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"Avenge me!"

Started by Bico, 02 April, 2005, 04:05:50 AM

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Bico

I don't know why I'm asking such a clean-cut bunch of well-adjusted people as yourselves, but I was wondering if anyone could think of a few good parting shots for when I leave my work forever in a few short weeks?  Something nasty, but not fatal would be preferable.  Stinking the place out, sabotaging the toilets - anything you can think of, I'd appreciate you sharing it with me.
Don't think I won't do it, either - you may assume I'm just a leg-puller because I spend some of my free time pretending to be a bear who teaches mauling to red squirrels, but I really can be a right vindictive bastard when my blood's up, and the dickhead I work for has really got on my tits something rotten now.

Oh, and if it's a good one, I'll photograph the proof and display it here (if possible).

Carlsborg Expert.

Leave a fake turd on his desk,with a note next to it.

Just have it read: WITH LOVE.

maryanddavid

watercress seeds on the carpet, and a light spry of water.wont happen till a few days you are gone.
david

Eck

Leave a turd on his desk.

Wils

Or post a turd to him a a jiffy bag, surrounded by those little polystyrene chip things. He won't be able to see what's in it, so will either have to put his hand in or empty it onto his desk.

Buddy

Report your place of work to FAST (federation against software theft) about all the hooky software they're bound to have on their computers.

It's a 10,000 quid fine for each piece of software plus prison time.

Call 0800 510510 for more info.

Oh, and you get a ten grand reward into the bargin.

That's what I'm doin' when I leave my current place of work.

Good luck, tell us what happens.

Adrian Bamforth

Or leave a real turd on his desk, next to an empty fake turd packet...

ADE

Art

2000ad readers all mentalists and poor employees shock!

Bolt-01

Hey Prof, sense the theme?

Good luck with the leaving and remember to eat a lot of fibre in the run-up to the event!

Bolt-01

Tanky

Pee in the kettle!

Prawn mayonnaise sandwich down the back of a radiator.

Access the dodgiest internet sites you can find from your boss's computer then alert the authorities.

Order a load of expensive and embarrassing crap (butt plugs, gimp masks, penis enlargers, you get my drift) in your boss's name and have it all delivered to work.

LSD in the water cooler

And of course... block up all the toilets

Have fun!

Richmond Clements

All the turd stuff is hilarious, but Umpty's is a stroke of genius.
I was going to suggest informing their insurance company about whatever flagrant breaches of the Health and Safety laws they are no doubt commiting.

And there's always the fair employment commission.

Matt Timson

Hmm... I'd go with fish down the back of the radiators (or something similar).  Calling FAST is ok- but it's more likely to impact on the people working for the company who haven't done you any harm in the long run...

Either way- I'm certainly glad that I've finally upgraded *all* my software to non-hooky status!  10K plus prison time!  That's a bit harsh!
Pffft...

Bico

I'm sure I'm just imagining the recurring turd motif...

Byron Virgo

The thing to remember is to stay just the right side of the law so that if you do get caught, you won't get prosecuted. But try not to get caught (obviously).

If you really want to be Machiavellian-Evil, and actually fuck him up in a serious way, you could wait until he's out of the office and take his credit card from his wallet and note down the details (I often found bosses would wander out of the office, leaving their jacket and wallets on the back of their chair). Then simply sign him up to as many kiidie porn sites as you can and wait for Operation Trident to net him.

Alternatively, you could scratch irritating phrases into his car with your keys, or give out his email, home address and telephone number to spam/junk mail/porn senders.

Or you could do what I once did to someone, and enlist them in the army (Territorials might be easier to achieve).

Personally, I think that the need for revenge only goes to show how much this person against whom you feel agrieved is still affecting your life, and is effectively still controling you. However, since I know you're both a bitter Irishman, and a bear (not noted for their diplomacy), I doubt you'll listen to my sage-like wisdom.

Carlsborg Expert.

A mate of mine mocked up a letter from the Nhs.

Told another friend to get to the hospital quick over his recent brain scans.

NHS forms are surprisingly easy to mock up.