Get Fact!

[JimBob]

Scojo is a pen name for either Kate Bush or Tom Stoppard.

[Matt Timson]

Matt Fact:  If you go to the Brian Bolland website, you'll see that his opening picture is uncannily simillar to my icon- thus proving the theory of "morphic resonance" to be absolute and irrefutable FACT.

[El Spurioso]

Fact: You can prove anything using facts.

[Matt Timson]

Matt Fact:  Any proclamation made by somebody who isn't actually in possession of all, or indeed, any of the facts can wing it by following said proclamation with the word "FACT", in big letters.  When this happens, the proclamation becomes written in stone and will survive until the end of all time.  FACT.

[Bolt-01]

Facts about work:
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.  You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught  -- your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.

3. Messy desk Top management can get away with a clean desk.  For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.  

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.

10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere

rotts

[karne]

Hens and ostriches are actually capable of flight, but suffer from airsickness and so prefer to stay on the ground.

[karne]

Eggs contain traces of microwave radiation, and will in fact cook themselves if left for long enough.

[Devons Daddy]

FACT.
the term Executive Chef. when translated form old world french to english means
fat lazy bastard who shouts a lot and no longer cooks.

[karne]

To celebrate DareDevil's theatrical opening here's a related fact:

DareDevil is known as the man without fear, however this title has recently come under dispute following an incident in which he was invited to sleep over at Neverland.

[karne]

It's a rollover week! This time you get double the facts.

Mystic Meg, the marginally famous insane TV astrologer, would deliberately give out false predictions on the National Lottery so that the police would not suspect her of being the infamous "Lottery Winner Slayer".

Alan Dedicoat, was so-named the "Voice of the balls", because he used to perform a ventriloquist act using Chris Moyles as a dummy.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/terry_wogan/images/biog_deadly.jpg>

Cry havoc and let slip the balls of war!
 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/ilove/years/1996/gallery/340/mysticmeg.jpg>

Someone with a vowel in their name will be celebrating tooo oooo....

[karne]

During the making of the Wizard of Oz, several of the actors playing Munchkins were killed when Judy Garland accidentally sat on them.

[Devons Daddy]

Fact
the excel higher mathmatics format cells in your computer do not work at all.but because only 0.0000000000001% of the population would ever actaully need to use them bill gates felt it was a great way to earn extra cash,.

[karne]

Bats are not really blind. They actually qualify for glasses from the National Health Service and take full advantage of the benefits.

[karne]

Ferguson-bashed footballer David Beckham is not actually that keen on football. He says "I would much rather have been a carpet salesman, at least you don't get hit on the head by football boots."

[petemaskreplica]

Alex Ferguson's beetroot-like visage is in fact the result of a sponsorship deal with paint manufacturers Dulux. The colour is listed in their catalogue as "Fergie Fuschia".