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2000AD Time Twisters! The 8th 2000AD Short Story Comp.

Started by locustsofdeath!, 24 February, 2010, 05:05:17 PM

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El Chivo


The Legendary Shark

[move]~~~^~~~~~~~[/move]




Kerrin

Good story Emcee, I had a chuckle at "Kirrin Island". Must be 'cause I'm so fucking nice.

Alski

Damn it! Missed a trick there - should'a said hell with the original stories and went for Kerrin island.
"Cool Stuff You Will Like"

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Kerrin

Well it was originally named after me during one of my own time travelling jaunts. Bumped into Enid in the "Coopers Aneurism" drinking her usual Jagermeister and Special Brew, she thought I was such a pleasant chap that she named the island after me. Unfortunately she was so wankered she misheard and called it "Kirrin Island". Silly drunk bitch.

Alski

"Cool Stuff You Will Like"

Music, Comics, Books, Video Games, TV and Film reviews/articles.

http://cool-stuff-you-will-like.blogspot.co.uk/

Van Dom

#21
Emceehamster, thats a great new philosophy you've got there. To heck with trying to win, the fun is in putting these things together. I had an idea on the train on the way home from work and just had to get it down. I may do another one later but for now, lets get the ball rolling with this little ditty.

The Cover Up

July 8,1947, and a terrible tragedy unfolds, as a benevolent messenger from beyond the stars crashes to Earth, his malfunctioning spacecraft throwing him backwards in time, sixty years off course!

*

"What d'ya think, Major?" the man in the back of the jeep asked, eyes wide as he chewed on a well-chewed toothpick. "You think we might find us a live one?"
   Marcel snorted, bouncing in his seat as he guided the jeep across rugged terrain.
   "A live one, a dead one, there better be some one, or you'll be in a heap o' trouble Brazel! If you's spinnin' me sum bullshit I'll see you spend chrissmas in a cell! Wastin' military time is a serious offence, son."
   "I ain't joshin', Major, honest! I seen it come down alright, no mistake!"
   "No mistake, huh? Then where in tarnation is it? We been drivin' round like grade A assholes for two hours, an' I am gettin' mighty..."
   The black suited man in the passenger seat suddenly held up a hand and silenced the Major.
   "Shut up," he said, dropping his binoculars and replacing the dark glasses that had rested in his lap. "There it is."
   The Major saw it and took his foot off the gas, bringing the jeep to a halt.
   Before them, spread out across the parched desert earth, was the wreckage of the UFO Brazel had witnessed crashing the night before.
   The men dismounted and made their way towards the largest chunk of debris, no sooner reaching it than a noise sounded within and a scorched panel fell clear, revealing a bloodied, green-skinned being trapped inside.
   Marcel cursed, drawing his gun.
   Brazel clapped, letting out a holler.
   The man in black smiled, adjusting his shades.
   "Earthlets...help...it is I, the Mighty ThaaaAAARRGGHHHH!!"
   The alien screamed as a single bullet blasted from Marcel's gun and punched a hole through his chest, splattering blood across the wreckage and killing him.
   "Mighty? You ain't mighty nuthin'! 'Cept mighty DEAD!"
   "GodDAMNIT!" snapped the man in black, wheeling away and slapping his forehead.
   "What?" Marcel challenged. "That sumbitch came ta invade us! I jest did us a favour!"
   The man in black didn't respond, just hurried back to the jeep to operate the field radio.
   "Asshole," Marcel spat, holstering his gun and turning back to the wreckage.
   Brazel had found a busted container and removed something from it, which he was poring over excitedly .
   "What ya got there?" Marcel enquired, ambling over.
   "Comics!" Brazel gushed, grabbing another from the box and thrusting it at him. "Ones I ain't never seen the likes of! My son's gonna shit when I bring these home!"
   "Comics?" Marcel sneered, taking the paper from Brazel and quickly flicking through it.
   Suddenly, he rolled it up and snatched Brazel's copy away, pushing the younger man aside.
   "This ain't goin' nowhere, 'cept back to the base at Roswell. All o' this is property o' the United States Government now, son, an' you better ferget ya ever seen it, especially this alien propaganda! Two thousand Ay-Dee? No way boy.
   "Whatever this is, the world ain't never gonna know about it.
   "Because none of this EVER happened!"

*

Pray it isn't so, Earthlets! Pray it isn't so!
   
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locustsofdeath!

"Mighty ThaaaAAARRGGHHHH!!"

Ah ha ha, beautiful. A great start to the comp, fellows.

I've just violently ejaculated my rough draft (that's a warning of what's in store for all of you - in the story of course). BUt of course I probably won't post it until a day or two before the comp's end...

Roger Godpleton

SALVE (468 words)

You go from dream to dream inside me. You have passage to my last shabby corner, and there, among the debris, you've found life. I'm no longer sure which of all the words, images, dreams or ghosts are 'yours' and which are 'mine'. It's past sorting out. We're both being someone new now, someone incredible...

His act of faith. In the street the children are singing:

   Hark, the herald angles sing
   Mrs. Simpson's pinched our King...

Up on the mantelpiece Sooty's son Kim, an alarmingly fat crosseyed Siamese, lurks waiting to do the only thing he enjoys these days. Reading 2000 AD. Beyond eating, sleeping or fucking his chief obsession is to jump, or topple, on his mother, and lie there laughing while she runs screaming around the room. Jessica's sister Nancy comes out of the loo where she was reading 2000 AD in World War 2 to break up what's becoming a full-scale row between Elizabeth and Claire over whether Slaine was better than ABC Warriors. Jessica steps away from Roger Mexico not me to blow her nose. The sound is as familiar to him as a bird's song or "I am the Law" by Anthrax, ip - ip - ip - ip NGUNNGG as the handkerchief comes away

...'Oh sooper dooper,' she says, 'think I'm catching a cold.'
   You're catching the War and not the good War The Apocalypse War the bad real War World War 2. It's infecting you and I don't know how to keep it away. Oh Jess. Jessica. Don't leave me...

It was lucky that Roger Mexico had 2000 AD from forty years in the future or he may just have killed himself.

Elsewhere Slothrop comes to in episodes that fade in and out of sleep, measured and serene exchanges in Quaxxian, hands at his pulse, the broad green back of someone just leaving the room ... It's a white room, a perfect cube, though for a while he can't recognize cubes, walls, lying horizontal, anything too spatial. Only the certainty that he's been shot up with that Sodium Amytal. That feeling he knows almost as well as he knows all the words to The Ballad of Halo Jones.
   He's on a cot, still in Rogue Trooper garb, talking helmet on the floor down next to the ditty talking bag of hash - oh-oh. Though it requires superhuman courage in the face of doubts whether or not he can really even move and whether Song of the Surfer still holds up well these days, he manages to flop over and check out that dope as well as those new progs he had got.

It was lucky that Slothrop had 2000 AD from fifty years in the future or the octopus stuff would have been a bigger drag than it already was. Twats.
He's only trying to be what following how his dreams make you wanna be, man!

locustsofdeath!


Roger Godpleton

He's only trying to be what following how his dreams make you wanna be, man!

Kerrin

Holy fuck, a story from Roger that didn't read like the mental shittings of Mr.Ed with tourettes. I like it.

And that's definitely getting a vote Van.

locustsofdeath!

Kerrin, we NEED one from you this month - two months without one, that's no good!

Van Dom

Quote from: Kerrin on 26 February, 2010, 07:38:07 AM
Holy fuck, a story from Roger that didn't read like the mental shittings of Mr.Ed with tourettes. I like it.

And that's definitely getting a vote Van.


Ehhh...were we reading the same story Kerrin?? Roger you bastard. I was sorta kinda getting that until about halfway through and then my brain just melted, just like that, all over the floor. What the fuck are you talking about?????!!!!  :crazy:


And Kerrin - yay! (You got the cherry pie in the post, didn't you!)  :lol:
Van Dom! El Chivo! Bhuna! Prof T Bear! And More! All in Vanguard Edition Three, available now. Check the blog or FB page for details!

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Dandontdare

Didn't understand most of Roger's, but loved the other two, particularly Anne's "strange tingle in the gusset"

Nitpicking pedantry alert - the Volgan invasion was 1999, 1990 was the flood.