2000 AD Online Forum

Does exactly what it says on the tin.

The Fabulous Baker Boys

Judge Dredd

Lara Croft 2

XXX

Fast and the Furious

Hans and the nasty sausage

Loretta does Coventry

Down the Jim

I would like to see Loretta does Coventry.

But I wish I could forget Judge Dredd and Matrix: Reloaded.

If I have low expectations I have only myself to blame.  If my expectations are dashed by enormous turds I blame the filmmaker and their marketeers.

Double-edged sword, this.  If you can't remember how bad it was originally, you might end up watching it again, either by chance, or through curiosity ("it couldn't have been THAT bad, surely - I'll watch it and make up me own mind") and you'll end up having to sit through a crushing disappointment TWICE, while feeling just as bad each time.
On the other hand, what about forgetting a GREAT movie, so you can have the joy of discovering it all over again?  In which case, I'll go for The Searchers, 2001, Life of Brian, Ring(u), and Inherit the Whirlwind.

EEK!
Not Inherit the WHIRLwind!  That's the rubbish remake that was on telly!  Inherit the WIND!  The Spencer Tracy one!

Aliens - biggest turkey of a turd EVA!!!

Words cannot fatham my hatred for this waste of 2 and a half hours (or whatever)of my life.

'The Hole'

Biggest pile of arse in the world.  The entire first half is just a complete waste of time, and not even in a clever 'Usual Suspects' sort of way.  It's an hour of "this is how it happened!", only to be told "nah, she's lying.  *This* is how it happened."  ...neither of which versions, by the way, are worth a pot's worth of piss.

Yeah The Hole was shite

Highlander 2... god I want the time back I spent watching that dog... it's not even enjoyably bad

Heat. Only has a good 20 mins in and that's after 2 hours of bilge. Never come as close to walking out of a cinema in my life.

Never been as disappointed as when I watched third matrix film.

Star Trek Nemesis was also appallingly bad. Torquemeda wasn't even in it!

:-)

Wild, wild, west-only went to see it because of a friend(honest, guv)Fucking awfull, turgid dross.
Closely followed by the Blair witch project! Arguably , the most overhyped piece of cinematic wank, ever submitted to film!

sasquatch - the worse movie of ALL TIME bar none.

I'd have to go for Kung Pow: Enter the Fist or National Lampoon's Scuba School.

Both are utterly, utterly cack.

The Crow: City of Angels.

   Steve

Phantom Menace and the one after that (Bring on the Clowns or whatever it was) - obviously. I honestly wish I hadn't seen the bastards.

M@

I'm not that fussy. There might be a lot of films I really didn't like, but I'm not gonna start slagging them off.

Except one.

Crash.

After being told EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I pipe up about it that I'm a prude/didn't get it/am a fool/to fuck off, I'd like to set the record straight.

I got it.

I'm not a prude, the sex didn't bother me.

I'm not a fool.

It was bullshit.

It was boring.

It was ridiculous and stupid.

There. Now the sodding media means I can't even criticise films without being lumped in as a robot. I saw it without knowing about all the outrage etc. I thought it was dire.

The end.

four fucking weddings and a fucking funeral

bridget fucking jones' fucking diary

fucking love fucking actually

fucking fucking shite.....all of them

HIghlander 2
Crow 2
Cube 2
mmmm...can you see where this is going, now I dont mind sequals if they actually add something to the franchise(Spidey 2, Xmen2, Godfather 2)but shit thats just churned out to cash in(or even worse is nothing more than a cheap souless copy of the original, Highlander 3 i'm looking your direction)has no place in my veiwing habits.

CU Krestel

I see Moose is a big Hugh Grant fan...

Titanic - Purposely avoided it at the pictures, avoided it on dvd/video release and finally watched in on tv after friends told me they'd though it was going to be awful but watched it and thought it was pretty good.  Slapped friends next time I saw them.

Highlander 2 - Just no.  Zeist???

True Lies - Now I like Jamie Lee Curtis and I know action films have throw-away plots but whatever plot they have shouldn't be completely forgotten about for an interlude with the hero's wife that takes up a third of the film.  It also contains the worst female/comedy sidekick "but I don't know how to fire a gun" moment ever.  EVAH.

I'm 13, and hanging out with some slightly older kids.  It's a rainy day in 1988, there's nothing on telly, and one of the others suggests that - hurr hurr - he should go to the video shop and get a - hurr hurr - dirty film.  

So we bicycle into town, looking like a crap smalltown version of BMX bandits, and station ourselves in the dogshit-infested wasteland that is the Clevedon shopping centre Triangle, while our mate deepens his voice, squares his shoulders, and marches into the shop holding tightly on to his dad's video library card.

Coming back, he proudly displays the box, with its enticing red "18" certificate, and says that - hurr hurr - it's a real proper porno, innit?  So we jump on our bikes, and pedal the two miles back to his house, stick it in the machine, and ready ourselves for watching a man and a woman, y'know, doing it.  Like, naked and stuff.

What we end up sitting through is "Revenge of the Go-Go Dancers".  In which there is no nudity, no violence, and pretty much no plot whatsoever.  It's like porn for Jehovah's Witnesses.  The girls get involved in some sort of trouble, run away in a car, and have high jinks through America.  Mostly involving shopping for ever more bizzarre 80's costumes.  Then it suddenly ends, for no reason whatsoever.

I'd like to forget this piece of crap.  I'd like to forget the god knows how long all the cycling took.  And I'd particularly like to forget that I volunteered to take it back, and that my parents found it, and that I got punished for having a copy of this worthless piece of rubbish.



I'd also like Mystic Pizza to fuck off out of my memory space for all time.

Alien vs Predator. Shithouse.

J-Bo-1

Moose - you forgot Nottingbilge :-)

Reality Bites.

Even though Space Cowboy (George Peppard) had a belt that dispensed scotch, water, and ice.

It *still* has to be Battle Beyond the Stars.



For a comprehensive trip down mammary lane follow the link.

Link: Was it really all that bad?

Santa Claus The Movie.

Top Gun.

Requiem for a Dream. Myself and some friends rented this gammon clanger thinking it would be a deep, profound and hard hitting movie. Instead it was the most obvious "oooh drugs are bad" "how bad?" "This bad!" movie. And it was edited like an unwatchable MTV video. Worst of all, everyone else bar one of my friends LOVED it.

"oooh, it really made me think!"

It made me think too - that Trainspotting was better.

hex

Goodfellas and the rubbish remake of Cape Fear are two casually sadistic films I could happily forget.

I robot and Troll 2.

Daddy Day Care - Emotionally blackmailed into taking my niece to see this shite.

The Phantom "Makes the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft" Menace, and the Attack of the Clones.

Matrix Reloaded and revolutions.

Requiem for a Dream.

Agreed. Got up and walked away from that one halfway through.

Barberella

Critter

Striptease - total nonsense, why did I go to see this crap? why didn't I leave with most of the other people halfway through?
The Peacemaker was bollocks too.

Barbarella's brilliant!

That film of the Saint with Val Kilmer was absolute pish, it has no redeeming features whatsoever and treats the audience with pure contempt. Unspeakably dreadful.

Val Kilmer's turn as Batman was pretty awful too. But not as bad as George Clooney's.

As a parent, you end up taking the children to a remarkable amount of pap. I've tried to stop dragging them out to see the latest Happymeal hyped movie but you still get conned into the odd one (why make a Thunderbirds movie without actually having the Thunderbirds in most of it?)

However, I think HIGHLANDER 2 (and 3) rate pretty much on my I wish they didn't exist scale.  Not that I'm saying HIGHLANDER is a good film (have you reqatched it recently? It's pretty bad).  But, despite having read the bad reviews,  I went to see HIGHLANDER II at a late show in Withington and me and my mate were so ashamed that we swore we'd not tell anyone else we'd seen it.

HIGHLANDER III was a video rental many years later (not mine).  I managed to get my money back by writing on the comments card that "Life really is too short for you to rent films like this to unsuspecting members of the public. Please take it off your shelf".

I've learnt my lesson about sequels though. Having suffered through CHARLIE'S ANGELS (amazed that hasn't got more votes) and TOMB RAIDER I have avoided the, allegedly, worse sequels.

Oh and HAWK THE SLAYER.

The more I think about them; Kill Bill "volumes" one and two. These movies dont know what they are - are they comedy violence? Serious bone-crunching violence? They never make up their mind and swing wildly from one to the other. And after the fight in the first one theres NOTHING in the second one. She kills bill. No fight, nothing. And yet the hype sucked me in. "More of tarantinos classic dialogue!" dribbled the rave reviews. To be honest Im f*cking sick of "classic tarantino dialogue". "Filled with delightful refrences to obscure genre classics!" Oh, F*ck off.

I cant go on. Im getting too worked up.

hex :o)

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

Ditto Heat.

The Truman Show.

Scream 3.

And everything thus far by Goonight Shyamalan. Utter pish.

You take issue with the Sixth sense, I say to you sir, step outside so I may thwap you with my leather gauntlet and commence a fight to the death.

Sasquatch...no matter how bad the rest are this will beat them all...

Kill Bill V1 completely sucked though...Bought it on DVD cause of the hype...starting watching it...got very bored and haven't gone back to it since.... Now desperately trying to avoid buying V2 - any tips on smothering the completist in me would be appreciated.

But don't forget - Sasquatch IS the worst movie of ALL time....

"any tips on smothering the completist in me would be appreciated."

sell KB V1 to on ebay or give it to a charity shop.- if you give it to a charity shop you'll also get good karma ( i think, you might get bad karma for spreading the drokky film 'round though)

I needed a hug after Requiem for a Dream. Dunno if that's a recommendation or not.

Moose - you forgot Nottingbilge :-)

i was lucky enough to have never seen notting hell...phew!!

hugh grant is just an unfortunate coincidence in all these...

i hate andi macdowell, richard curtis' trite comedy, colin firth's smug darcey crap, chick flickiness and the word 'actually'...which is a totally pointless word. say a sentence with the word actually in it. then say it again omitting the offending word...the meaning is the same, so why use it? most people insert actually as a form of expression, but it's reall just poor use of language.

back to the films, hugh grant just happens to be in them all...poor fucker!!

say a sentence with the word actually in it. then say it again omitting the offending word...the meaning is the same, so why use it?

say a sentence with the word in it. then say it again omitting the offending word...the meaning is the same, so why use it?

Nah, doesn't work.

ok...try this example dud...you smart arse!!

thinks...damn his clever hide

actually, yes it does, actually.

perhaps you came up with the exception that actually proves the rule.

Aliens? THE Aliens?
Are you mad?
Alien 3 I could understand, but Aliens?

Anyway my contender.

My brother in law had a film that he said "Might interest me". It was a futuristic version of the magnificant seven. "Battle beyond the stars?" I said. "No," he says. "The Rollerblade seven."

So I watched this film. Remember the title? The Rollerblade SEVEN? There were only three of them.

Fight scenes consisted of people walking towards each other over and over again, then one of them falls over.

There's even a scene where you can hear the director telling the actor on screen what to say!    

If I had the power, I would track down every copy of this film and stick each one up the directors arse.

The first Harry Potter film. A rush job, obviously done on the cheap, director not up to it, and bad enough to put me off seeing any of the following films.

Have to say Potter Flick No. 3 rather redeems the franchise - you should try to catch it while its still aabout.

"40 sodding days and 40 sodding nights" is the worst film I've ever seen.

A film in which the lead character has to abstein from sex for "40 days and 40 nights." but has terrible difficulty in doing so.

Obviously being Josh Hartnett this is a problem, but it's played as if no one's ever gone without sex for a month & a half before.

M Night Shamalyan (or whatever) was pencilled in and decided to do something else instead for the first Potter film

Slips

-Preaching to the Perverted
-The Jackal
-Alien Resurrection
-Dumb and Dumber
-Arena
-Haloween II, IV, V, VI, VII
-Hell Comes to Frogtown
-Audition
-Superman IV: The Quest For Peace
-Batman Forever
-Super Mario Brothers
-Species
-I Know What You Did Last Summer
-Scream
-Valentine
-A Nightmare on Elm Street II
-Friday the Thirteenth VII: Jason Goes to Hell
-Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
-Lawnmower Man
-Police Academy: Mission to Moscow
-Mannequin
-Mission Impossible II
-Street Fighter
-Stop, or My Mom'll Shoot
-Kindergaten Cop
-Speed
-Cannonball Run

I thought of Hell comes to Frogtown but it was worth it to see my mates dads face when the frog king started doing his cock dance!!!

Mates dad "Who the fuck got this shite?"

We still talk about it 15 years later.

Worst film without a shred of doubt is...The Telephone.
Whoopi "unfunny" Goldberg locked in a flat doing shitty stand up routines while waiting for a phone call. And thats it!!!Dross utter dross!!!

Jumping Jack Flash.

Uuurrgghhh...! When will people learn that Whoopi Goldberg based films can never escape the trap of being utterly shite.

(On a lighter note, I enjoyed Jaws 3D, if only because I saw it with my brother at the NFT in actual 3D. Which was a lot better than watching it on tv, and not in 3D)

CANNONBALL RUN! Get off this forum Virgo, you're obviously not one of us.



"It's not what you do its how you do it - you go your way I'll go mine."

How dare you slag off ROWDY RODDY PIPER, 80s trash cinema's finest male lead!

J-Bo-I-Came-Here-To-Chew-Bubblegum-And-Kick-Ass...

...And-I'm-All-Out-Of-Bubblegum-1

I'm surprised how many of the films some people picked that I actually enjoyed...not too many, but a fair few...

Batman & Robin.

Biggest pile of shit I have ever seen outside the London Zoo Elephant enclosure.

Really great way to impress your mates by "treating" them to it.

Best film I've seen at the cinema?
Beavis and Butthead Do America. Never laughed so much in my life.

Salo (shudders)
i mean alternitive lifestyle choices im all for...
... but poo (just for an example) is wrong

ill see you and raise you...

Link: ...shark in "swims as fast as a plane" shocker

"How dare you slag off ROWDY RODDY PIPER, 80s trash cinema's finest male lead!

J-Bo-I-Came-Here-To-Chew-Bubblegum-And-Kick-Ass...

...And-I'm-All-Out-Of-Bubblegum-1"

Woah there! Did I say anything dissparaging They Live? I'm a big Keith David fan. I won't even mention the fact that it has one of the longest and most protracted, and entirely pointless fight scenes in the history of cinema. But don't try and claim Rowdy Roddy Piper as some latter day Kurt Russel or Jeffrey Combs, fer chrissakes!
What are you, some kinda shcnook?

I mean, never mind the fact that every film he's ever starred in has been some kinda shitty pun: Buy & Cell; Sci-fighters; The Bad Pack; or rip off stuff like Immortal Combat; or just the simply bizarre, such as Legless Larry & the Lipstick Lady. I mean, are you going to go and see Cyber Meltdown when (or indeed if) it gets released?


And as for mccarron, if you're such a fan of seeing Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise in crap racing films, then I've got a suggestion for you. Why don't you go and watch Smokey and the Bandit and All Dogs Go To Heaven in a double bill. In your room. On your own. As always. Helps ease the pain, eh?

Not one of you? I'd be bloody scared if I was anything like you at all, you 80's kid you!

and as for "battle beyond the stars" its a bloody classic its brilliant its like ... oh i dont know, say the magnificent seven but in space

Yeah, I enjoyed Battle Beyond the Stars. And Requiem For A Dream.

Why don't we all just agree to hate the works of Dolph Lundgren, Jean-Claude VanDamme and Lou Diamond Phillips and have done with it?

Okay - so maybe I'm not one of you!

Agreed with the rest of your extensive list though - apart from maybe Lock Stock. Quite enjoyed that one.

Amd I liked M:I 2, Byron. Want a fight?

Photographing Faries. Which might have been good it it had had any faries in it, and wasn't a boring and clumsy drug allegory.

Yu gi oh - the movie.
All the Pokemon films (yes, I really DID have to sit through more than one).
Robot Jox.
Anything starring Cynthia Rothrock, Jean Claude Van Damme or Olivier Gruner.
Anything directed by Albert Pyun.

When I found the site for Battle Beyond the Stars looking for an image of Nell, the neurotic spaceship with tits I actually found myself getting quite nostalgic about it even though as a nine year old I was sorely disapointed with the film.

So I'll retact my wish to forget it completely.

As for Requiem For A Dream- nope, still can't bring myself to say anything constructive about it ;)

++ Why don't we all just agree to hate the works of Dolph Lundgren, Jean-Claude VanDamme and Lou Diamond Phillips and have done with it? ++

Gets my vote.. Universal Soldier doublely so.


B.

Highlander 2

Leibestraum

Jurassic Park

Krull

Cat's Eyes

Alien Ressurrection

Terminator 2

The Abyss

"the neurotic spaceship with tits" Hehehehe.
I always thought it looked like a big pair of dangly bollocks myself, an appropriate motif for the rest of the film too IIRC!
PVS, what's not to like about Cats Eyes? I enjoyed it but then I've read the shorts that the "episodes" in the film were lifted from, does that make a difference? Or not .
Regards Jim.

Battleship Earth, anyone? That got a 0/5 review!

Cocktail - how many cringey moments did that film have.

what's not to like about Cats Eyes?

The unbelievably shite final third with the goblin?

Oddgirl was watching a film last night - it was terrible. Not sure what it's called, but it's a film about cheerleaders starring Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Kirstin Dunst (Oddgirl's favourite actress - which is why she wanted to watch the film).
It was bad, so bad.

Bring it on.....

Slips

Ah yes that's right Slips.

One of your favourite films, no?

hahahaha no.  But its not terribly bad.  Just bad.  My daughter has watched it a few times and I think I caught it at the same time.  

Slips

"Battleship Earth, anyone?"

now i would like to include this film as one i would like to forget however i have never seen it
ha ha ha ha haaaaa

"Robot Jox"

Oh my god, I'd forgotten Robot Jox. I used to love that film as well. I bet it'd be really shit now, though.

Rac, though, you actually like that twisted piece of dog excrement they call MI2?

You disgust me!

I liked Cats Eyes though - scared the shit out of me one Haloween as a kid (that was the same evening I thought Paul Daniels had been killed), especially the end bit with the little breath stealing gobliny-thing.


(by the way, this may have just been me, but the first time I saw the poster for Jaws IV, I thought it said:
This Time It's PORTUGAL)

Most of the abysmal movies I've seen I have trouble remembering, lucky me. But here are a few I wish I could wipe completely:

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

City Nights? I dunno, terrible 1920s cop comedy with Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds. So bad, I saw it a second time, having forgotten that I'd seen it the first time

Three Colours Blue

The Abyss


..........mind you, if I forget them completely I might watch them again. aaaiiieeeee!

Bi-cen-***king-tenial Man. What a pile of arse.

Bring It On, is, surprisingly the almost perfect movie to watch while working on a night shift. You will tend to be too tired to question why all the pretty girls are dancing around,and why there is such a dodgy racist undertone, PLUS it's also got the magical "These are not spirit fingers, *THESE* are Spirit Fingers!" line. Granted, it is still a bit shite, but it's not worth forgetting forever.

Anybody, who has had the misfortune to have ever subscribed to Sky Movies will have seen an almost limitless number of atrocious movies. Ones of particular note are anything with Billy Zane in (Sky Movies show a lot of his "work"), and some time travel type thing where some guy with a beard gets horrified by the lack of Christian morals in modern day society (it gets very jesus-freaky very quickly).

The Producers.

I've tried to enjoy it, believe me, but I can't. I've seen it five or six times now, and I just don't find it funny.

Ever since I listed it on my website as one of the world's most over-rated movies, I've received dozens of e-mails from fans "correcting" my opinion! I even received a death-threat once, though I'm pretty sure that the guy didn't really mean it (based on the rather strong evidence that I'm not dead yet).

Am I alone in this?

Probably!

don't know the name of it but it involved pierce brosnan (sp) and a volcano. can't find it any where

Dante's Peak, that was.

Never saw it myself, but I heard so many bad things about it that last time it was on telly I taped it and then played it back when I wasn't there so that I could miss it twice.

Alien Ressurection was real real bad and it's one film I've sworn never to watch again

*bump*

Just in case any has forgotten we've been here before.

As I said on another thread:

Just appauling.

ADE

Nice to know I'm consistent for a change though.

Yes Ratty, ALIENS.

Alien3 is a far, far better film by far.

ALIENS is shit. Simple as that.