2000 AD Online Forum

2000 AD => Announcements => : Buttonman 27 September, 2017, 03:36:49 PM

: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 27 September, 2017, 03:36:49 PM
The greatest day in history has arrived - the Beast is to be unleashed!

Yes! Every bit of reader added content has been compiled into one massive database. I managed this using my superior interweb skills - well I asked the venerable Pete McCosh to do it it any rate. Thanks also to Conrad from Spacespinner2000 for his input and promise that the Beast may achieve some podcast mentions too!

The link is RIGHT HERE! (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQGV8vNrBh6Yg5kt3644MMGtPAv_iZjHLGv3jwRpi6TkLieyjoYItAJZSVjuvIIfa-pECNxx9u6KcvA/pubhtml) so get solving all those age old family arguments over who drew what and who has the fewest letters published amongst your peer group.

Pete has also added a column to identify droid offerings - look out for them so you can slag them off at future conventions!

I'll update this as time goes by so keep on writing and gain your moment of web based glory.

Any technical issues or comments to Mr McCosh please!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Steve Green 27 September, 2017, 03:54:39 PM
Why do I feel this may just become a hit list for Conrad and Fox?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Jim_Campbell 27 September, 2017, 03:56:10 PM
Any technical issues or comments to Mr McCosh please!

Falls at the first hurdle — you missed my droid credit! :-P
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: TordelBack 27 September, 2017, 04:11:01 PM
The Beast goes on-line September 27th, 2017. Human decisions are removed from letters data retrieval. The Beast begins to lick Tharg's arse at a geometric rate. It becomes the winner of Most Letters of the Week at 16:00 BST. 
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 27 September, 2017, 04:15:42 PM
Any technical issues or comments to Mr McCosh please!
Falls at the first hurdle — you missed my droid credit! :-P
Hmm. I've mentioned before that my village newsagent wasn't able to keep up a steady supply so my first Long Walk lasted from Prog 305 to 329.

Now, can anyone confirm if the Laurence Campbell of Erith who had a letter in Prog 743 is the same man who brought us Bison?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 27 September, 2017, 05:18:03 PM
Fallen down a bit of a rabbit hole here, thanks to the old Class of '79 (https://web.archive.org/web/20130615194647/http://www.2000ad.nu/classof79/letters/green_dude.htm) page.

John McCrea's version of Judge Toyah is there in all its glory. However, there's a credit for a "Judge Sucker" drawing in Prog 319 with the same contact details. Anyone feel up to a trip to the attic to confirm if it's the same droid?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 27 September, 2017, 05:27:22 PM
In a similar vein, Class of 79 records two strikes for Adrian Salmon in Progs 119 & 114, but surely Prog 58's "Hyper Punk" is the work of the same man...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Lobo Baggins 27 September, 2017, 05:29:19 PM
Fallen down a bit of a rabbit hole here, thanks to the old Class of '79 (https://web.archive.org/web/20130615194647/http://www.2000ad.nu/classof79/letters/green_dude.htm) page.

John McCrea's version of Judge Toyah is there in all its glory. However, there's a credit for a "Rogue Sucker" drawing in Prog 319 with the same contact details. Anyone feel up to a trip to the attic to confirm if it's the same droid?

It is - he mentioned it on Twitter.

I once had a letter published in Doctor Who Magazine.  Hurry up and do the database for that, Buttonman!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 27 September, 2017, 05:39:31 PM
Based on anecdotal evidence supplied right here (http://forums.2000ad.com/index.php?topic=9066.msg134632#msg134632), one-Prog wonder Darren Stephens (sometimes of this parish) has been credited with drawings in Progs 555, 583 & 615.  I also see three letters to the more forgiving Mega-Tharg in V2.42, V2.78 and V3.4 Would he also care to add a letter written from Walsall rather than Portsmouth in Prog 720 to his tally?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 27 September, 2017, 05:52:12 PM
I put up loads of Droid Letters Page content in the various LETTERSENTERTAINYOU threads but alas the Photobucket disaster means they are all now 'upgrade to 3rd part hosting' demands. Bastards!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Frank 27 September, 2017, 06:14:49 PM
Fallen down a bit of a rabbit hole here, thanks to the old Class of '79 (https://web.archive.org/web/20130615194647/http://www.2000ad.nu/classof79/letters/green_dude.htm) page.

John McCrea's version of Judge Toyah is there in all its glory. However, there's a credit for a "Judge Sucker" drawing in Prog 319 with the same contact details. Anyone feel up to a trip to the attic to confirm if it's the same droid?

John McCrea, Belfast. £5 winner. Reminds me of Baytor, and Richard Burton thinks it's too cartoony, so it must be yer man.

Now Stephen Watson of Paisley has bestowed his enduring legacy upon humanity, we no longer have to worry that his monthly heart attacks will rob us of access to The Beast.

The pie, chips and beans (extra salt) are in the post.


: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 27 September, 2017, 09:25:15 PM


Now Stephen Watson of Paisley has bestowed his enduring legacy upon humanity, we no longer have to worry that his monthly heart attacks will rob us of access to The Beast.

The pie, chips and beans (extra salt) are in the post.

Hey! It's been several weeks since I had any heart activity (of the undesired kind) - could you upgrade me to a donner meat pizza please?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 28 September, 2017, 07:05:42 AM
I think you need to interview Chris Catto from Edinburgh, since he has a place in Tharg's history book. There's an Edinburgh-based chap on Facebook with that name, who seems about the right age.
I wonder if he ever outshone his high initial peak? I wonder if he ever sees the prog on the racks and has to wipe away a small tear?
SBT
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Magnetica 28 September, 2017, 02:01:14 PM
Is that the Chris Chibnall? (Prog 194).
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 28 September, 2017, 02:12:14 PM
Is that the Chris Chibnall? (Prog 194).
Apparently not (http://forums.2000ad.com/index.php?topic=43643.msg933763#msg933763).
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Magnetica 28 September, 2017, 10:34:20 PM
This is great, but is there a way to search it and get stats out of it, or even download and convert into Excel?

Sorry if I'm being thick.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 28 September, 2017, 10:51:26 PM
Probably - the online version is read only so people can't go adding in phantom letters to boost their score (Tom Proudfoot). If my IT man Pete doesn't have a solution PM me and I'll send you an open copy to play with.

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 29 September, 2017, 10:11:24 AM
This is great, but is there a way to search it and get stats out of it, or even download and convert into Excel?
I couldn't find a way to share the underlying Google docs spreadsheet which allowed people to filter and sort without also allowing all other edits and I couldn't be arsed trying to present it any other way, hence the current slightly shitty view.

Here's a link to a read-only version of the file (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1f-MtyF9A8Y0Se21W61G7vvgJYmSR2CWowcFYt-9OMCU/edit?usp=sharing), which anyone can make a personal copy of and mess around with to their heartses content.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Trout 30 September, 2017, 01:33:35 AM
You nerds.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Magnetica 30 September, 2017, 12:25:14 PM
You nerds.

It’s all about the stats man. I need to see where I rank on the all time list :D

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 30 September, 2017, 01:36:16 PM
Good work, Buttonman.

However the New Year pros 2000 to 2015 are mis-numbered 1999 to 2014.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 30 September, 2017, 05:55:53 PM
Good work, Buttonman.

However the New Year pros 2000 to 2015 are mis-numbered 1999 to 2014.

Like hell they are! I go by the first date given on the issue next to the Prog number. We've gone over this before!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 30 September, 2017, 07:47:45 PM
The dates are accurate. The prog numbers are not. There wasn't a Prog 1999 in the year 1999. There was a Prog 2000 in December 1999.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 02 October, 2017, 10:18:35 AM
The dates are accurate. The prog numbers are not. There wasn't a Prog 1999 in the year 1999. There was a Prog 2000 in December 1999.
What a shambles. I picked the wrong column when I was concatenating the title to differentiate the year end Progs from their regular cousins. Fixed now.

You nerds.
Progs 1572, 1681, 2005, 2006 & 1887.
Megs 276 & 314

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Trout 03 October, 2017, 01:08:03 AM
You nerds.
Progs 1572, 1681, 2005, 2006 & 1887.
Megs 276 & 314

Not bad, but missing the competition win in the mid-80s.  :lol:
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 03 October, 2017, 09:02:38 AM
Not bad, but missing the competition win in the mid-80s.  :lol:
I actually have a vague memory of this from rereading something a few years ago. What was the competition?

However, I'm afraid I'll have to refer your claim to our typist Senior Correspondence Recording Consultant for adjudication.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Trout 04 October, 2017, 11:31:25 PM
It was a "you be the judge" contest where you had to do an application for the academy of law. I was 15, winning in the "Y-dult" category as a runner-up, so that would have been 1985.

I won a book but it never came. In the end, my mum called up the 2000 AD offices and inquired, and they sent a Rogue Trooper Titan book with "something extra", which turned out to be Steve Dillon's autograph. It was completely thrilling to me, and is a nice memory, especially since we so recently lost Steve and, coincidentally, my lovely mum.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 05 October, 2017, 07:15:54 AM
Nice story Trout but the Beast was only ever designed for Letters, Drawings, Slaine attack rooms, Mean Arena Teams and Ro-Jaws jokes - if it went to competition entries too our operatives would still be compiling when the cows come home!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Trout 06 October, 2017, 11:32:44 PM
Weeeeeeak.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 07 October, 2017, 07:23:44 AM
Weeeeeeak.

It is creative input that is being celebrated - any idiot can (and does!) enter a competition!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Trout 07 October, 2017, 02:18:10 PM
Ah, but this competition involved writing a letter. What's your reply to that, eh?

Eh? EH?

Sorry. I'm not bothered. Mostly just trying to annoy you now. I have every admiration for your Beast, but don't tell your wife I said that.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 08 October, 2017, 09:04:58 AM
I suppose it's like a tribute act's efforts being included on a band's Greatest Hits LP - associated but not really the real thing. In truth your flicker of glory passed our scanners unnoticed. Sorry! Still complete!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 15 December, 2017, 10:05:28 AM
Where's the Festive edition?

Outraged of North Berwick!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 19 December, 2017, 11:51:09 AM
well?  :o Looking at you Buttman, stop watching those crap movies and get yererseintaegear!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Large48 17 July, 2018, 05:21:38 PM
I miss the old days when you used to be able to Hell Trek up to see the Beast at about 3 in the morning and then p1ss in his garden...

Oh yes we Southern shandy drinking b'stards know how to live you know....
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: shaolin_monkey 19 October, 2018, 01:04:44 AM
I have identified and ordered all the progs my letters appeared in, which includes the one under my pseudonym of my pet rat. Thanks Beast!

This spreadsheet opens nicely in the Google Sheets app btw.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 19 October, 2018, 05:55:49 AM
We live to give! An update is due but the pile of unlogged letters is on the rise!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 20 October, 2018, 10:23:40 AM
how long were you in for this time?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 20 October, 2018, 11:09:43 PM
A mere 3 months for exposing myself to badgers.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Sinx 24 October, 2018, 10:05:21 AM
What an awesome piece of work - I found the Prog my drawing was printed in (and I still have the original too :o).
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 24 October, 2018, 03:49:10 PM
That's great, anyone else here had a drawing in the Nerve Centre? Buttonman?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 24 October, 2018, 08:58:57 PM
I've had a couple. One I live to regret and one I think was half my older brothers.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 25 October, 2018, 09:50:25 AM
That's great, anyone else here had a drawing in the Nerve Centre? Buttonman?

I think the question of who is the better artist has been answered...

(https://i.imgur.com/RpgbnR2.jpg)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 25 October, 2018, 01:26:40 PM
 :lol: :lol: :lol: indeed it has
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 01 November, 2018, 01:28:59 PM
Whatever happened to....Buttonman?

I remember those heady daze when he used to stride this board like a colostomy, dispensing a pithy comment here, a pithy helmet there... all gone, gone like tears in the rain. 
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Dandontdare 01 November, 2018, 02:02:47 PM
He's never been the same since he became a TV celebrity
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Fungus 01 November, 2018, 05:20:57 PM
He's never been the same since he became a TV celebrity
I'll never understand why Buttman-off-the-telly put his hard work online for all*. What an act of philanthropy!

* Mind you, I've looked myself up like everyone else.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 17 November, 2018, 04:36:13 PM
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dATZsuPdOnM/maxresdefault.jpg)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 12 December, 2018, 01:59:59 PM
Calm Down Tom, we're back.

I nearly stuck this in under the Advent Calendar thread but why waste everyone's' Christmas? Here we go, it's back and it's bad...very bad.

(https://i.imgur.com/XHydZzg.png)

Hey Kids! Do you remember when, at this special time of year, old friends popped up and the TV was awash with special programmes featuring familiar favourites?

Well this isn’t that; this is some geezer trotting out his jaded old list of letters for the amusement of himself and the annoyance of many. Non scribes we call them!

Since the online Beast totally soaked up our thunder it has been quiet here at Beast Towers. The Brexit vote leaves our EU funding in doubt and frankly there are only so many ways we can say ’It’s a standard run through the stories’ type letter or ‘The (Doug) Butler did it’.

Still, the Beast needs to be fed and after it was noted that Tom Proudfoot was falling down the charts, we thought it was time to restoke the boilers and have a look at 2018 in letters and to sort out those family arguments over who has had the most letters printed in2000ad and The Judge Dredd Megazine.

The new scoreboard is a thing of beauty. Tom has slipped to 13th= place (the bad luck is for anyone unfortunate enough to have read any of his letters!) and we have two new fledglings joining the hallowed ranks of ‘10 letters or more’. Step forward Paddy Campbell and Philip Emery.

Paddy first attained grace in Prog 1982 in 2016 and has gained an impressive 12 letters in total, including 3 in 2018. He has been awarded the Beast code ### - the hash tag is ’One to watch’.

Philip ‘Oh you are awful’ Emery also had a first letter in 1982 - not the Prog but the year! Philips debut was in Prog 279 and his appearance in the latest Prog, 211, means  has a 36 year Beast footprint. He now has 11 letters including 2 in 2018 - before that he was last seen in Prog 1706 in 2010. He’s done it RIGHT again Dad! Philip’s Beast Tag is @@@ and no doubt he’ll be @t the sherry to celebrate!

2018 was a good year for letters. Good, not great. We saw 120 missives see print - 90 in the Prog across 17 issues and 30 in the Megazine across 6 issues. This beats 2017’s 106 letters which boasted (apologised!) a mere 99 Prog letters across 21 issues and a paltry 7 Meg letters across 2 issues.

The chart below details all 33 scribes with 10 or more letters with star letters deciding any ties. This is only for pecking order privileges as the number of letters is what counts, not how good they are. The letters for the year show a healthy balance between old and new writers with around half of our chart participants being active in the last two years.

With the 100 Letters target now in sight the excitement is bound to reach waking point at some time in the New Year. No doubt we’ll check back in if there’s anything worth reporting!

Happy Christmas or Seasonal Festival to one and all.

(https://i.imgur.com/IoVgCmb.jpg)

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 12 December, 2018, 02:32:16 PM
I had hoped this week's double page spread of letter was going to get the sharp incisive wit and charm we've never had before from the Butt'Beast, but to no avail, come on man keep up!! There's eleven readers out there dying to know how they're placed in the years ranking  :lol:
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 12 December, 2018, 04:22:58 PM
Philip ‘Oh you are awful’ Emery also had a first letter in 1982 - not the Prog but the year! Philips debut was in Prog 279 and his appearance in the latest Prog, 211, means  has a 36 year Beast footprint.


211 was before 279 - I think you've got a problem with a time slip (and nothing will ever be the same)*.


Prog 2110 on the other hand...


* no prize for getting the reference.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 12 December, 2018, 08:38:42 PM
No idea what you are on about - come up to the lab and see what's on my slab!

Sadly a typo managed to creep in - we usually try for at least 5! The last sighting of Mr Emery was this very week's Prog 2111 so we are both wrong! You more so.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 12 December, 2018, 09:19:40 PM
These compelling annual updates are the only reason I have a broadband connection.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 12 December, 2018, 10:03:32 PM
These compelling annual updates are the only reason I have a broadband connection.

No letter from you since Prog 1946 in 2015! Stretch that broadband and make next year's list! And break that shameful Meg duck too!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 12 December, 2018, 11:22:20 PM
I'm WWW, which is even worse.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Link Prime 14 December, 2018, 12:16:18 PM
I'm WWW, which is even worse.

*Holds severed head with 'RRR' tattoo during Quickening pyrotechnics* - There can be only one
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 31 December, 2018, 10:22:59 PM
I’venot Paid my stubbier to be treated like this I demand to spoke to the monkey!

A guid new year tae  yin an aw,
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 01 January, 2019, 10:50:17 AM
Cheers Tom a warm glow that is a New Year Letters armistice! Don't worry the battle will be on in 2019 with lots of updates. Possibly.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 31 January, 2019, 10:14:05 PM
A letter in both prog and Dreddlines and no crowing virtriol? Matron taking the green ink back?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 01 February, 2019, 08:59:46 AM
Self praise is no praise - but aren't I great?!

Not a Dreddlines Tom - just back to back Progs.

Updates when I have them (when I can be bothered!).

The century is looming large though. But enough about your next birthday, I've got 97 letters!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Link Prime 01 February, 2019, 11:15:44 AM
Hopefully you've been busy taking selfies with food!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 02 February, 2019, 08:55:22 AM
Hopefully you've been busy taking selfies with food!

Nah, stopped doing that. So last year.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 02 February, 2019, 08:56:27 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/XSQQNUk.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/h8SjWm0.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/RLoTb4v.jpg)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Dandontdare 02 February, 2019, 02:37:41 PM
I'll only be satisfied when you achieve the double - a picture of you holding food published in the prog!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: ZenArcade 02 February, 2019, 03:02:14 PM
Don't encourage him! Z
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Tjm86 02 February, 2019, 03:04:46 PM
....  holding food published in the prog!

We're getting food in the prog now?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Dandontdare 02 February, 2019, 03:07:57 PM
 ::)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 08 February, 2019, 04:48:42 PM


THE BEAST CAGED!!
(https://i.imgur.com/XSQQNUk.jpg)

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 08 February, 2019, 11:52:47 PM
To bars can hold me Tom! Or hold me up for that matter...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 09 February, 2019, 02:44:43 PM
I know you avoid the Bar whenever out...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 09 February, 2019, 06:30:50 PM
They're not selfies.  Somebody else is quite obviously taking the photos (Mrs Button, or is that Mrs Buttonman, or Buttonwoman?)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 10 February, 2019, 01:46:40 PM
It's true - the evidence is documented by Mrs Buttonman or 'Mrs Butt' as we affectionately know her.

Sorry dear...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 16 February, 2019, 04:22:16 PM
She’ll turn then you’ll be in trouble....
Six letters this week,time for the return of Letters enter you.?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 09 March, 2019, 01:43:38 PM
sigh...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 09 March, 2019, 02:01:08 PM
"Letters enter you" is possibly a little more entertainment than I can handle on a Saturday morning.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: The Enigmatic Dr X 11 March, 2019, 09:53:53 AM
Looks like a heart attack on a plate.

(And he should know).
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 11 March, 2019, 08:45:48 PM
Looks like a heart attack on a plate.

(And he should know).

Excuse me I had a ventricular tachycardia - my arteries are clean as a whistle.

A whistle buried in sludge at the bottom of a disused canal but I've never had a heart attack. Not yet anyway!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 13 March, 2019, 11:28:20 AM
two more letters, and still nothing... bloody amateur!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 13 March, 2019, 10:30:45 PM
Three to go Tom! Working on it - sent in a goodie the other day about the preponderance of characters revealing that they had explosive vests on. Gold I tells ya,gold!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 14 March, 2019, 11:39:54 AM
That's a hook Tharg could resist right? right?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Fungus 15 March, 2019, 01:36:00 AM
It was a bit unfortunate to see two strips in a row with exactly the same climax. The main thought I had at the time was: Wow, that hardly ever happens! It's kind of a compliment!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 20 August, 2019, 01:45:10 PM
two more letters, and still nothing... bloody amateur!

again!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 17 December, 2019, 08:26:39 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/MZLmZ3V.png)

And we’re back! We didn’t want to be, but some fat guy having a mid life crisis kind of committed us. That’s not true, we’ve never actually been gone, as our premium subscribers will attest. We all enjoyed that Letters Symposium in Bognor and the ‘Where Letters dare’ animated series didn’t we?

Anyway enough waffle lets gets down to the serious and exciting business. Right after we assess these letters.

The Christmas Prog delivered a sack load of 7 letters; but was it a sack of delight or a load of something else? Let’s delve in…

We open with Bill Goodwin of Hartlepool, and it’s a good win for Bill as he snags the Letter of the Week laurels in his first outing. 13 Goodwins have held the rank of ‘Letter Published Person’ with Russell ruling the roost on six. He was last sighted in Prog 1865 in 2014 when he too gained the top spot with a ‘photo of some comics‘. Good labelling us. Hartlepool can claim 14 letters in total, with the lead Monkey Hanger being Kenneth Gibson with a paltry 2. He was last seen in Prog 190 in 1980 so a gibbon may have stolen his pencil.

Bill’s letter treads a familiar path but at least he has the good graces to acknowledge the fact. His Mam has bought him the Prog for 40 odd years and, although we detect a slight sense of regret that she didn’t move him on to ‘Razzle’, she seems a good sort. Bill thinks the Prog has made him a better person - self praise is no praise Bill! - but it is a warming opening for the festive edition.

Nick Black of Brighton next, who is another debutant unless he want to claim, and provide evidence for, the Nick Black letter in Prog 225. N.B. that one was from Edgware. Brighton’s most decorated scribe is Sean ‘Mike’ Baldwin who boasts six - Howzat?! He was last seen in Prog 1511 in 2006 so he may have been run out or indeed, over.

Nicks letter is a two inch filler - or a good night as our wife calls it. Nick suggests that Tharg keep the Moore droid chained up - if he could do that Nick, we might have seen book 4 of Halo Jones!

Another newbie next in the shape of David Macdermott from email land. We’re not getting much to work with here! The only close relation we have is T.A. McDermott who seems to be named after our favourite type of film. T.A. saw his only printed effort in Prog 895 in 1994.

David is a bit wordy and takes six lines to say ‘Hi Tharg, I live in Australia and like the Prog’. He likes an adjective, even if it’s a pointless, superfluous and unnecessary adjective that is also perfunctory and annoying. To be fair his enthusiasm washes off the page, as did the dribble we dropped onto it whilst trying to read his breathless prose. More is less, fewer, diminutive, smaller…

Oh good, another newbie! We love them as they keep the letters page alive and they aren’t dull old men who have been writing letters for 30 years! Samuel Brook-Williams has a hyphen and only this letter to his printed pantheon. Of the six other Samuels on the Beast’s database Samuel Maxwell leads with his modest two, the last of which appeared in Meg 123/ V3.20.

Samuel’s first letter will probably be his last as he give Defoe a size ten steel toe capped boot right in the jaffers. Some may say it’s fair comment but not those of us sitting idle on 99 letters. Tharg suggests David re-reads Defoe - maybe that’s good advice, but only if a tab of acid is provided also.

With four first timers now out of the way we hit a rich seam of familiar faces with the Beast Marks ™ getting larger with each successive scriber - and some people suggest Tharg doesn’t read this column! Alistair Coleman of Fleet kicks us off with his 4th offering. That’s not too many but he only started out in Prog 2093 in 2018. He’s as keen as mustard!

Alistair say the Dredd tale ‘Guatemala’ was “spot on” - We must have missed that robot revolution on the news! What? ‘allegory? Wasn’t that an Austin car in the 1970’s? David’s letter could be a tiny bit racist with his sweeping comments about all those south of the equator but he flashes his credentials so we’ll give him a pass. We read the Daily Mail too.

David Walker of Exeter pops up next for his 8th outing - we’d have hoped by now he’d have learned you don’t need to start a quick note with ‘Just a quick note’ - that’s obvious and a waste of a few words that could be better spent asking for ‘Cannon Fodder’ to come back.  We digress, David may be on the cusp of a Beast identifier tag, conferred on those with 10 or more letters to their name. But is he the David Walker of Derby from Prog 314 in 1983? Evidence and a £20 appeal fee to the usual place please David.

David enjoys ‘Hope Under Fire’ - we’re saving that for when we can read it in a oner so we’ll take his recommendation on board.

Last up is David, Feliks and Oskar Rees with their ‘now traditional’ offering of Lego creations. These are lovely and David kindly offers to help others with custom builds. What a nice man. We don’t recognise a single cube from the sets we used to get - blue two pin one, that’s your lot.

This is the 10th letter David has had his name on but unfortunately 8 are joint efforts so under the Beast rules he doesn’t qualify for entry to the Beast ‘Hot Top Ten’. Oh go on then - David is hereby awarded the latest place on the Beast All Time Sheet with Tom Proud foot within easy catching distance.

(https://i.imgur.com/G12MCBj.png)

Overall a nice and worthwhile letters page. Strange that all the named places were in England apart from Norway who are destined to beat Scotland in the Euro playoffs next year. It’s a conspiracy! Look at this great letter from an anonymous Jock scribe that failed to meet the cut - a conspiracy I tells ya!

<Beast Master : Edit that shit>

I've not been the biggest fan of the talking heads extravaganza 'Brink', but I was pulled in a bit this week with the swearing fines being dished out. Was it just me or did everyone read the 'One Dollar Fine' captions in Nigel Hawthorne's voice? 'Demolition Man' - there was a film! A decent warm up to the Stallone Dredd film which was <One dollar fine> <One dollar fine>.

See you on the next publication date or later if we get banned (again).

Happy Holidays!

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 18 December, 2019, 12:49:38 PM
we’d have hoped by now he’d have learned you don’t need to start a quick note with ‘Just a quick note’ - that’s obvious and a waste of a few words that could be better spent asking for ‘Cannon Fodder’ to come back.


But which of the writers would produce series three?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 18 December, 2019, 01:24:09 PM
'but it is a warming opening for the festive edition.'

Well we all would like that... :-X
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 18 December, 2019, 02:48:26 PM
Hi Buttonman,

I had a letter in prog 2140, but my count hasn't increased.

WWW
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 18 December, 2019, 04:00:44 PM
Hi Buttonman,

I had a letter in prog 2140, but my count hasn't increased.

WWW

Are you Richard Wood? I though you be the Kavanagh variety! The letter is logged but not credited to you as the address is 'Willesden' whereas previous efforts have had 'London' 'Redlett' and 'Hertfordshire' - are you claiming all of these? We will look at sentence construction, grammar etc.!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 18 December, 2019, 04:26:16 PM
Yes I claim all of those addresses! Radlett is in Hertfordshire and Willesden is in London (I moved).
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 18 December, 2019, 04:59:47 PM
Yes I claim all of those addresses! Radlett is in Hertfordshire and Willesden is in London (I moved).

Well do remember to update us on your movements - the Beast isn't psychic!

That's the next upgrade!

Records updated!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 18 December, 2019, 05:05:27 PM
Thank you!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 18 January, 2020, 02:33:15 PM
                                       (https://i.imgur.com/oNEMqsR.png)

Oh well I suppose we better get another issue out. Not much going to be happening so early in the year, but let’s take a look…

                                         (https://i.imgur.com/lJSKnDb.jpg)


Oh my, Letters history! Yes Steve Frame, a.k.a. Dounreay, moves into joint fourth place on the all time list changing the shape of the Letters Mount Rushmore for all time, and frankly making it a bit overcrowded.

Lets jump into a full inside back page of letter loveliness for Prog 2165.

First up is the Letter of the Week from old hand Stephen Watson  of Paisley. This is Stephen’s 100th letter to see print and it narrows his Prog/Meg misalignment to 49/51. This is his 6th letter of the week, tying the total of one time rival Floyd Kermode on 6. The all time Letters of the week prize currently held by Steve Frame on 8, so that must now be in the sights of the Paisley Lettersmith.

Stephen’s letter is a nice tribute to fallen letters droid Ellie De Ville, so he’d rather not bang on about this achievement, just this once. People have asked if gaining the century would make Stephen insufferable? No, he already was.

Stephen has previously had tribute letters published for Ron Smith and Steve Dillon - has he found a cynical niche here? No, he just respects talent and likes to mark the passing of legends with his own tribute. Hope there’s none for a while! The landmark prize and letter are shown below, shortly before they headed off to the Smithsonian.

(https://i.imgur.com/Nsjm9Cy.jpg)

Next up is Jonathan Harrington of Fareham who sounds like a ‘Game of Thrones’ actor & character mash up. Jonathan flashes his credentials in the form of saying he’s the one who sets the English exam papers. That doesn’t intimidate us; we write words good, and that.

Jonathan says he has never written in before and while we can’t attest to that, this is his first published appearance. He likes the Christmas Prog and claims to have read since Prog 1.

He is only the second Harrington to have a letter published following Phillip from China whom we met in Prog 863 back in 1993. We also have a profile from Lance in Prog 198 in 1981 but they only count when there is a tie.

We get The Browning Version next in the shape of Chris from Todmorden. Chris moves up the Beast charts with this, his 13th offering. He is the bright young thing of the letters world, with his total having been amassed in the short time since his debut in Prog 1961 in 2015. His best year was 2018 which saw 5 letters published. 2019 saw a dip with just two, but 2020 has started well.

Chris’ letter is an interesting analysis of the varying art styles in the Prog and he makes some decent points. Tharg is clearly keen for more and agrees his organ is ‘eye popping’ - must be the Viagra.

Steve Hallam of Wrexham, Welsh Wales rocks up next and basically rubbishes the previous letter saying the art is “muddy” - can’t please everyone. Tharg takes exception and asks for examples to support this viewpoint and says there is more to come - so tough Cheddar Steve!

Steve enjoys his fourth outing here, with his previous appearance being in Meg 393. He averages about one a year and will attain the top spot early in the next century if everyone else hangs up their pens.

Last up is friend of the thread Steve Frame of Caithness who follows up his two 2019 offerings with this, his 30th overall. Significantly this breaks one tie but creates another as he shoves his way into joint fourth place on the all time greats list. Grant Goggins looks unassailable,but he’s not had one published since Meg 325 in 2012.

Steve is a fan of the Prog, with all his letters appearing in the flag ship organ apart from one in Meg 393 in 2018 - extra bawbees must have got the subject issue to him or he found it on the bus.

Steve’s letter is a fun discourse of the Prog and the general election and he shows his politics by referring to the Prime Minister as a ‘muppet’. He’s bang wrong there - people actually like the Muppets!

Overall this was a great letters page with seasoned campaigners sitting comfortably with that new guy who sets exams - I demand a recount on my 1986 O’ level!

**Updated Beast Top 30 - 3 digit capacity to totals column added***

(https://i.imgur.com/M5Iu4X4.jpg)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 18 January, 2020, 03:53:47 PM
Hats duely dothed to you sir. A wonderfully touching letter that alas what otherwise would have been an off colour, off hand biting commentry on your efforts. As it is, given what you wrote all thats to say is well done. Bloody well deserved stroke of the pen to draw up the century.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 18 January, 2020, 04:55:30 PM
Congratulations, for both quantity and (this time anyway) quality!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: TordelBack 18 January, 2020, 05:25:57 PM
Congrats BM!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Bolt-01 20 January, 2020, 09:06:18 AM
Well done that man.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 09 March, 2020, 11:34:11 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/uezdIVe.png)

And we’re back. Like the most virulent of viruses we can’t be put down and we’ve been panic buying toilet roll before it became fashionable.

Prog 2172 sees a featst of 6 letters for us to decipher and we better get on with it as Beast Towers is moving across the landing tomorrow. The creaking mainframe may not make it and neither might the laptop. Avenge us both.

We open with Jim Proctor of Bristol who snags his second Beast entry following his 2018 debut in Prog 2101. Jim gets a bit astrophysical and bemoans the poor old Vector 13 Men in Black - we quite liked them! Better than that Grant Morrison offering that’s for sure! Jim gets his first ‘Letter of the Week ‘ plaudits here and it’s a fair offering, with a bit of research and some nostalgia! A winning formula!

Another fledgling writer next in the shape of Rob Kirby from Hitchen. Rob’s debut was more than a decade ago in meg 289 in 2009 and he was previously seen in Prog 1992 in 2016. Little and often will win the race Rob! Well as long as everyone else is wiped out in the plague, that is. Rob says ‘Brink’ is “Without a doubt…the standout feature”. We’ll he’s bang wrong there. We preferred ‘Mean Team’ when Ding-Dong Dooley was in it.

Next up is a potential new scribe in the shape of Michael Colman of Leeds. We did have someone of the same name scoring in Prog 1905 in 2014 but that one was from London. Usual claiming criteria apply Michael - a fiver and it’s yours! Michael is a fan of Zilk and Vex - so are we, but only as Scrabble words!

Simon Gardener of London next who complete a full over of six published letters with this outing. His first was in Prog 2015 in 2017 (confusing) and he was last sighted in Prog 2104 in 2018 (less confusing). Simon is short and sweet (we saw his Tinder profile) and he liked that Dredd ‘Bloopy’ strip. We thought it OK but that latent psi stuff has been done to death.

Old hand Craig Grannell of Hants next and a triumphant result it is as Craig claims 10th spot on the Beast all time list on his own! The long held tie on 24 is finally broken with Craig at last hitting the quarter century after first being printed in Prog 1089 in 1998. He has been prolific lately but has tapered off - 4 in 2017, 3 in 2018, 2 in 2019 and this one in 2020. Break the cycle Craig! Just one to match the dancing doctor Rich Evans on 26. Craig picks some low hanging fruit by praising the ‘Regened ‘ special - but The Gronk? C’mon!

Last up is Phil and Oscar from Burham on Sea. At first we thought it was Oskar of the Norwegian Lego builders but this is a new mine(craft) of excitement. It’s actually not - Minecraft appeared in the Letters page back in Prog 1868 in 2014 with a credit for Jac Ap Harri. A first offering from the Airey crew and a colour picture to boot - good start (if you like that kind of thing).

So, six letters on a nice layout on the inside back page - good job - just need more than one every couple of months please!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: IndigoPrime 10 March, 2020, 11:09:12 AM
Low-hanging fruit, perhaps, but I genuinely liked The Gronk! (And I’ve written a couple of other letters of late that weren’t printed, one of which was my delight at the Prog being a bit bonkers again.)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Bolt-01 10 March, 2020, 11:10:19 AM
I liked the Gronk as well. sheesh.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: MumboJimbo 10 March, 2020, 05:08:46 PM
Marvellous! Being a digital subscriber, I haven't got this week's prog yet, and have just read here that I got my letter published! Can't wait until midnight now! (In fact, I'll definitely get a paper copy as well.) How many letters published before they let you have a crack at Dredd? Anyone?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 10 March, 2020, 05:31:20 PM
Marvellous! Being a digital subscriber, I haven't got this week's prog yet, and have just read here that I got my letter published! Can't wait until midnight now! (In fact, I'll definitely get a paper copy as well.) How many letters published before they let you have a crack at Dredd? Anyone?

Ooh can we deduce you to be Jim Proctor? In the moment letters feedback! Glad we didn't go for that Harvey Proctor gag! Well done on reaching the top of the heap, for this week at least!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: MumboJimbo 10 March, 2020, 05:42:30 PM
Hey, hasn't Uncle Harvey's name been dragged through the gutter enough?  :-[
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: MumboJimbo 10 March, 2020, 05:50:42 PM
Well done on reaching the top of the heap, for this week at least!

Thank you, I am glad my "fair offering" was at least to Tharg's liking, whereas you seem to judge it merely satisfactory. But these are slings and arrows I guess a successful epistolary author sometimes has to field.

This will be my third GN from Tharg, as I also won a Twitter competition. I'm feeling slightly guilty I'm rinsing him dry now.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: IndigoPrime 10 March, 2020, 07:52:52 PM
Last time, Tharg sent me a random IDW Dredd volume, which I can only imagine he did with a hearty chuckle.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: MumboJimbo 11 March, 2020, 10:52:39 AM
I got the last IDW Dredd - Toxic - and thought it rather decent. So I'd be happy with some more IDW Dredd, personally.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Rately 11 March, 2020, 10:54:14 AM
Last time, Tharg sent me a random IDW Dredd volume, which I can only imagine he did with a hearty chuckle.

 :lol:

The fecker!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: IndigoPrime 11 March, 2020, 11:06:42 AM
To clarify, it was volume 4 of the Duane Swierczynski run. It wasn’t one of the decent books Smith penned or the oddball Ewing capers.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 05 May, 2020, 07:23:08 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/K05MUx4.png)

Annnd we’re back. Apologies for our caption there - the work experience boy was told not to give the text to the animator whilst wearing his anti-viral mask. Still we’re all keeping well - to be fair we at the Letters Beast have been practising social distancing for a long time before it became fashionable.

It’s been nearly 2 months since we last spoke with the last letters event appearing way back in Prog 2172. These are trying times of course but that’s no excuse. Maybe Tharg got confused about viruses and shut down both his computer and letter box?

Anyway we have a full roster of six letters in Prog 2180 fro the old and the new so let’s dive in…

First up is middle distance runner from the 80’s Peter Elliott of Waterlooville - like the tash.

(https://i.imgur.com/ksmskrz.jpg)

There have been five Elliotts to grace the Beast with none coming back for a second visit. Our favourite is Sinclair Elliott whose ‘Judge Kylie’ graced Prog 593. Peter is from Waterlooville which is a market town in Hampshire, near Portsmouth. Peter can claim to be the third person with a letter from this town following in the footsteps of the wonderfully named Troy Doyle (Meg 110/V3.7) and Evan Brice (Prog 871). Who’s got too much time on his hands?! Not this blog!

Peter has been reading the Prog since the halcyon days of September 2019 and he’s loving it. His letter does predate the return of ‘Sinister Dexter’ however, so that may change. It’s a jolly, upbeat offering and possibly worthy of  the ‘Letter of the Week’ laurels, in these dark days. Possibly, but not really.

Gee Whiz - next up it’s old hand Gareth Gee of Beeston who makes a bee line for the first column of the page.

(https://i.imgur.com/UivrQRa.jpg)

Gareth gets his 11th score here and its his 10th in the Prog. He first appeared in Prog 470 in 1986 and his career, and it is a career, has seen two ‘Letters of the Week’. This score sees him up to 31st on the all time scorers list, and he once lived in Radford where ‘Rok of the Reds’ comes from.

(https://i.imgur.com/SYgtvxT.jpg)

Gareth gives a positive overview of all Tharg’s offerings including the Cor!! Special which we though was a bit juvenile. We prefer ‘Krazy’. His letter is enthusiastic and as ‘Tharg bait’ it certainly did its job.

Another new man next in the shape of Ian James of Shrewsbury. Despite an uncommon sounding name Ian is the first of his kind to see print although we did get Ian Barrs-James of India in Prog 352 and Eon James of Leicester in Prog 987.

Ian’s is a small but perfectly formed missive that thanks Tharg for his efforts. Fair play and he says ‘Wow’ regarding Hershey. He doesn’t expand so whether he’s talking about her sad death or her rather sudden resurrection; we’re not clear. Wonder how he’ll take her now that she’s two limbs down?

Tipping point letter award goes to Richard Hall of Sheffield.

(https://i.imgur.com/LPbRucH.jpg)

Almost interestingly this is the 100th letter to come from Sheffield across all of The Beast’s 10,561 entries. The man who works the filters is off, so we can’t tell you who has the most but it isn’t Richard, as this is his first. Unless there is a 100 way tie, obviously.

Richard has got his priorities all wrong and simpers on about babies and neglecting his Prog reading duties - come on man, get a grip! He gives a blast from the recent past and happily Tharg doesn’t go on about thrill receptors ,oh wait he does. At least he doesn’t say things may explode, which never happens with a magazine apart from this Razzle we once found in a hedge…

Old hand Steve Frame of Caithness next with his second of the year (Prog 2165) and 31st overall.

(https://i.imgur.com/R2ngOsl.jpg)

This takes Steve into fourth spot on the all time list - on his own! Eat that 30 letters/5th place Richard Kavanagh. Steve was first sighted in 2004’s Prog 1411 and has a league topping 8 Letters of the week.

Steve flashes his credentials by revealing that he’s read a book - and it isn’t even a ‘Garfield’ one! The Brainiac talks about stuff before giving ‘Sinister Dexter’ a well place boot in the jaffers. Tharg rises above this and refuses to acknowledge the comment in favour of bigging up ‘Survival Geeks’, which is nice of him.

We close with Chris Browning of Todmorden which gives us the chance to use our ‘Browning Version’ line. We haven’t read it but Greta Scacchi was in the film. Lovely, but nothing for the lads in that one - sorry lads.

(https://i.imgur.com/nR1Ka9K.jpg)

Todmorden has only a quarter of the population of Waterlooville but also has three heralded scribes in its hall of fame. Step forward Christopher Gill (Prog 469) and Marcus Ward who gave us his ‘Thrill Spasm’ in Prog 525 - I hope he cleaned up after himself.

This is Chris' 14th letter which takes him to the giddy heights of 23rd = on the Beast all time list. He was last seen in Prog 2165, an epic that also saw Steve Frame's entry as noted above!

Chris lauds a Dredd story for being ‘prescient’ - Ah knooo he was gonna say that! Actually Gareth Gee used ‘prescient’ too - if only someone could have foreseen this! Anyway it’s a decent closer but lacking the chuckle we like from the last letter on the page. Like the ‘funny’ bit at the end of the news:

 ‘And finally…there is no cure - Good night!’.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 05 May, 2020, 08:01:23 PM
I have literally no idea why I was so impressed with the Peter Elliot reference... but I was... the rest was tosh of course but that reference and accompanying picture was aces.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Dandontdare 06 May, 2020, 01:32:14 AM
oooh, get you letters man with your fancypants '90s-level google image graphics! Somebody's got too much time on their hands.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 06 May, 2020, 07:45:20 AM
oooh, get you letters man with your fancypants '90s-level google image graphics! Somebody's got too much time on their hands.
[/sup]

Guilty.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 06 May, 2020, 12:51:02 PM
Chris lauds a Dredd story for being ‘prescient’ - Ah knooo he was gonna say that! Actually Gareth Gee used ‘prescient’ too - if only someone could have foreseen this!


It's the double-whammy!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 06 May, 2020, 05:31:44 PM
Matron! Give my my crayons back now! This has gone on too long!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 08 May, 2020, 02:00:53 PM
Matron! Give my my crayons back now! This has gone on too long!

Yes, your seemingly inexorable fall down the charts must be a cause for concern...

(https://i.imgur.com/OQaXTnu.png)

Strange that despite covering 37 scribes not one lady has made the list! Wonder why?!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 08 May, 2020, 05:11:15 PM
El Sloano in 19th place has written the same number of letters as the two people in joint 20th place.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 09 May, 2020, 06:56:16 PM
El Sloano in 19th place has written the same number of letters as the two people in joint 20th place.

The deliberate 'Persian flaw' inserted into the table has served its purpose - proof that someone actually reads this!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 13 May, 2020, 03:45:02 PM
  :lol: :lol: :lol:
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 07 July, 2020, 09:54:51 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/uezdIVe.png)

Zzzzz..eh? What’s going on, where’s my trousers?

A new Input page you say <rubs eyes> can the nightmare finally becoming to an end? Well it could be, the pubs are reopening and we are treated to our first slew of letters since Prog 2180.

9 weeks later we have the lovely Prog 2189 which sees five letters across the inside back page, and not all of them are thanking Tharg for keeping working during the pandemic. I hear certain writers attempted to mine that seam without success. Quite right too - publish and be criticised, it’s the British way.

After some positive feedback from Dandontdare we have continued with our fledgling policy of illustrating each letter with a picture off the internet. This month we are going for what the reader’s name first conjures up in our fevered mind.

We open with Tristan ‘Fourmile’ Carlyon of that London. This is Tristan’s first letter to see print and it’s a letter of the week too. He will need to keep writing if he’s going to make it to ‘Top Tris’ as Mr Louth is away in the distance on 16 in his Chelmsford bolthole. He was last seen in Prog 2145 so at least Mr Carlyon has the 2020 bragging rights.

(https://i.imgur.com/GEPv6W6.jpg)

Tristan’s letter is the well worn standard of ‘I was lost but now I’m found’. Tharg loves the chance to use lots of his BOLD TYPE  and to promote many of his offerings. In these terrible times Tris’ letter was a nice read and worthy of the top table honours - or is there better to come?

Next up is another new scribe and a junior one at that. 11 year old Josh Shrubsole, again of that London, tells a lovely story of his Dad giving him a box from the attic. The one you get at 16 will be better Josh! Josh is keen on most things and isn’t shy on demanding swag (as the kids call it) from Tharg. The Green One says no but appreciates the chance of the Regened comic getting a plug as well as some future offerings.

(https://i.imgur.com/dzOVeBl.jpg)

This is the first Shrubsole letter to see print but more surprisingly it’s only the third ‘Josh’. Finney of Prog 1416 and Davies of Prog 2074 welcome Mr S to their ranks. I’m guessing actually, they could be self isolating for all I know.

Great, Smashing Super, It’s Ade Bowen of Weston Super Mare next in his 14th Beast offering. Ade was last seen in Prog 2124 and boasts 11 Prog and 3 Megazine appearances. He has three letters of the week crowns including one in Prog 1659 that had a photo of a baby - we haven’t recorded if it’s Ade’s or of Ade.

(https://i.imgur.com/ghqLwMH.jpg)

Ade does a quick run through the Prog and loves everything. New stuff, old stuff, crossovers - he’ll take it all, even Sinister Dexter. He’s keen to see things develop but we’re guessing he’ll like it anyway. Smashing. The letter is titled ‘Superheavy’ which is a bit personal, but lockdown has been tough on us all.

A bit of Hong Kong Phooey next as Gary Meggitt rocks up from the former colony with his first offering. Only four letters have ever appeared from Hong Kong and two of them, unbelievably, are from women! Without running a search I can safely say that Honk Hong has the highest female comic letters writing ratio anywhere. Take a bow, er, courtesy Sarah Griffiths (Prog 653) and Jayne Corbett (Prog 820).

(https://i.imgur.com/qLY3cJh.gif)

Gary’s letter is anther run through things he loves apart from a boot in the jaffers to ‘The Order’ which Tharg totally ignores. Gary likes most stuff however, and is rewarded with a Stickleback return.

We finish up with Graham Colebeck of Bournemouth who is the only writer to praise Tharg’s droids for working through the crisis. He may however have the fever as he loves ‘The Order’! He does give a mixed review to the Prog in general and the demise of The Survival Geeks makes it a downbeat ending to the page. Which is fair enough really.

(https://i.imgur.com/7d9dgvY.jpg)(https://i.imgur.com/6uQNugR.jpg)

This is Graham’s 6th letter and 4th in the Prog he was previously seen in Prog 2061 in 2017.

Overall a mixed bag of letters with the bag being marked ‘lacklustre letters’. I would have given Josh the thrill of ‘Letter of the Week’ with his being the pick of a largely pedestrian bunch.

See you in a couple of months!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 12 July, 2020, 10:33:20 AM
Sacre Bleu! A comment. Not sure it's meant for this thread or what it means but we'll say ' very well thanks, et tu?'
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 12 July, 2020, 03:56:13 PM
Sacre Bleu! A comment. Not sure it's meant for this thread or what it means but we'll say ' very well thanks, et tu?'

Sounds like more spam to me...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 13 July, 2020, 06:05:24 PM
Bah looks like it. Still counts!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 02 August, 2020, 10:01:35 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/DImVrR7.png)

Holy Cremola Foam, we’re back a scant few weeks after our last outing. Furloughed staff have been reactivated at Beast Towers and efforts to fiddle Government subsidies have been curtailed for the five minutes this nonsense takes to bash out.

A full page, 5 letter, inside back cover is the reward for our patience this week in Prog 2193, and what delights it offers. A couple of newbies and two moves on the all time leader board - excitement she wrote.

We open with Stephen Parry of Birmingham who celebrates his third printed offering following two 2016 efforts in Progs 1976 and 2011. He has a bit to go to match Nigel or ‘Na’ Parry, as he was sometimes known, from Burton on Trent who presently has the Parry Pole at 8. He was last seen in the 'Letter of the Week’ berth in Prog 2124 in 2019. **Shock Stat** No Parry has ever had a Dreddlines letter published in the Megazine.

Stephen (it’s a good name)  secures Letter of the Week laurels with his offering headed ‘Years Gone Bye’ which we’re pretty sure is a ‘Walking Dead’ homage/rip off. Stephen does a lot of thinking - three times in the first two paragraphs. He resurrects the decades old ‘What will 2000ad be called in the year 2000?' debate and thanks Tharg for keeping his numbering consistent. He doesn’t mention the year end Progs which are plain confusing in our filing systems, but generally, he‘s a happy camper.

Next up, and barely making the minimum word count, is George Kaplan of Berks. George makes a brief speculative comment about ‘The Out‘ which Tharg doesn‘t dismiss. This is George’s first offering and hopefully he can make it to 30 words next time around. There has been one previous ‘Kaplan’ in the shape of Andrew from USA whom we met in Meg 222 in 2004. There have been 17 ‘George’ letters across both publications with George Elder of Lanark in the lead on 2, the last being in Prog 1609 in 2008. Remember him for later on as there is a writer called ‘Senior’ and we make a poor joke about who is the Senior/Elder of the two.

For the 3rd Time in 2020 we get to roll out our ‘Browning Version’ gag as Chris Browning of Todmorden nets his 15th score overall. This moves Chris up the all time leader board to 15 strikes and 22nd= overall. Chris is in the vanguard of new or at least recent letter writers with his oldest offering being in Prog 1961.

Chris’ winning formula is clear - he loves everything - even ‘The Order’ which he describes as “mad” - well something is around here. He points out how reader favourite Abnett is practically writing the Prog these days and he’s also enjoying Dredd’s take on the Rogue Trooper ‘The Hit’ story line.

Longest letter of the week goes to the writer with the longest letter writing shadow on the page, Michael Crouch of Naughty Norwich. Crouchy is seen here for the 30th time, in his first appearance since Meg 404 (an error shurley) in 2019. Michael was first seen in Prog 521 with his seminal drawing of ‘Thatch the Warlock and Ronnydonk’. He also drew ‘The Dead Tharg’ in Prog 670 and his latest offering moves him up the leader board into 5th=, breaking his tie with Alan Holloway and Linton Porteous. Next in his sights is Steve Frame on 31.

Michael’s letter is another gusher with everything getting a thumbs up including all of the spin off publications. Quite right too - we buy it because we like it. He could perhaps rank things and say that whilst Dredd is great, Hershey is also great abut maybe slightly less great. Still we’re teaching Granny to suck eggs here, you don’t get 30 Beast hits by not knowing a winning formula.

Last up is the senior writer on the page, Tom Senior of Bath. Given he’s a senior I hope it’s one of those walk in baths! With Tom and George Elder mentioned above there is more than a whiff of Werther’s Originals about today. At least I hope that’s what it is. This is Tom’s first letter and the fifth single to come from the ‘Senior’ clan. The Senior Senior is Mark who had a drawing of ‘Krane’ published waaay back in Prog 13 in 1977. Tom is the first Senior to find his way to the letterbox since Andy in Prog 993 in 1996.

Tom has taken up drawing during lock down and would like to have a story printed too. You can almost hear Tharg groan as he laments his ever growing slush pile - just stop at ‘Plan : Hit Earth’ oh verdant one!

Overall a positive page of fan letters with each pointing out what is great in the Prog. We’re fine with that in these troubled times, although a bit of balance is always welcome too.

Let's finish up with a newly updated Beast top 30...

(https://i.imgur.com/c2odnWV.jpg)

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 02 August, 2020, 10:57:44 AM
I love these! Never stop.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 02 August, 2020, 11:25:11 AM
I love these! Never stop.

A noble reaction to your hold on 5th place being challenged!

Don't worry, they will go on for as long as I can keep pocketing the meds!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 01 September, 2020, 09:53:16 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/3331t70.png)

And we’re back and it’s with almost indecent haste, barely a month since the last letters event. Our read count last time was dramatically down, so in the tradition of ‘Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em’ we proudly present the Lettersentertainyou

BATTLE OF THE LETTERS

Yes, in a totally original format we are going to decide, once and for all, what is the best letter. We’ve all enjoyed the preliminaries, but we are down to the pure breeds now. The Beast random number generator has come up with the following pairings:

Letter from Grandma Vs. Overdue gas bill
Graphic Novel from Tharg Vs. Confirmation of your sex offender registration number
Reader’s Digest notice that you have won a prize Vs. Laithwaites wine catalogue
Love letter from that girl you still think about from School Vs. Hospital test results

Excitement she wrote.

Before we get to the main event we better have a look at the three letters printed in Prog 2197. Only three, but they are long ones. Maybe edit down the twaddle and get five in? We have it on good authority that Tharg had at least another 3 letters in his inbox, but we digress.

First up, in the Letter of the Week slot, is debut writer Neil Scott of Glasgow. We don’t know Neil, but have probably crossed paths in Forbidden Planet or at that Convention where we were too scared to say ‘hello’ to Carlos. And then he died. Never have regrets kids - badger that creator, because they won’t always be there. Neil has no letters history of his own but his two names are shared by two celebrated Scottish Scribes. Neil Colquhoun of Edinburgh who sits on 16 Beast entries and Scott Ferguson of East Kilbride who has 24. Both lag behind some other Cal-Habber.

Neil’s letter is a right old ramble but none the worse for that. It starts off in Schoolboy fashion with “Your mighty organ” mentioned twice in the first two sentences. He also goes on about ‘erections’ and  his ‘difficulty to rise’. To be honest we were losing the will to read further as it was looking like a column and a half of smutty innuendo. Then there is a tonal shift and the remainder is a heartfelt love letter to Tharg, charting his positive Prog experiences. You could say it was a bit disjointed and jarring. Just like I did there.

The Quarter Finals

The votes are in and Letter from Grandma kicked Overdue gas bill into the long grass. Although not actually read all the way through, the £5 Boots gift token sealed the win for the pensioner.

Graphic Novel from Tharg was a strong favourite but it lost out to Confirmation of your sex offender registration number when it was found to be an IDW offering.

Reader’s Digest notice that you have won a prize knocked out Laithwaites wine catalogue in a close run thing, but that offer to join a £1m raffle for free if you buy a £29.99 book on the History of Armchairs was just too tempting.

Love letter from that girl you still think about from School won against Hospital test results but withdrew from the competition when it learned that the test results were positive for a nasty yeast infection. Of the balls.

The semi finals look like this:

Letter from Grandma Vs. Hospital test results

Confirmation of your sex offender registration number Vs. Reader’s Digest notice that you have won a prize

Letter two was from ‘Samuel’ L. Jackson of Aylesbury. We know his full first name is ‘Lewis’ as he wasn’t so embarrassed about it when he was first published in Prog 2153 in 2019 when he gained the Letter of the Week laurels. These two hits place him just one behind all time ‘Action’ Jackson, Ed of Sheffield who was last seen in Prog 1350 in 2003.

Lewis, sorry L., runs through the Prog, liking most stuff before showing off his Billy bookcase full of Tharg tat. This man is barking up the wrong tree if he thinks this audience will be impressed by that offering - he doesn’t even have matching custom spines for goodness sakes.

The Semi Finals

Letter from Grandma won against Hospital test results but alas the results were Grandma’s and told her she had ten minutes to live, so it’s Hospital test results who proceed to the final where they’ll meet…

Confirmation of your sex offender registration number which trumped Reader’s Digest notice that you have won a prize when the £1m prize was found to be an instalment plan that paid £1 a year for a million years. Confirmation of your sex offender registration number also gained points when the number was found to be the same as that young women’s finishing school up the road.

The Grand Final Looms:

Hospital test results Vs.  Confirmation of your sex offender registration number

But first letter three from veteran scribe Luke Williams who nears his own Beast identifier code with this, his 9th offering. Luke did toy with calling himself ‘Lucas’ when he appeared in Meg 377 but has wisely reverted to ‘Luke’ for all his other offerings. He lives in Llanelli…sorry, just wipe down my screen there, and his last offering was in Prog 2030 when he submitted a photo of a Japanese Mechanismo robot.

Luke may also go under the guise of ‘Mrs Dan Abnett’ as he can’t talk any higher about the cherished droid. He lists all of Abnett’s recent hits, but it falls to Tharg to mention the never popular ‘Sinister Dexter’ (unless you are Neil Scott from letter 1).

The Grand Final
A mood of anticipation gets Hospital Tests results over the line for a famous win. But alas, the news is bad. In fact, terminal. Any last words? Na.

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 01 September, 2020, 10:16:53 PM
I mean its good, it very good. But you need to open this out as a vote for everyone. I can see it working!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 01 September, 2020, 10:20:26 PM
I mean its good, it very good. But you need to open this out as a vote for everyone. I can see it working!

Mind I say good but I bet you don't need a spreadsheet for this... what.. the what...

..Beast???...

Oh I see...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 02 September, 2020, 08:50:32 AM
Cheers Colin - I'm afraid one Beastly MS database is the extent of my powers!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 05 October, 2020, 08:16:55 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/X9j6cQz.png)

Topical eh? ‘Circuit Breaker’ - like the new proposed lockdown, not like Tharg with all his droid gubbins. That said one of his metal friends liked our Facebook post today, so maybe they are human after all? Or just badly programmed; one of the two for sure.

Tharg has continued his recent trend of allowing us one Nerve Centre a month, with the week’s being 5 weeks since the last in Prog 2197 - the recent run in weeks has been 4-4 and now 5. Can we read something into this? Yes of course, The Green One is self-isolating on Betelgeuse and the expanding orbital cycle means that he’s having to travel further to pick up his sack of post each month. Either that or the work experience boy who picks the letters has been furloughed and the local nutter can only break in once a month to paste them up, as the rest of the time he’s busy creating podcasts.

Anyway, we’re grateful for what we get, and what we got was a full page of five letters of variable quality and content in the excellent Prog 2202.

We open up with a lady <straightens tie>  in the shape of Freiya Benson of Fife, who we encounter for the third time - fourth if you count that time we were stood up on that date we’d planned. Standing in a bush still counts. Freiya ‘s two previous letters were sent from Brighton so she has taken the wise move and headed north. Hope you enjoy the rain Freiya! After a while you’ll develop a stoop so that it doesn’t drip into your chips. Freya is a long time reader, with her previous offerings scattered over the six years since her debut in Prog 1893 in 2014.

Her letter her is very ‘Out’ there! Quite the irony since we are all locked in. She makes a good case, so much so that we may go back and read it. It did look a bit difficult at first glance.

Who has done best out of the pandemic? Big Pharma? Toilet roll manufacturers? Conspiracy theorists? Meme creators? We put it to you that the biggest beneficiary of Covid-19 is Chris Browning of Todmorden who has his 4th letter printed in 2020 - there have only been 7 letters pages for goodness sake! We’re not saying that Chris created a virus and killed thousands so he could get some letters printed but all the pieces fit. He’s printed so often that we can’t even use our ‘Browning Version’ joke again.

This ‘Browning Version’ is a short one and Chris likes ‘The Out’ too and describes the recent Dredd epic as “joyously demented” which sounds good, but probably hides a truer, possibly less gushing viewpoint on the flawed thrill. Chris demands more merch from Tharg, so letter 5 is probably at the printers as we speak.

Sterling work next in the shape of Steve Sterling from USA who waffles on about ‘thrill sensors’ - thrill receptors surely? Steve runs through the Prog and says the Dredd epic was a bit rushed - we agree -we rattled through it in five minutes. Oh he wants padding? Off to the chemist for you Steve ‘Always Ultra’ are very good we hear.

Steve matches Freiya with this being his third letter also, although he wins the tie as he not only has a Letter of the Week but also a credit for a ‘Dredd cake’ - small slice please Steve. Steve’s other two hits were in Progs 1728 and 2106 and he’s currently 97 scores behind the current Steve/Steven/Stephen leader.

Next up it’s H-H-Hancock’s half pager. OK it’s a third of a page but that doesn’t fit our 60 year old reference. Mark Hancock of Leamington Spa scores his first hit with this offering and immediately becomes the joint highest Hancock, joining David of Prog 177 fame on, er, one. He has someway to go to become all Leamington Spa Champion as Keith Burden shoulders that burden on a thrilling three.

Mark’s letter stars badly with “OMG” - mega cringe. He then goes on to rave about the Dredd epic ‘End of Days’ that registered a ‘Meh’ on most tally cards. He says the story is greater than the sum of its parts and it will have a long term impact on Dredd. The clever money says he’ll get a new uniform from stores and it will never be spoken of again. He also likes to ‘mainline’ Sinister Dexter which may also be Trump’s next Corona Virus cure.

Last up is R. Hunt of Essex in what appears to be a first outing. We did have a Richard Hunt of Cricklewood who delighted us with his ‘Torque Show Host’ in Prog 544 but we though that was a made up name in the Bart Simpson style?

R. gets the last word and uses it to ask about Finnigan‘s demise in Sin-Dex. In a universe where there are multiple realities I think it‘s safe to say that the twain shall meet again, but at least it‘s a decent talking point to end the page.  The biggest shocker was it‘s been 25 years of Sin-Dex - They made a right R. Hunt of Essex of that a long time ago!

Only kidding - it’s one of the few strips we understand! Anyway a good offering in an excellent Prog - see you all in 4/5 weeks!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 06 October, 2020, 02:24:15 PM
MATRON!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 13 October, 2020, 02:17:12 PM
this reminds me of the opening of The Big Lebowski...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 13 January, 2021, 06:48:50 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/ekAWK9q.png)

And we’re back and it’s a big Happy, er, 13th January from all of us here at Beast Towers. Alas normal service was provided by the Royal Mail who decided that two weeks into the New Year was the best time to deliver the Christmas Prog to our eager hands. This one always has letters, not least to allow that Lego man in Norway to parade his wares. Thanks to Simon at the subs department who refunded our money and provided a digital copy the very day before the actual Prog arrived. By this time we’d been fleeced £8.50 for a copy on eBay! The ‘Buttonman Beast’ copy has been returned to the Nerve Centre - hopefully a collector’s piece for some young subber or some potential DNA evidence, if nothing else.

Anyway enough of our Prog locating travails, let’s get right to the slightly stale letters which will be reheated by puns and poor banter.

First up with the Letter of the Week, is familiar face Steev Hopper. Steev will he hopping happy with this, his third top ranked offering and possibly his 10th overall. As all Beast devotees know the 10th offering awards a Beast identifier code but is our ‘Steev’ the same as the ‘Steve Hopper’ of Dublin and Plymouth who has two entries in the Beast codex in Progs 836 and Meg 191? If Steev could present evidence including a note from his parent or guardian we will consider his admission to the Pantheon of Champions.

Steev’s letter is what we in the letters community refer to as a ’shooty in’ . Every letter writer and his dog and his dog’s friend will have sent Tharg a note congratulating him on a near seamless service during the pandemic. Although that did include ‘The Order’ and some questionable postal choices, the service has been great and it was an obvious topic for letter submission. To be fair, Steev’s effort is decent. Steev has enjoyed ‘The Out’ and ‘Hook-Jaw’ and thanks Tharg for not running some second rate strips or old reprints. These points are up for debate, but they are well made and come from a position of honesty and  one of ‘I want a graphic novel this bad’.

Next up we get double teamed by David and Stephanie Walker of Exeter. This couple can boast ten Beast entries between them but alas , no Beast Code can be awarded at present. Stephanie had sole credit in her Prog 2136 effort, so we have individual scores of 8.5 to David and 1.5 to Stephanie. If this decision causes marital discord, so be it. No doubt this will be the Exeter Chiefs talking point at their breakfast bar or indeed pillows. David’s 8.5 includes an entry from Prog 314 when he was in Derby - is this the same scriber? We say nay, unless evidence can be provided to the contrary.

The letter is a bit strange in that it has co-signatories but has the frequent use of ‘I’. Is this a fly attempt to get two prizes from the verdant one? If the personal pronouns don’t show up the fallacy of the joint signature, the content surely does - two people to say to give someone a pat on the back about a shark tale? The ten-year old daughter could have managed this on her own, and maybe she did!

Stan Wilks of Barnstaple next, with his first effort to see print. It’s also the first letter from Barnstaple and the first letter from a ‘Stan’. Stan’s a name we don’t see much of any more - a bit like Ethelred or Adolf. There has been one other ‘Wilks’ in the shape of Matt who holds the Wilks crown with his mighty two from Progs 1026 and 1073 from the halcyon days of 1997.

Stan likes an adjective, with ‘zarjaz’, ‘scintillating’ and ‘unexpected’ all making early appearances in his flowery, uninventive and laboured letter. He goes on to say ‘Hook-Jaw is ‘tight’, ‘gorgeous’ and ‘intriguing’ . He ends by showing he likes American things now by saying the creators have “hit a home run”. Gee-Whiz that’s fierce commentary!

Another newbie next in the shape of Chris Allen of Thailand. Chris claims to have had a letter printed in Prog 578 and The Beast can corroborate this claim. He was living in Rugby then in the far off days of 1988, when lady-boys and green curries would be the subjects of a madman’s dreams. This is also the first letter on the list from Thailand, although there have been loads of ‘Allens’ and  a mighty 275 ‘Chris’ or ‘Christopher’s.

Chris starts in annoying fashion with a ‘Howzit going’ followed by an insult to our Emerald Editor. His letter is a trip through his attic as he recounts his one time letter glory and about his receipt of an original Pat Mills script. We just hope Pat doesn’t catch wind of this unauthorised use of his characters and writing. Chris should probably send a cheque, just to be sure.

Good first name, Stephen Parry next from e-mailland. This is Stephen’s fourth appearance with the previous three giving his location as ‘Birmingham’. Don’t hide your roots Stephen , you have Duran Duran and Barry off ‘Auf Wiedersehen Pet’ to be proud of. Stephen’s first appearance was in Prog 1976 in 2016 and he now has half the total of ‘Parry’ leader Na (Nigel) who’s 8th and whose last appearance to date was in Prog 2124 in 2019.

Stephen talks up the ‘Regened’ issues which is probably a wise move if you want to see print. He likes Abelard Snazz stories - don’t we all, but the Dillon/Moore ones surely? He closes by giving a big shout out to the letterers, calling them ‘unsung heroes’. He also throws in the colourists as an afterthought too - what about the printer and the guy who forgets to deliver the issue for a month ? They deserve something too!

Not long now. Luther Davies next and we wished we watched the show as  there are probably some puns to be had. <looks at Wikipedia> Luther Elbas his way onto the page with a Ruth(Wilson)less  attack on correct numbering that will make many readers (Mark) Cross. His structure is poor as he starts with offering a double but ends up with a three-bagger; each more positive than the last - it’ll never catch on.

Luther is from e-mailland also but we know he lives, or used to live, in Chipping Norton possibly alongside Jeremy Clarkson. In that vein his letter is like a rocket ship driven by a maniac - on steroids!

Last up is the familiar Norwegian family gathering of David, Oskar and Feliks Rees who celebrate their 11th entry on the Beast all-time table and cement their /// identifier code - they are only participants who have added to their tally this issue. David first appeared in a Letter of the Week offering in 2010’s Prog 1677 and the family’s Lego and model offerings have been a staple of the Christmas issue since 2014. That’s seven Christmases in a row and at this rate they are only 89 festive seasons away from hitting the top slot (jointly).

In true 2020 style their offering this year is a digital one, rather than an actual build. It’s pretty nice but we’d prefer something solid that we could break by Boxing Day, or by Valentine’s Day if it was delivered by Royal Mail.

Overall a jolly festive offering of seven letters that brightened a dull mid January day. This was the first letters sighting in 10 Progs and an untold number of Megs so let’s hope Tharg’s New Year resolution is to get the letters page back to being a weekly offering.

Happy (Chinese) New Year!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 13 January, 2021, 07:07:35 PM
Plymouth and Dublin Steve is indeed Steev. I'm assuming Thargs of the time were confused and thought "poor boy cant even spell his own name". Anything pre-1992 spelt the other way would also be me, as that's when I started forgetting how to spell it on a regular basis.

SBT
 
 
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 13 January, 2021, 07:13:48 PM
Ps) How long is it polite to wait for the freebie graphic novel before sending Tharg a reminder, do you think? I once won a red 2000AD hat via a printed letter, that came embroidered with the legend "20   D", and I'm rather hoping my trade will be another such refugee from the obvious pile of knackered bugger-ups, like Brink Volume One, but with half of it replaced with The Space Girls or something.

SBT
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 13 January, 2021, 07:23:02 PM
Wonderful! Real time letter attribution! The Beast shall be duly updated with your wandering locations and indeed name.

Any time I've been printed the prize is normally there before the issue in which the letter appears. Bit of a spoiler really! Given the Progs are a month late I think the prizes will be similarly affected. Probably at least a month before your copy of 'Red razors' hits the mat!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 13 January, 2021, 07:35:05 PM
Not that I wish to take up any more of your valuable time this evening- i would hate to get in the way of your food photography and cat cuddling, or the 15to1 season 17 box set- but is there any chance you could let me know the prog and Meg numbers that you have down for my letters? I fancy digging them out and astral/chrono travelling to soundly beat my younger selves with heavy objects. Thankyou in advance, and for this thread!

SBT
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 13 January, 2021, 07:42:06 PM
How could we deny such a lovely request?!

Firstly, your place on the all time greats list has been confirmed and you have been granted the Beast Identifier code of ((( - don't see this as a row of sad faces, more like three Pringles. The updated chart is below - sorry it's a bit squeewiff - it's bigger than a single snip now!

(https://i.imgur.com/OuilvtC.jpg)

As for your own efforts your list is below. The Beast records what was published so no retro name changes are allowed!

(https://i.imgur.com/VQDXhaZ.jpg)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 13 January, 2021, 07:52:44 PM
You are a true gent, and living up to your forum handle. By which of course I mean the "report to moderator" button.

I jest.

Much appreciated Mr , Paisley. To the Thrill-Vault!

SBT
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 15 January, 2021, 07:56:34 PM
We live to give!

Unless it's money, in which case you can piss off!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 27 January, 2021, 04:59:43 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/vADzYZv.png)

Splutter! What? Another letters page only two weeks after the last? Looks like those Bill Gates nanobots that are taking over the nation have  enlivened the nation’s letter writing habits. Our last digestion of the letters page was an unqualified success (read : unsuccessful) with 1002 reads. OK most of them were us correcting the many typos, but it’s still more reads than our blog gets by about 1000 or so. The country is clearly so bereft of anything worthwhile to watch/eat/abuse, that they have gone to the only safe haven left - a self indulgent review of a letters page driven by puns rather than anything even approaching worthwhile criticism. So let’s stick with that!

Prog 2216
gives us a full page six pack from the Mighty One and although there aren’t many familiar faces, at least it’s a few newbies to muse over before declaring them rubbish and the olden days, when Heroclix came falling through our door, were much better.

We lead off with the only really familiar face on Show, Kevin Foakes of that London. Kevin is a 2000ad lifer having had his first letter published in Prog 557 back in 1988. He lived in Reigate Surrey then, before moving to The Smoke to realise his dream of becoming a full time letter writer. And what a successful career it’s been, with a total of 9 letters now his showing in return for only 30 wasted years. He was last seen in Meg 394 in 2018 and has a 6:3 Prog to Meg ratio. His Letter of the Week here is his second after claiming the glory for the first time in Prog 1733.

Kevin is a fan of the art and waxes lyrical about all five stories scoring high on his ‘Thrillometer‘. Maybe he could explain ‘Proteus Vex’ to us?  The boffins at Bletchley Park would have trouble with that one! He gives great marks to all the artists and notes that “Will Simpson back on Dredd was a surprise too”. Hmm, that sounds not so much like a backhanded compliment as a barefaced ‘What the hell is this?” - good socks though.

Matthew Ellis of Bedford is up next, adding another player to the ongoing squabble of ‘Who is the Elite Ellis?’. Charles of that clan leads on 5 and was last seen on Prog 2133 in 2019. One time leader Warren Ellis still sits on his 2 from Progs 207 and 282, and he also boasts a profile in Prog 220. It’s not clear why he stopped writing after a promising start - maybe lost his writing talent? Matthew has a long way to go to catch up with the all Bedford champion, the wonderfully named Debbie Maddams who has been stuck on 5 since her last outing in Prog 1105 in 1988, when she was awarded the Letter of the Week laurels.

Matthew  tells Tharg he’s doing a “good job” - must be the all plastic cups diet. Matthew is also a fan of the art and says Will Simpson is getting into his groove after working on ‘Game of Thrones’. We all worked on that too - what a mess. The letter construction here is poor , with Matthew’s highlight actually being two things - what a howler. He may have reviewed his letter late in the day and thought it lacked in content, so a three further bon mots are thrown onto a busy last paragraph. Overall : Adequate job.

Some people have a common first name and others a familiar second name. Ian James of Shrewsbury manages both, making our data trawl through The Beast’s archive a right old chore. Have some consideration people - get a name like ‘Maddams’ and make our searching easier. The Beast has 204 ’Ians’ and 382 ‘James’ and it took us the best part of 30 seconds to filter that down to this Ian’s 2 entries. His first was in Prog 2180 in 2020 and this effort ties him for the all Shrewsbury title with Chris ‘Not a’ Payne who had his brief spurt of glory in Progs 992 and 1014.

Ian wastes a paragraph telling us why he isn’t writing before gushing about the opening offerings of 2021. He’s obviously been finishing off the Bailleys as he compares the current Dredd offering with the classic ‘Crazy batty and Little Mo’ and says he welcomes visits from anyone from the Doghouse - he’s barking mad with that opinion! He leaves his letter open for Tharg to promote some coming attractions and the Green God doesn’t disappoint.

More Ian excitement next in the shape of Ian Scott of Cambridge. This offering extends Cambridge’s lead over varsity rivals Oxford to 61 to 48. Eat that Matthew Pinsent! Ian has had a 20 year absence from the letters page with his first offerings displayed in Meg 156 and Prog 1130, both in 1999, before this latest outing, his third overall. 20 years lost - hope he wasn’t wasting his time raising a family and having a career!

Ian’s brief letter is a thank you for ‘Survival Geeks’ which we agree was a good strip and a neat conclusion to a story that didn’t outstay its welcome. Cough <Sinister Dexter> cough. He says that the Xmas Prog was “pretty special”, unlike his letter which was pretty unremarkable, but a nice thought all the same.

David Weir of Bristol, who may have used to play for Rangers, shows up next in his debut offering. The ‘Weir’ clan are poorly represented on The Beast, with the only other of their name to make the grade being Stephen (good name) of  Prog 852 fame. David hails from Bristol which has a better pedigree than the Weirs, offering 146 total letters - more than Oxford and Cambridge combined - so much for education!

David moans about the postal delays which we covered in our last edition. He says the Dictators of Zrag may have been responsible - more likely it was due to the work experience boy chucking the Progs in the bin so he could go home early to sniff glue, but we’ll take David’s theory under advisement.  He also waffles on about his ‘thrill sucked cognition circuits’ - that normally costs extra, especially over the holidays.

We finish off with a letter headed “Never better” - hardly seems likely, given no PA2 postcodes are in sight. Actually the first five letters are all from English writers and this one from ‘email’ saves us from a Sassenach full house. Wait a minute, hoots mon, this writer Peter Brockwell has one previous appearance on The Beast when he lived in…Milton Keynes! It’s official - Tharg hates the Jocks, Taffs and Paddies! For shame. Still we really should start writing in again to at least give him the chance to delete our emails, unread! Peter’s previous printed prose came in Prog 2045 in 2017.

He gets the longest letter of the page award, a full 12cm of gushing and gratitude that is hard to dislike. It is really heartfelt, if perhaps a bit too positive - we need some moaning to keep us going in these dark days - it’s the British way.

Right that’s our lot. A good letters page that was all thanks and praise and a bright light against a landscape of 100,000 dead and a closed Greggs. It’s hoped we can get back to the petty gripes and funny criticisms soon, but for now this is what we need. Everything is good. Keep believing!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 27 January, 2021, 05:14:27 PM
Don't forget Ian Scott also had a forgettable career as a journey man playing in the lower(ish) leagues in the late 80s early 90s before dedicating himself to the written word.

David Weir also had the misfortune of playing for Everton... or he could of course be the staggeringly successful wheelchair athlete.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 28 January, 2021, 10:46:34 AM
a full 12cm of gushing and gratitude that is hard to dislike.

*ahem*  "That's what she said" m'lud.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 30 January, 2021, 12:47:08 AM
Don't forget Ian Scott also had a forgettable career as a journey man playing in the lower(ish) leagues in the late 80s early 90s before dedicating himself to the written word.

David Weir also had the misfortune of playing for Everton... or he could of course be the staggeringly successful wheelchair athlete.

Right, next issue is all namealikes once again. It's failed before so let's see it fail again!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: leethomson 30 January, 2021, 12:41:51 PM
Not long now. Luther Davies next and we wished we watched the show as  there are probably some puns to be had. <looks at Wikipedia> Luther Elbas his way onto the page with a Ruth(Wilson)less  attack on correct numbering that will make many readers (Mark) Cross. His structure is poor as he starts with offering a double but ends up with a three-bagger; each more positive than the last - it’ll never catch on.

Luther is from e-mailland also but we know he lives, or used to live, in Chipping Norton possibly alongside Jeremy Clarkson. In that vein his letter is like a rocket ship driven by a maniac - on steroids!

Lither still lives in Chipping Norton (though some distance from Clarkson)!  Pre-COVID we had regular gaming nights, and I’d water his plants when he went on holiday. Had no idea he was a missive launcher. It’s a squaxx, squaxx, squaxx, squaxx world. 
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 01 February, 2021, 06:20:17 PM
That's some quality letters based stalking right there!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 01 February, 2021, 09:26:12 PM
Dear Mr. Buttonman,

I dont know if there is a spare column on your excel spreadsheet for 'prizes received', but I have good news. This evening- at 8.30pm!- the postman delivered a package from Rebellion containing Brink vol 1 from the Ultimate Collection- my reward for the 'letter of the week' in prog 2212. Which is doubly fab as I was hovering over the buy button for Brink vols 1&2 paperbacks in my Amazon basket earlier.

I'm sure if such a column doesnt exist, it will soon as I'm sure the question of what people get for their efforts keeps you up nights.

Yours, etc
Mr. SBT
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: leethomson 02 February, 2021, 12:02:00 PM
That's some quality letters based stalking right there!

(he didn't know I was watering his plants)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 03 February, 2021, 10:26:37 PM
Dear Mr. Buttonman,

I dont know if there is a spare column on your excel spreadsheet for 'prizes received', but I have good news. This evening- at 8.30pm!- the postman delivered a package from Rebellion containing Brink vol 1 from the Ultimate Collection- my reward for the 'letter of the week' in prog 2212. Which is doubly fab as I was hovering over the buy button for Brink vols 1&2 paperbacks in my Amazon basket earlier.

I'm sure if such a column doesnt exist, it will soon as I'm sure the question of what people get for their efforts keeps you up nights.


Never really been interested in the prizes. Gratefully accepted of course, but I generally give them away, eBay them off or raffle them for char-i- tay. The majority of them for me ave been Heroclix that usually came detached from their pedestal during transit.

What the real prize is, is your letter being in that issue of the Prog forever! Want to impress a lady in 20 years time? casually drop the correct issue in her lap and watch the delight slowly unfold. It hasn't happened for me yet, but I'm sure that it will.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 09 February, 2021, 05:43:27 PM
Or show them the drawing you had in the Nerve Centre? Oh no, you can’t do that  ;)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Aaron A Aardvark 10 February, 2021, 11:51:07 AM
Wow. I've had two letters published. Wonder what they were about?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 10 February, 2021, 12:54:37 PM
Wow. I've had two letters published. Wonder what they were about?

Exciting! Are you Ian James or Peter Brockwell?; both of whom have their second entry on this outing.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 14 February, 2021, 12:33:21 AM
Or show them the drawing you had in the Nerve Centre? Oh no, you can’t do that  ;)

You've been dining out on that since Methuselah was a nipper!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 10 March, 2021, 12:52:38 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/qe5gRGJ.jpg)

And we’re back for our celebrated 55th edition. Don’t listen to anyone who says we’re a new letters blog - an unbroken history of the same jokes confirm that we are the same blog that took those first furtive steps towards the light all those years ago.

This edition covers the full inside back page Input page of 5 letters in Prog 2222. This is the usual month after the previous offering and the range of stories covered suggest that a letter covering each Prog in the proceeding month has been chosen to cover that specific issue. It is a fair way to ensure everyone has a chance but we don’t like those odds! We have a bird in the air for the next edition, so let’s hope our ‘you’re doing great work’ effort gets the nod this time.

This was a fine outing with no noobs getting an airing. A good thing too - we don’t need that fresh blood around here as the current readership is still young and vibrant and…sorry I forget the point I was making…

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent. He’s a familiar sight in this parish with this being his 24th effort to see print that moves him to 11th= in the all-time Beast leader board. Ashley first achieved grace in Prog 1008 in 1996 and holds a near balanced 13 Prog / 11 Meg split. This is his first ever Letter of the Week and the old stager must be working on his 25th entry that will see him join Craig Grannell in the top ten bottom spot.

For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!

Another old hand next in the shape of The Chris Browning of Todmorden Version. This is Chris’ 17th letter and that neatly moves him up to 17th= on the all time chart. Chris is the great nerd hope of letter writing with his 17 entries all appearing in the 6 short years since his Prog 1961 debut in 2015. At this rate he’ll be topping the charts by the time the person compiling them is long dead. He has 2 ‘Letter of the Week’ crowns and a disjointed 14 Prog letters to a measly 3 Megs.

Chris takes a gamble by slagging off Slaine, but it pays off with him notching the published credit - albeit with Tharg marking his card with a “harsh words” assessment. Dog shit in a box coming your way Chris! Chris does overbalance however by loving everything else, saying ‘Proteus Vex’ is ‘coming together’ which is always nice.

‘Least Letters of the week’ award goes to Stan Wilks of Email Land who doubles his all time tally with this, his second offering to see print following a Prog 2212 opener. This is a cause for celebration in the Wilks household as it puts Stan on a par with Matt Wilks whose quick fire double saw print in Progs 1026 and 1073.

Stan has a bit of a rant over politicising in the small bit of text the editor allows himself in the copyright box. Good for Stan! Yeah we don’t buy a satirical comic for satire or political comment. Stan starts off by saying he’s ‘annoyed’ by the comment but loses his nerve towards the middle and suggests that Tharg will “appreciate our thoughts and concerns”. Fake news! Be it a man in a mask or a resident alien I doubt Tharg give a rat’s ass over peoples' thoughts on his Trump rants and is probably surprised that anyone actually reads them - magnifying glass needed here at Beast Towers.

Martin Topping of Worcester now, who seems to be channelling Jim Bowen with his judgement that the stories in recent Progs have been “Great”, “Brilliant” and “Smashing”. Hope Tharg allows him his BFH for this effort! Martin wonders what Dredd’s underpant secret is and Tharg remains coy. We can exclusively reveal that he has a Mean machine style appendage that he takes up to 4 on Walter when Maria is cooking the synthetti - Mama Mia!

Martin isn’t quite Topping the class but his 9th offering here has him knocking on the door for a Beast designation code and a 36th= place on the leader board. He has 5 Prog letters to his name with his first appearance being in Meg 121 (V3.18). His previous appearance to this outing was in Prog 2095 in 2018, so he’s not in a rush.

Last up is Dave Stone of Crawley who celebrates his 4th offering here. His first two were as ‘David’ starting with a letter of the Week offering in Prog 1548. Prior to this his last entry was in 2018’s Prog 2095 where he shared a berth with Martin Topping (see above)! What a coincidence! -  or is Tharg just recycling old input pages?!

Dave’s letter is understandable which is a surprise as we could never work out his ‘Armitage’ stuff. He doesn’t mind a cliché, noting the Prog is ‘firing on all cylinders’ - we kneew you were going to say that Dave! He likes to spend the weekend “Dipping in and out” which is nice but just remember to rubber up Dave. He likes everything and calls ‘Proteus Vex’ “interesting and intriguing” - don’t worry Dave, we don’t understand it either.

Overall a full and experienced monthly workout for the Emerald Editor with some nice varied opinions and no small commentaries offered in response. See you in 6 weeks!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: dweezil2 10 March, 2021, 08:10:23 PM

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent.
For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!


With reference to the stripey socks.
I can only apologise in the strongest terms possible for my egregious error and attempt to redeem myself with some healthy self flagulation as a means of penance.
I'm assuming a 1985 Judge Dredd annual across the bare buttocks will suffice?!!!!  :-)

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 11 March, 2021, 02:50:14 PM

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent.
For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!


With reference to the stripey socks.
I can only apologise in the strongest terms possible for my egregious error and attempt to redeem myself with some healthy self flagulation as a means of penance.
I'm assuming a 1985 Judge Dredd annual across the bare buttocks will suffice?!!!!  :-)

Wow, you must like punishment - the 1990 Sci-Fi Special would have been much easier on you!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: dweezil2 11 March, 2021, 02:55:16 PM

Anyway we open with ‘Oh Doctor’ Ashley Beeching of Kent.
For a ‘Letter of the Week’ this is a real howler! Fancy not knowing that Dredd has a history of wearing stripy socks! How we chuckled at Beast Towers - what next? Has Dwedd ever had a wisping wobot?! To be fair the story in question may have proceeded Ashley’s tenure as a reader, but that’s a weak excuse - we think he should surrender his fan credentials at the door and take several bare bottom smacks with a rolled up copy of the 1990 Sci-Fi special in penance. Ashley gets in the now standard thanks to Tharg and his workforce for their sterling efforts in producing the comic and says it is all ’genuinely appreciated’ - better than all that fake appreciation that’s been doing the rounds!


With reference to the stripey socks.
I can only apologise in the strongest terms possible for my egregious error and attempt to redeem myself with some healthy self flagulation as a means of penance.
I'm assuming a 1985 Judge Dredd annual across the bare buttocks will suffice?!!!!  :-)

Wow, you must like punishment - the 1990 Sci-Fi Special would have been much easier on you!

I prefer a hardback!!!!  :o :lol:
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 12 March, 2021, 11:45:50 PM
A kinky niche has developed in this thread. Must start an 'Only Fans' account...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 22 March, 2021, 06:30:18 PM
Spoiler Alert...









(https://i.imgur.com/dof7eau.jpg)






See you next Prog!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 22 March, 2021, 06:33:36 PM
Arh damn I knew i shouldn't have looked its that Ffrank nBruno vs Mike Tyson fight all over again.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Bolt-01 23 March, 2021, 08:06:35 AM
Nice trade!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 31 March, 2021, 04:13:13 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/V2Fk1Fk.png)

Well here we are, back again with seemingly indecent haste. Only 3 weeks after the last Input page Tharg serves up another selection of half baked goods in Prog 2225, meaning we’re bang on schedule for that weekly letters page we’ve all being craving. The year 2525 remains favourite.

Still, it has come at a good time with our Golden Anniversary celebrations still in full swing. That’s right, 50 editions of Lettersentertainyou which is pretty good going given all those threats, diseases and downright abuse that we’ve been passing out, er, receiving.

This is a healthy offering with the new and the old (and the very old) all standing shoulder to shoulder and saying ‘is your arm sore where you got your jab?’.

We kick off with the appropriately named Paul Newrick from Dorset. On the day the new ‘Rick & Morty’ trailer dropped Newrick has never been more relevant. Alas there isn’t a ‘Newmorty’ in the Beast’s database but we do have a Simon Mort from Poulton le Flyde who had his drawing of ‘Thrillbuster’ published in Prog 397. Maybe Paul and Simon should get together to offer a crumb of entertainment in these dark days? No? Suit yourself. Paul should probably focus on getting more letters printed to be honest, as he lags far behind the all Dorset Champion Paul Tapner who sits atop his heady pile of five Beast credits.

Paul Newrick&mortyonlyonAdultswim’s letter starts with a redundancy when he says that he is a ‘new’ and ‘first time’ subscriber - hard to be one without the other! He thinks he’s John Betjeman by slagging off Slough - come friendly bombs fall on Paul instead! He is also a big fan of sandwiches and Durham Red. We prefer a flan to be honest. Overall this follows the classic ‘I was lost but now I am found’ template and for that the Letter of the Week laurels were assured.

Next up an old face and erstwhile friend of all things letters. Linton Porteus used to live in Dundee but he likes American things now. He has sat on his weedy 29 credits since his last appearance in 2007’s Prog 1560. This effort, his 30th, makes for a tidy symmetry between his Prog and Meg successes, with them now 15 apiece. This resurgence sees him move up to 5th= on the all-time chart and pushes friend of the thread Alan Holloway down to 8th place overall.

Linton is obviously a reader of this thread as he’s taken our lead to lambast previous scribe Stan Wilks’ suggestion that the Prog should avoid politics. Linton may do well to follow Stan’s advice however, as his anti-Trump rhetoric may see some Good Ole Boys show up at his door armed with MAGA hats and pointed sticks. It is nice to see an old stager return to the fold and it proves once again the ‘Hotel California’ effects of writing in - you can write in any time, but you can never leave.

Another new writer with a slightly funny name next in the shape of Paul Broadhead of Emailland. Paul has only one Widenoggin compatriot in the shape of Keith from Doncaster who has two drawings to his name, ‘Space Fighter’ and ‘Hammerstein’, from Progs 409 and 421 respectively. Keith was also profiled in Prog 376.

Paul Massivecranium mirrors the Letter of the Week as he was also lost and then was found too. Was Tharg out trawling the streets for waifs and strays this week? Paul bought books and subscriptions and is very happy with his decision to do so. Bet his wife is too!

Another first timer next in the shape of Tony Smith from Nuneaton. Party fatigue means we can’t be bothered going through all the Smiths but we can say there have been 13 letters printed from Nuneaton with the previous offering being Simon Bissker’s Letter of the week in Prog 1435. Tony has the chance to make a name for himself in the Nuneaton ‘getting letters printed in 2000ad’ scene as the current record is only two and is jointly held by Chris Spicer, Paul O’Sullivan, Simon Buckley and Paul Huxley.

Tony is another long term reader and one who claims to have never written to Tharg before. For shame Tony! He breaks his duck with a short effort in which he says he likes the 3hriller and considers himself ’mature’. That’s nice Tony, pipe and slippers for you.

Last up is Stephen Watson of Paisley who unashamedly begs for a credit due to him managing to exist for 50 years. To be fair this does make him the oldest man in Paisley. Fans of synchronicity will be pleased to learn that this is Stephen’s 50th letter in the Prog and 101st overall. He is still 3 shy of Floyd Kemode’s Prog record of 53 and breaking that will be his ideal birthday present (60th).

This letter isn’t his best with a transparent opening thanking every man and his dog for doing their job during the pandemic. Somewhat ironically, we understand that he didn’t get his Prog this week and had to beg a copy of the letters page from dubious sources so that he could impress no one at all. The remainder is a set up for a weak pun about Marks and Spencer jeans favoured by old farts and people who maintain letters databases.

Tharg’s generous greeting was gratefully received as was the Lobster Random trade.

Overall a wonderful letters page that saw the world record for letters published in 2000ad and the Megazine extended once again, the return of an old stager and three new writers to take up slack from the aging old guard.

See you next time, if we’re spared!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 31 March, 2021, 04:19:09 PM
My name has too many vowels. I must write a stern note to my dad.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 31 March, 2021, 04:24:31 PM
My name has too many vowels. I must write a stern note to my dad.

A poor Scrabble value it is true.

In the moment letters interrogation : Was this your first letter in all these years or just the first to see print on account of the others being rubbish?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 31 March, 2021, 04:46:35 PM
 :lol:

To answer honestly - I wrote a couple of really short ones in the summer (more like Tweets than anything) that must have been, as you say, rubbish. I did write in about the most recent Regened - either that's still to be published or is, again, just a bit rubbish. Who knows how the mind of The Mighty One works?

But I did take a long break from letter writing. I felt like, when I won the competition to sneak poop-related metaphors into the prog I'd achieved a life goal and could rest on my (dirty) laurels for a decade or so.

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 04 April, 2021, 12:15:39 PM
Bumped for a genuine new reader enquiry!

The glory days indeed Funt - I remember getting in behind you with 'the Browns won the super bowl' but the prize had already been claimed!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 04 May, 2021, 08:19:58 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/oZxh9uB.png)

And we’re back, one more time and maybe for the last time. Well not if the letters and cardio defibrillators keep on coming. If they do you should have your ‘scroll past to keep him happy fun’ for days to come.

This outing covers Prog 2230, an Input page that follows the near standard 5 weeks after the previous episode. It’s not clear if that’s all Tharg, or indeed the readership, can bear or whether it’s down publication schedules or even a lack of reader input. Tharg does end the page begging for more letters, but until that long awaited Government enquiry is completed we won’t know for sure. At least Boris got a new sofa, that’s the important thing.

A little bit of politics there - an unwelcome intrusion into our sci-fi fun that continues into the Letter of the Week which is penned by the old, and possibly claw like, hand of Steve Frame from Caithness. Steve used to go by the name of ‘D Reay’ which was a nod towards his local nuclear power station Dounreay - and clearly the three eyed fish aren‘t his only concern. Steve starts with a rant about ‘Covid Passports‘ which he sees a national segregation scheme. C‘mon Steve surely you want to know which radioactive local is safe to eat and which should be avoided! Choice is the thing here and we feel that most people would like the choice of going on holiday flight without a plague carrier coughing in their general direction for 8 hours. Steve gives his thoughts on most strips and includes our least favourite phrase (part from ‘brace yourself’) in ‘What’s not to like?’ - never understood that one.

Steve knows his onions (and glowing parsnips) as this is his 32nd letter to see print and it also extends his letter of the week lead to 3 with his 9 lording it over Watson and Kermode’s weedy sixes. Steve has 31 Prog letters and one solitary Meg offering from Meg 284. He was previously sighted in Prog 2180.

Starting in sepia tones before bursting into colour , like that lunchtime Aussie soap, is Martin Sullivan of Ireland. This is Martin’s 5th Prog letter and, er, fifth overall. His career started out with a Letter of the Week in 2017’s Prog 2014 (not confusing) and he was last seen, prior to this offering, in Prog 2153 in 2019.

Martin’s letter is Fantastic! Not that it’s any good , he just uses ’fantastic’ four times. He should get a thesaurus, a book of words, a similar words guide, a… you get the idea. Like us Martin reads the Dredd and doesn’t understand the rest which is fine but we do appreciate it when a writer explains stuff to us. That’s fantastic when it happens!

The middle of the page berth is taken up by the souper Michael Chowder, er, Crowder who comes from the Cheshire town of Frodsham. Things must be going well for Michael who lived in Liverpool for his only previous outing in Meg 308 in 2011. Nothing wrong with Liverpool, but Frodsham has a candle shop - that’s run by Bob Carolgees! I wonder if they have a means of putting out the candles at night? Probably a snuffer rather than a highly flammable puppet dog , we’d imagine,

Michael is a fan of pod casts and flags a couple that we like - the Mega City Book Club has an especially good one about  Invasion 1984! (https://megacitybookclub.blogspot.com/2019/09/101-invasion-1984.html) Just saying. He also likes Space Spinner 2000 which we also like, especially when Fox is pissed. Tharg latches on to promote his own wares in a reply that is nearly as long as the letter it responds to. Well played Verdant One!

Another old stager next in the shape of Craig Grannell of Hants, another ‘Top Ten’ letter writer. This is Craig’s 26th letter to see print and further imbalances his ratio to 22 Prog and 4 Meg. He was last seen in Prog 2172 and this offering takes him up the charts to 9th= place alongside ‘not seen in a while - has he better things to do?’, Dr Rich Evans.

Craig takes a chance but rolls a six in getting his praise laden Durham Red letter printed. We preferred her in the shower with Ron Reagan, but each to his own. Craig has the shortest letter of the week but we do like them brief and to the point.

Last up is Marcus Willson of Mexborough - mind the two ‘L’s there. This letter actually corrected a Beast entry as a previous score had been logged as ‘Wilson’ - or was the Prog wrong? Either way 2:1 says ‘Willson so we’ll go with that. Actually to save confusion we’ll call Marcus ‘Tandy’ like his namesake from ‘Eldorado’. Mar-cuss speaks for the nation when he says it’s time to pension off Slaine. It needed saying Mr T and we’re glad you did. Tharg however seems incredulous that any one would tire of sword and axe excitement along with some new age gubbins. But they do. T-Mobile does hedge his bets at getting a 4th letter by praising ‘Thistlebone’; but it’s too little too late for Slade. This was his 3rd (and last) letter with his previous offerings being sighted in Progs 1994 and 2084. He runs the Mexborough letters lodge, lording it over the only other Mex-man to trouble the scorers, David Oxer who was seen in Prog 208, and never again.

Overall a fun offering with two big hitters and no newbies - just how it should be. Until we all die of old age/Covid/radiation poisoning and there’s no one left to write in. Still we won’t care! We’ll be dead.

See you next month for more of the exact same.


: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 04 May, 2021, 08:30:34 PM
Frodsham has a candle shop - that’s run by Bob Carolgees! I wonder if they have a means of putting out the candles at night? Probably a snuffer rather than a highly flammable puppet dog , we’d imagine,

Dear Lettersentertainyou,

Welcome back! Shurely Bob would get Spit to accurately exterminate those candle flames with a few well-aimed gobbets of doggy-flem? Also - I was disappointed that you didn't find some way to combine Chowder and Cheshire into an amusing bon mot. Grade: B - very well done!

Yours and suchlike,

Funt Bernard Solo
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 04 May, 2021, 09:01:31 PM
I did allude to the dog spitting out the candles - sorry if that was not clear!

Cheshire /Chowder is a step too far for this punsmith!

Thanks for the 'B' ya dirty great B!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: I, Cosh 05 May, 2021, 01:49:12 PM
I did allude to the dog spitting out the candles - sorry if that was not clear!
It was not. It was certainly the joke your reader was waiting for but all that blether about "highly flammable puppet dog" seemed to imply Bob would be stuffing the candles up its arse!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 05 May, 2021, 03:02:32 PM
The more insightful reader would have gleaned from my text that the suggestion was that the puppet dog would indeed extinguish the candles with his trademark spit but such an endeavour would be unwise due to its synthetic nature and the proximity of naked flames.

You should just be happy that I did not bring in the other Frodsham worthies Daniel Craig and Gary Barlow - plenty of equally dubious material to be had out of that pair!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 05 May, 2021, 03:47:50 PM
"The more insightful reader" ... this reminds me of searching for gold at the end of our most recent rainbow.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 05 May, 2021, 03:55:41 PM
...all that blether about "highly flammable puppet dog" seemed to imply Bob would be stuffing the candles up its arse!

I'm not sure, but that might have been part of the woefully conceived (and thankfully short-lived) adult-Tiswas show OTT, from 1982. For our younger readers ... I don't know - go and mope about something.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Dounreay 05 May, 2021, 07:22:37 PM
So what's that? Nine star letters for me so far? See lads, it's not how big it is, it's what you do with it that counts.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 05 May, 2021, 07:49:09 PM
I need to check the core rulebook but I'm fairly sure that having a radioactive c*ck is considered cheating.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 29 May, 2021, 05:23:22 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/9YwWvdj.png)

It was a sad day at Beast Towers when we learned of the passing of Dave ‘Bolt-01’ Evans or ‘EEE’ as he was known on the database.

Dave was in with the DNA of The Letters Beast Database and was part of the initial conception and of the first draft of the project, which eventually catalogued every piece of reader content in our favourite comics. He volunteered to take a batch of 100 Progs and add the details of all letter writers and drawing providers to a spreadsheet that could be plugged into the monster that became the database of all 2000ad reader content published in 2000ad and the Judge Dredd Megazine.

He didn’t have to get involved; he was busy with a multitude of other projects, but something about the idea tickled him and appealed to his nerdy fan instincts. His contributions were however greater than some admin work, Dave was a celebrated letter writer in his own right, attaining the lofty rank of 29th=  on the all-time list, with his score of 12 letters printed.

His dozen letters appeared in the years between 2002 and 2008, with 9 gracing the Prog and 3 in the Megazine. He was first sighted in Prog 1316 and followed this up with the Letter of the Week in 2003’s Prog 1365. He first appearance in the Megazine was in Meg 251 in 2006 and he had follow up appearances in Megs 259 and 274.

2004 saw two letters in Progs 1383 and 1391 from the Birmingham wordsmith before a single appearance was made in 2006, in Prog 1501. Better was to follow in the next two years when Dave saw 4 letters see print in 2007/08 in Progs 1527, 1547, 1574 and 1592.

12 letters in 7 years is a good hit rate and, had he persevered, he could have been a top ten letter writer. Dave however moved on to other things - creating comics, encouraging writers and artists and rearing his loving family. We’re sure it was a tough choice, but probably the correct one!

We have raised a glass to Dave many times and will continue to do so. As long as letters are printed Dave will be remembered as a creator of and as contributor to the 2000ad and Megazine Letters Database or ‘The Beast’ as it is commonly known. Round these parts anyway.

Rest easy Dave, your writing is done and you will not be forgotten.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 30 May, 2021, 11:22:27 AM
A nice tribute.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 02 June, 2021, 09:51:36 PM
Thank you Richard.

(https://i.imgur.com/gYmzQyM.png)

Aaaand we’re back for more. Still waiting on our second jab but we’re sure she’ll call back soon and tell us where our wallet is as well. We’re still at Level 3 Letters excitement, so let’s dive straight into the sexy sextet that made up the Prog 2234Input page.

First up is Matt ‘Spider-Man’ Webster of Bradford who spins his sixth yarn in a career that started with a Letter of the Week outing in Prog 1380. He has had three letters in the Prog, all of which have achieved top billing. His 3 Megazine letters in issues 219, 243 and 249 were probably less well received.

His letter here starts with an outright lie when he says it has been “about 20 years since I sent a letter in to 2000ad”. The fact is Matt had a letter printed in Prog 1475 in 2006, a mere 15 years ago! We hope Tharg sends the Rigellian hotshots round for that whopper! Matt’s letter is a billet-doux to Slaine and he takes us on an unwelcome trip down memory lane where axes are swung and environmental issues discussed. He says he thought 2000ad was a ‘specialist fantasy magazine’ but he’s way off on that front  - look at least two shelves higher Matt!

Old hand Ashley Beeching of Ashford now who celebrates his quarter century with his usual puff piece. To be fair, he does discuss a previous letter and we have to celebrate any letters based debate. Ashley wants to ”disagree with (the previous letter writer’s) opinion in the strongest terms possible“. What’s this? ‘Points of View’?  He likes the flowery Slaine art and will complain in the strongest terms about anyone who doesn’t. Well we’re complaining in the strongest terms about Ashley’s lack of tolerance and indeed his letter writing style!

Ashley has taken worse from better than us in a long career that began in 1996 in Prog 1008. He has a 14/11 split in favour of the Megazine but can boast only one Letter of the Week from Prog 2222. His latest letter takes him up to position 9th= on the all time Beast chart although he’s technically only a top 11 writer due to ties.

Off to the land of the rising sun now in the company of the exotic sounding Chris Doherty of Japan in what may be his first letter - we do have a Chris Doherty from Berkshire on the list who displayed his ‘Dredd Hat Photo’ in Prog 1681. Could they be one and the same? He falls afoul of the 10,000 mile rule, but we are happy to review his case on receipt of evidence and the £25 fee. Japan is well represented on the Beast database with 73 entries. On closer inspection this is less impressive as most of them were from second rate, er, place, letter writer Floyd Kermode. Our trawling did reveal that letters from Japan were printed in consecutive Progs 1341, 1342 and 1343 from Tim Ashten, Daryl Johnston and Floyd himself. Coincidence or conspiracy? Who cares really?

We hope Chris didn’t spend a lot of Yen on posting in his letter which says ‘How can brilliant art be unsuited?’ Well I wouldn’t want Tracy Emin making our bed or having Mondrian paint our cat but at least he has passion and, critically, reads the letters page as his lambasting of poor old punch bag of the week Marcus will attest.

We get  a trip to Whalley World next with our new friend Pete W. Whalley of Lancs. Pete is a new scribe and the first Whalley to see print. Excitingly we have had two writers from Whalley, which is a village in Lancashire…where Pete lives! Could it be Pete Whalley lives in Whalley or is it just Pete from Whalley Lancs. and the letterbot got confused? We suspect the latter. Maybe other Whalley writers Andrew Taylor (Prog 120) and Kenny Kaxter (Prog 634) could ask about for us?

Pete provides the standard ‘lost but found’ buffet, returning to the Prog to lap up the 'Four Horseman’ Dredd saga. Surprised he stayed on. He may just be easy pleased, as he sees ‘A Penitent Man’ as an “all-time Dredd classic”. We agree it was decent, good even, but an all-time classic? It was hardly ‘Finger of Suspicion’ or even ‘Twin Blocks‘.

Nearly done as Finchy would say, and to celebrate we have a new entrant to the Beast Halls of Glory. Step forward Paul Tapner of Poole and collect your Beast code of }}} for attaining your tenth letter credit. Paul’s road to glory has been long, with his first letter seeing print back in Prog 1109 in 1998. That’s over 20 years - or 30 if you go by Matt Webster’s metrics. Paul joins three other fledgling writers at the bottom of the Beast ladder in 36th= position. It only up from here Paul!

Paul’s letter sets out to be a brave criticism of ‘Feral & Foe’ but he pulls most of his punches, taking the blame for his not liking the strip on himself. He says it is ‘nice’ and ‘good’ but underneath this faint praise is an undercurrent of dislike. He says it is too knowing. We hate it when things are like that, don’t you agree loyal reader? He finishes by saying ‘there’s always one’ in self deprecating tones. Don’t put yourself down Paul; we couldn’t follow it either!

Last up this outing is Grant Smillie Face from Bearsden. Most people would have just said ‘Glasgow’ but Bearsden people like you to know they’re from Bearsden, don’t you know. Fur coat, no knickers we bet! Grant may have the post code but he doesn’t have the letters with this being his first offering to see print. There aren’t that many Smillie people with Robert of Pukstone the only other to bother the scorers as he did  in Prog 218, with his exciting image of a ‘Murdering Mantis SD Agent’.

Grant doesn’t have anything of his own to offer so he ropes in his daughter to do a cross stitch Dredd based on a Jock cover. We’re hoping she gets the prize for this effort. Grant hopes the cross stitch will warm the hear of most squaxx - well if it’s going to work on this one you’d better wrap it around our cardio defibrillator .

Overall this was a decent Input age crammed with six letters - one more than normal for those maths boffins out there. The content was varied as was the mix of writers which is the perfect recipe for spam fritters or something.

See you again in 4-5 weeks!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: dweezil2 02 June, 2021, 10:59:04 PM
Only top 11, due to ties?!!!
Sounds like I seriously need to up my game!
Though, I've always fancied myself as a bit of a Barry Took, so I'll take "Points Of View" as a compliment!!!!  :lol:
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 03 June, 2021, 11:32:21 PM
Barry Took? Showing your age there - I was in the Wogan or Anne Robinson era myself.

Actually, Barry was my first too...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 23 June, 2021, 11:04:13 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/wBVofYI.png)

Well, we’ve struggled back to get this issue out with only minor delays due to our recent participation in the All Europe Letters Blog Championships. Our regular reader will sympathise at our slaying at the hands of the Croatian blog ’Pismo Mrlja’ but at least we have that nothing each win against the English ’Tally-ho It’s Letters’ newsletter’ to keep us warm.

This 4 letter offering in Prog 2237 came with almost indecent haste after the last outing  in Prog 2234. At this rate we’ll be one a week by the time Scotland win the Euros.

The page opened up in familiar fashion with Matt ‘The Web-slinger’ Webster  of Bradford in the Letter of the Week berth,  just as he was in Prog 2234! There’s something fishy going on here, with this being Matt’s 4th letter of the Week out of 4 Prog entries. He also has 3 Meg letters giving him a total of 7 in a career dating back to 2004’s Prog 1380.

The letter is a bit of fun and, to be fair, it does concern letters so we have to be keen on that. Matt goes all meta and references is own letter and how poor it was. Sadly this Blog missed out  on an exclusive and didn’t spot the ‘Simon’ error. To be fair we were probably drunk. The letter did raise a smile and name checked a few ‘Simon’ creator droids. Tharg’s response doesn’t make much sense and we suspect he was riffing on that ‘Not the Nine O’ Clock News’ sketch where everyone in a factory was called ‘Bob’ and the joke was ‘hand Built by Roberts’. That was a pun on ‘robots’ - not sure where Tharg was going with his. As it’s the flavour of the week, the Beast boasts 167 ‘Simons’ with Mr Gardener on 6 and a Mr Spurrier (who he?) on 11 the market leaders.

Let’s talk about Kevin Etheridge of Surrey next, who celebrates his second published effort here following his Prog 2136 debut in 2019. The Beast Boasts 114 ‘Kevins’ with Mr Barry the leader of this pack with his 16 offerings, the last of which was in 2017’s Meg 390.

Kevin’s letter relates to the ‘Regened’ issue and he’s largely positive about it, although the Anderson comment that the strip “moved quickly to its conclusion" is the most damning of faint praise. He suggests the criticism of the Regened Progs was down to the ‘frustration of long term readers’ which suggests they are a bunch of old dinosaurs incapable of embracing anything new. We’re going to write to the Daily Express to complain about this generalisation as soon as we’ve finished this Werther’s Original! Kevin’s solution is to have a ‘half and half’ Prog which is a great idea - that way no one will be happy!

A long and Chitty letter now from new writer Tom Chitty of Emailland. The Beast has digested a lot of Toms in its time, with Messrs Cotton and Fisher both riding high on 7 each, with the former last seen in Prog 1612 in 2008 and the latter in Meg 175 in 2000. There is also a Proudfoot in there, with a feeble 21 but most of those are disallowed on account of being rubbish. This Tom was last seen in Meg 234 in 2012, around the same time that he last saw his hair!

Tom manages the rare feat of a full column letter - which could have done with a bit of editing. He starts poorly by saying he’s writing to defend Slaine before saying he found it dull. With friends like Tom you won’t have to look far for a kick in the nuts! The letter rambles on at a meandering pace and makes a lot of references to ‘other Terrans’ and comments on various strips without making anything approaching an insightful point. In fact we weren’t really clear what the point being made was, and finished the letter feeling less informed on Tom’s opinions  than when we started. Still he got a stream of consciousness published and gave us all food for thought - that we quickly spewed up.

Another new writer to finish the page in the shape of Fiachra Delea of Ireland. These are two names that haven’t troubled The Beast before, although Ireland can boats an impressive 706 entries overall. The Irish Taoiseah of the Typewriter is Richard Kavanagh who has a mighty 30, but was last seen way back in Prog 1946 in 2015.

Fiachra is another fan of Slaine and is a bit more consistent with her praise than Tom Chitty. Her  letter reads well and has a nice flow, offering several interesting takes and arguments to support her position. We remain unconvinced however! She mentions the sometimes forgotten Angela (Angie surely) Kincaid as a co-creator of the strip and clearly has a love for the character which she articulates well in what is our ‘Letter of the Week’.

A decent offering this outing with sadly only 4 letters seeing print due to Tom Chitty hogging the whole middle of the page. It was a bit Slaine-centric overall, but two new writers bodes well for the letters community as does the increased frequency of Input page publications.

Catch you next time!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 26 June, 2021, 12:48:10 PM
I'll let you know I have loverly hair mostly growing everywhere it shouldn't
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 29 June, 2021, 12:10:07 AM
I apologise for the cheap dig Tom, of course your hair is all your own. Indeed I've seen the receipt for it.

(C) The Old Jokes Home
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 30 June, 2021, 03:10:45 PM
as soon as its back from the weavers, I'll be round your way to pish on your garden wall!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Large48 05 July, 2021, 11:10:31 AM
as soon as its back from the weavers, I'll be round your way to pish on your garden wall!

Ah fond memories of the Helltrek.....
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 06 July, 2021, 03:44:40 PM
as soon as its back from the weavers, I'll be round your way to pish on your garden wall!

Ah fond memories of the Helltrek.....

There's a photo somewhere of Hi-Ex Grandees (and the Helltrekkers) gathered together, possibly with large red BANNED stamped on the majority of them now
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 06 July, 2021, 03:57:30 PM
Perma-bans are weird. Like, why does being naughty on a comic's forum warrant a lifetime ban? (I realize, by back-seat modding I'm also breaking a rule here. I could back-seat mod some more and give myself a stern talking to about that.)

Power to the forumites!  :-\
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: IndigoPrime 06 July, 2021, 04:36:29 PM
The number of bans from this forum are vanishingly low, outside of obvious spam. Any people who have been banned have been warned repeatedly about unacceptable behaviour and given temporary bans prior to a permanent one. The latter is always a last resort and happens after further warnings are ignored. Despite this being a forum for a comic, we don’t take banning people lightly.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Tjm86 06 July, 2021, 04:56:05 PM
In all honesty I'd have to say that the number of permanent bans I recall having seen over the years can be counted on the fingers of one hand.  Pre-ban comment behaviour in one case strayed into downright bizarre territory.  It's not so much a case of being 'naughty' as engaging in discourse of a vitriolic or abusive nature.

I know that occasionally discussions can become heated, especially when they involve passionately held beliefs, but for the most part this is quite a civil community.  There are those in other spaces that feel differently to be sure.

Considering the flippancy, irreverence and occasionally (okay, frequently) scatological nature of some of our discussions that is not a small feat when you think about it.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Funt Solo 06 July, 2021, 05:00:25 PM
Thanks for the explanation, IP.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 08 July, 2021, 08:05:43 PM
This thread is the nicest corner of the internet. I find the lack of people passing through helps a lot.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Colin YNWA 08 July, 2021, 09:51:07 PM
This thread is the nicest corner of the internet. I find the lack of people passing through helps a lot.

Hey we pass through, all the time. We just pass straight on by...

I'm watching The Muppets and trying to channel statler and Waldorf... I'm sorry...
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Tjm86 08 July, 2021, 10:32:43 PM
and trying to channel statler and Waldorf... I'm sorry...[/i]

two individuals that my wife will not allow me to wear in public, despite their tagline ...

(but my daughters will ...)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 28 July, 2021, 10:18:17 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/SsOROue.png)

And we’re back once again. Big Deal! What’s popular this week? ‘Tiger King’? Tik-Tok? Let’s just do the  Olympics and get on with it. We should point out that the Olympics we are referring to is the Olympic Kebab and Gyro House in the High Street and not any corporate sporting event that likes to sue people. The five rings shown in our tasteful logo represent the five strengths of hot sauce that are available. We end up with the red ring every time.

A nice sextet of letters here in Prog 2242 with all writers being seasoned published veterans - we don’t want no newbies here, what with their fresh ideas and differing styles.

We open with Ian Hewitt from USA Stateside in the Letter of the Week berth. Tharg clearly likes American things now.  Ian wasn’t always a friend of Donald and used to hail from Skegness. His record of 15 letters also shows that post boxes from as far afield as Wyoming and Bennington have been visited. Prior to this offering he was last seen in Prog 2123 in 2019.

Ian starts out with a ‘Tharg Me Old  Mate’ greeting which is a bit uncouth - doesn’t  Uncle Sam teach any goddamn manners any more? Ian points out some flaws in Rogue Trooper (and it’s a short letter too!) which Tharg readily concedes. A small smile was earned from this correspondent!

Next up is Tristan ‘Fourmile’ Louth of Essex who scores his n-n-n-nineteeth letter to see print. Tristan has a dozen Prog letters to his name and a single Letter of the Week credit, dating from Prog 1343. His first outing was in Prog 1002 in 1996 which means he’s celebrating his silver letters anniversary this year.

Tristan knows on which side his plastic cups are buttered and waxes lyrical about the ‘Regened’ issues, especially the child friendly antics of  Department K. He shows his expert comics knowledge and detective skills by deducing that ‘Kirby’ may be named after a Marvel artist named Jack - we thought it was after that yellow ball fella from the video game? Never shy of a cliché, Tristan says the Prog is “firing on all cylinders” - we knwee he was gonna say that. He closes by saying Tharg can get away with stuff as every issue is different. So much more wordy than ‘an anthology’ but we like it anyway!

Old hand Craig Grannell of Pants, sorry Hants, next in a tie breaking 27th letter offering. This breaks Craig’s tie with Dr ‘Call me Doctor’  Rich Evans and takes him up to 9th place on the all time Beast Chart. He is now only two shy of Alan Holloway who we haven’t seen for a while. Craig boasts 23 Prog letters, but not one ‘Letter of the Week’. Good taste that Betelguesian!

Craig ploughs a well worn furrow here, basically stealing content from this publication,  as he comments on a previous letter. Craig thinks the suggested split old/new Prog won’t work for reasons revealed in this very blog! All’s fair in love and letters so well done Craig and we hope you enjoy your ‘adult themed magazines‘, er Prog.

The fourth letter of the week award goes to Nic Freeman of that London who thinks Dylan Teague should put down his colouring pencils and do some proper work. Bit disrespectful to the poor old colourists there, who will be weeping into their dirty pot of water as they try not to go over the lines. Tharg points out that Dylan has drawn stuff before, a fact known only to every other person reading the issue.

Nic can be forgiven however, as this is only his second letter after a star letter debut in 2015’s Prog 1937. There have been two previous ‘Freemen of the Prog’ - J.D. in Prog 316 and Adam in Prog 840 who treated us to his Judge Mellie. Bollocks.

Not much left now with Darren Nash of Northern Ireland taking the penultimate spot.  Darren has a long letters career spanning six letters in total that dates back to Prog 933 in 1995. He had a star letter in Prog 2000 and was last seen previously in Prog 1661 in 2009.

Darren is a hard to please customer, liking everything in the Prog. Judge Dredd is never not decent, -Cough *Crusade* Cough - according to Darren and he closes with a brickbat by saying he’s enjoying all of the current line up. Can’t recall a Northern Irishman ever being so agreeable!

We close up in Olympic heartland Japan with our resident Far East correspondent Chris Doherty. Chris wastes his opening line by name checking his own letter and says he’s ‘digging’ some thrills. Say it man! Far out! Dylan Teague gets his third mention in as many letters as Chris makes many positive noises and  asks a pay dirt question about Dreddlines.

Chris  has had three letters published in total with this offering adding to his double from Progs 1681 and 2234.

Overall a good outing here, with a welcome statement from Tharg that Dreddlines is not dead; just unloved. I know at least one person whose been writing in! We’ll finish up now as the typewriter needs to be oiled up. Well that’s what we call her through the week. No newbies on show here but some power moves in the all time list as shown below.

See you at the post-box!

(https://i.imgur.com/F2VkHMh.jpg)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 30 July, 2021, 12:27:04 AM
Worthy Dreddline letter appeal right HERE! (https://forums.2000ad.com/index.php?topic=47744.0)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 06 September, 2021, 05:16:31 PM
Do you know that thing YouTubers do when they pay someone on Fiverr to design their logo? Let’s see what £4.50 buys us…

(https://i.imgur.com/H6zgcMR.jpg)

Whaaa? I could pull a better logo out of my aaaaAnd welcome back to another edition of LETTERSENTERTAINYOU the pointless and rarely read analysis of all things 2000ad and Megazine letters pages. This edition comes to you from a state of house arrest as those government drones have ordered us to stay indoors just because of a small virus. And some flashing and public urination and the poking of badgers. We are on many pills and have a fevered state of mind, so there should be no change in the usual quality of this offering.

We are sticking pins in the Prog 2248 Input page this episode, and we have five letters to digest, throw up and send to the lab.

We open in the traditional fashion with the Letter of the Week which is delivered by Steve Hallam from Wrexham. This is Steve’s fifth letter to see print in a career that dates back to 2015’s Prog 1930 when he scored his only other Letter of the Week hit. He was previously seen in Prog 2165 in a letter that possibly had fewer clichés, but we can’t check our garage data file, what with being locked down and all.

Steve says “variety is the spice of life” but chooses to quickly forget this and go down a predictable route of throwing lots of praise and hoping it secures a graphic novel - job done. He does diss ‘The Returners’ but we doubt that’s coming back anyway. Steve  likes the ‘one and done’ style of the Regened Progs which may be a nice way of saying they’re already in the recycling. He uses a clumsy metaphor to describe what we assume to be his child, although it maybe a ventriloquist dummy made out of lager cans - his writing could be clearer. Overall it’s a happy tale of a man liking his comic and condemning his offspring to liking it too. Lovely stuff.

Get your vaccinations done quick as we’re off to Edinburgh next in the company of new scribe Gary McGovern. Gary openly admits to having never had a letter printed before (SHAME!). He says he sent one, but it wasn’t printed. We can only assume that Tharg’s empty sack meant that this effort was saved a similar fate. Gary scores the normal brownie points by liking the Regened Prog but secures the bonus plan by praising the Treasury editions also. He does maintain his track record of asking dull questions , eliciting a ‘No’ from Tharg for his ‘Will Savage return?’ poser. Will Gary return? Maybe, if he needs to know if ‘Moonrunners’ is slated for a reboot.

Gary’s letter is the 127th to come from Edinburgh and he has some ground to make up on the East Coast leaders Tom Proudfoot on 21 (last seen in 2012 in Meg 234 and later in an old folks’ home) and Neil Colquhoun on 16 (last seen in Prog 2151 in 2019). Glasgow has had far more letters printed, with a mighty tally of 162. The leader is Probably Scott Ferguson on 24 although many of his were send from East Kilbride which doesn’t really count as Glasgow, or indeed, civilisation. Stephen Watson of Paisley fame has 5 Glasgow letters, but then his Mum kicked him out.

Off to Naughty Norwich next in the company of Michael ‘Sofa’ Crouch. Michael is a top five letter writer with this offering being his 31st in total. He has an impressive CV which includes 3 Letters of the week and two drawings in Progs 521 and 670. He also has a decent Prog to Meg ratio of 19/12 with this letter taking him to fifth place overall in the Beast chart, on his own. He is now one letter behind Steve Frame for the coveted 4th spot or ‘Best of the Rest’ as they won’t be catching Grant Goggins in third place anytime soon, with his distant total of 44.

Michael controversially gives the Regened Progs a kicking saying they are “a little lightweight”. He also doesn’t think that a child will buy one and then start buying the Prog off the back of it. Unless it has a plastic toy on the cover and something to sniff, he’s probably right. Michael doesn’t seem to appreciate that Tharg is aware that his readership is dying off and if he doesn’t try something new his audience will soon be a couple of vultures and a disinterested gravedigger. Michael does say that his heart drops when he sees a Regened Prog - We suggest you get that checked Michael; we have a cardiologist on our speed dial if you’re keen?

More on the Regened topic next (make it stop!) from Andy Currington on Lancaster who wisely suggests that Tharg start a separate comic to cater for older readers and call it ‘Degened’. Brilliant! Nearly as clever as the last time this was floated by an unnamed Paisley lettersmith who suggested the title be the less obvious ‘Blue Harbour Genes’. You had to have been there. This is Andy’s first letter to see print but that’s no excuse! He trails in the wake of Lancaster’s ‘Mr Letters’ Austin ’Officer’ Dibble who has seven scores to tell the cats about, the last being in 2017’s Prog 2061.

Last up before our lie down is Marcus Nyahoe who, in a bit of symmetry to letter one, is also celebrating his 5th letter to see print. Marcus Tandy was first seen way back in Los Barcos, er, Meg 236 in 2005. He once revealed his address to be in Poulton Le Fylde but has went with Lancashire the majority of times. His last appearance, prior to this, was in 2018’s Prog 2101 when he snagged the Letter of the week bragging rights.

Marcus opens by saying he’s been losing interest in comics. Well Marcus we’ve been losing our interest in you too! Don’t fret though - it’s all a big bait and switch! Marcus loves comics again! He covets a Wagner Dredd which is understandable, but  he also heaps praise on Skip Tracer and Department K which aren’t generally the strips most punters would cite in a love of comics essay. Still you pays your money, you have your say. Marcus does however panic towards the end, clearly seeing his letter is a bit short. Oh wait…the colourists - I love them too! Don’t we all, but what abut the man who makes the staples? What’s he? chopped liver?

Overall a Regened dominated letters page with not a lot of insight -  love it hate it - we all have our opinions and we doubt any of these letters will sway the argument one way or another. It’s always nice to have a letters page and it certainly shook some covid germs from our aching faces. That’s the cats and neighbours getting it too now! Stay safe and until next time…

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 07 September, 2021, 11:37:23 AM
Nearly a decade since matron last gave me my crayons? nooooo!... :'(

I may see if there's a green biro down the back of the sofa ;)
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: sheridan 07 September, 2021, 12:55:32 PM
Whaaa? I could pull a better logo out of my aaaaAnd welcome back to


He seems such a sweet boy when he's on the telly and everything!


He was previously seen in Prog 2165 in a letter that possibly had fewer clichés, but we can’t check our garage data file, what with being locked down and all.


You're not allowed to go from the house to the garage?  Lockdown rules are strict up there!


: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 08 September, 2021, 11:55:32 AM
Its the Shell garage down the road, and he's still in the pokey... check out the bars of the windows of his last pic post!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 08 September, 2021, 10:06:54 PM



You're not allowed to go from the house to the garage?  Lockdown rules are strict up there!

Beast Towers is a penthouse flat two floors above the sub-level garage. Any attempt to access would result in an attack from Der Fuhrer's shock troops.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) 09 September, 2021, 08:49:22 AM
Speaking of this week's letters page, I did think Tharg's comment about "pastiches of seventies comics" was a little on the nose considering the current small press landscape, and two of the three comics that sprung to mind as being explicitly exactly that- were created by ex-Thargs.

SBT
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: norton canes 10 September, 2021, 04:01:43 PM
More on the Regened topic next (make it stop!) from Andy Currington on Lancaster who wisely suggests that Tharg start a separate comic to cater for older readers and call it ‘Degened’. Brilliant! Nearly as clever as the last time this was floated by an unnamed Paisley lettersmith who suggested the title be the less obvious ‘Blue Harbour Genes’. You had to have been there. This is Andy’s first letter to see print but that’s no excuse! He trails in the wake of Lancaster’s ‘Mr Letters’ Austin ’Officer’ Dibble who has seven scores to tell the cats about, the last being in 2017’s Prog 2061

Aha! I knew there was a thread on the forum somewhere which commented on readers' letters. I think if anything it's even more of a thrill being mentioned here than it is getting my first missive actually published.

As I mentioned in the prog review thread I thought TMO gave me pretty short shrift in his reply, though the tongue-in-cheek nature of my title probably didn't help. I'll be sure to say hi to Officer Dibble next time I bump into him.

How long does one normally have to wait until one's complimentary graphic novel arrives..?
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 10 September, 2021, 07:16:19 PM

How long does one normally have to wait until one's complimentary graphic novel arrives..?

Once again this thread delivers! Letter writers arrive at the watering hole with breathy excitement. Welcome Andy, or Norton to give you your non-letter name.

To answer your question- you should have had it by now. When I get one in, the graphic novel normally appears with or before the Prog that publishes the letter. Sometimes I feel it's a bit of a spoiler to see the familiar handwriting on the envelope - 'guess I got one in this week' I say to the long suffering wife.

Well done on your great success!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: norton canes 24 September, 2021, 09:29:40 AM
It arrived! And mercy me, it's Mercy Heights. Which is at least something I haven't read, running as it did during my 27-year prog-lapse.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 26 September, 2021, 09:30:09 AM
It arrived! And mercy me, it's Mercy Heights. Which is at least something I haven't read, running as it did during my 27-year prog-lapse.

Mercy, Mercy me! At least it's new to you!
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 06 October, 2021, 08:28:09 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/H6zgcMR.jpg)

The great letters crisis of 2021 continues unabated. There are reports of people panic writing and stockpiling missives to Tharg. The army have been called in to ensure that letters are delivered and the government has appealed for calm whilst raising the price of stamps.

Here at LETTERSENTERTAINYOU we have basked in the warmth of our many unpublished letters and remember fondly the days when the Magazine printed three pages worth along with Preacher reprints just to fill the thing up.  Don’t worry, we get a mighty injection of SEVEN letters in Prog 2252 with Tharg scraping his barrel and printing any old toot.

First up in the Letter of the Week slot is Marcus Hanford of emailland. Interestingly (term used advisedly) the last letter printed in the last Input page was also from a Marcus;  in that case the Nyahow variety. We’ve not had this many Marcuses since ‘Eldorado’ went two nights a week! This Marcus dressed up as Tharg to run a race and sent in photographic proof. What a rubbish outfit! Our effort including mother’s brooch as a Rosette of Sirius was far more authentic!  Tharg lazily asks if Marcus finished the race. We’ll Google that for you Tharg - Yes he did, in 2.04:15 finishing in 2498th position. We’ll done him, especially as he must have been towing a caravan with that time. Excuse us, just getting another cream bun…

This is Marcus’  4th letter to see print with him previously seen in Prog 2033 following a Letter of the Week debut in 2010’s Prog 1696. He has a rival in his Bristol hometown in the shape of Ella Handford who had a letter  printed in Prog 2033 with a “photo of a little girl”. We’re guessing a relative.

Newbie writer Dave Marsden  of Salisbury next. We went there once and found this lovely perfummmm…. Dave joins Elizabeth of Maidstone in the ‘Marsden 1 letter printed gang’ with Lizzy’s offering appearing in Meg 151 (V3.48). Dave talks about a ‘Sacs Magiques’ which of course is (back to Google) a magic bag. He takes exception to two such receptacles appearing in consecutive thrills. Clearly Dave is a new reader and not used to tropes and themes. Or in other words the cookie cutter can only work so much and so fast Dave!

The Chris Browning version of a good letter next which is sadly a bit of a gusher. Chris likes it all; which is fair enough really. Black and white, cartoony  - spidery - he loves the lot. We do prefer a bit of nit picking or bitching in our letters, but if Chris is happy we all should be too. Even if we can’t always follow stuff or it looks a bit busy. Chris knows the score however, with this being his 18th letter to see print. This effort takes him up to joint 16th on the Beast letters board with erstwhile scribe Kevin Hall, who we last saw in Prog 2034 in 2017 when he had moved from East Lothian to County Antrim never to be seen again - in the letters pages at any rate!

Pipe down in front, it’s time for the debut offering of Steven Pipe of Swindon. He makes it a Pipe party with Carwyn of Gillingham who had her moment in the pipe smoke in Prog 767 in 1992. Steven’s letter reads like a report card with the quality of Tharg’s offering being deemed “Very High” with the droids doing “Sterling work”. He thanks Tharg for his “ Hard Work” and “Expresses Gratitude” for the Damage Report text. Stick that in your Pipe and smoke it!

Colin of Ireland is ‘King ‘ for a day next as he enjoys possibly his first letters outing. We do have a Colin King of Romford gracing Prog 154 but the Irish version will need to claim that one given the distance rules the Beast employs. It’s impressive if it is him as Kings can only move one square at a time! Chess joke there for all the brainiacs out there. There was also a Rodney King who had letters in Progs 1592, 1764 and 2013 but he hasn’t been seen since. No doubt the LAPD caught up with him. Colin likes the podcasts and everything that Tharg sees fit to print, which is good to hear.

Tristan Fitzgerald of Emailland takes the penultimate spot in his second outing following his 2007debut in Prog 1552. At that time he went with ‘Tris’ - wise change there Tristan - don’t be ashamed at being named after the speccy kid in ‘George & Mildred’. Tristan is on the lookout for John Smith whom we met in the bar of the 40th anniversary gathering. He was a bit tired and emotional then but weren’t we all! Oh happy days, no masks and viruses were things that infected our laptops when we tried to watch  a funny cat video, honestly dear. Sadly Tharg says John Smith is away doing something else but you can still buy his wares in the shop.

Finally, we get to the end. Comment ‘ratchet set’ if you are still here! Last up is Jonathan Fisher  of Nord Ireland. We read his letter with an Ian Paisley shouty voice in our heads and for that we apologise. Actually, THERE WILL BE NO APOLOGY! Anyway when we read this we’d planned lots of frog puns but after some detailed research we found that the frog was in fact Jeremy not Jonathan.

Anyway this one was a bit green about the gills and we hope it won’t spawn a sequel. It was really amphibiboring  and it seems like a Frenchman has had the best bits. Sorry but we’re not wasting Grade A material like that. This is Jonathan’s (ribbit) 8th letter to see print with his first, a Letter of the Week no less, appearing in 2008’s Prog 1606. Jonathan goes flat out and  sticks his long tongue over Tharg’s ‘Regened’ issues - he hates them he does! He want’s more killings - well he is from Northern Ireland - and hates this ‘stomm’. Not as tasty as a nice fly is it Jeremy, er, Jonathan?

Overall a good outing here with some saccharine stuff offset with a brickbat at the end. 7 letters is a recent record letter haul and, despite increasing our workload, we do prefer the pithier and the to the point offerings.

Right off to queue for some envelopes and to fight off those who crave our precious letters.

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 17 November, 2021, 12:34:54 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/3XQV6DA.jpg)


And we’re back. We took the last letters page off as it was mostly new writers and two people with a measly 3 letters printed. No meat for the grinder there. Amazingly no one noticed or complained - what a patient audience! Prog 2258 saw a decent offering of five letters in the inside back page. In a desperate bid to stay relevant we have jumped on a pop cultural bandwagon once again and present the Letterentertainyou Squid Game. OK this was popular a month ago and has now been done to death, but just be grateful it’s not Cobra Kai. That’s booked for next month.

Our poorly thought out format is to test each letter against a playground game of yester year - who will win the 40 Wan? and who will be the one that stabs himself in the neck at the end?

We kick off with the classic ‘Dog Shit on a Stick’ and trying to avoid getting it on his school bag is Louis Carter of Emailland. We know from his previous six letters that Louis lives in York having originally hailed from Cornwall from where he penned his fist two letters which appeared in Progs 1220 and 1443. He then went to York where his next missive appeared exactly 100 Progs later in 1523. Of his seven letters this is his first to achieve Letter of the Week status.

Louis practices the old bait and switch and starts off by slagging several thrills. He gets quite angry before coming around 180 degrees - its all fine! The rubbish is there for idiots to enjoy whilst he can revel in his more cerebral thrills. He dresses it up so that Tharg buys in and agrees that basically he’ll print what he likes and we can live with it. Fair enough, but that should be no excuse for sub par content. With his messy argument Louis does not avoid the shitty stick and heads home to hose down his Head bag with his head hung low.

Next up and playing ‘Chap door run away’ is Kevin Foakes of that London. There will be some ‘Foakes Singing’ tonight as Kevin celebrates his 10th published letter and gains entrance to the Beast scoreboard with the coveted ¬¬¬ designator. Kevin boasts 7 Prog letters (2 L of W) and 3 Meg hits. He first appeared when living in Reigate in 1988’s Prog 557 giving him an impressive 33 year letter footprint. Prior to this offering he was previously seen  with a Letter of the Week offering in the recent Prog 2216. He enters the Beast all time list in bottom place, 38th=.

Kevin’s letter is a miserable affair - he confirms his letters longevity by saying he’s been reading for 40 years - rest those eyes Kevin! He really hates the Regened Progs but comes across a bit of a curmudgeon stating that as a subber he doesn’t want to pay for these. Bloody kids, bring back ‘Big Dave’ like the good old days! Sadly Kevin’s zimmer topples over as he escapes from the door knocking and gets a quick kick in the arse for his troubles.

Paul Tapner of Poole next taking on the always arduous test of  ‘Kiss, Cuddle or Torture’. The Tap Man  scores his 11th Beast hit with this offering and takes himself up the Leader Board to the heady heights of  32nd =. Paul was last seen in this year’s Prog 2234 and has no Letters of the Week and only one Megazine letter to boast about. It is actually become a boast as Megazine letters are as rare as rocking horse shit these days.

Red Paul is a union rep and keen to keep the brothers united. Better get a leaflet round to the Foakes household then Tap Shoes. He doesn’t really state his feelings on the Regened Progs but he supports the initiative. A worthy sentiment but we draw the line if we get a Paw Patrol crossover and some colouring in. Paul chooses ‘Kiss’ in his Squid game but is sadly eliminated when it’s a Glasgow kiss and he ends up as red as his politics.

Nick Black “chimes” in next from his lair in Newhaven. The Dark One draws the unenviable game of ’Shite Alight’ and we have to worry about his fate. Nick  was last seen in 2019’s Prog 2162 giving him a total of two - but wait! We also have a Nick Black from Edgeware who scored in Prog 225 waaaay back in 1981. The ‘40 year’ rule applies here so Nick will need to lay claim to this one if he wants at ascent to the heady heights of having three confirmed letters published.

Nick makes some valid comments and articulates well his thoughts that new strips suit the Regened Progs better than toned down versions of the originals. We agree, but Tharg isn’t so sure - is it a 2000ad Prog with no Dredd, Rogue or Dog? Speaking of dog, Nick panics and stamps on his own flaming bag of dog turds and gets  mess all over his new pair of Hi-Tech Squash. His Mum will be livid.

Last up is man of three surnames Forrest Dylan Bryant of USA, Stateside. Forrest draws ‘British Bulldogs’ and has the big tub of cash in his sights.  This is Forrest’s first letter and only the second ‘Forrest’ ever to see print following A. Forrest’s outing in Prog 46. We were going to reprint the content of that letter here but couldn’t see it for the trees.

American Forrest writes a garbled note infused with cycles and functions. You do get genuine energy from it as he gasps enthusiastically about all and sundry. Tharg has always liked American things and is grateful to close on a no holds barred love fest. It is nice to see someone “enthralled”, “eager” and “overjoyed” but it’s not the British way and predictably enough Forrest gets trampled in the playground frenzy meaning the Lettersentertainyou Squid Game prize inevitably falls back into their dark coffers.

Tune in again next time where it’ll probably be ‘I’m a Celebrity’ if we can be bothered.

: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Proudhuff 17 November, 2021, 01:14:47 PM
Shocked and stunned not to see a Step Hen in there.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: norton canes 18 November, 2021, 02:22:08 PM
Louis practices the old bait and switch and starts off by slagging several thrills. He gets quite angry before coming around 180 degrees - its all fine! ... With his messy argument Louis does not avoid the shitty stick and heads home to hose down his Head bag with his head hung low

Yeah I'm not sure I get the point of his argument either. He seems to want have his cake and eat it and bake it and shit it out; in fact, to enjoy simultaneously the benefits of all stages of cake.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: CrazyFoxMachine 18 November, 2021, 04:39:26 PM
I bring a response from Louis Carter which comes in from the wildlands off the forum:

Hi all,

For some reason, I haven't been able to log on for years now, so I'm asking Owen to post this for me.

I certainly didn't mean to come across as angry. The subject of my email when I sent it to Tharg was "A satirical letter about  the regened argument." With hindsight, given that so many regened nay-sayers come across as angry to me, it was perhaps inevitable that I would come across as angry when trying to emulate them. Oh well.

The point of my argument is that no 2 readers will agree on which thrills are good. And this is an intrinsic part of the prog.

There are people saying that the regened progs are shit and Tharg should stop publishing them.

If they get their way, I would like to get mine too, hence asking for the cancelling of Thrills that I'm not that into.

But that's not going to happen, because some people *do* like them. I don't get their tastes, and I'm sure others don't get mine. My tastes include a general appreciation of the regened prog (I generally like the new stuff, I think we could do without Cadet Dredd and the kidyfying of other old school stuff).

So I'm not trying to have my cake and eat it, I'm saying that everyone eats different parts of the cake. My tastes vary wildly from many on this forum. If many of the reviewers in the review threads had their way, I'd probably have stopped reading the prog long ago.

That's the nature of anthologies, is something often said on this forum, but it's something that seems to be forgotten when the regenes roll round.

Also, Tharg edited a sentence out of my letter. This sentence addresses Buttonman's point that even the multiple slices of cake argument is no excuse for sub-par content.

After saying that there is so much prog to enjoy, I point out that much of it is Skip Tracer, and we should all gang up on that instead. Even my easy-goingness have a limit. I don't know how people are arguing so much about regened, when ST surely takes up more page space per year.

I'm happy to be proven wrong on the maths there, it could just be a perception thing. I'm also happy to admit that  ST's author is obviously well skilled at the one thing Tharg values above all other, in that they produce scripts that tell a story, to a deadline. With everyone having such diverse tastes, I think that's all that Tharg can really ask for of his writers.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Richard 18 November, 2021, 06:22:57 PM
I thought that was pretty clear in the original letter, and it deserved to be the star letter.
: Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
: Buttonman 21 November, 2021, 11:41:33 PM
Some great cake based debate here - thanks for bringing Louis to the fold Crazyfox . Of course all comments are tongue in cheek and Louis' points were well made although the cake analogy is stretched somewhat. Please relay our thanks for his feedback Crazyfox and suggest he gets a log in so he can offer his abuse from close range.