The Tourist Trap

[Tanky]

OK board, here's a bit of off-topic silliness for a Friday afternoon...

Tanky is skint. My hometown (Bloody Portsmouth) is currently under seige from hundreds of boats (some are VERY cool, it has to be said)and thousands and thousands of tourists, who are probably gonna be around for about a week.

So. What i'm after is all your best scams, money making schemes, and ways to generally fleece tourists out of their money. I have at my disposal two housemates, and possibly a press-ganged boyfriend.

To get the ball rolling, the best one so far involves me and my dumb housemates dressing up as pirates, writing a bunch of rude sea shanties and going simultaneously busking and drinking.

So it's over to you. Anything goes, and the best suggestion may be enacted next week and posted for your viewing pleasure - but remember - we really don't want to hurt anyone and would rather avoid getting nicked!

Tanky x

[johnnystress]

fake guided tours

dress as a pirate and do walking tours of "Olde Portsmouthe Towne" making up bullshit as you go along

"To our left is the garret from which Admiral Harold Crowbar leapt to his demise"

"On this street the plague was invented"


etc etc


but id say the busking thing is a winner!

[Tweak72]

now the first thing I thought of by the end of the second paragraph was you lot dressing up as pirates, writing a bunch of rude sea shanties and going simultaneously busking and drinking. Then by the next paragraph I had a sad sinking feeling of you had already though of it but that being said the idea has lots of merit
:)
Ahha my ladshttp://www.celebratewirral.info/images_working/diver_music.jpg">

[psycho_slaughterman]

why not dress up as pirates write your shanties and busk then when they are away to give you the 3 pence from their wallet shout look up there and then grab the wallet and run.

[Funt Solo]

doggy carrots - they said they didn't want to be arrested - which puts my "prostitute yourselves" idea right out the window.

[Mudcrab]

You could walk around in Southampton strips, sing anti-Portsmouth songs and collect all the coins that get thrown at you?

I see you have no restrictions on being hurt yourselves :o)

[psycho_slaughterman]

well if they dont want arrested bribe a copper.

[Wils]

Wouldn't it be a lot less hassle to just stick Chris in a pair of hot pants and send him down the docks? ;)

[critter]

You and friends gather together with some musical instruments. Meet in town center with a sign "Tip Us or We'll Keep Playing and Singing".

critter

[Funt Solo]

Re-enact the entire run of The Red Seas.

You will need:
- a two-headed dog and a large goldfish bowl
- lots of make up
- pirate costumes
- a good memory
- a giant statue (or some stilts)
- an enormous crustacean
- some harpies

[Mr C]

Gah!
Wils, please don't go giving her any ideas like that!
One of the housemates might be better suited to dockyard related fumblings.
In fact, I think I know just the one...

[Tanky]

Funnily enough, he just said the same about you!

Your 'Get It Here' sign will be ready in the morning

:)

[Art]

How about a re-enactment of "The Shadow Over Innsmouth" on the streets of Portsmouth?

[Mr C]

Nah, the Irony would be lost on the native bug eyed, clammy chavs.

Ia! Pompey Fhtagn!

[Tanky]

Uurgh!

After a quick trip to the local shop (which is currently not for local people!) there's been a change of plan. The press-ganged boyfriend has escaped to Cornwall for the week, so it's down to me and barstool man (see 'classic girlfriendisms' thread).
The money making schemes have now taken second place to general annoyance and complete sympathy for the residents of Glastonbury. We've already directed 4 people to the wrong end of the island and are currently considering practicing headshots on a nearby brass band who only seem to know 2 tunes. Later on, we'll be taking The World's Biggest Catapult down to a tower on the beach and participating in the boat fight...


...while dressed as pirates, obviously :)


Help.