I just wasting my time?

I like the basic concept but I'm not sure that the Genesis message on the paper does it for me by itself: I want something that'd link back to the opening of the story a bit more.

It sparked off a couple of random ideas, which you're welcome to use or ignore or what have you:

1) Rather than a space station, have an alien archaeologist checking sites on a dead, future-shocked Planet Earth.  It can encounter pretty much the same dangers, but with a bit of a twist i.e. it spends some time fighting through a particularly tricky bit of spidered metal and says "This was obviously designed to keep out intruders", then in the next frame it's revealed to be a collapsed Eiffel Tower.  That sort of thing.  
Anyway, after a long and hazardous journey, he gets to the end of his quest: a heavily shielded chamber, seemingly hollowed out of the core rock of a mountain.  He breaks in, but comes out after a while reporting to his commander that there's nothing there, just some valueless pieces of stone.  He beams out.  Final shot: broken stone tablets, visible on the first one are the words of the ten Commendments.

2) Same as the way you sketched it out, using the genesis quote as well, but the jettisoned fragments fall to a nearby planet.  There the microbes multiply and form the basis of life on the new planet.  Last shot again reveals the words.  Big difficulty with this is showing evolution happening in an interesting way.  

 "but the jettisoned fragments fall to a nearby planet. "

To fall on an organism,the first of it's kind,to crawl from the proverbial primordial.Story could be juxtaposed throughout with this creatures struggle for survival to break the surface.Killed by trash."In the beginning..."
That's copyrighted BTW ;)


Oh, that's NIIIIIIIICE...

Slippery PD:
HAve you tried scriptdroids yahoo group lots of pro's and good amatuers on there.  Youll get a reasoned critique or not  Link: scritpdroids ???


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