Short Comic: Human (by me!)

[michaelarby]

Hi guys - hope I'm sharing this to the right place!

I'm an amateur artist, working my way into a bit of writing too. I've created a couple of short comics that are available for free on my website. would love if yous could check them out, maybe even offer a bit of feedback!

Full comic is available here: https://www.michaelarby.com/human

My other short, Dragonstar (Medievil knights IN SPACE!) can be found here: https://www.michaelarby.com/dragonstar



Cheers!

[JohnW]

Oh - another one of these 'creative' types, eh?

I only looked at that one page, so I'm only shooting from the hip here.
The story didn't grab me with that first page. That's partly down to my personal taste, but also to all the text. It's perfectly clear; it's broken up nicely, panel by panel; but it's all exposition. There's no action to arrest the attention and no character to pique the curiosity. (Who's this? What's she doing? I want to turn the page and find out.)

The art, on the other hand, is attractive (particularly the colouring). I'm looking at it on my phone, and my immediate instinct was to zoom in for a better look.
For my tuppence worth, the script needs an opening that sparks that same immediate instinct.

Maybe a proper assessment would make me reconsider, but I tend to judge all comics at first glance. If it doesn't win me right out of the gate, then I'm not buying. That may not seem just reward for your efforts, but them's the breaks.

Anyway, fair play to you for getting this done. It may not be my cup of tea but it looks good. Moreover, you got it out of your head and onto the page. Ideas are worthless until they're realised in ink. As someone more professional than l am said, "Amateurs sit around waiting for inspiration: the rest of us get down to work."
Keep on pluggin'.

John Ware, currently writing jack shit.

[pauljholden]

Looks great michael. No reason this couldn't find a home in print somewhere. (My main criticism would be the lettering, and everyone knows I'll say this: but you should avoid cross bar Is in words...). If you're about in belfast and wanna meet up for a coffee I'll happily sit and talk you through it all!

[Funt Solo]

I read 'Human'. As PJ said, this could easily be in print. I liked the art - especially the drama of the final frame.

More critically - I get that you have to foreshadow the orbs, in order for the payoff to work, but the first page seems a little slow and exposition-heavy. As ever with criticisms, it's easier for me to say it was a bit slow than for me to fix it.

The world is introduced on page 1, but the protagonist has to wait until the second. It culminates in a bummer. Is this wrong? Do Future Shocks always do that? Would it be better if the shock were applied to someone who, somehow, deserves it? Like Sideways Scuttleton. I don't know - I just found it jarring.

[The Legendary Shark]

On the whole, I liked this.

My one piece of advice would be to tie the end in with the beginning somehow. [spoiler]For example, make it clear that this fabulous future world is reliant on "data mining" (I'd change that to something like "planetary systems monitoring"), or that Brinna's robotic body (or the work she does) would be impossible without the orbs, or something like that just to tie it all together with a bow on top.[/spoiler]

[IndigoPrime]

I liked that. Some good art, and the last frame on page one was particularly nice). I tend to agree with the points about structure. A machete edit that might work would be something along the lines of:

• Page 2, frame 2 > 1 > bottom half of page
• Page 1
• Then as-is

Maybe also get someone to proof the copy. If you export that to plain text and DM me, I'd be happy to do that for you as a one-off. Good luck with future comics!

[michaelarby]

Cheers for all the feedback guys I really appreciate it - some very good points made.

I have indeed tended towards the exposition in these short strips. I think I'm trying to cram too much info/story into too small a strip. I think thats partially a symptom of my having so little time to actually draw these days - Work keeps me so busy that I manage about half a dozen completed pages a year if I'm lucky. Thats actually why I'm trying to get into writing more, as I'm a terribly slow artist.

Id love to get this strip into print, even just a wee indie anthology. I've no idea where to start though so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears. Ideally, I'd love to create a couple more short strips and print my own anthology book, so I could get back into the con circuit. It's been years since I've tabled!

I did appreciate the feedback about the structure though - it hadnt occured to me that yes, we dont meet the main character til a quarter of the way through. I hadnt noticed that as a problem, but then I'm probably too close to the story and also hadnt considered the preferences of the average reader. I'll definitely bear that in mind next time.
IndigoPrime - as you say it probably could have been edited to swap pages 1 and 2 around and work better with just a slight rejig!

I was pleasantly surprised to hear praise for the colouring - I know how to do the technical side of things but my colour theory isnt the best, and its the part of the process I find most tedious too (but I'll take the praise all the same haha!)

Lettering, again not a strength of mine, I just whacked in a semi-appropriate font in photoshop! And I know well your hatred of the crossbar 'I' PJ. Absolutely would love a catch up sometime btw! Ill send you a wee message on twitter soon!

Cheers!

[pauljholden]

Cheers for all the feedback guys I really appreciate it - some very good points made.

I have indeed tended towards the exposition in these short strips. I think I'm trying to cram too much info/story into too small a strip. I think thats partially a symptom of my having so little time to actually draw these days - Work keeps me so busy that I manage about half a dozen completed pages a year if I'm lucky. Thats actually why I'm trying to get into writing more, as I'm a terribly slow artist.

Id love to get this strip into print, even just a wee indie anthology. I've no idea where to start though so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears. Ideally, I'd love to create a couple more short strips and print my own anthology book, so I could get back into the con circuit. It's been years since I've tabled!

I did appreciate the feedback about the structure though - it hadnt occured to me that yes, we dont meet the main character til a quarter of the way through. I hadnt noticed that as a problem, but then I'm probably too close to the story and also hadnt considered the preferences of the average reader. I'll definitely bear that in mind next time.
IndigoPrime - as you say it probably could have been edited to swap pages 1 and 2 around and work better with just a slight rejig!

I was pleasantly surprised to hear praise for the colouring - I know how to do the technical side of things but my colour theory isnt the best, and its the part of the process I find most tedious too (but I'll take the praise all the same haha!)

Lettering, again not a strength of mine, I just whacked in a semi-appropriate font in photoshop! And I know well your hatred of the crossbar 'I' PJ. Absolutely would love a catch up sometime btw! Ill send you a wee message on twitter soon!

Cheers!

Not sure you'll catch me on twitter, hit me up directly : pjholden-at-gmail.com

[Jim_Campbell]

Lettering, again not a strength of mine, I just whacked in a semi-appropriate font in photoshop!

Blambot has a lot of really good lettering fonts (both dialogue and sound effect) that are free for non-pro/small press/indie use. They're not marked as such on the page linked to, but if you click on one you like the look of and the price says $0.00 then you're good to go.

And I know well your hatred of the crossbar 'I' PJ.

It's not just PJ  . There is a reason for the 'rule' — primarily, it's because (in English-speaking) comics, having the crossbar 'I' reserved specifically for the pronoun means that it's never intended to be shoe-horned into the middle of the word and is kerned accordingly, leading to ugly spacing that doesn't occur with the non-crossbar version.

[Funt Solo]

Just realized that, of all people, Jim might appreciate this (but has probably already seen it):




And: