Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Rog69]

I waved my dripping hands under the dryer but a gust of warm air was not forthcoming.

I gave it a little tap on the side, but still no joy. A harder clout to the front of it still didn't produce the desired effect.

I was just about to give up and dry them on my trousers when the guy behind me proclaimed "That's a paper towel dispenser mate"

I felt such a twat.

[wild-seven]

I'm off for a blood test this morning - anyone care to take my place?

[nev]

I left facebook to avoid the needless drama etc. and somehow the bastards found me on twitter and cajoled me into following them back.

Now I get a constant stream of awkward flirting over twitter.

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Drokk it, I'm sat at work looking on here, playing games and reading emails. The killer is that Bolt-01 has sent me an email with an attachment, this is a preliminary sketch of a piece he is doing for me and I can't open it until I get home 
If you have ever seen the piece he did of Rich & Vicky, you'll know what I'm after!

[Tiplodocus]

Ouch. 

I crocked my right ankle playing five a side* last night. A rather hard kick into the underside of somebody else's boot.  And now I can barely walk so I've ended up working from home.  Don't think it's broken or anything.





*Yes, hard to believe that a sauropod of my age and weight plays football but I do.

[Peter Wolf]

People who constantly get in the way either in shops [especially women] and on pavements and especially the self-important Twat who deliberately got in my way while i was crossing the street in their oversized Porsche Cayenne Twatmobile.Another idiot in a Mercedes nearly drove into me who turned the corner too fast without paying attention and without consideration for others.This driver looked like a Geezer who was about to give me a load of belligerant abuse until i fixed him with a stare that said dont even think about it.

Honestly Brighton is overstocked with these idiots and twats of every other description.

[Peter Wolf]

Pop up windows that keep appearing on my screen asking if i know what my credit rating is.

I dont know what my credit rating is and i am not interested and if i want to know i will find out for myself rather than it being asked or prompted all the time.

[Roger Godpleton]

Had an unpleasant turdvomit about an hour ago and I currently dwell in stomach purgatory: Am I still feeling ill or am I in fact ravenous?

[Mike Gloady]

I'm sure dating wasn't this complicated in the 90s. All this texting etiquette bollocks

It has it's uses.  When I was single, I spotted a nutter nice and early when she texted on the way to the FIRST DATE. 

The text included no capital letters, no correct grammar or spelling, was FULL of txtspk and included "lol" and "rofl" - I view all these as "idiot markers" so arranged an "urgent call" giving me an "out"

An OUT which I took.  So don't knock it.

[Peter Wolf]

These frigging envelopes that you either do need to lick to close them and the other kind that you dont.

I can never tell the difference so after licking the non-lick variety i have to end up using sellotape to close them as the glue no longer sticks.

[Peter Wolf]

Apologies for another double post.

I sort of had a feeling something was up just as i had finished drying after having a bath .I turned the light off upstairs and opened the window and looked out into the courtyard and after about 20 seconds i noticed someone standing just inside the gate and they were just staring at the house.So i watched this individual for about 10 seconds and then asked if they were looking for something.He replied and said that he "had the wrong address and was looking for his mates house"

So i said you have definately got the wrong address so go and look elsewhere.Then he left right away.

I just found it a bit creepy the way that he was just standing there completly still just staring.

I also looked outside to see if Sylvester [A Cat] wanted to be let inside after being out for a few hours.

To add to that at about @2.30 - 3.00am the night before i heard footsteps walking into the courtyard but i didnt hear anyone go into either house besides mine.So i waited about 30 seconds before
i turned the light off up here to look out the window or even go out to confront who ever it was and just as i was about to go and do that they left.

A couple of nights before that i think i heard something as well.

[Kerrin]

Vodafone customer service. Couldn't be less helpful.

[Zarjazzer]

Vodafone customer service. Couldn't be less helpful.

Smite them!

[Noisybast]

Not good, Peter. Be vigilant!

[Peter Wolf]

Not good, Peter. Be vigilant!

A friend of mine who lives in  a basement flat in a square along the road was a victim of unlawful entry just recently.This was during the day and he was in the flat.He is over 70 but still physically fit and is ex-forces/intelligence but the intruder pulled a knife so he chose not to fight back.The intruder was under the influence of drugs apparently.