I shall be sending in my first ever submission to future shock later this week and was wondering if it is ok to post the full 5 pages here so that I can see what people think. It is a fairly dry, hard science story about a nobel prize winning scientist.
x x
We've kicked that one around before and it is probably best not to post the script publicly here before sending it in, although a post-match analysis is doable. If it gets rejected, of course. Otherwise we'll see you hiding nervously behind some furniture in the prog reviews thread. ;)
Don't listen to him Judo. Post the fucker and I'll cast my expert eye of it for ya.
Oh how indecisive you are board but I perhaps shall go with the mod on this one? Can you still copyright things by getting the post office to stamp the date over the letter fold, posting them to yourself and not opening the letter? That used to hold up in court if need be. Though to be honest as an aspiring writer its hard enough to get anyone to read your stuff as it is so to think the theives are waiting in the wings is hopeful at best. I'm not a professional writer (I have a real job ;P hehe just teasing) but I can flood ideas easily and really just need to tighten my writing a little. Hmm a 1% chance of copyright theft vs the need for constructive criticism... I shall perhaps put a couple of silly panel type things and see if I feel like a lucky punk x x
I was only yankin ya chain there Judo. Def listen to Mr Mods advice and bloody good luck to ya. Hopefully see some of yours in the prog someday. ;)
Aha I have found the solution! My uncle is a lawyer and I can copyright for free by giving his office it, cos I'm clever like that. Will post myself a copy for added oomf. Ah brain power + google = winner. Stay tuned and I shall put it up soon x x
Not wanting to be negative, but I'm not sure that establishing copyright (for whatever that's worth, without an army of lawyers to argue your case) is the only problem here - if a script has entered the pubic domain that is this forum and t'internet in general, Tharg will be less likely to commission it, seeing as a chunk of his audience has already read it. It's a much milder version of the small-press problem, but without the huge benefits of actually seeing your writing turned into a strip, and all the experience and kudos that entails.
That said, there's a lot to be learnt by letting the good creative folk here have a rummage about in your script, but I suspect that if you think it really has legs you might be as well to submit to Tharg, wait to see what happens, and if rejected only then put it up for critique/advice here.
What Tordelback said.
Your work is implicitly copyright without getting solicitors involved. But as Tordel says that's not the issue. Submit it to Tharg rather than the board and we'll do our best to cope with the disappointment of not seeing it in advance ;)
Yep, if Tharg is the ultimate intended recipient, keep it off the boards and the internet in general, fo' shore.
Also remember Tharg is not the only fruit (http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,26022.0.html). Submitting a Future Shock and getting feedback can take a while, so it makes sense to be doing small press work where you can hone your skills. When it comes time to submit your next one you'll then be in a much better position that you might have been if you'd just been waiting to hear back from Ol' Green Bonce ;)
Thankyou all for the advice. I don't have any 'hardcore' scifi fans to look over it which is my worry but at least it doesn't break any pitchfest rules. I have had it proof read by a couple of small press people and they liked it and showed interest which is good. Perhaps becuase they know I work to brief, have a fucked up imagination and work for free lol ;) but no suggestions for improvements except an indepth discussion over the technical terms 'recession' and 'depression'. Not sure how much panel descriptions to put in so I have left it fairly free for artists interpretation (the old wagner vs moore panel debate lol) so really just needing one scifi fanatic to look over it but I'm sure ill find one x x
Quote from: Judo on 20 February, 2012, 03:46:44 PM
Thankyou all for the advice. I don't have any 'hardcore' scifi fans to look over it which is my worry but at least it doesn't break any pitchfest rules.
A good sign, although, as I've said elsewhere, not necessarily a deal breaker - it is better to know you've scored at least 1 in pitchfest bingo, so you can make sure you bring something new to the trope, rather than stumbling into it and sending Tharg the same twist he has seen a million times.
Quote from: Judo on 20 February, 2012, 03:46:44 PMNot sure how much panel descriptions to put in so I have left it fairly free for artists interpretation (the old wagner vs moore panel debate lol)
Somewhere in the middle is a good compromise, especially if you don't know who will be drawing it. I think we had a thread on that somewhere around here...
[edit: or not, the only thread I can find is older than the one I can picture in my head (but my head is clearly not working right today):
http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,31660.0.html
I'm sure it is out there somewhere.]
Quote from: Judo on 20 February, 2012, 03:46:44 PMso really just needing one scifi fanatic to look over it but I'm sure ill find one x x
OK well I suppose I fit the bill if you want me to cast an eye over it before it gets sent off.
if you don't mind reading it that would be a big help but you don't need to if you're just being nice. Drop me your facebook addy by pm as I am on my phone which doesn't greatly enjoy email, though it is fine with this forum - ah technology! but as I said it is quite a dry hard science story so that's you're warning.
My questions are...
Is it too dry for 2000ad?
Does the dialogue/text make sense?
Is any of it mundane/unneccessary?
Are the panel descriptions clear enough?
Did you understand the twist?
Yes I couldn't see a thread on it but I shall have a swatch over that thread as advice and opinion is almost always beneficial. Even if I don't agree with it, often especially if I don't agree with it ;) x
Quote from: Judo on 20 February, 2012, 06:22:01 PM
Drop me your facebook addy by pm as I am on my phone which doesn't greatly enjoy email
That would require me to use this Book of Face you mention...
Worth pointing out that any copyright issues would be moot if the script was accepted, as you would have to sign it over to Rebellion.
clement I would quite happily give intellectual property of my entire brain to get a story in 2000ad ;) x
Quote from: Judo on 20 February, 2012, 07:34:19 PM
...I would quite happily give intellectual property of my entire brain to get a story in 2000ad ;) x
"And so began the Tragedy of the Magus..."
'intellectual property' is all made up anyways :P «devils advocate» x
should I be concerned about the length of time it takes to critique? I'm nervous noo x
Quote from: Judo on 20 February, 2012, 08:11:39 PM
should I be concerned about the length of time it takes to critique? I'm nervous noo x
That'd depend on when the person critiquing it read it I suppose.
now you're just teasing me yah meanie. I'd be nervous if it was 2 mins of 2 years cos imma nervous sort. I'm on night shift so boring I might eventually get round to doing some actual work like I get paid for. Might also spam this with some art if I have time, though my arts a bit shit x
Copyright just needs to be asserted: "Copyright (C) 2012 Alan Moore".
The date of first publication is an issue if someone blags it, but only as a matter of proof (ie showing you had it first) and only if it is pretty much a wholesale lift. The bigger issue is the fact that copyright does NOT protect the story or the idea. (If you think about it, how else could you get endless genre clones of each other?). Rather - and the clue is in the name - it is a right to stop the copying of your words.
There's a grey area between modifying something to make it new and just lifting the text of something wholesale, but in general it is fairly easy to nick an idea. You cannot "copyright that idea", even if you lay claim to something in the pub.
That said, I'd happily give feedback on anyone's scripts. I struggle to get any feedback on my stuff, and know how hard it is to get impartial (and necessarily brutal) advice. It's the only way to improve.
CAVEAT: I am no more qualified than any other wannabe to comment on someone's writing
well I'm the oldest of 14 cousins so I was always brought up to find copying to be the highest of compliments. I am also willing and helpful with ideas and stories for the sheer joy of it. The only copyright I need to do is email my uncle a copy, have his law firm sign it and put it in My file - which I have done but I seriously doubt anyone would push me so far as to need a court appearance. Writing is just fun :D and 2000ad is...of course...the bucket list!
I'm sorry you're just too slow to read it as emperor was kind enough to give a complimentary critique I am almost content to send it away (after a full night agonising over a couple of minor details of course as every writer knows) but I am happy to read anything you like tho try not to make it too much of an epic. But! I warn you I am very honest and can be quite critical - but only in the belief that you're work be the very best it can be. My biggest piece of advice to any writer is to read it allowed in a mirror or with a friend as the saying goes... If you speak like a nob you read like a nob. Ok that's not a real saying but it should be x
k so sorry the powers of be have spoken on reading my scripts but I draw stuff too so will see if I can post off my phone. I cannae really draw but and this is just for fun, so need to be mean ;) x x
this ones actually the page before the other one but this doesn't have text on it because I don't have photoshop text is a pain in the rear x
its basically a fantasy/scifi romp that's akira meets lord of the rings but with slade surrealistic dream sequences and the themes are memory and the nature of self. That's the quickest description I can give. Not putting up the full thing for obvious reasons, just some pages in progress x
Quote from: Judo on 23 February, 2012, 12:20:22 PM
its basically a fantasy/scifi romp that's akira meets lord of the rings but with slade surrealistic dream sequences and the themes are memory and the nature of self. That's the quickest description I can give. Not putting up the full thing for obvious reasons, just some pages in progress x
And Lord of the Rings meets Akira is going to fit into 5 pages, you think?
My advice: stop telling us how awesome your story is going to be, and get it finished and submitted.
text is just for me to make sure things will fit and isn't finished. I'm a writer who cannae afford an artist (not an artist) but I'm happy with the script for this so far and you are welcome to read it but I willnae post it publicly x
gordon this isn't a future shock this is random cos I can't put the future shock up - this is just a personal project
Must... resit... urge... to make sarcastic comment about Gordon R advising other people to finish what they've started...
(Disclaimer: I understand that money in the bank is the winner of any realistic contest, and he finished Missionary Man at least, so that's me happy)
(Second disclaimer: It is good advice.)
http://m.facebook.com/pages/Glasgow-League-of-Writers/286466241380171?id=286466241380171&refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.uk%2Fsearch&_rdr (http://m.facebook.com/pages/Glasgow-League-of-Writers/286466241380171?id=286466241380171&refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.uk%2Fsearch&_rdr)
Glasgow League of Writers, for - surprise surprise - Glasgow-based comic writers, meeting regularly in the Hope Street Studios, home base of Frank Quitely et al.
lol my future shock is finished (its only 5 pages ie an evening - if a story is flowin it shouldn't take long!) And big thanks to emperor for checkin for tard speak. Need to wait til the weekend though to get to a library to print it off cos I'm poor like that but aye that's done and dusted. The akira/lotr thing is just for fun cos I can't afford an artist and I can't really draw. I do the odd small press style panel skits too. Yes I know all about that darlin <3 much love for the glasgow comic scene but I work full time and don't have time for a larger level of involvement than the odd bits and pieces x
I love messing about with different inking techniques cos I'm just learning :( wish I'd gone to college or summit x
as I said I'm no artist but I'm learning just for love of the craft x
Quote from: Judo on 23 February, 2012, 12:29:14 PM
I'm a writer who cannae afford an artist (not an artist)
Ooohhh that's my button! It's not just about staving up the cash and going on a freelance website and saying "I need an artist who's willing to do a 43-page personal project that's a mix between this and this and they'll for £x a page" - you need to find a collaborator who's genuinely interested. I suggest chopping your story up into smaller episodic bits and trying to find an artist or several artists who want to get on board. I mean, how is this story going out - how are you going to get it to people? On the web? In print? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!
ALSO - WHY IS THERE A BUILDER SINGING IN MY HOUSE?!
HE SHOULD BE BUILDING!
yes I've only done the first chapter of «working title» dreamt decay but once I'm happy with a large chunk of it ill start looking for artists for bits and pieces though tbh I don't require publication as I'm just enjoying exploring some philosophical ideas as I got offered a great job half way through my degree and if I'm ever unemployed would definitely like to finish it. I'm lucky to have some amazing yet painfully poor artists to get drinks and chats with - stephen stref white, dave zander alexander, jim devlin, jon howard yadda yah the list goes on - so options are there if I can get the dosh together. Mean time just being part of the small press scene and submitting bits and bobs to GMP and such mags is fine by me :) x
I like working with water colours and these look great in colour but realisticly grey scale it is. This one will have panel work laid over the top - trying to make a mesh of quirkyness while I'm doing it myself cos its more fun for me :) x
random panel shiznit like I mentioned x
love eric carles stuff abso beautiful. But I have to ruin it lol x
last one darlins GMP x
I really hope it works out for you, Judo - if nothing comes of the Future Shock, the caption contest is a bleeding great idea, you've been a hugely successful contribution to the board at least already!
As for finding an artist for unpublished work... Hmmm, not easy. I do a bit of illustration and the like* and I remember going to writers' clubs years ago and people 'bagsing' my time and effort without actually checking with me whether I felt like working for free. I ended up doing about one or two jobs and really wishing I hadn't, and vowed never to do another unpaid (or at least unpublished) commission again in my life.
*My efforts at comic illustration were fucking shite though, as Richmond Clements found when I didn't deliver something he asked me to do. Yep, I still feel bad about it, and someday His Lordship will slay me as I sleep. The previous paragraph does not apply to Rich's commission, he would have published the bastard and I would have loved it, but as I say, I can't draw comics.
See, I'd forgotten all about that... now I hate you again!
Ah well. I like me, that's the main thing. That said, I'm drunk :)
I will be very soon...
I'm in Bangkok. I've found pissedness to be the ideal short-term solution to culture shock (which i have a lot of right now)
Yes, I'm enjoying your contributions, but please CAN WE LEAVE THE FECKING COLOUR FUNCTION ALONE please. It really does get annoying very quickly.
Quote from: Dandontdare on 03 March, 2012, 12:57:05 AM
Yes, I'm enjoying your contributions, but please CAN WE LEAVE THE FECKING COLOUR FUNCTION ALONE please. It really does get annoying very quickly.
Tell that to CF. ;)
Can i have a look at your script?
please.
no colours, O rly? the worlds in HD now dont yah know babe? this site doesnt take my old forum post with a pic on the right and text on the left and middle cos i dunno how you do img right on this (different from align right before you comment) so sorreeee for trying to be a bit different
[imgright]http://(http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm273/judoM/StalinGrin.jpg)[/imgright][size=18]Judo Mod[/size]
[align=center]It is I, Judo, attempting to... amuse!
xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx
[size=24]and blah blah the text goes here. but as you can see your forum doesnt have the codes im used to except ooh darkcyan![/size]
That is all.[/align]
*see im all normal boring font now yah bams*
Thanks Jay! I will try my very best to help out with anything i am able to and hopefully make some new pals and that :) yah future shock is all ready to go but i have been working a lot recently so havent been able to get to the post office yet. Im not too fussed to get artists and published and things but I will work on stuff anyways for the love of the craft but hey ho i write what i like to read and maybe someone else does too and all the better. haha yeah some fans can get a little carried away with wanting to see their work drawn but i think the most important thing is that the writer has put in as much effort writing it and the artist is inevitably going to. it can only be a compliment that they all wanted you though!
Spetzy youre too late! its all finished now with no more changes to be made so no one can read it til after i hear back x
Don't mind DDD, the grumpy old git, a bit of colour is fine - never did Commando Forces any harm.
Quote from: Judo on 04 March, 2012, 04:28:05 AM
Spetzy youre too late! its all finished now with no more changes to be made so no one can read it til after i hear back x
Actually, i just wanted to see what a script looked like, never seen one and i have a good few ideas.
Quote from: Dandontdare on 03 March, 2012, 12:57:05 AM
Yes, I'm enjoying your contributions, but please CAN WE LEAVE THE FECKING COLOUR FUNCTION ALONE please. It really does get annoying very quickly.
I Don't think the colour function is that annoying.
V
aww Vs posts have never looked prettier. Colour suits me cos I'm on my phone and the zoom function is one extreme or the other - I use the colour so I can see my posts or quotes easily. Any problems then feel free to ignore me ;) plus sometimes I change ccolour to express emotion cos I'm a pretentious poster like that.
But yesh I forgot to say I sent my futureshock away w00t w00t so now I've told you I can forget all about it again. I have a new project that is going very well which is books explaining disability to young children. I haven't seen anything like this about which is a shame and was wondering if anyone else has? I don't think I learnt anything about wheelchairs and things til much older. Some people with much more publishing experience than me think that I should take a shot at creative scotland so may do. Education and awareness of physical and mental disability is an issue close to my heart <3 x
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Rejection letter from Tharg :( but on the other hand... Rejection letter from Tharg! :D oks you can all read my story now give me a min ill get it x
Well at least you gave it a go :) Good for you.
I didn't really expect to get a hard science piece about a nobel prize winner in but hey i tried to fight it for the chicks so meh their loss cos imma just get better and better x
THE FOUR SEASONS OF CHANGE
Page 1
Panel 1
A small pleasant looking modern research facility can be seen during spring time. A sign reads Facility X14d "we welcome the four seasons of change" in the mid ground. A guard reads a newspaper while at a security post which reads 'CAT WINS X-FACTOR' as its headline in the foreground.
Text Box 1 – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 214. YEAR 2112.
These past few years have been a wild journey into ideas most of my peers thought would and should remain theoretical forever.
Panel 2
We see Dr Darmstadtium standing in a lab aged in his late 30s. He is dressed in a tux with a lab coat over the top and is wearing dark rimmed glasses. He is holding the traditional Nobel Prize box open in his right hand and a martini glass in his left. The Nobel Prize medal differs from the current one in that it projects a small hologram of Alfred Nobels head. He looks happy but slightly over whelmed
Text Box – Molecular Staining is my life's work. I have evolved from self healing plastics, to self healing elements.
Elements that return to their original form regardless of chemical changes. Objects that know their very being.
Speech bubble from out of panel right – Hurry up and throw the damn thing!
Panel 3
Dr Darmstadium is in the distance with his arm stretched out towards the reader. He has just thrown the box at a pane of glass and we see the tumbling box and flying glass shards shooting towards the reader as if he is throwing the box directly at us.
Text Box – If I were a less humble man I would consider myself a Genius. If I was arrogant, a God.
Panel 4
The shards begin to fly back up and reform the glass panel which we now see is attached to poles on either side as it is part of a demonstration.
Text Box – No, in my field it is only ever the right combination of hard work and sheer dumb luck.
Panel 5
This is a larger, wider panel. Still viewing the glass pane but now the glass is unbroken again. We can see Dr Darmstadtium and the pane are surrounded by scientists, military personnel, politicians and press. Many people have party hats and drinks or are taking photos. A scientist on the other side of the glass from Dr Darmstadium has the box which they have caught from his throw. An elderly moustached gentleman downs a pint, and other laureate looking people are 'letting loose'.
Text Box – But well-funded luck does work a lot better.
Some guests are shouting things...
Guest 1 – Smashin' party!
Guest 2 - Who knew Dr Riksbank could chug!
Guest 3 – I'll never crack the screen on my neruo-transmitter again!
Page 2
Panel 1
The same research facility is shown with the same sign that reads 'Facility X14d' and "we welcome the four seasons of change" during summer. This page is set 10 years later so the sign looks a little more worn and the facility upgraded slightly.
Text Box – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 496. YEAR 2122.
142 of 178 periodic elements can now be molecularly stained to retain their original shape. These are all the elements available on earth for study.
Panel 2
We see a white lab mouse crushed under a hammer held by Dr Darmstadtium. Dr Darmstadtium looks in his late 40s and is wearing a lab coat and glasses.
Text Box – We have met almost all of the government's strictest safety guidelines yet they still scaremonger that further testing is needed.
Panel 3
Dr Darmstadtium has lifted his hammer off of the mouse but it remains crushed and dead.
Text Box – I need to see this technology leave the lab and be put to practical use within my lifetime.
In sattelites and space ships that fix their own tears, hospital equipment that never wears, housing;
but we are still being refused stem cell testing.
Panel 4
Dr Darmstadtium drops the dead mouse into a plastic bag labelled 'medical waste'.
Text Box - In the meantime I will continue testing if molecular staining can be applied to organic matter.
We could cure 64% of humanity's infirmities with synthetic organs that auto-repair when they begin to fail.
Panel 5
Dr Darmstadtium casually throws the medical waste bad containing the mouse on to a large pile of similar 'medical waste' bags.
Text Box - The possibilities are endless.
Page 3
Panel 1
The same research facility is shown with the same sign that reads 'Facility X14d' and "we welcome the four seasons of change" during autumn. This page is set a further 10 years after the previous page so the sign looks even more worn and the facility has been greatly upgraded.
Text Box 1 – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 702. YEAR 2132.
Panel 2
A politician and Dr Darmstadtium are talking in a lab office. Dr Darmstadtium is sitting at his desk while the politician is looking at shelves filled with awards including several Nobel Prize awards Each of the Nobel Prizes has a small hologram of Alfred Nobel. Dr Darmstadtium is in his late 50s and wearing a lab coat and dark rimmed glasses. The politician is in his early 30s and wearing a suit. Dr Darmstadtium looks sceptical.
Text Box – I have worked on perfecting molecular staining for over 30 years now and still I've yet to see it used in any practical setting.
Politician – I bet you're dying to see this technology leave the lab.
Dr. Darmstadtium – I honestly can't tell if you're pretending not to have read my reports or if you've really don't give a damn anymore.
Panel 3
The politician admirers the small hologram of Alfred Noble on one of Dr Darmstadtiums Nobel Prizes. Dr Darmstadtium is still sitting at his desk. The politician is smiling but Dr Darmstadtium looks dismissive.
Politician – Very funny, I think you know damn well the entire world has been keeping a close eye on your research.
Dr Darmstadtium – On lab experiments and papers maybe.
Panel 4
The politician points aggressively at Dr Darmstadtium across his desk.
Politician – Exactly! It is both mine and the counsel's feeling that the citizens deserve the benefits of your research in every aspect of their lives,
From buildings in hurricane areas, to never failing synthetic organs.
Dr. Darmstadtium – If this is a joke then it's not very funny.
Panel 5
The Politician takes out a pen and paper from the inside pocket of his suit jacket. The paper says 'Copyright Transferal' in bold across the top. The politician is grinning and has an eye brow raised.
Politician – 100% God's honest truth. And not only do you get to see your entire life's work of research actually doing what you always wanted...
...helping humanity...
...but the government is going to give you a shit load of money for the copyrighted privilege to do so.
Page 4
Panel 1
The same research facility is shown with the same sign that reads 'Facility X14d' and "we welcome the four seasons of change" during winter. This page is set a further 10 years after the previous page and the sign is very worn and hanging off its hinges and the facility has been severely upgraded. There are many protestors surrounding the facility, some of whom are wearing lab coats. One of the protesters signs reads 'Say no to the Darmstadtium bomb'.
Text Box 1 – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 1137. YEAR 2142.
Text box 2 – They've turned my lab into a war factory. Over half my staff are protesting outside for closure.
Panel 2
A young lab assistant talks to Dr Darmstadtium. In the back ground there is a futuristic looking military tank in an experiment chamber. Dr Darmstadtium is in his late 60s and is wearing a lab coat and dark rimmed glasses. Dr Darmstadtium looks stressed.
Text Box – What kind of 'Head Scientist' makes no decisions and has no team?
Lab Assistant – Sir, the demonstration is ready.
Dr Darmstadtium – Proceed once everyone is seated and ready.
Panel 3
A military general, Dr Darmstadtium and a few other important looking people are seated and watching the experiment chamber. The politician from earlier is amongst those watching the experiment and wears the same suit but is aged in his 40s now. Inside the experiment chamber the military tank is exploding.
Panel 4
The military tank begins to rebuild itself within the experiment chamber. The politician has his head turned towards Dr Darmstadtium.
Politician – Fantastic! But what about the crew?
Dr Darmstadtium – We're still working on that, Sir.
Panel 5
Dr Darmstadtium is wearing a velvet dressing gown and pouring himself a whiskey from a drinks cabinet. He is in a fancy room with a large television showing the news in the background. The news shows the newsreader interviewing the politician.
Politician - War with China was always inevitable.
We just owe them too much god damn money! How else could we get out of this hundred year depression?
This war is for each and every one of our citizens that dreads bill day!
Panel 6
From behind the sofa we see Dr Darmstadtium sitting and drinking while watching the news. The news now shows a close up of the politician being interviewed. There are 3 small inset panels showing different horrific news stories surrounding the television.
Inset 1- Futuristic jet fighters flying over the Great Wall of China.
Inset 2 - Poor Chinese people bow in front of a tank flying a flag that's a combination of the european union and American flags.
Inset 3 - A gory image if a dead Chinese child.
Politician –The thing about Darmstadtium bombs is you only need one
And by using sponsorship money from Information Spreaders and other associated partnerships we have made this war free for the tax payer.
Page 5
Panel 1
Dr Darmstadtium is standing on the roof of Facility X14d looking forlorn. He is in his late 70s now and is wearing his lab coat and dark rimmed glasses. He is looking at the old, worn sign which has fallen down now on the ground in the distance. Only the word 'change' can be made out as most of the lettering has faded. There is no distinguishable season but the sky looks dark and apocalyptic. Fires and dead bodies can be seen all around. There is a statue of Dr Darmstadtium outside the facility's main door now.
Text Box 1 – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 1554. YEAR 2152.
Text box 2 – Some things should never leave the lab.
Panel 2
Dr Darmstadtium stands on a ledge wearing one his Nobel Prize medals. He looks solemn.
Panel 3
Dr Darmstadtium swan dives off the ledge he was standing on. His face is at peace and his eyes are closed.
Panel 4
Dr Darmstadtium lands on his back. His skull and other bones are cracked and blood is pouring out everywhere. His eyes are shut and have blood running from them.
Panel 5
Dr Darmstadtium still lies on his back but his eyes are open now and skull, blood and other tissue are auto-repairing. He is screaming. We now see there are other corpses around him, some wearing lab coats.
Panel 6
Dr Darmstadtium walking away from us and towards the door of facility X14d with his head hung. The lab looks partially destroyed and dead bodies and fires are scattered around.
THE END.
I really liked that. I could easily have seen that as a Future Shock. Reminds me of the old Alan Moore ones a bit. I would think that's some sort of compliment! Nice job!
aww thanks hunnys *hugs* appreciated. well i like it and that's all that really matters to me (perfectionism). i dont think i could have done it any better and if my best ain't 'suitable' then whatev's, no awesomely amazing, cute, bright scottish lassie writers for you guys ;) ...hey, yah gotta be your own fan cos you can't count on any others!!! but *srsly* if anyone has any suggestions then always appreciated x
Quote from: Judo on 24 March, 2012, 05:52:01 PM
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Rejection letter from Tharg :( but on the other hand... Rejection letter from Tharg! :D oks you can all read my story now give me a min ill get it x
That was a remarkably swift reply from Tharg!! Might I be so cheeky as to ask what he had to say.
It didnt't say anything much except blah blah blah each entry our fullest attention and blah blah thankyou for your submission blah 'Unfortunately, I dont feel it is suitable for 2000ad at the present time'....
yeah, honestly i would say they probably didn't even bother reading it at all... I hear that happens a lot x
edit - but i do now have a rejection letter signed by Matt Smith w00t :D x
In some ways that is encouraging - no suggestions that you need to work on the character or plot, it just didn't have the right feel. Could have been worse.
exactly why I don't think they bothered to read it. Such a shame, but hey, they have a company to run x
Quote from: Judo on 24 March, 2012, 06:58:45 PM
exactly why I don't think they bothered to read it.
If they hadn't read it, they wouldn't have sent you a reply.
'Only if it (the synopsis) engages our interest will we read the full script. Sorry, but that's the way has to be!'
:'( I dunno just a non specific reply within a week seems kinda in this category x
Quote from: Judo on 24 March, 2012, 07:33:54 PM
'Only if it (the synopsis) engages our interest will we read the full script. Sorry, but that's the way has to be!'
:'( I dunno just a non specific reply within a week seems kinda in this category x
Ah right, you mean they didn't read the script. Quite possibly, but the same might be true for people who wait 6+ months (there is rarely much feedback - if you want that then you need to punt it across to folks like FutureQuake). It doesn't take that long to read a script, the quick turnaround merely suggests that yours was on the top of the slushpile when they had some free time to go through it (or that being a female writer caught their eye and they read it immediately).
yeah wasn't expectin' it so quick by far. Actually a bit of a de ja vu moment when I picked up the SAE. Oh wells onwards and upwards. At least it means all the hatin' on me on this is only the second worst '2000ad related' thing to happen to me this week.
Best '2000ad related' thing being rufus dayglo saying he 'can't wait xxx' for me to buy him a drink at comicon. 3 kisses? were practically married :D x
ag. When did you send this off? Because if it's within the last two months I know someone who'll be PRETTY FUCKING HACKED OFF about the speediness of this script reply ;)
Quote from: Judo on 24 March, 2012, 09:11:13 PM
Oh wells onwards and upwards. At least it means all the hatin' on me on this is only the second worst '2000ad related' thing to happen to me this week.
D'aww, don't take it to heart. We're only raggin' on the new blood. it's truthfully great to have you around here.
And don't let the rejection letter get you down. Just take it as a sign of the supreme achievement it is to actually get picked up by a publisher. Take a moment to reflect on it, dust yerself down, then have another go.
Quote from: CrazyFoxMachine on 25 March, 2012, 12:18:05 AM
ag. When did you send this off? Because if it's within the last two months I know someone who'll be PRETTY FUCKING HACKED OFF about the speediness of this script reply ;)
Somewhere between a 3-4 weeks:
Quote from: Judo on 23 February, 2012, 12:55:06 PM
lol my future shock is finished (its only 5 pages ie an evening - if a story is flowin it shouldn't take long!) .... Need to wait til the weekend though to get to a library to print it off cos I'm poor like that but aye that's done and dusted
and a week:
Quote from: Judo on 16 March, 2012, 10:15:41 AMBut yesh I forgot to say I sent my futureshock away w00t w00t
I can't talk properly now my darlins cos I'm busy. but yesh I posted it maybe 14th march and got a reply already. But as I said it sounds like they didn't read it and just chain lettered me into a template. Ach fair does its s'all cool cos I'm just a scifi fangirl anyways :) x
Well I loved it. Thought the idea was great about the complex dangers of Nano Tech but perhaps in that lay the problem. It was far too good an idea to convey over a 5 page Comic strip! This would be a great short story a horrible twist on all the Zombie Apocalypse stuff currently in Vogue.
Anyway I was shown long ago how to write a Comic strip to send to Publishers. Might be a little bit different now so if any of the MOD Bots or Script Droids want to pitch in with their experience feel free to do so. I've never had anything published that I've written so there you go but even I'd be the first to tell you on re reading them how crap some of my stories were! So here goes my waffle on the subject.
Was there a Synopsis? This is usually the first thing they look for since it gives them an immediate idea what sort of story your telling them. Ominously if it doesn't have a Synopsis they don't tend to bother reading it. Win Wiacek told me that the old Fleetway Editors literately had to read Scripts going to and going on the Loo so no Synopsis no read through. Bang gone.
Future shocks are often written to 'fill' a missing story and have to be easy to produce quickly. You've written 'The shards begin to fly back up and reform the glass panel' without describing how. In Comics things being put back together would have to take place over several panels like you have in Page 4 Panel 6 an inset or Tier of Panels. Someone has to draw this action taking place and if they have to produce it quickly you've given them a hard task already.
The type is very packed together making it difficult to distinguish one line from another. Having someones name in Capitols isn't enough so either separate the lines with a space ie:
A small pleasant looking modern research facility can be seen during spring time. A sign reads Facility X14d "we welcome the four seasons of change" in the mid ground. A guard reads a newspaper while at a security post which reads 'CAT WINS X-FACTOR' as its headline in the foreground.
Text Box 1 – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 214. YEAR 2112.
OR
A small pleasant looking modern research facility can be seen during spring time. A sign reads Facility X14d "we welcome the four seasons of change" in the mid ground. A guard reads a newspaper while at a security post which reads 'CAT WINS X-FACTOR' as its headline in the foreground.
Text Box 1 – DR DARMSTADTIUM. JOURNAL 214. YEAR 2112.
Make your said words[speech sfx etc] in bold letters. It makes it easier to read and not so much of the 'chunky paragraph' look like it's a Novel. Properly best to give it a space line too. Remember make it EASY for them to read and the battle's half won.
Ah, the glory of rejection! At least you didn't get told that your story itself was good but the content density of the panels would have caused an art-droid's head to explode, so no thanks right now, which I must admit was criticism I deserved - even if it did send me into a fit of "How could I be so dense effing stupid?!" Still, it's not a criticism that you're in much danger of from reading your script. Neatly sidestepped in fact. Fine little story, and suitably concise, though I do think IAMTHESYSTEM's suggestions for format and purpose are very much on the money.
Better luck with your next submission, Judo. Perhaps you should consider the briskness of this response as a toenail in the door, and start trying to wiggle in further. :)
firstly.... urgggghhh hangover sunday is hungover.
Well thankyou System for suggesting that it was 'too good' LOL but i find that a highly unlikely reason!!! but i am very glad you enjoyed it. Yes, these concerns were all in my mind too but I did ask a couple regularly published artists to read over the panel descriptions and they said the descriptions were fine and sensical (isn't a word but so should be). one panel with a broken window and another with a less broken window isn't exactly OMGmindBlOWN for an artist and i doubt they would make a decision on something like that without mentioning it. It *was* double spaced and the pages/panels in bold type but i just copied and pasted it in plain text and quickly separated the pages for you all cos i had friends over, bit drunk and couldn't be bothered!! the text wasnt in bold but thats because I found in this particular story the text wasnt the 'important bit' as much as in others i've written.
Thankyou Whitbloke much appreciated. i still think theres a lot of themnotreadingitness going on. If someone did read it then they are very unhelpful to make no specific reference to my story and if one were going to take the time to read a five page story, surely one would take another 10 secs to write why they disliked it.
Oh well :) I am glad everyone who has read it has seemed to enjoy it. It is a shame I will never see it in print but I certainly won't stop writing. I doubt I will be submitting anything else to rebellion for a while but who knows maybe at some point x
here's the cover letter which was a bit pants I admit but I tried to keep it brisk.
Good day, Mighty Tharg and all at 2000AD,
I am Dawn Mathieson, a 23 year old fan girl from Glasgow. I have never submitted a story to you before but I read and write a lot of science fiction for pleasure. This is a 5 page Hard Science (Future Shock) story called 'The Four Seasons of Change'. It briefly tracks 50 years of a Nobel Prize winning scientist's life and research.
Brief Page Summary with Spoilers
Each page is set 10 years after the previous page at main protagonist Dr Darmstadtiums lab Facility X14d.
Page 1 introduces the reader to Dr Darmstadtium and the concept of molecular staining which auto-fixes broken objects.
Page 2 shows Dr Darmstadtium developing his research and his hopes for the future.
Page 3 shows the government approving Dr Darmstadtiums research for general use.
Page 4 shows the government using Dr Darmstadtiums research for military projects.
Page 5 shows Dr Darmstadtium trying to kill himself but being unable to as he has molecularly stained his own body.
Contact Details (deleted for public posting)
I think it's probably your synopsis that's let you down there. A bare page summary like that doesn't do enough to sell the story; I should think what you want is a couple of paragraphs summarising the events of the story narratively to give a bit of a clearer idea of the characters and themes and how the plot progresses. I'd make the synopsis a separate page from the cover letter as well - it's neater, and it's easier for somebody taking a very quick glance at the contents of the envelope without reading them to see that one's been included instead of thinking you've just sent a script on its own.
Also, I think it's possible they're only taking four-page Future Shocks these days. The submissions page is confusing - the description of Future Shocks keeps talking about five pages, but the paragraph just above on guidelines for new writers says "if you've never had a script published in 2000 AD, you should start by sending in ideas for one-off, four-page Future Shocks". So I think they might have reduced it to four, but forgotten to correct the rest of the references on the page. That might be another thing that gets you an immediate 'not suitable' standard rejection, if it's longer than they're looking for right now.
It's probably a bit depressing to think it might have got rejected because of outside things like the format or the length, but really, that's actually better news than them turning it down because they didn't like it! I think you've got a good style and your dialogue sounds pretty natural, which is the most important core of it right there. You could do with some slightly more careful proofreading, since there are a few little mistakes that could count against you: 'satellites' is mis-spelled, you've got 'medical waste bad' instead of 'bag' in there, etc. (It's often worth getting someone else to read it over before you send it, because it's easy to miss things like that when you know in your head what it's supposed to say.) But overall I'd say it's a good solid well-written script and it's really just a matter of getting the presentation right to make sure they pay proper attention to the next one.
Good luck, and don't give up! I think you've got talent.
Judo, I had actually written a post earlier in regards to your synopsis and didn't send it through as I figured what the hell did I know about 2000ad's submission policies but have to agree with chosen rider above. Your synopsis doesn't do anything at all to convey the wonderful story you wrote.
A synopsis isn't just a breaking down of your story to quick easy sentences. It's also a pitch to attract attention to your story and to try make it stand out from the others.
Sadly, I think if all they read was the cover letter it comes across as very spartan and very cold and truth being told, if I hadn't read your story first I would have had no interest in it based on that synopsis. That's a real shame, both for yourself and for 2000ad as I still think that story would have been champion as a Future Shock.
Yeah my cover letter sucks and believe it or not that's actually the best one out of a few attempts that varied entirely - casual, formal and direct (everyone who read it preferred direct). The truth is the story sounds pretty boring no matter how i try to explain it. The more details I give, the more boring it sounds unfortunately, damn you hard scifi horror! The consensus was that i should just show it had a clear structure, main character and beginning/middle/twist end.
I think all signs do point to them not reading it at all which saddens me. I'd rather it be rejected for specific reasons and know that I can do better next time than this vagueity (another word that should exist) as now i have nothing to build on in terms of writing. I don't really care for publication, but I do want to get better and tell stories that people enjoy. If writing an advertisement for myself is the only way to get in then that's definitely not a skill i have so ill stick to badly drawn library printouts for my friends :) x
Thats what I like to see positive feedback :)
Quote from: Kowalsky (formerly JudgeGumpty) on 25 March, 2012, 05:43:29 PM
Thats what I like to see positive feedback :)
Yes thankyou everyone for your time and advice - it is all very much appreciated! I'm glad you all liked it :) I'm done cranking over my rejection letter so Tharg can suck pig *dramatic pointing* to [/s] the pub!
work. Its waaay too sunny for gainful employment so ill skive off and write for a bit. I've wanted to do a piece on stupidity being a crime where if your IQ drops below a certain level your imprisoned in a boarding school til it picks back up. Do it all from the courtcase. 'My iq really is higher your honour. Too many sangrias I swear!' X
Ps net peoples... could someone tidy up the 4/5 page debate on the guidelines as it currently says both x
If nothing else, congratulations on the fastest reply I've ever heard of! Is that some sort of record? Can anybody beat that?
From my own efforts, and what I've read elsewhere here, I think all the rejection letters can seem a bit template-y, especially if you're hoping for more comprehensive feedback. I waited six months to get something similar (though for art). From their point of view I can see how submissions could fall quickly into familiar ideas and categories, especially with something so specific as a Future Shock. It's a bloody hard format to write, never mind to stand out in.
I don't think it's unusual though. Other places are generally faster to reply, but even more vague. My wife recently sent off some short stories to some proper, "grown-up" publications (fewer pictures). They can be downright rude!
I was positive until you all started saying 'be positive FASTEST REJECTION EVER but be positive' lol fastest rejection ever SRSLY?! What the fripp is going on with this week? X
Edit hmm just noticed my extreme strike out. Was smoking outside and not typing greatly well x
Quote from: Judo on 25 March, 2012, 05:10:51 PM
I think all signs do point to them not reading it at all which saddens me. I'd rather it be rejected for specific reasons and know that I can do better next time than this vagueity (another word that should exist) as now i have nothing to build on in terms of writing.
I'm reading George R. Martin's
Dream Songs at the moment, a career retrospective of his short story work which is structured with a series of very nice autobiographical essays on the relevant periods. One of his early stories was rejected
37 times before he rewrote it completely with the help of a creative writing professor, whereupon it was rejected
another 5 times. And then finally published after
9 years and a total of 42 rejections.
And he's now one of the most successful fantasy writers in the world. So do what he did -
never give up.
Fastest reply.
I think everyone was probably rejected equally quickly - it just took 'em a lot longer to open the letter in most cases.
You can get straight back in there again! That's a good thing...?
s'all cool dudes nothing will stop me writing lots. Of. Shiiiawesome! Thats the schrodingers cat of writing. and pfft its their loss cos I'm amazing and I like my story. it would have been cute like with each page a slightly different colour scheme with the season. Man who knows I might just draw it myself if noone else will :) x
Quote from: Judo on 27 March, 2012, 12:37:38 AM
pfft its their loss cos I'm amazing and I like my story.
...that way Scojo lies.
Seriously - if you've not submitted anything to the sprawling sea of awesome small press yet, bloody do it! DOOOO IITTTTT.
Have you done it yet ?!
DO IT!
I really enjoyed that too! So Much so it didn't need art to convey the story! Maybe it would be helpful in certain ways with art but standalone it's brill. I loved the tank being blown up and the "What about the crew?" "We're working on that". I feel however, I must mention that I only gave Judo's story a go after having read a few of her posts on the board. I would not have accomodated Scojo the same amount of time but I think I can safely say he is a different kettle of fish. Also one of Judo's pics reminded me of a curious incident in the canteen either last year or the year before where I was looking at the shutters where the food came out of and someone crept up behind me and pointed her fingers into my hips.I said hi and then the persons name and I still say I felt like I turned round and saw her but according to the others in the queue I didn't turn around. Believe it or not? or Bull leave it? As for Judo my impressions are this, she has qualities that for males equate to having big balls in terms of being confident but I spose the comparison is incorrect for many reasons and should be put down to female intuition? Anyone care to put me right? Not bothered and if someone did show me where I was wrong I'd appreciate the lesson so I could avoid doing it again. I'm not educated and have more akin to BSE than gcse or cse.
aww thanks approvalfox. I hang aboot wi the glasvegas small press crew but in 'heavies lols' doon the pub way, rather than a 'total pro' way. I can't draw very well or afford an artist but ill pratice my 'skills to pay the bills' and who knows :) I'm a hobbyist so I'm nae tae botha'd and fine to help out with ideas and wee silly things. Ooh I got my first graphic novel editing credit last week w00t w00t!
Aww thankyou you're all too kind and I'm glad everyone has seemed to enjoy it. Lol yeah I tried to put a little dark humour in it as always. Ill keep pushing for hard scifi whenever I can and, of course, trying to show that having a vagina doesn't mean anything. Need more chicks in 2000ad!!! Too many people always try to get me to join 'team girl comics' like SRSLY just cos I'm a girl doesn't mean I have to be hearded off to the all girls romance and cuteness pen. I like romance and cuteness but not *that* much. I think everyone else makes a much bigger deal about my sex than I do and I have many traits from both genders. I don't blame yahs cos its like 'omg boobs and comics and the boobs are real' but quicker yahs get over it the better as I definitely get trated differently for it. But hey that's life and if it wasn't my sex it would be summit else x
Quote from: Judo on 27 March, 2012, 11:54:03 AM
Too many people always try to get me to join 'team girl comics' like SRSLY just cos I'm a girl doesn't mean I have to be hearded off to the all girls romance and cuteness pen. I like romance and cuteness but not *that* much. I think everyone else makes a much bigger deal about my sex than I do.
Hm. Well I don't agree with that - there are many women in comics who don't make "romance" or "cuteness" things. That's fairly narrow-minded if you don't mind me saying. We understand you're a woman - you've made that patently clear - but it really is nowt to do with creativity. And I wasn't approving of your story - I just think before hitting up 2000ad you should have gone to small press anthologies first and got a really honest opinion from experienced creators. You can still do this - and y'know what - I've heard a whisper on the grapevine that SOME OF THEM ARE ALSO WOMEN. OMGGGGGGGGGGG.
Meh, gender and genre, wouldn't get hung up on it. Greatest SF writer of them all is a woman (LeGuin, of course). Author of best-selling book series of all time is a woman (Rowling has shifted roughly twice as many books as Tolkien in a fraction of the time). Relax, write, lay off the lavender ink.
I know dudes I know - its everyone else that brings it up all the time :( x
If anything, there's a serious movement by women in comics right now - more and more creators of the fairer sex are making big splashes in the industry.
And for crying out loud, if we need any proof of this - look no further than the fact that a woman is drawing Conan the Barbarian.
Your script was okay, Judo. I t has a very good idea, but I found the execution somewhat lacking. If you'd like constructive criticism, I'd be happy to lend you some. But then, I'm not anybody special so you may not care what I think. Brave sharing, in any case.
I don't care what any *specific* person has to say but I care very much what the *masses* have to say so yah would love to take some gun shot hits. Just be specific like 'i didnt like this pg?? panel??? line??? because of these reasons ?????? but I would try ?????'. because i find that easier to process than lots of rhetoric.
of course not everyone can agree on everything but i did start with a very long script and then hit DELETE about a million times everything that i didnt feel added to the plot, characterisation or mood of the piece (apart from the odd joke or geek reference for the boffs). The main character isnt too *strongly* characterised but this was on purpose to make him more *relateable* which hasnt yet been commented upon.
current criticisms...
my entire front page but yah not important
fonting/spacing - this was fixed in the print out
typos - some were fixed in the print out but i did misspell satelite, it just looks wrong like that lolol
ending - if it was *entirely clear* because some of my test readers had read the synopsis or heard me talking about it but the blind testers got it. but they were quite clever like emperor. also how much 'this is the apocolypse btw'-ness was under question.
the odd word of dialogue - and i mean 'word' singular as im a perfectionist.
the general four seasons thing - i wasnt too sure if it was cheesy or not but general ruling from others was that it was quite cute, quirky and showed passing of time clearest.
i cant remember if there were any others but those were the main things from memory x
edit oh and yah the same thing for things you *do* like so i know whats working x
When I said *specific* the tone sounds wrong. I mean that I care equally about what people think regardless of who they are. When it comes to enjoying a good story there's no 'experts' :) x
Judo, you sent me a PM - but have me blocked, so I can't reply!
oh yeah sorry i have everyone blocked but ive buddied you now or you can post here if your brave x
A local indie comic publishing company have asked about using the story in a magazine. Nothing concrete yet as they will need to find an artist to suit but good news all the same :) and I got a contribution credit in horror graphic novel X too which has now been released which was great fun to work on x
Is there anyone fair, honest and critical with a passion for sci-fi who wouldnt mind proof reading a net-runner future shock for me? x
Quote from: Judo on 22 July, 2012, 09:03:52 PM
Is there anyone fair, honest and critical with a passion for sci-fi who wouldnt mind proof reading a net-runner future shock for me? x
I can manage 2 out of 4, and I'd be happy to give it a look.
Ditto.
pm me your email address darnmar.
Thankyou all for offers to help :) some lovely people on this board. I will send it to you in a couple of days as I want to re-write it and am quite busy. One question though...
Fun and silly or dark and metaphorical? X
Ok im entering final draft stretch so sorry to anyone that wanted to read it and saw this too late but next time i promise! x