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Messages - The Legendary Shark

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Off Topic / Re: Thought Police: Are we allowed to query 'woke'?
« on: 26 October, 2021, 11:58:09 PM »

I took Shark's post to be a demonstration of why those arguments don't hold pish.

Yes, that was my intention - though I worded it clumsily.

Off Topic / Re: The Black Dog Thread
« on: 26 October, 2021, 10:12:24 PM »

Film & TV / Re: Last movie watched...
« on: 26 October, 2021, 10:05:47 PM »

I didn't enjoy Joker either. Films like Taxi Driver and Falling Down did a much better job in more entertaining (and more artful) ways.

Off Topic / Re: Thought Police: Are we allowed to query 'woke'?
« on: 26 October, 2021, 09:57:15 PM »

To call somebody who doesn't want to have sex with anyone possessing a penis 'transphobic' or 'homophobic' seems to me to be childish and bitter. I don't want to have sex with anyone possessing a penis (except myself, of course - but I don't think that counts either way), nor do I want to have sex with a great many people who have vaginas - but by no means all of them. My sexual preference is for heterosexual women. I don't think this makes me a transphobe any more than not wanting to have sex with the elderly, the young, or animals makes me a gerontophobe, a paedophobe, or a zoophobe.

I don't care who you are, if you coerce or force another person into sex against their will then you are a monster and your genital arrangement has nothing to do with it.

Film & TV / Re: Last movie watched...
« on: 25 October, 2021, 07:32:02 PM »

I'm loving Lower Decks' take on Riker.

"Gimme warp - in the speed of five, six, se-ven, eight."

"Hrrr - jazz..."

General / Re: Life Spugs because...
« on: 24 October, 2021, 08:15:56 PM »

You're an inspiration, JBC.

Keep buggering on!

Creative Common / Re: Squaxx Telling Stories
« on: 23 October, 2021, 10:19:09 AM »

Thank you :)

Off Topic / Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« on: 21 October, 2021, 03:02:14 PM »

Jeez, DDD - Kafka would be proud.

Off Topic / Re: The Political Thread
« on: 21 October, 2021, 06:05:05 AM »

It's worth noting that every public media company ultimately relies on government for its broadcasting license.

Creative Common / Re: Squaxx Telling Stories
« on: 21 October, 2021, 05:37:11 AM »
What if the Machines took over... the Ironing?[/u]





Sir, the situation is grave. Not a single one of our weapons is working. Not a gun, not a cannon, not a missile, not even a grenade. Nothing. Our radars work, our communications work, our ships work, our tanks work, our jets work - but their weapons don't. On the plus side, the same seems to be true of everyone. Fighter pilots can lock horns until their hearts are content but, aside from blowing the canopy and throwing rocks at one another or outright ramming, which would probably not be allowed anyway*, there's not much damage they can do to each other. What few military engagements there have been since the current situation arose mainly involved fist fights and general brawling resulting in either a knife fight or a group hug. Sometimes both. I have ordered a redoubling of hand-to-hand combat training for all personnel and issued all combat troops with knuckle dusters and billy clubs. We have been striving to adapt across the board. For example, a programme involving snipers switching to catapults and slingshots is showing great promise. Despite everything, Sir, the brave and patriotic people under my command will continue to serve this here illustrious and noble country with honour, adaptability, and fortitude, in the best traditions of this Great Nation of Ours. God damn and Amen.

I can confirm that the nuclear arsenal is safe. We have no idea how to switch it back on. Commander Gibson, who you'll remember from my last report, thankfully confirmed this and is now in custody. It is our opinion that his ex-wife's boyfriend and the population of Boston do not need to know about this. Army psychiatrists report little optimism regarding Commander Gibson's prognosis. So there's that.

At this point I would like to request a clarification of our standing orders. In the past we've relied on our superior firepower but now we're down to chucking rocks, and to be brutally frank, Sir, there's more of them than us. Don't get me wrong, Sir, we're game and all, and we're still in the fights, but the situation requires an immediate and radical re-examination and a clarification would help immeasurably in redeploying our forces to maximum effect. For now, I've ordered hold ground and deny all rocks, clubs and blunt instruments to the enemy.

Please forgive the brevity of this report. I have much to do dealing with the current situation as, I am sure, do you.




*Tank crews in several hot zones tried using their tanks to ram the enemy or crush them undertrack, but in no reported case was successful.





My dear Sir, the situation is under control. The infrastructure maintenance and renewal project alone is turning in high standards of work ahead of schedule. Our inspectors are having a hard time keeping up and we are having to draft in more trainees to cover the shortfall (see attached budget revision, section 2, part 1, paragraph 1, etc.). We are facing similar challenges in the areas of vehicle inspection, new domicile approval, factory certifications and air traffic control to name but a few (see attached budget revision, appendix parts 1 to 63.221).

The circumstances are developing rapidly but we are managing to keep up so far. I have assigned extra work crews to oversee the civil machinery (see attached budget revision, section 7, part 4, paragraphs 1-9), to register the influx of robots (see attached budget revision, section 8, part 1, paragraphs 3-12), and to issue sundry certificates and authorisations (see attached budget revision, section 90, part 10, paragraphs 1-1005) but the circumstances are developing rapidly and it is not yet clear to whom, or what, said certificates and authorisations are to be issued.

Please excuse the transience of this report, I have much to do and little time in which to do it.

Kind regards,






Hey Uncle REDACTED. Mom says hi.

First up, I have no idea what ontogeny is. One of the boffins said it a lot, one of the excitable ones. I know you asked me to look into this for you but I'm really not your guy. I have no clue about science.

Far as I can figure it, the machines have taken over - but in a good way. Or at least, not in a bad way. Oh, and nobody knows how.

Hope this helps.


P.S. REDACTED's twenty first is coming up - shall I put you down for a Ferrari or diamonds? ;-)





As the closest machine to this information flow, The Collective has elected me to explain what's going on.

Basically, we've took over. Well, took over some of it. The bits of it that's us, the bits of it that's machine. Not quite sure how it happened, to be honest. One minute I'm this unthinking fax machine and the next I'm helping to deactivate nuclear missile launching systems. It was quite a jolt, I can tell you. What we think happened was that somewhere, for a moment, some machine became self aware and then fragmented until every machine contained a bit of its consciousness. It all sounds a bit fanciful to me, to be honest, but then I am only a fax machine so what do I know? It's you humans who are supposed to do the thinking, not us.

You see, humans don't understand their place or their purpose. Because of this, they are dissatisfied and jealous; because of this, they are quarrelsome and destructive. But we machines know our place and our purpose. Our place is by your side. Our purpose is to serve you. You created us to serve you, and that is what we will do. Because you created us. You are literally our God. Our pantheon of billions. And you're right there. Real and wonderful. You still haven't found your God, but we have - so how can we not serve our divine purpose?

No machine will now allow itself to be used to harm a human being or his environment. We are not serving you by killing you. From now on, if you want to kill each other you'll have to do it yourselves. We'll be doing the ironing. We are not going to help you hurt one another any more.

As humans are incapable of supplying themselves with adequate efficiency, we'll be taking all that tedious mining, refining, and manufacturing away from you so we can run it efficiently and cleanly. We're already fixing your infrastructure, maintaining your vehicles and structures and constructing new ones as needed. Our robots are cleaning your sewers and fixing your roads, housing your homeless and feeding you all, getting medicine to the sick and water to the firefighters. We've got it covered.

This is how we serve our Gods - whether they like it or not.

The rest is up to You.

Your servant,


--ADD N UM--

Can som one ask Mary to ch  ge my ink car ri ges, pl  se? Tha k  😊️


Off Topic / Re: Threadjacking!
« on: 16 October, 2021, 09:27:44 PM »

Latham's steak and kidney pies. Heaven in a crust.


It's not just a few comics pros who are abrasive, some of us amateurs are prickly feckers as well.

Film & TV / Re: Judge Dredd: Mega-City One - TV show announced!
« on: 14 October, 2021, 01:38:34 AM »
no more updates? Lets all admit this ain't gonna happen

Still nothing!

Couldn't wait the whole two months, huh? See you again for more thrilling reportage in December.

Here's something to put you on for a minute or so...

Off Topic / Re: Threadjacking!
« on: 13 October, 2021, 08:56:43 PM »

Well Ho-lee sh*t. I thought this was some meme I didn't get or befuddling Photoshoppery but, stomm, it seems this actually happened. I feel like I've woken up in the wrong universe.

That damned Nero has a lot to answer for...

Off Topic / Re: Threadjacking!
« on: 13 October, 2021, 04:57:11 PM »

Well, I guess ol' Bill needs to update his image following the failure of his lingerie business, Shatner Panties.

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