Horrible jokes

[esoteric ed]

A fraudulent midget clairvoyant has been terrorizing a small village...

...Police are looking for a small medium at large

;-)


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[Dudley]

A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris for a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame."

[Adrian Bamforth]

If he made rabbit sandwiches he could put them in the lunch pack of Notre Dame.

ADE

[Pyroxian]

Why does Scandinavia have so many beautiful women?

When the Vikings raided Scotland they took them all back with them...

[Funtwangle]

englishman irishman scotsman
die in accident
all arrive at gates of hell

devil says
you can have one more chance at life but you all have to stop doing somthing that you enjoy

to irishman
you can no longer drink guinness

to englishman
you can no longer have anal sex

to scotsman
you must stop being penny pinching

remember
says the devil
if you even think about breaking these commands ill know and youll be bak in hell

so they are sent back to life
they are all walking along the street and they pass the pub

ah sod it
says the irish guy
i cant go through life not drinking guiness

he rushes into the pub and orders a pint
the devil appears in flames and drags him down th hell

the other 2 carry on walking when the scotsman spots a penny on the ground
he tries to fight
but the urge is to strong
he bends down to pick it up
and the englishman disapears

[Adrian Bamforth]

The schoolboy classic:

Guy goes down to Hell. The devil appears: "Hello friend, welcome to Hell. Don't think of me as meanspirited, for I'm offering you three choices of how you wish to spend all eternity."

Three doors appear. He peeks through the first one: Thousands of people standing up to their waists in shit.

He has a look through the second door. Thousands of people up to their necks in shit, while a demon water-ski's around spraying the foul stuff everywhere. Oh dear.

Fearfully, he opens the thrid door. Here the people are only up to their ankles. Well it's better than the last two I suppose. He goes in, the door slams behind him.

Along walks a demon:

"Okay everyone, 5 minute break over, back on your heads."

ADE