A Glenmorangie-influenced questionnaire

damnandblast · 31 January, 2003, 02:36:15 AM

9 correct answers wins you a transcript of the investigation following L. Ron Hubbard?s ?Hey! Let?s bomb Mexico!? incident.

1. What shape is your head?

2. Which book do you wish you?d written?

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?

5. What was her/his name and why didn?t you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?

6. Why do you read 2000AD?

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?

9. Can justice be bought?

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...

Nigel

karne · 31 January, 2003, 04:13:34 AM

1. What shape is your head? Head-shaped.

2. Which book do you wish you'd written? My homework by karne.

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be? The time before it got stuck.

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain? No, the rest of them are publicity shy.

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? She can't be named for legal reasons, and her minders prevented me from asking her out.
And would your life be different if you had? I would not have been issued with a restraining order.

6. Why do you read 2000AD? Because it has writing in it.

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad? Opportunity does not arise, it knocks.

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be? Stop bothering people with your screenplays.

9. Can justice be bought? Yes, but the price is freedom.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to... I'd bring back Bill Savage, and reduce the price of a prog to 50p (Earth money)

Generally Contrary · 31 January, 2003, 04:39:44 AM

1. What shape is your head?
As heads go, a little cuboid.

2. Which book do you wish you?d written?
Homage to Catalonia.

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
Just after tea.

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
I don't know what you are talking about.

5. What was her/his name and why didn?t you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
Probably Gail Smith. Probably not.

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
Dunno - summat to do, like?
As comics go - it's pretty literate.

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
Absolutely.

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?
Don't watch ITV.

9. Can justice be bought?
No. But you can make people think they have it.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...
I would commission a highly implausibe Spider-Man/Judge Dredd/Flash crossover that would surprise the literary world with its ambition, asking, and answering all the great metaphysical and moral questions. After that, there would be no need for any more comics, and my work on this planet would be complete.

Andy B.

Queen Firey-Bou · 31 January, 2003, 05:01:08 AM

. What shape is your head?
too ickle for manly helmets.

2. Which book do you wish you'd written?
the one i'm gonna write.

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
mesolithic or mebbe pre dark age.

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
no theres lots more & they are rednecks & scary.

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
but i did, & they refused & made no difference.

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
dahhh !!!

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
nahhh.

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?
Theyre all mad mate.

9. Can justice be bought?
not by me.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...
write a memo to self, "must ask bou' out "

karne · 31 January, 2003, 05:53:42 AM

"I don't know what you are talking about."

Well the title of the post was a bit of a clue ;)

"Despite distributing to over 120 markets world-wide, the Distillery still remains one of the smallest in the Highlands and employs just sixteen craftsmen - "The Sixteen Men of Tain" - who have become synonymous with the Glenmorangie brand all over the world."

Karne, not just here for the somewhat implausible facts.

Slippery PD · 31 January, 2003, 06:08:03 AM

1. What shape is your head? Ova; I suppose

2. Which book do you wish you'd written? The Bible (I always wanted to write fiction)

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
Knowing my luckit would be about, 4.30pm and somethging hasd gone wrong at work and I have to stay there forever!!!

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
There was a seventeenth, but he like the fourth man was unknown

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
Melanie No
Sarah No
Emma Possibly

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
I always have and I have an addicitve personality (probably the reason why I dont smoke and dont drink, too much often)

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
Most definately, preferably somewhere with lower taxes and less whingers

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?
Get the feck out of here, were fecking it up very niceley on our own. Also hide coz if yer found yer buggered.

9. Can justice be bought?
Yes, a high paid lawyer, oops well set you free.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...
Get rid of SinDex, bring back robohunter with wagner, Grant and Gibson. A second series of Necronauts and a dredd epic written by Rennie and art by Boland.

Devons Daddy · 31 January, 2003, 02:19:33 PM

1. What shape is your head?
round and sadly showing signs of age.

2. Which book do you wish you'd written?
bridges of madison county (it made him damn rich)

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
sitting with my son,laughing together

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
its enough to lay any ball game why doyou need anymore.

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
i never had this happen.with my crocodile thinck skin. i never shyed away from asking.

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
its part of my life and has been for 26 years,i just cant not do so.

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
I DO.

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?

DONT PANIC, dont drink the water mate.

9. Can justice be bought?
sadly in htis region YES>

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to..

commission a dredd drawn by gibson,jock,and henry flint.
written by wagner.
with references to all the regular boaders here.art then sold to them at auction for charity.

The Enigmatic Dr X · 31 January, 2003, 02:40:42 PM

1. What shape is your head?
HEAD SHAPED (Damn someone got there first). Uuum.

2. Which book do you wish you'd written?
THE BELGARIAD. I READ IT WHEN I WAS 10 AND STILL LIKE IT, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW ITS FORMULAIC

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
DUSK ON A SUMMER SATURDAY

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
COLETTE WAS HER NAME. I NEVER ASKED HER OUT COS I WAS 10 (HEY, IT WAS A BIG YEAR FOR ME) AND MY DAD WOULDN'T LEND ME THE CAR

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
COS I HAVE FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER AND IT'S GOOD TO HAVE A CONSTANT. PLUS I LIKE WATCHING ALIENS GET BLOWN UP AND SEEING GUNS GO BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA!

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
NOT EVEN ENGLAND

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?
PHONE THE RAAC (WORK IT OUT) OR EDIT A COMIC

9. Can justice be bought?
OH, YES.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...
COMMISSION ONE OF MY FUTURE SHOCKS - JUST ONE

The Enigmatic Dr X · 31 January, 2003, 02:46:16 PM

Sory, re the men of Tain my answer is:

Could be 32 or even 64, depending on how much you've drunk

The Enigmatic Dr X · 31 January, 2003, 02:46:55 PM

Sorry,re the men of Tain my answer is:

Could be 32 or even 64, depending on how much you've drunk

Oddboy · 31 January, 2003, 04:01:35 PM

1. What shape is your head? With new haircut, smaller then it was 2 days ago

2. Which book do you wish you?d written? LOTR seems to have sold pretty well, but I'd've cut out a lot of the dull descriptive passages.

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be? Sunday afternoon - never have to get to Monday ever again!

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain? No.

5. What was her/his name and why didn?t you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had? Janine, because I knew she'd say no, and no it wouldn't as I did ask her out 3 years later & we split up fairly soon (she only said yes in the first place for lack of any other offers I reckon)

6. Why do you read 2000AD? Because I enjoy it, & to find out what happens in Nikolai Dante, Dredd, Sl?ine & Cabellisctics Inc.

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad? Oddgirl & I are planning to open a bar in Spain when we're old folk

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be? Always use the green cross code.

9. Can justice be bought? Yes, from the justice store in the mall

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to... Send Mek-Quake over to Alan Moores' house to bring him back kicking & screaming. Force him to write Halo books IV - X & make sure they're GOOD, or else! Get Ian to work on drawing them (B/W)
Eat a plastic cup.

Tex Hex · 31 January, 2003, 04:18:09 PM

1. What shape is your head?
Big spam, small chin: kinda stoopid.

2. Which book do you wish you?d written?
The bible. Its a mighty work of art.

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
Last night, whilst dreaming of kirsten dunst.

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
Depends.

5. What was her/his name and why didn?t you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
I dont want to go there. It haunts me to this day.
Damn!

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
Its the least gay magazine publication you can be devoted to. Or summit. In a non-homophobe way that is...

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
Yup. But not Germany. Been there too much of late.

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?
Floss your teeth. They wont stay good forever!

9. Can justice be bought?
Yup. And then locked up and the key thrown away.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...
"Right Moore. Money's no object...."

Proudhuff · 31 January, 2003, 05:03:57 PM

What shape is your head? Bucket shaped, after a drunken head wieghting contest

2. Which book do you wish you'd written? The one after Exudus

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be? right twice a day?

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
I spent my hols in Portmahomack as a bairn, so I know, these is only one man there and he's big and scarey.

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had? The the drunked questions we all ask ourselves in the wee small hours, (cue Frankie singing)

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
never worked that one out yet.

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
a brief period as a trannie? let me think about it....

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?

'Fools and bairns shouldn't see a job half done'

9. Can justice be bought?

Only if your rich.

10. You're Tharg for the day: what are you going to do? Go on... you know you want to...

Act like Mister Grace (and put Bou's boots icon on the front page)

Trout · 31 January, 2003, 08:06:28 PM

1. What shape is your head?
Believe it or not, my head is cube-shaped, with a slightly mis-shapen forehead, like it's been drawn by John McCrea. Honestly.

2. Which book do you wish you'd written?
Anything that would make me money. I want Iain Banks's cars.

3. If time got stuck, what time would you like it to be?
Springtime.

4. Are there really only sixteen men of Tain?
No. I used to live there and there were more of them. Glenmorangie (especially with the port cask finish) remains my favourite malt. I breathed it in, aged three, at the Morangie Road Nursery next to the distillery.

5. What was her/his name and why didn't you have the courage to ask her/him out? And would your life be different if you had?
I always had courage to ask them out because I was constantly pissed. My life would always be the same, unless I'd given up my constant drinking earlier.

6. Why do you read 2000AD?
Because it's the old faithful. The happy quarter-hour of every week, always there, for decades.

7. If the opportunity arose, would you live and work abroad?
It did and I didn't. My whole family are in Canada now and I didn't want to go. Would consider an interesting, ancient European city, however.

8. If you had to provide one piece of advice to an alien stranded on Earth, what would it be?
Never buy it in half-pints, because that makes you a poof.

9. Can justice be bought?
Yes, it can. I've seen it.

10. Tharg for the day - You all know the answer to this one. Cancel Sindex!

- Trout

Proudhuff · 31 January, 2003, 10:03:13 PM

King Troutman,
You lived in Tain? Is there a suspension foot bridge near the football pitch ( just like in the Wasp factor) or did i just dream that as well?
Middenpus