Romantic Antics - triumphs and disasters

[Emperor]

I made the classic schoolboy error due to obliviousness during my first year at University. I had a very pleasant evening at a party and spent quite a while talking to a girl I knew well. At the end of the evening I walked her back to the block her flat was in, she invited me up for coffee and I declined because I didn't like the stuff. I later went out with her flatmate at the time, who was most amused by the whole thing as it really was an invitation for "coffee." She also suspected that the "coffee girl" had was the sender of my first (and only) mystery Valentine's card - all the girls in their flat had decided to send me a joint birthday card but my girlfriend's boyfriend at the time (who was a guy I'd know from school) kicked off and the card was never sent, apparently the "coffee girl" was rather upset about this, so may have been the one to send that Valentine's card.

Of course, she then went out with one of my best mates for years and we were never both single at the same time. Also the opportunity to ask her never arose and I haven't seen her since.

[Emperor]

Oh and what is on TV tonight? Forgetting Sarah Marshall - which the film makes it impossible to do. She was a girl at school who was, if memory serves, the first one I thought was potential girlfriend material, but a "friend" sharked her out from under me (metaphorically speaking, of course). With hindsight I more miffed at my not moving fast enough and by his behaviour than losing her.

[Greg M.]

You really are a more eloquent and grammatically-polished Cyberleader, aren't you, Emperor? (Not, I should add, that I am any better!)

[Emperor]

You really are a more eloquent and grammatically-polished Cyberleader, aren't you, Emperor?

Oh indeed, I can't offer any advice based on success (other than get to know a lot of women and drink heavily, something is bound to happen*) - it is all "don't do what I did."

* Even if that something isn't ideal, like waking up with a friend's girlfriend, now ex-wife, which I thought I;d got away with for years until a friend mentioned the incident in passing, suggesting I'd clear not.

[JOE SOAP]

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[Mardroid]

I used to be pretty thick when it came to recognising the signs that a woman was interested in me, so much so that my friends used to say that if I ever fell in a barrel of tits I would probably come out sucking my thumb. How I have ever managed to marry and produce children is a minor miracle.

Heh. I started a job at an Estate Agents a few years back*. One of the full time employees came in, a quite  attractive young lady. She comes up to me, and the first thing she says after 'hi' and introducing herself is "do you have a girlfriend?" 

I replied "No."

She said "Do you want one?"

At the time I mumbled and felt a bit awkward and she walked away. At the time I was feeling quite paranoid at the fact I was in my twenties and hadn't been on a date yet, and thought she somehow saw something odd in me and was basically saying "Whats wrong with you? Don't you want to date anyone?" Yeah, like she can read my mind, right?

It was a good while afterwards, running the incident back through my head, that I realised most people would have interpreted her comments quite differently. The daft thing is, one of the other employees said to her "Oh leave him alone, stop hitting on him." or words to that effect.  I figured at the time he was kidding.

In my defence she had only just entered the shop, and it's not the sort of thing women tend to do if they really fancy someone, in my (granted, extremely limited) experience.

To be fair, she wasn't the right person for me and I'm glad I didn't get involved with her, although she was attractive. When I got to know her more, I got the impression she might have been good for something casual but I'm not into that.

It did teach me a lesson though, that the way I see myself isn't necessarily the way others see me. Even if we had only just met.

*Horrible job.It only lasted about a week (thank goodness) but I wasn't paid properly.

[JayzusB.Christ]

I have been involved in quite a few 'obliviousness to a girl doing her best to put out' situations.  I won't go into it here.  But here are two horrid stories that it's painful to tell but thankfully i'm drinking Thai beer and will anyway, despite possibly regretting having done so tomorrow morning.

1. Germany, about 12 - 13 years ago -  (Bear in mind I was extremely shy at the time, something 9 years of teaching foreign au-pairs has beaten out of me) - A gorgeous Austrian girl with, as my friend says, the body of Christ, expresses an interest in me.  The one night we're all out together and it's my chance, it turns out I have a hugely painful and uncomfortable mosquito bite on the front of my foreskin. Don't ask me how, I don't know.  So I'm in too much pain to properly talk to anyone, let alone make my move. Next day my friend steps in and 'helps me out' by making his move. Game over.

2.  A few years ago, and I've somehow ended up in the same social circle as a stunning Australian girl.  All's going well, till she throws out the test:  'You're a bit of a yes-man.  You agree with everything  everyone says, don't you?' Clever girl, in hindsight. I fail the test miserably - do I say 'Yes, I suppose so', thus proving her point, or 'No, I'm not', making me look like a reactionary child?  Of course NOW i know exactly what to say.  If, of course, I meet her again and she says exactly the same thing, and has forgotten about the first time. Why isn't there an expression in English that means 'to think of the perfect comeback well after the chance has passed'?  They have one in French and German.

I'll finish with one last one about a guy I know, then recently single, who had just met a girl who'd split up with another guy he knew.  He ended up in the sack with her.  The next morning, as she was having a shower, he unwisely texted his mate: 'You won't believe this, I've just shagged **********.  She gives head like a sailor'.  And yes, it was sent to the girl herself. He searched for her phone but she had it in the bathroom with her.  He tried to convince her it was meant to be for her; you can imagine how convincing that was.

[oshii]

.  And yes, it was sent to the girl herself.

hahaha.  A mate of mine was on a night out that ended up in a strip club early last year.  His phone was in his back pocket, and when he sat down it arse-dialled his missus who was less than impressed to be awoken at 2am by the sound of him receiving a lap dance.   I think he's still in the doghouse for that one.

[O Lucky Stevie!]

We used to see these drop dead gorgeous twin sisters out at gigs all the time. A mate was absolutely besotted with one, but despite much coaxing then outright ridicule he never spoke a word to her for almost a year. No names mentioned. You'll understand why when we get to the punchline.


All of the time her sister would always turn towards us & smile. Smile directly at Stevie.

Which was all very flattering but as he was in a long term relationship he wasn't going there.

Eventually the mate & the object of his desire hit it off.

My girlfriend at the time often worked nights & was very fussy about her music so Stevie & the twins would often be out as part of the same group of friends. The sister would always make sure that she was sat next Stevie & give him a colossal hug before parting.

Once again, he wasn't available so heall was kept platonic.

Fast forward a couple of years. The mate & his girlfriend split up. By coincidence, Stevie was also single again.

The sisters were looking after their parents' house (Mum & Dad were currently holidaying  overseas) in the lead up to relocating to Melbourne.

Stevie was invited over for a movie night.

At his suggestion the film we watched was John Carpenter's The Thing.

Needless to say, neither sister wished to sleep alone that night.

[SuperSurfer]

Don't know if I have the courage to post my triumphs and disasters, so I'll post those of others.

I mentioned this thread to a fella I know and he reminded me of this. Way, way back he had hots for someone while he was at college and he plucked up the courage to ask her out and they went on a date. Back at her place, she popped out to get some milk and then shall we say put on something more comfortable – a v-neck jumper with nothing underneath – and left a book of sex positions on the table. Fella, though he really had the hots, bricked it and scarpered. I quizzed him on why he didn't make a move. Answer was that he didn't think she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with!!!!! He was at bloody college and didn't have his first girlfriend until many many years later!

[Pete Wells]

I think you need to change your name to Bloody Lucky Stevie!

Here's one of my many tales of woe:

I stated seeing a girl and we were getting on really well. I invited her to my house for dinner and was pretty sure tonight would be the my lucky night. I made a cracking meal, the main course of which was a stunning if rather piquant chilli. The meal finished, we trotted off to the bedroom where much snogging and removing of clothes began. My naughty fingers began to wander until, with a yelp, she jumped about three foot off the bed and raced out of the room.

I found her in the bathroom, sobbing with a wet flannel pressed on her clacker. The relationship fizzled out after that and I learned to always double wash my hands after handling chillis...

[SpetsnaZ99]

This is daft one which to a mate of mine when i was younger.
one night in a nightclub me and a load of mates were having a great time, one of the lads however had just discovered drugs and was completely off his face standing near the edge of the dance floor. This girl walked up to him and started chatting to him, we couldn't hear the conversation but it seemed that he had definitely pulled. However suddenly he threw his pint over her and punched her in the face. Bouncers were straight over and dragged him outside to wait for the police, we were also told to leave. So when we got outside we asked what had happened cos it appeared to us that he was 'in there'. He just started laughing and then said he was 'in there' she had told him she fancied him and that she wanted him to 'get her wet and hurt her'

[radiator]

I started a job at an Estate Agents a few years back*. One of the full time employees came in, a quite  attractive young lady. She comes up to me, and the first thing she says after 'hi' and introducing herself is "do you have a girlfriend?"

I replied "No."

She said "Do you want one?"

At the time I mumbled and felt a bit awkward and she walked away. At the time I was feeling quite paranoid at the fact I was in my twenties and hadn't been on a date yet, and thought she somehow saw something odd in me and was basically saying "Whats wrong with you? Don't you want to date anyone?" Yeah, like she can read my mind, right?

It was a good while afterwards, running the incident back through my head, that I realised most people would have interpreted her comments quite differently. The daft thing is, one of the other employees said to her "Oh leave him alone, stop hitting on him." or words to that effect.  I figured at the time he was kidding.

Obviously I wasn't there, but it sounds to me like she was taking the piss a bit/teasing you - and probably targeted you because you're apparently quite shy. Probably no cruelty intended, but a bit of a mean and thoughtless thing to do to someone nonetheless.

[Colin Zeal]

During the 2009 Ashes series England were skittled quite badly by the Aussies on the Friday. We were going to lose the match and it looked like we would blow the series as well. I was in the pub watching the highlights after work so i would know exactly which players to moan about. While I was watching this a woman came up to me and said hello. I wasn't sure I knew who she was but said hello back and continued watching the cricket. I was in my local so assumed she was someone I'd spoken to previously. She stopped and started chatting to me and asked if I wanted to play a game of pool. I was getting quite annoyed at this point as I was being distracted from the cricket. I rather rudely said no and she told me that if i changed my mind I should go and give her a game. It took about another 10 minutes before I realised that I didn't know the woman at and that she was probably chatting me up. I instantly stopped watching the cricket and went to play pool. Back at her place that evening she told me that I'd had about another five minutes to realise and speak to her before she wrote me off as an idiot.

[HdE]

I went out with a lass who looked a lot like Lisa Kudrow's fitter sister for a bit. Alas, it never worked out (actually, I take that back - thank GOD it never worked out - she was bloody horrible in the end!) but i've always taken pride in the fact that, when I got to know her, she was going out with a rugby player. Who she dropped, in an instant. For me.

Surely that sort of thing is supposed to happen the other way around?