Life Spugs because...

[Noisybast]

Indeed. I'm trying to back away from it all now. Jen's coping better in work today (if not actually happy), and she says she'd rather not bring it back up at home when she could be getting on with the more pressing matter of having a long bath with a Lush bath bomb.

I, on the other hand am just about to get ready to go out to a gig. One I happily told Friday's pre-ruck crowd all about because I picked up my ticket while we were out. On my tod, because all my friends have cried off at the last minute. I'm kinda hoping A isn't that much of a knob that he'll come looking for a rematch...

[radiator]

I'm in a slightly similar situation (though I'm not actually personally involved).

To cut a long story short, my girlfriend has recently unwittingly become the victim of a dedicated workplace campaign against her by her colleague S. S is ten years older than my girlfriend and obviously feels very threatened by her so has taken to behaving in a typically passive-aggressive manner, spreading malicious lies/sending round nasty emails and basically attempting to recruit a little anti-my girlfriend cabal within the office, which has worked, at least in part. Bullying, basically.

I think the root of the problem is that my girlfriend is pretty no nonsense in the office (which, frankly, she needs to be to do her job) and could potentially come off as slightly rude - S has used this low-level enmity to foster bad feeling in others and it has been blown so out of proportion that my girlfriend was accused of being a bully, which is utterly preposterous!

This has flared up on several occasions, and it seems that at this point, my girlfriend's boss kind of knows what is going on, but instead of reprimanding S, has instead implied that my girlfriend should suck up to her to massage her ego and keep the peace. But my girlfriend is too decent a person to suck up to people she hates.

So now it's a constant cycle of misery for all involved. I'm trying to be supportive, but frankly I'm getting kind of sick of hearing about it day in, day out (which sounds all kinds of selfish but tbh honestly the last thing I need after a long day at work is to hear a list of moans about hers). It seems as if I, as the boyfriend, should somehow provide a simple answer, but in this situation there isn't one.

She could leave her job, but there aren't many about right now so she could end up being out of work for a while (she was unemployed for many months before getting her current job), and it would also mean throwing away the good opportunity she has. She can't really talk to her boss, because doing so will only stir up more trouble, and will also make it look like her and S are both as bad as each other.

Not sure what to suggest, really....

[Peter Wolf]

I'm in a slightly similar situation (though I'm not actually personally involved).

To cut a long story short, my girlfriend has recently unwittingly become the victim of a dedicated workplace campaign against her by her colleague S. S is ten years older than my girlfriend and obviously feels very threatened by her so has taken to behaving in a typically passive-aggressive manner, spreading malicious lies/sending round nasty emails and basically attempting to recruit a little anti-my girlfriend cabal within the office, which has worked, at least in part. Bullying, basically.

I think the root of the problem is that my girlfriend is pretty no nonsense in the office (which, frankly, she needs to be to do her job) and could potentially come off as slightly rude - S has used this low-level enmity to foster bad feeling in others and it has been blown so out of proportion that my girlfriend was accused of being a bully, which is utterly preposterous!

This has flared up on several occasions, and it seems that at this point, my girlfriend's boss kind of knows what is going on, but instead of reprimanding S, has instead implied that my girlfriend should suck up to her to massage her ego and keep the peace. But my girlfriend is too decent a person to suck up to people she hates.

So now it's a constant cycle of misery for all involved. I'm trying to be supportive, but frankly I'm getting kind of sick of hearing about it day in, day out (which sounds all kinds of selfish but tbh honestly the last thing I need after a long day at work is to hear a list of moans about hers). It seems as if I, as the boyfriend, should somehow provide a simple answer, but in this situation there isn't one.

She could leave her job, but there aren't many about right now so she could end up being out of work for a while (she was unemployed for many months before getting her current job), and it would also mean throwing away the good opportunity she has. She can't really talk to her boss, because doing so will only stir up more trouble, and will also make it look like her and S are both as bad as each other.

Not sure what to suggest, really....

[TordelBack]

I won't get into it, but a lady of my most intimate acquaintance is in a similar situation at work to Radiator's GF, for what I imagine are somewhat similar reasons.  It makes me sick to my stomach what she has to put up with, but as I'm a complete deadbeat at the moment we genuinely can't afford to have her leave her job, or indeed get fired for tackling the problem (her prime bully has recently become her immediate superior).  Her union actually advised her that unless she could afford to be out of work for the 1-2 years it would take to fight a case (which they claim she would almost certainly win), she should STFU and get on with it.  So that's that.

It's very hard to describe the utter misery this situation entails, and I know exactly what Radiator means when he says he feels he should be able to come up with a simple solution: I've tried and tried, have spent literally a hundred evenings brainstorming, drafting letters and setting out action plans and fuck knows what, to no avail.   I't's particularly galling because as an employer I've had to deal with bullying in my own company, and while it was hard going I did eventually succeed.  No such effort is forthcoming.

"It's only work" is a nice sentiment, but workplace bullying pisses all over it.   BTW, this is why I get a little irate when people start accusing forumites of 'bullying' them.  My arse.

[Peter Wolf]

Something went wrong with the last post after i quoted the entire text and then clicked post by mistake.also for some reason after editing i highlighted the text to delete it would not delete.

anyway i was going to say that your girlfriends boss is negligent as your girlfriend cant discuss it with her boss and also her boss is encouraging the situation by asking your girlfriend to suck up to her problematic co-worker.

Her boss is reinforcing some kind of office pecking order and the fact that her boss is aware of the problems this is causing instead of trying to resolve it is completely negligent.

[Emperor]

This kind of thing is awfully difficult to deal with - in school a teacher could just drag everyone into a room and tell them to knock it on the head and they don't care who said what to whom. At work I suspect they have to tread on eggshells in case they get sued for accusing people of something they can't prove, of course they could end up in trouble if they don't act too but inertia is a killer in such circumstances.

What she needs to do is assemble her case - see if someone will forward her the emails. She also needs to look up the policy on bullying and make sure she has the relevant parts to hand. The boss is clearly a muppet so try the union rep or someone in HR if that doesn't work because the firm is technically in hot water if they don't deal with this firmly (my sister-in-law is in HR and I can guarantee if you got it in front of someone like her there would be rockets up arses left, right and centre, why we don't let her out on Bonfire Night).

Also look at resources like this (also includes groups you might be able to get advice on the best approach):

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/ResolvingWorkplaceDisputes/DiscriminationAtWork/DG_10026670
www.workplacebullying.co.uk
www.tuc.org.uk/tuc/rights_bullyatwork.cfm
www.jfo.org.uk

Basically get to a position where you can't be fobbed off as the manager is trying to do at the moment.

[klute]

My last job lasted 15 years the last 5 of which were hell at time's that took me close to the edge and bring the problems home...my wife had worked at the same place for 2 years before leaving for another job after all the bullying she put up with.

So she had an idea of what was going on anyway i was made redundant 2 years ago and spent 9 months out of work, which luckily we could afford. evetually i got the job i was wanting/waiting around for and have never been better.

There is no bullying of any type and if there was or any other problem that our immediate boss couldnt/wouldnt deal with then we would go the the next boss above them and again no satisfaction over there head to!

Her boss is reinforcing some kind of office pecking order and the fact that her boss is aware of the problems this is causing instead of trying to resolve it is completely negligent.

As i mentioned regarding my own work place is there another boss she can go to?

Currently my wife is working at a place were she is very much a victim of bullying (She was pulled in the office an asked about a sicky she was going to pull??? the sicky in question never happened and she was pulled into teh office 2 weeks after her supposed sicky(that never happened) bare in mind my wife isnt the sort to take sicky's....so i was baffled as to why she was being pulled about a rumour started by said bullys about an event that never happened?

This is only the tip of the iceberg, the wifes now looking for another job which in the current climate appears to be hard going

[klute]

Add to that my 4 year old has been poorly today, vomiting if we even try to give him something light to eat or drink.

Its not the first time he's been poorly, but its the first time were he's been old enough to realise that throwing up nothing on your stomach hurts and i dont mind admitting atm i feel useless and upset seeing him like that even it it only turns out to be a cold.

At least were not worrying about swineflu he's been vaccinated just 2 weeks ago.

[SmallBlueThing]

Add to that my 4 year old has been poorly today, vomiting if we even try to give him something light to eat or drink.

Its not the first time he's been poorly, but its the first time were he's been old enough to realise that throwing up nothing on your stomach hurts and i dont mind admitting atm i feel useless and upset seeing him like that even it it only turns out to be a cold.

At least were not worrying about swineflu he's been vaccinated just 2 weeks ago.

Hope the little fella is well again quick. Both my two were off school today with high temperatures, headaches and coughs.

SBT

[Roger Godpleton]

I wanted marmalade on my rice pudding but the marmalade was off so I had to settle for strawberry jam.

[House of Usher]

To cut a long story short, my girlfriend has recently unwittingly become the victim of a dedicated workplace campaign against her by her colleague

Same thing happened to me in the civil service last year: ended up with four in my chain of command trying to get rid of me, aided and abetted by four people who barely knew me, one from HR, saying whatever the managers wanted about meetings I had had with them to get them off their backs, protect themselves and earn some brownie points. They were able to sack me without comeback because I had been there for under a year and the project I'd been asigned to was a doomed piece of shit before I started. Now the Prime Minister, urged on by Boris Johnson, is considering removing the right to claim unfair dismissal for the first two years of employment to further undermine workers' rights and job security. This is supposed to help job creation in some way.

[Roger Godpleton]

You know who should be easier to fire? People who work in marmalade factories.

[Peter Wolf]

Now the Prime Minister, urged on by Boris Johnson, is considering extending probation for all jobs to two years to further undermine workers' rights and job security. This is supposed to help job creation in some way.

How that is supposed to create jobs is a complete unknown but they didnt say anything about creating additional jobs on top of those that already exist.

I guess what they mean is that now workplaces will have a higher turnover of staff which means that the job that you could no longer tolerate because of bullying or the job that you were unfairly dismissed from or the job that exploits you becomes re-available for a short period of time.

Its "If you dont want a job then theres loads of others that do !" time again !

They couldnt have picked a worse time to make it easier for employers to exploit their workforce.

[The Doctor Alt 8]

My green budgie Cally succumbed to an respitory infection. I donno where she got it from but dispite an emergancy visit to the vet's ( Making me late for the Matenne performace this afternoon where I am acting as prompt.)
Talk about timing...

I found her dead at the bottom of the cage when I returned this evening...

[Mardroid]

I found her dead at the bottom of the cage when I returned this evening...

Commiserations. Those little birds seem to be quite fragile.

I had the job of feeding a friend's budgie (well technically it was his little brother's) while they were on holiday. I came in one day to find it lying on the bottom of the cage...

Weird thing is, before I arrived at their house I imagined that happening. (I'm a bit of a paranoid type in some ways, often imagining the worst.) I felt a bit guilty as I'd left it a couple of days, but I was told I could do that. I.e. they don't eat and drink that much so you can fill up their tray/tube and they're good for a while.

I left them a note and they actually took it okay though. (I buried it too*, I wouldn't just leave it there!) Turns out it was getting on a bit. A strange coincidence that it's the week or two they're away that it flies off to the big perch in the sky though...

*Sort of. Their wheelie bin came in handy.  In hindsight I think I should have buried it in the garden but I'm not sure the missus would have appreciated me pawing through her flower beds.