The Black Dog Thread

[JayzusB.Christ]

Thank you all, you're the best and I love you.

[paddykafka]

Thank you all, you're the best and I love you.

Wishing both yourself and TJM86 all the best in your respective struggles. Hope that the days ahead will be smooth ones.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Right back at you, sir.

[Jade Falcon]

The latest....I finally, maybe foolishly chucked in my job....

It was an accumulation of things.  Ever increasing targets, security measures, and other things like constant headaches, poor sleep patterns, depression etc.

I was pulled up and given a written warning due to absences.  The final point was last week when driving up to work, the car engine just starting sputtering.  I've no knowledge of car mechanics but I knew it wasn't just a flat battery, and I'm always paranoid about making sure the proper fuel is going in.  I foolishly and mistakingly let my MOT expire so my breakdown cover with my insurance wouldn't cover a callout.  I had to pay for a tow.  I then found out that it would be at least two and a half weeks before I could get an MOT and check out of the car to see what is wrong.  My work was not sympathetic, expecting me to get there no matter what.  Some of the starting times are before buses are available for part of the journey, and there is no damned way I was paying £40 each way daily for a taxi.  I just, finally told them I was quitting.  I don't have a job to go to but I have been putting a lot of applications in but I have mentally had enough.  My health, both mentally and physically has been suffering majorly.  I have tried telling them this, but I was told this had happened before that it was in 'peaks and troughs', thats part of how depression and anxiety work.  I was told there was support...yes, podcasts and sodding webinars, nothing worthwhile.

Now, now I don't know.....

[Jade Falcon]

Additionally, I have been there just over a year.  I am the only one of my intake still there.  There is a constant high turnover.  For a company operating from the UK I wondered why so many of the new starts had foreign sounding names.  This is not being racist, but it turns out that a lot of the people they are taking on are college and uni starts, so I suspect some are foreign students.  That's not a reflection on them, its more on the company as they are being trained less time than I was and then being put on the floor pretty unprepared.  We were expected to mentor new starts, in other words do some of the training teams work for them, yet we were getting nothing extra.

When I have said before that I didn't feel up to the job I was told my written work was excellent, this is stuff like tech reports, suspicious call reports, account closures, yet at the same time I would get criticised for taking time to put in the work,  I have a feeling I was getting told that to persuade me to stay as there is such a high attrition in the company.

I was told it's a good job, it doesn't feel that way, and yet, i should have felt lucky to be in a full time job, but I didn't.  I have a fairly dull life, but I have missed a dental appointment, my flu and covid booster, my MOT, and my boiler servicing due to being unable to plan round this.

[The Legendary Shark]

It might have sucked, Jade, but it's all valuable experience that'll help you get something better. 

All power to you.

[Jade Falcon]

I just feel support was lacking.  They loved to parrot the "Great Place to Work" thing, and all the corporate speak.  Honestly, reading some of their corporate emails was enough to make your eyes glaze over, say in 2000 words what could be summarised in 20.

Anyway, it was mentioned that they would support people, and that if you were thinking of leaving there would be possible contact with a retention team as they wished to keep people.  Yet, what could they do.  They couldn't alter wages, they couldn't alter shift patterns, and more and more were getting piled on us with no extra. 

[JayzusB.Christ]

For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision.  I've always thought that if half your waking hours are taken up with a soul destroying job, you might be better off broke for a while.  That said, I don't have kids to feed, but I think you said you don't either, Jade.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Just been thinking recently about therapists I've seen over the years - sometimes, there's no one on earth that winds me up more and brings out the worst in me. I've shocked myself by the harshness of my own words when I know a therapist is talking shit.

Things That Have Pissed Me Off:

Telling me that a passive nature is a good thing, despite my telling him repeatedly of times people bullied and manipulated me because I wasn't assertive enough.  Then, after I literally told him that was bullshit, saying 'passive' must be a 'trigger word' for me.

Repeatedly just rephrasing my words and adding 'That must be (insert emotion)', again and again and again, and not really much else. Empathy isn't a Spectrum 48k program, my friend.

Telling me to list the things I want, and the 'universe' will provide them.  I challenge her at length to explain exactly what that means, as I want practical solutions and don't believe in magic.  Finally she says she means 'people'. People and the universe are not synonymous.

Saying about 2 sentences for the whole hour, and otherwise just sitting there looking at me.  Do you really need training for that?

I don't know why, but these things really, really get under my skin and I can't get them out of my head.  Maybe because of the cost - these people cost a lot of money and in my opinion really, really need to be worth it. 

The first guy mentioned told me how 'difficult' he'd found one session with me. The Spirit of the Staircase still haunts me about that one - what's also difficult is coming out of a therapy session feeling worse than you went in, and considerably poorer into the bargain.

[The Legendary Shark]

Therapists. Hmph. They're all loopy to begin with.

[Funt Solo]

Telling me to list the things I want, and the 'universe' will provide them.

You don't need a therapist to tell you this hokum - the very rich and successful Jim Carrey can tell you that for nothing - and does, all over YouTube. (His theoretical musings don't seem to consider that there are lots of John Carey's out there who didn't get the gig they dreamed of, for whatever reason - part of which will simply be happenstance.)

Mind you - positive self talk is (one assumes) demonstrably better than negative self talk, just in terms of being able to face the day. I think there's evidence for that. Not that you asked. Just musing.

[JayzusB.Christ]

The 'universe is Santa Claus' thing is, to my mind at least, for people who can't quite get past a culturally-ingrained belief in a benevolent god, but aren't ready to admit it to themselves. It's not just Jim Carrey, it's that whole 'The Secret' industry and all who expound it.  There's a whole lot of financial success to be had in telling people things that they want to be true.

When the above-mentioned professional CBT therapist started trying to lead me down that path, my heart sank and I immediately told her as much.  It was from that point on her methods began to stop working for me - unconsciously or no, the waters had been sullied with bullshit for me, and I suppose I just gave up.

  Of course, there's nothing wrong with writing down some goals to work towards, but that's the whole point - you WORK towards them.  You can believe all you like, but you need to DO something, and even then you might not get the result you want.  My best mate fully believed he had recovered from his cancer, as the tests had shown as much. He was dead within a year. 

Also, funny how the Law of Attraction only seems to apply to middle-class types from peaceful, affluent countries.  If only famine- and war-stricken countries really could just collectively believe their way out of their problems.  No doubt the true believers can explain that one away somehow, but I'm not buying it.

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

"If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."

Terry Pratchett

[JayzusB.Christ]

(Applause)

I knew a guy whose ambition was to literally make the history books. Part of his strategy was walking through the most affluent neighborhood in Dublin, in the belief he could literally absorb wealth and power through his eyes into his subconscious.

He was also an incredibly unreliable worker and routinely missed days when he was needed, leaving no way to contact him.

Last I heard, sadly, he had just survived a suicide attempt and was thankfully getting help.  I've lost touch but I hope he's ok

[JayzusB.Christ]

Sorry, I should point out the applause was for the Terry Pratchett quote, not for anything that happened to the poor guy I was talking about.