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Topics - Tiplodocus

Pages: 1 ... 20 21 [22]
316
General / Synopsis: The Lonely Life of Johnny Snuggle
« on: 26 May, 2002, 04:14:08 AM »
Here's an idea for a future shock.  I don't know where the inspiration came from...


The Lonely World of Johnny Snuggle
Johnny Snuggle is a big fan of the comic FUTURITY and it's top character CJ LAZER.  He has heard that they are planning on making a CJ LAZER film and he wants to be in on the action.
From his bedroom (which is a shrine to all things fanboy; Star Wars, Reservoir Dogs and Buffy posters line the walls and, when he's feeling a bit naughty, he'll pull out his little statue of an alien grey having a spliff),  Snuggle starts to write.
Snuggle doesn't get out much - he is a fatter, uglier, less well read version of uber-geek Harry Knowles (if such a thing were possible) and uses his email and websites to talk to the outside world.  He barely stops for tea - shouting thanks to his never seen mum who leaves plates of food for him.
He struggles with some of the dialogue and checks it's authenticity against his computer games, an old book of plays by Ernie Wise, his secret stash or porn videos (they must be art, they were reviewed in STARLOG)  and some Babylon 5 scripts before continuing.  
As his script takes shape, he begins to think his computer is working against him; it starts to underline words with red and green squiggles.
He ignores this and eventually, having stayed in his bedroom for two months, he finishes his script: CJ LAZER - CRIMINAL ERASER. He sends it to the editor of FUTURITY magazine for consideration.
There is no reply.  A few semi-abusive phone calls later - Snuggle can't understand why he seems to be getting the brush off and decided to post his magnum opus on the FUTURITY website.
He explains to all the helpful professional writers on the site how he is grateful for the opportunity to do this and how he looks forward to hearing their comments.
And then he begins to suspect something is wrong; the comments display a complete lack of understanding of Snuggle's vision of CJ LAZER.  
Some say it is too wordy. Others say it's not excting enough. Some don't even read it all the way through because they say they got bored!
They focus on the presentation, they pick nits in his dialogue. They just don't understand how good story writing, let alone, good screen writing works. How can they all be so stupid?
He attempts to explain this to them but still they fail to understand.  What can be happening? He repeats himself, ignoring any comments they make and focusing on what he feels are the real issues.  Can't they understand why his lines are always the best in any given situation? Can't they understand subtext? Don't they understand why he didn't write a synopsis? If they published other bad things, surely they can publish his?
Still they miss the point and at his wits end, he finally ventures from his bedroom.  Strangely, he doesn't seem to be in his house - it seems more like an alien space craft.  He calls for his mother.  In answer, a huge insectoid alien rounds the corner.
The Twist
The Alien explains the truth.  They had abducted Snuggle several months ago.  The Aliens had recognised that he was the most brilliant of his species and recreated his bedroom and all his interactions with the outside world in an attempt to learn from Snuggle's huge intellect.  But, advanced as they are, the aliens could not keep up with the sheer brilliance of Snuggles mind.
Snuggle can see it all now; the world begins to make sense again and he offers to help the aliens.  
In return for his kindness, the aliens explain that they are not really insectoids.
They  switch off their holographic projectors to reveal that they are in fact all fabulously attractive women.
"You have passed our test. We really wanted you to seed our race as our men are barren. We have forgotten how to love. Will you teach us the art of sex, Johnny Snuggle. Will you accept this challenge?".
Snuggle tosses his screenplay to one side; "Well up until now, there has only been my cat but of course I will. Though I think you'll find I'm a bit HARD to keep up with".
Everybody laughs, "Ha ha ha ha ha".
The Second Twist
The laugher dissolves and we see Snuggle sitting alone his bedroom.  On his computer screen is his CJ LAZER script with the word REJECT flashing over it in big red letters.
His mother and father look from the hallway at their child, their only child, as he sits alone laughing to himself.
Mother:"If only he would go out more, learn some social skills and meet some friends, maybe even a girl".
Finally, we see where Snuggle gets his delusional nature.
Father: "Perhaps, but when one is destined for greatness, you do not trivialise your life with such matters...."
THE END

317
General / Tempting Fate?
« on: 17 May, 2002, 05:42:55 AM »
Am I tempting fate by saying that "you know who" hasn't posted today.  

Either he's watching Star Wars and marvelling at how good the dialogue is or someone, somewhere has finally got through to him.

How can we find out what was the last post he replied to that drove him off?  Sort of like "Who killed Cock Robin?" but without the "Robin".

318
Help! / Is there a PDA version of the site?
« on: 14 May, 2002, 07:29:13 PM »
Wake,
is there a PDA version of the site around?  I'm trying to access it on my wee PSION but once the banners are in place I get about one line visible.  Any suggestions?

319
General / Any other publishers for short stories out there?
« on: 14 May, 2002, 05:28:59 AM »
I was wondering if anyone new of an alternate publisher for short stories (future shock style) lurking out there.

They don't have to be British - though I do recall someone making a posting about someone called Black Dog or something (I can't find the exact post because there has been so much chaff flying arounf recently) - I do recall someone saying something along the lines that "Issue 4 had nearly 50% reprint" - I'm hoping that means they'll consider any old rubbish...er... my magnum opus.

Anybody help?

320
Suggestions / Measure the Future Shock stack
« on: 26 April, 2002, 06:39:56 PM »
Wake/Matt,
just looking at one of the online poll and it looks that over 30% of the people who post have either written or have vague intentions of writing a future shock. (though my sums could be wrong).

Maybe it would be a nice idea to have an indicator of just how big/small the submissions pile for Future Shocks is on the Submission Guidelines page.  

I think this would be nice for the submitters and, bear with me, may even save you some time.

This would let all those who have submitted exactly how overworked you are and may discourage people from sending stuff in if the pile is very high and encourage it if it is really low.  A fortnightly update would probabaly be OK.

If you wanted to go the whole hog; you could even keep statistics of how many of the submissions were complete toss (i.e. failed to follow basic presentation guidelines, full of smelling pistakes, unhygenic), how many were rejected after reading the synopsis (and reasons; no hook, been done before, predictable, no structure, complete toss etc.) and how many were rejected because of the final script quality (too much dialogue, too many panels, not engaging enough, unbelievable charaters).  

These metrics again might encourage people to focus on fixing things before they get to you and save your valuable time.

Anyone agree/disagree?

321
General / Darkie's Mob from Battle Picture Weekly
« on: 22 April, 2002, 07:34:29 PM »
Anyone remember a story called "Darkie's mob" from Battle Picture Weekly?  Does nayone know who wrote it? Where can I reread bits of it?

I remember the setup as being vaguely like "Bad Company" but I can't remember how it ended.  I do rememeber liking the artwork (lots of shadow and strong colour that was probably dictated by cost rather than artistic integrity) and I remember liking some of the stories and unexpected violence and dirty tactics employed by the hero.  

I was also wondering if it ended with the raw recruit being subsumed into Emperor Hirohito.

322
General / Recent Future Shocks
« on: 27 March, 2002, 05:33:48 AM »
Anybody else feel that the Future Shocks of late have been shocking for all the wrong reasons?  I thought that one about Doner/Donor Kebabs was incredibly weak; an old schoolboy joke, poorly realised.

I must express a vested interest as I have recently submitted a few Future Shocks myself - I realise I am still learning how to write a proper story but it does pain you to see some of the recent stories that come no way near to matching the standards set out in the submission guidelines (hook, identifiable protaganist, drama arising out of conflict etc. - all missing).

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