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Author Topic: The Letters Beast - Online!  (Read 32584 times)

Funt Solo

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #165 on: 04 May, 2021, 08:30:34 PM »
Frodsham has a candle shop - that’s run by Bob Carolgees! I wonder if they have a means of putting out the candles at night? Probably a snuffer rather than a highly flammable puppet dog , we’d imagine,

Dear Lettersentertainyou,

Welcome back! Shurely Bob would get Spit to accurately exterminate those candle flames with a few well-aimed gobbets of doggy-flem? Also - I was disappointed that you didn't find some way to combine Chowder and Cheshire into an amusing bon mot. Grade: B - very well done!

Yours and suchlike,

Funt Bernard Solo
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Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #166 on: 04 May, 2021, 09:01:31 PM »
I did allude to the dog spitting out the candles - sorry if that was not clear!

Cheshire /Chowder is a step too far for this punsmith!

Thanks for the 'B' ya dirty great B!

I, Cosh

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #167 on: 05 May, 2021, 01:49:12 PM »
I did allude to the dog spitting out the candles - sorry if that was not clear!
It was not. It was certainly the joke your reader was waiting for but all that blether about "highly flammable puppet dog" seemed to imply Bob would be stuffing the candles up its arse!
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Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #168 on: 05 May, 2021, 03:02:32 PM »
The more insightful reader would have gleaned from my text that the suggestion was that the puppet dog would indeed extinguish the candles with his trademark spit but such an endeavour would be unwise due to its synthetic nature and the proximity of naked flames.

You should just be happy that I did not bring in the other Frodsham worthies Daniel Craig and Gary Barlow - plenty of equally dubious material to be had out of that pair!

Funt Solo

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #169 on: 05 May, 2021, 03:47:50 PM »
"The more insightful reader" ... this reminds me of searching for gold at the end of our most recent rainbow.
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Funt Solo

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #170 on: 05 May, 2021, 03:55:41 PM »
...all that blether about "highly flammable puppet dog" seemed to imply Bob would be stuffing the candles up its arse!

I'm not sure, but that might have been part of the woefully conceived (and thankfully short-lived) adult-Tiswas show OTT, from 1982. For our younger readers ... I don't know - go and mope about something.
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Dounreay

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #171 on: 05 May, 2021, 07:22:37 PM »
So what's that? Nine star letters for me so far? See lads, it's not how big it is, it's what you do with it that counts.

Funt Solo

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #172 on: 05 May, 2021, 07:49:09 PM »
I need to check the core rulebook but I'm fairly sure that having a radioactive c*ck is considered cheating.
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Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #173 on: 29 May, 2021, 05:23:22 PM »

It was a sad day at Beast Towers when we learned of the passing of Dave ‘Bolt-01’ Evans or ‘EEE’ as he was known on the database.

Dave was in with the DNA of The Letters Beast Database and was part of the initial conception and of the first draft of the project, which eventually catalogued every piece of reader content in our favourite comics. He volunteered to take a batch of 100 Progs and add the details of all letter writers and drawing providers to a spreadsheet that could be plugged into the monster that became the database of all 2000ad reader content published in 2000ad and the Judge Dredd Megazine.

He didn’t have to get involved; he was busy with a multitude of other projects, but something about the idea tickled him and appealed to his nerdy fan instincts. His contributions were however greater than some admin work, Dave was a celebrated letter writer in his own right, attaining the lofty rank of 29th=  on the all-time list, with his score of 12 letters printed.

His dozen letters appeared in the years between 2002 and 2008, with 9 gracing the Prog and 3 in the Megazine. He was first sighted in Prog 1316 and followed this up with the Letter of the Week in 2003’s Prog 1365. He first appearance in the Megazine was in Meg 251 in 2006 and he had follow up appearances in Megs 259 and 274.

2004 saw two letters in Progs 1383 and 1391 from the Birmingham wordsmith before a single appearance was made in 2006, in Prog 1501. Better was to follow in the next two years when Dave saw 4 letters see print in 2007/08 in Progs 1527, 1547, 1574 and 1592.

12 letters in 7 years is a good hit rate and, had he persevered, he could have been a top ten letter writer. Dave however moved on to other things - creating comics, encouraging writers and artists and rearing his loving family. We’re sure it was a tough choice, but probably the correct one!

We have raised a glass to Dave many times and will continue to do so. As long as letters are printed Dave will be remembered as a creator of and as contributor to the 2000ad and Megazine Letters Database or ‘The Beast’ as it is commonly known. Round these parts anyway.

Rest easy Dave, your writing is done and you will not be forgotten.

Richard

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #174 on: 30 May, 2021, 11:22:27 AM »
A nice tribute.

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #175 on: 02 June, 2021, 09:51:36 PM »
Thank you Richard.


Aaaand we’re back for more. Still waiting on our second jab but we’re sure she’ll call back soon and tell us where our wallet is as well. We’re still at Level 3 Letters excitement, so let’s dive straight into the sexy sextet that made up the Prog 2234Input page.

First up is Matt ‘Spider-Man’ Webster of Bradford who spins his sixth yarn in a career that started with a Letter of the Week outing in Prog 1380. He has had three letters in the Prog, all of which have achieved top billing. His 3 Megazine letters in issues 219, 243 and 249 were probably less well received.

His letter here starts with an outright lie when he says it has been “about 20 years since I sent a letter in to 2000ad”. The fact is Matt had a letter printed in Prog 1475 in 2006, a mere 15 years ago! We hope Tharg sends the Rigellian hotshots round for that whopper! Matt’s letter is a billet-doux to Slaine and he takes us on an unwelcome trip down memory lane where axes are swung and environmental issues discussed. He says he thought 2000ad was a ‘specialist fantasy magazine’ but he’s way off on that front  - look at least two shelves higher Matt!

Old hand Ashley Beeching of Ashford now who celebrates his quarter century with his usual puff piece. To be fair, he does discuss a previous letter and we have to celebrate any letters based debate. Ashley wants to ”disagree with (the previous letter writer’s) opinion in the strongest terms possible“. What’s this? ‘Points of View’?  He likes the flowery Slaine art and will complain in the strongest terms about anyone who doesn’t. Well we’re complaining in the strongest terms about Ashley’s lack of tolerance and indeed his letter writing style!

Ashley has taken worse from better than us in a long career that began in 1996 in Prog 1008. He has a 14/11 split in favour of the Megazine but can boast only one Letter of the Week from Prog 2222. His latest letter takes him up to position 9th= on the all time Beast chart although he’s technically only a top 11 writer due to ties.

Off to the land of the rising sun now in the company of the exotic sounding Chris Doherty of Japan in what may be his first letter - we do have a Chris Doherty from Berkshire on the list who displayed his ‘Dredd Hat Photo’ in Prog 1681. Could they be one and the same? He falls afoul of the 10,000 mile rule, but we are happy to review his case on receipt of evidence and the £25 fee. Japan is well represented on the Beast database with 73 entries. On closer inspection this is less impressive as most of them were from second rate, er, place, letter writer Floyd Kermode. Our trawling did reveal that letters from Japan were printed in consecutive Progs 1341, 1342 and 1343 from Tim Ashten, Daryl Johnston and Floyd himself. Coincidence or conspiracy? Who cares really?

We hope Chris didn’t spend a lot of Yen on posting in his letter which says ‘How can brilliant art be unsuited?’ Well I wouldn’t want Tracy Emin making our bed or having Mondrian paint our cat but at least he has passion and, critically, reads the letters page as his lambasting of poor old punch bag of the week Marcus will attest.

We get  a trip to Whalley World next with our new friend Pete W. Whalley of Lancs. Pete is a new scribe and the first Whalley to see print. Excitingly we have had two writers from Whalley, which is a village in Lancashire…where Pete lives! Could it be Pete Whalley lives in Whalley or is it just Pete from Whalley Lancs. and the letterbot got confused? We suspect the latter. Maybe other Whalley writers Andrew Taylor (Prog 120) and Kenny Kaxter (Prog 634) could ask about for us?

Pete provides the standard ‘lost but found’ buffet, returning to the Prog to lap up the 'Four Horseman’ Dredd saga. Surprised he stayed on. He may just be easy pleased, as he sees ‘A Penitent Man’ as an “all-time Dredd classic”. We agree it was decent, good even, but an all-time classic? It was hardly ‘Finger of Suspicion’ or even ‘Twin Blocks‘.

Nearly done as Finchy would say, and to celebrate we have a new entrant to the Beast Halls of Glory. Step forward Paul Tapner of Poole and collect your Beast code of }}} for attaining your tenth letter credit. Paul’s road to glory has been long, with his first letter seeing print back in Prog 1109 in 1998. That’s over 20 years - or 30 if you go by Matt Webster’s metrics. Paul joins three other fledgling writers at the bottom of the Beast ladder in 36th= position. It only up from here Paul!

Paul’s letter sets out to be a brave criticism of ‘Feral & Foe’ but he pulls most of his punches, taking the blame for his not liking the strip on himself. He says it is ‘nice’ and ‘good’ but underneath this faint praise is an undercurrent of dislike. He says it is too knowing. We hate it when things are like that, don’t you agree loyal reader? He finishes by saying ‘there’s always one’ in self deprecating tones. Don’t put yourself down Paul; we couldn’t follow it either!

Last up this outing is Grant Smillie Face from Bearsden. Most people would have just said ‘Glasgow’ but Bearsden people like you to know they’re from Bearsden, don’t you know. Fur coat, no knickers we bet! Grant may have the post code but he doesn’t have the letters with this being his first offering to see print. There aren’t that many Smillie people with Robert of Pukstone the only other to bother the scorers as he did  in Prog 218, with his exciting image of a ‘Murdering Mantis SD Agent’.

Grant doesn’t have anything of his own to offer so he ropes in his daughter to do a cross stitch Dredd based on a Jock cover. We’re hoping she gets the prize for this effort. Grant hopes the cross stitch will warm the hear of most squaxx - well if it’s going to work on this one you’d better wrap it around our cardio defibrillator .

Overall this was a decent Input age crammed with six letters - one more than normal for those maths boffins out there. The content was varied as was the mix of writers which is the perfect recipe for spam fritters or something.

See you again in 4-5 weeks!

dweezil2

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #176 on: 02 June, 2021, 10:59:04 PM »
Only top 11, due to ties?!!!
Sounds like I seriously need to up my game!
Though, I've always fancied myself as a bit of a Barry Took, so I'll take "Points Of View" as a compliment!!!!  :lol:

Buttonman

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Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #177 on: 03 June, 2021, 11:32:21 PM »
Barry Took? Showing your age there - I was in the Wogan or Anne Robinson era myself.

Actually, Barry was my first too...