2000 AD Online Forum

In the absence of the Trout, who is your King now?

Link: Click to vote

The link on this one works, sorry again.

Who voted for me? could you change your vote to
cybermax's arse
please?

Nice try Max, but Eyebrows emerges as shock frontrunner!

Sorry cyber-butt, looks like we're firmly matriachal (or something) at the mo.

everyone take the day off! Favourite vices all round!

My favourite Vice would be Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

I already have two votes

i'm still beating you

Thur's no goddam point in a'countin' th' votes, it's only a whaste ah a whole passel o' time!

Ah hereby declares President Junior as th' winner o' this here election!

Wheee doogie!

An' ah promises ta be th' baddest president that ever lived!

Jesus Christ, why are we even debating this. IT'S ME...

i'm sorry guys, but it has to be me, and since i'm in mourning psychosis, the benign dictatorship thing can go out of the window. I'm afraid the kingdom can go to wrack & ruin while i eat chocolate & drink whisky & randomly kill people. any questions ?

Sounds like a sensible way to rule as monarch.

But unless some watery tart has thrown a sword at you, then you're not going to be my King.

awww....
That just leaves me then. Oh look i've got another one!
Bring me chocolate. And someone get Bou a big whiskey.
--:D

I suppose whoever's currently in the lead gets to be King before a final result is declared. That's Bou and Tanky then.

Fecking right plebs.

i may have sold a sword this w/e but i still have five, and theres only one watery tart around here, & thats me.

Slainche mhath Tankie !  who shall we kill first ?

Who the hell voted for me? I don't want to be King, I'm happy being the Royal Ass-kisser in chief.

Where'd I put me lippy?

My ass has 2 votes and I have one, making 3, hah its a tie

I ought to be King because I'm a fully paid up subscriber to 'Internet Hardman Monthly'.

Or something.

;)

No ME!  I promise the murder of all firstborn children and compulsory electroshock therapy for all citizens, but I'll keep taxes for the rich down, so it all balances out in the end.
Vote Bear!  Your Bear is NOT a crook!

i have 4. Max shall be first to die. usurper!

I'm sorry, but as convenor I have to count the votes as they stand.  And as they stand, President Junior leads, with JEB second and various minor parties, including 4 disunited groups with a pro-Tanky bias, coming in last.

DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!  I CONCEDE NOTHING!!
I DEMAND AN IMPARTIAL RECOUNT BY ALL MY FRIENDS IN THE BEAR COURT!

bollox, who said this was a democracy? vote what you like, i'm Queen & thats that, and i'm pretty mad right now, so does anybody disagree ?

eh ? anybody wanna question my authoratay?

theres only one thing & one thing only that'll save you all from my malevolent fury & reign of mis-spelt terror, & thats the hugs of a good work-man, so if you want to keep your bollox attached i suggest you either get to work a ploughing those fields peasants, or find me the cutey pie that'll save you all.....

and with no Trout to enforce a flirt ban... WHAA HAAA HAAAAAAA ! ! ! cackle ... coff....sob.



( comic geeks need not apply )

Cybermax 1 3 %
cybermax's arse 1 3 %
Cybermax's hairy crack 1 3 %
Max's Arse 1 3 %
Max`s arse 1 3 %
My arse, as declared on the board, and if anyone diagres with me i'll stick up another link 1 3 %

6 votes people

What are you, some kind of Daymocrat, boy?

This here's Ree-publican cuntry, we don't have no messing with thayt vote-counting sheee-it.

I'll put the arse back on the net, and I might include my nipple to.

Vote for my arse And it shall remain forever unseen

I voted for bou but I guess she would make a kind of womanly king...

All those who voted for me or my arse could you please step forward so I can shower you in glory. I know that floyd and I voted for my ass, but who else has?

'I'll put the arse back on the net, and I might include my nipple too'

Max, the CIA are keeping track of my internet use, could you please stop saying things like this. I'm trying to avoid going to jail. Again.

well vote for me and neither will make an appearance

Refreshingly, "Me", normally an immediate and unbeatable frontrunner, has made a very late entry to this race, breaking away from the pack with a less-than stellar 4% of the vote.

Pending a steward's enquiry into the voter-registration scandal surrounding President Junior, it looks as though Johnnyeyebrows, leads the board, with a mammoth 5% lead over most of his rivals.  With only 24 hours till polling closes, can the factionalised Max/Bou/Tanky/Arse Party Party pull it together long enough to mount a last-minute challenge?

you have my vote BOU,

we need some one who can take charge and control a bunch of immature boys whom like toys and comics
your qualified as a mother.

Vote Jared! For equality and stuff. And long prison sentences.

amateurs!
Vote tanky and i might get my boobs out!

I concede in favour of Tanky.

>amateurs!
>Vote tanky and i might get my boobs out!

If only the Americans were this shrewd they might get a woman into the white house.

Tanky! Tanky! Tanky!

Let's put it this way, I'd rather kiss her arse than Max's.

Well, it's hotting up...
Joint Second Place
Tanky's Breasts
Me
johnnyeyebrows
no one - we should become a republic under the rule of General C

First Place (disputed)
President Junior

I'd like to officially withdraw from the race on the grounds that anybody who wants to lead should automatcally be barred from doing so!

I would like to change the vote I made for myself (come on- don't tell me I'm the only one) and give it to Mr C instead as he's the only boarder to say he doesn't want the job.

I've never even heard of President Junior and declare him to be a made up alias- disqualified!

Then do it - you just need to change your poll.

Tanky's Breasts is/are now in the lead!

Done.  I now urge the weird person who also voted for me to vote for Mr C as well.  We'll teach him for not being a power hungry despot- let's elect the bastard!

I've never even heard of President Junior and declare him to be a made up alias- disqualified!

Izzat so?  Dang, boy - thur ain't no one deesqualifies President Junior lessen ah sez they can!

Shoot, ya'all got me so riled up an' fightin' mad ah'm gonna hav ta call in ma pa an' ma brother Mean Machine Jed ta go a settin' ya straight!  Ain't no one badmouths President Junior! No sir!

Under th' new method o' countin', ah wins hands down! Yes siree bob.

Well, I voted for BB King, but then I have a tradition of 'wasting' my vote in elections, so...

I vote for a complete revolution.

(thanks to Dave Evans - Bolt-1 - for this, again)

Link: A Complete Revolution

S'beautiful.  One candidate offers to whap her knockers out and - hey presto! - suddenly her breasts have garnered 6 votes.  

The runaway winners!

Anyone want to bet on this candidate's keeping her election promises?

'might'

And there was no indication of where, when, or in what company, if any.

Sounds like a suitably vague promise to me.  Are you sure you're not a politician.

lol!
Yaay! The board is now ruled by a pair of gazungas!
Politician? Me? I just know what my public wants to see!
Here's something to tide you all over until i can find a suitable pic...

Hang on, I'm ruled by your breasts?

Nurse! More medication for Mr Course please!

Ahhh... The good old days- when Tharg gave cold hard cash for crudely ripped off Bellardinelli pics...

;)

Ferchhrissakes. I AM YOUR KING. ARE YOU ALL MAD?...

No, me! Buzz off hyperclown!

Ooh, Boobies!

Steve Happy :)

ahh sod yous all . i'm not playing, i'm off to rule my own kingdom, ...

you wanna see my tits too ?

ha ! you'll have to try harder than that feebs.

mutter mutter king queen arse feck mutter sore looser bastards feck.

"They called me the ReVerend when I entered the Church unstained;
my employers have changed but the name has remained.
It all began when I went on a tour,
hoping to find some furniture.
I followed a sign - it said "Beautiful Chest".
It led to a lady who showed me her best..."

Nuff said!

From: The Battle of Epping Forest - Genesis.

Link: http://www.lyricstime.com/lyrics/28196.html

>you wanna see my tits too ?

If you were twenty years younger maybe.

La Placa Rifa,
W. R. Logan.

BAD temporary minion, BAD!
Logan is hereby found guilty of being a cheeky mofo and is sentenced to watch the surviving members of the roly polys tap dancing naked in my dungeon until the trout gets back. Also, Bou gets to kick you repeatedly and squarely in the arse.
Actually, Bou gets to kick anyone she feels like kicking.
Therev is found guilty of the most heinous crime of posting genesis lyrics and must serve a community tuneage order of listening to something loud and crunchy for 24 hours.
Everyone else...er...take the day off!
The boobs have spoken.

Never forget the boobs are jiggly.

'Yaay! The board is now ruled by a pair of gazungas!'

That's nothing. I got a whole country ruled by a pair of dicks.(can you tell Kerry's trailing?)

HUrraH for Tankies Boobies their judgement is fair !

Logan, BOOT BOOT BOOOOOOT !

If you think that ploy will work as a means of me flashing my fantastic young tits at you , think again, BOOT!
THUMB , WALLUP

I may not be 18 no more, BOOT ! but at least i don't have a beer THUMP! gut.

never EVER WHALLUP ! accused a queen of saggy boobies. CRUNCH !

(lmao) and ya tankies dungeon too

>I may not be 18 no more, BOOT ! but at least i don't have a beer THUMP! gut.

If I stop drinking and do a bit of excercise my beer gut will go.

It'd be easier to raise the Titanic than your 'fantastic young tits'

her tits aren't that bad

And by that I mean that if I was 24 years older...

Need any help digging that grave, Max?

Dig upwards, Max, dig upwards, you'll get out sometime.

'you'll get out sometime.'

Doesn't seem like being any time soon

mmm i love it when total newbies randomly start insulting my tits.

troll for breakfast anyone? i suppose if i didnt have a life o could check out the book reference. but i can't be fucked.

Tankieeeeee ! we have another one for the giant napalm catherine wheel.

Sadly, I believe that may be Logan with yet another confusing alias.

Being a man of God*, I can tell you that it's a passage about Death riding up, with Hell right behind him.  Or something.

Never fear, Bou- I'll have a go with your tits and consider myself a lucky man.  Mainly because they won't squirt warm milk in my face.

:)



*ok, so I'm less 'a man of God' and more 'reasonably well read'.

Revelation 6:8
I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a forth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

I posted this on the thread below

Link: the thread

Dammit! you turn your back for five minutes...

Bou - dispense the napalm!
JEB - confusing aliases are fair game in my book- fire at will!

It looks like my reign shall be up sometime soon, so today i have a mission for you all, should you choose to accept it. The best practical joke/ jackass style stunt performed today shall win a prize.* Evidence may be required and anything involving Max's bum is disqualified.
I'm also taking requests. Anyone wanting a temporary position of authority, wishing to consign someone/ thing to my dungeon of doom, or wanting a bit of help with life in general, apply here.

*prize may not actually be tangible. The boobs accept no responsibility for any horrendous injury sustained in the pursuit of comedy.

Happy friday everyone!
Never forget the boobs are jiggly

I'm applying for a position.

What can I have? :-)

ummm...
you can look after the flying monkeys. I believe their helicopter gunships need maintanence

But they keep throwing their faeces at me and call me names behind my back and knick me fags.

Grumble, moan, whinge, etc.

'Max's bum is disqualified'

damn you

jackass style japes ?

well i am channelling a rage & angst the size of the planet, my little black book of nasty people is rather overcrowded, and i'm in charge of lighting ( okay okay me & the viking bloke are in charge ) of lighting ?1200 of fireoworks tonight..

who shall i save the big one for?  the guy who bought round a dog shit in a bag to the house the afternoon i got the beravment news ?  Anyone who works at Juve-2's school ? my collegue who has done NO work all week whilst i skivvied ? the woman who moaned about the squidgy grapefruit ? anyone whos talked about my tits this week in a derogatory manner ? mmm choices choices..

Queen Explosive-KILL'Em'ALL-Bou.

I'm wracking my brains for a Jackass Style Stunt to perform this very day, so you may have to wait a while on that one.

Although I did get out of the bath and tread right on a paint-scraping shave hook nearly a fortnight ago. With hilarious results (no stitches necessary). That's a bit bit lame, though.

This one's a classic, even if I do say so myself -
Get a 'Barney' costume from a costume-hire, then skip past a kindergarden during break-time and wave at the kids.  Then have some mates pull up in a car, pretend to kick the living shit out of you while you shout "Don't hurt Barney!  Barney is your friend!" in an approximation of the big dinosaur's voice, then drag you into the car and speed off.

Or you could take a blurry photo of the stuffed panther you bought from a pawn shop in the city on the local snob's golf course.  With chicken-wire and a bit of black insulation tape, you can pose the cat in different positions so no-one cottons on to the fact that you've just suckered quite a few people into believing there's a big cat on the loose.

Of course, you'd have to be REALLY bored to do any of that.

why are none of you falling under my religious right. (bear) i'll send you a news letter soon

religious what now? Max are you playing at vikings again?

Usher - Yeeowch! I feel your pain having once suffered a similar fate involving a tent peg.

Professor Bear is the clear front runner right now, although i eagerly await the results of Bou's firework display - any more for any more?

playing? I've found a new religion. Based on the norse religion

results of firworkbeserkdisplay ?

well it was armagedon vietnam nuke tastic, i was in a funny funnnnny mood, ( last two years i lit the fireworks with the deceased ), Couldnt be arsed people, so was glad to be away from the crowds & on the beach where i could whoop & swear as much as i liked, THe Bonfire was terrifying, call me morbid, but i always worry about all those witches they burnt, but a fire that size, would kill ye pretty fecking quick. the boys did a rather entertaining trick with petrol & it went ;

WHOOOOOOM !  only louder & they ran. then the pall of smoke went up like a fecking mushroom cloud, excellent ! about ?1000 worth of palettes makes a fair heat.

then me n viking went for the total head feck barrage firework effect, with 4 to five ground display at any one time & rockets going left right n centre, cos we had a fantastic location this year we had bags of space to run around spacing the fireworks out, shit was falling on my head , but we have helmets etc on, didnt actually see many of them , as was too busy running & setting the next one off.

The crowd loved it, said it was mind blowing.

i set a few off for my dead pal & whooped to the heavens, smoke noise crazy shit.

The dog shit boy was incredibly careful & polite & little boy sooky voice around me, he musta been warned about my current emotionalism.

Then when most the crowd had gone & we were starting to tidy, we were chucking the burnt firework boxes in the fire ( don't do this at home), i found an unexploded one, the fuse was fucked, so me & collegue was feeling depressed & dangerous after speaking to his recently ex'd bowden bitch wife... we decided to light this fecker with a burning lump of wood... VERY jackass, some others joined in, there we were huddled around this one foot sqare box of explosives puffing & blowing on this glowing brand, til it sparked... BOOOOOOM ! & nearly took two of the lads heads off.. ( i can jump & run faster it seems ), i havent laughed so much in ages. hope no-one was watching, very irresponsible.

then we found half blown ones & chucked them on the fire, spectac.

then we tidied up & dismantled marquees & re distributed flood lights & Jennies for 2 hours, then we got pissed. then i slept for 12 hours.

think we made enough cash for next years display, which we never usually do. we've got glow stix & toffee apples coming out of our ears, anyone want any ? 50p ?

Wow! Sounds like you had a wicked time. Me + housemates just blew our bin up! (bits ended up on the fire escape and everything!) We were going to blow up housemate #3's old car too, but decided against it in a fit of safety when he mentioned it had loads of petrol in.
Great weekend!
What the hey, everybody's won!
And Max gets to be head viking.

Whay. I'm the Head!