2000 AD Online Forum

So there have been best lines from films and best lines from anywhere but what about the most diabolical ones?  There's a rich vein to be tapped there....

I'll play, how about:

"Don't say you're easy on me, you're about as easy as a nuclear war"

From Duran Duran's "Is There Something I Should Know?"

Ouch

Ed

Ouch indeed - ahhhh! How we loved those new romantics.

"If it bleeds, we can keel it."

Or, on in the same vein as ed's,
"I'm serious as cancer,
When I say rhythm is a dancer."

"I wouldn't like to see a ghost,
I'd rather have a piece of toast"

"He was a skater boy,
She said see you later boy"

"Anti-gay and anti-dope,
I am the faggot anti-pope"

The entirety of J-lo's 'Jenny from the block' is worthy of mention, too.

I spit on J-Lo, how irritating can one person be

'I'm still Jenny from the block,
 used to have a little but now I've got a lot'..
.. because you suckers are buying my tripe.

Funny enough Rac, I play Rhythm is a Dancer each Friday in my old skool DJ slot, I usually get asked for it, I'm still looking for the instrumental though ;-)


Ed

"Deborah, you look like a zebra."

Various bits of dialogue on the theme of:

"So, that means the planet is actually against/for/neutral to the humans, due to the biol/dark matter chain reaction whajamajiggery."

"Oh, now we understand. Well exposited, Mek Quake!"

AAAAGH!

- Trout

Where is that Deborah line from?
I'll put my hand up to having danced to Rhythm is a Dancer but it was a few years ago - and it's comforting to know that line remains as tactless as it ever was.

Damn! I forgot to mention Khaos!

- Trout

Mia-heee!
Mia-huuu!
Mia-haha!

silly foreigners. and i just dropped me kin bag of crisps.

Going back to J-lo: THAT is a FAT ARSE.  It's not a 'big booty', or a 'curved figure', it's a FAT ARSE.
Women have slaved to adhere to some nebulous idea of beauty for years, and I don't see why that fat-bottomed latino minger should be exempt from the process just because she thinks she can act and sing.  Did any of her movies actually set the box-office alight, or go on to be successful in any way at all?  The movies that rely on HER, I mean, as opposed to her co-stars.  Why is this woman a star?  She just seems incredibly unpleasant and rude.

Also, all the english-language dialogue in anime that gets transplanted to western television is improbably difficult to listen to.  Shows like Big O and Neon Genesis Evangelion were pretty good until the Americans got hold of them.
Dialogue in Shaun Hutson novels is pretty dire, too.  Ditto the works of Clive Cussler, though they're supposed to be pulp-style action/adventure stories, not that that's an excuse.

Ohhhh - I love it when someone dares to have an impassioned rant.

Go Bear go!!

Actually she was in Anaconda which had such a wafty script/special effects and too many bad lines to mention - but there were lots of them - trust me.

Without disagreeing with you about J-Lo who I dispise.  Jumped up poisoned dwarf with little talent gets all the scorn she deserves.  However, Im not so sure she has a FAT arse.  A prominent one maybe, just not FAT.  

Most women on our TV and Film screens are anything close to normal size, the camera puts something like 10lbs to a stone on most people, can you imagine how thing some of them must be to look thin on camera?  Having met a few famous women, I discovered those I thought were nice and normal sized looked impossibly thin.  As a father of a girl fast approaching their teens (next year folks), Im worried about what this says to girls and our society.  Are we gonna have more film stars like Callista Flockheart, Gwynneth Paltrow, etc.  Thin rakes devoid of personality.  Or are we going to have them more like a normal size?  (and by normal I mean size 8-10, which is still pretty thin)

Still JLo may she burn, for her crap songs and living off one OK film (the one with george clooney, which I forget the title of...)

Slips
 

"Mr.Blobby!
 Oh Mr.Blobby! etc etc "

The entire script of Batman and Robin

Hey, don't be fooled by the rocks that she got.

Where is that Deborah line from?

It's from 'Deborah' by Marc Bolan.

"Arrgh! He's hitting me in the face!"

"I'm top bitch now!"

"I knewwwwww you'd say that"

"I'm crazy
For that little lady
No, no, no
she ain't shady, no"

-Lennk Kravitz tries to work out how many other words he can fit into the rhyming scheme (lazy, crazy, hazy, maise-y) whilst playing THE SAME TWO CHORDS over and over again until your ears begin to bleed

I think J-Lo is a crap singer and a even worse actor.

But I do like big bums.

Steven Segal - Under Seige

Crew member to Segal - 'Show us a move'
Segal smoozing large breasted lady 'Here's a move'

My, my - the class of it.

'god damnit!' - everyone, every two minutes, Matrix: revolutions.

"I knewwwwww you'd say that"

Endjinn, I knew... Oh, forget it.

- Trout

do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightening....?  the same thing that happens to everything else.

The Worst Line of all time...

"I've measured it from side to side
'Tis three feet long and two feet wide."


Challenge: who wrote it and what is it describing?

Wordsworth describing a pond... proving even geniuses have an off-day

But this man seemed to have an off-day, everyday

"So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time."



And of course

"You should not drink and bake"... but actually that's so bad it's good especially the way it's delivered

Ah, McGonagall!

"Then as for Leith Fort, it was erected in 1779, which is really grand,
And which is now the artillery headquarters in Bonnie Scotland;
And as for the Docks, they are magnificent to see,
They comprise five docks, two piers, 1,141 yards long respectively."

LOL! McGonagall's great.

I love this one:

I'M a rattling boy from Dublin town,
I courted a girl called Biddy Brown,
Her eyes they were as black as sloes,
She had black hair and an aquiline nose.

Which ends:

So I bade farewell to Biddy Brown,
The greatest jilter in Dublin town,
Because she proved untrue to me,
And was going about with Barney Magee.

Should you be able to bear the full text, you will find it here:

Link: Dundee's greatest son!

Can't complain, mustn't grumble, help yourself to another piece of apple crumble.

'That was then, this is now" - ABC

TO be honest and rather embarrasingly I always thought Robert Burns had a monopoly on worst lines (this of course is a terrible confession for a Scot)

"Oh poor and timourous beastie,
What a panics in my breastie."

Sheesh!!

Slips

"Can't complain, mustn't grumble, help yourself to another piece of apple crumble"

Ouch that one smarts lol!

Much as I love the track, how about "Mirror in the Bathroom" by The Beat? a classic mindf*ck of a line...

"Mirror in the bathroom
please talk free
The door is locked
just you and me,
can I take you to a restaurant
that's got glass tables
You can watch yourself
while you are eating"

Ed

Been to the year three thousand...


THAT ENTIRE FUNKING SONG!!!

No only the song - but the sentiment too.. hmm I fancy your grandaughter. Lovely.

Yes, but using time travel, which means it is the GREATEST SENTIMENT IN THE WORLD.

"I don't like sand. It's so hard and coarse. Not like your skin. It's so smooth."

Or something like that anyway. Die Lucas die!!!

"Let's hunt some orc."

Arrrggghhhhhh!!

Fair enough - time travel is spot on for those of us that can do it - but singing about wanting to boff your girlfriends grandaughter is abusing that power - maybe?

Every night in my dreams
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not
go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

And the award goes to Jen - truly toe-curling stuff(and I can't help but think of French and Saunders).

I obviously haven`t spent as much time inspecting J-Lo`s rear end as some people, but I think she looks pretty good. She was good in `Out of Sight`, the film with George Clooney.
  `When he died a part of me died too` from one of the Rocky movies
 there`s some line about being a kick-ass bitch but I love you anyway in The Abyss, but memory has mercifully wiped a lot of that movie

Good/bad one from the hammer film on Saturday night.

"It seems to have the ability to defend itself.  What if a plant was intelligent, knew who it's enemies were and could destroy them?"
"A plant like that could take over the world!"

On the subject of J-Lo, I'd say the arse was huge but not necessarily fat.  The rest of her's easy on the eye but her singing/acting does nothing for me.
I've remembered a great quote from some film critic on radio one who was attending an awards ceremony where J-Lo was present.
Something along the lines of "Her bottom is huge in real live, even bigger than it seems on-screen and it sticks straight out like a shelf.  It'd be just the right height to rest my pint on though."

As any Caballistics Inc. continuity obsessive/horror film buff will tell you, Dr. Terror's House of Horrors was an Amicus film, not Hammer.

(fingers crossed I got that right)

Been to the Year 3000?  Remember, if the song succeeds in wooing the lovely ladies of Busted(?) in the romantic sci-fi drama manner that it emulates, her (great great great) granddaughter will not only be 'pretty fine', but will be HIS GRANDDAUGHTER TOO.  

I'm not sure I follow that, GC, but you're the one with the Masters in genetics, so I'll take your word for it.

"Good/bad one from the hammer film on Saturday night.

"It seems to have the ability to defend itself. What if a plant was intelligent, knew who it's enemies were and could destroy them?"
"A plant like that could take over the world!" "

That wasn't a Hammer film! It was Dr. Terror's House of Horror, the first antology horror film made by Milton Subotsky and Max Rosenberg's AMICUS studios, and is basically a rip-off of Dead of Night, the 1945 Ealing portmanteau horror film.

I'm really offended you thought it was a Hammer film!

See?

Bah!  I would've got away with it if it weren't for you pesky kids!

I stand corrected and offer my humble apologies.
I joined it halfway through and I'm fairly sure ceefax listed it as a hammer film.  
It's all their fault.

"Get the hell out of our galaxy!"

The defining moment in Babylon 5, for me.  The definition in question being:

Babylon 5 noun A big pile of shit.

Either awful or pure genius:

You think that I'm made of reddies
That makes me choke on my Shreddies

Adam Ant, Made Of Money

ADE

DAMN CEEFAX AND THEIR HORDES OF ABOMINABLE COCK MUNCHING HORROR MONKEYS THEY CALL FILM CRITICS!!!!



...sorry about that.

...regarding anime, there's a wonderful bit in the 1970s Captain Harlock where a character says "There's someone spying on us, Dad, but I don't think it's a person, I think it's a woman!"

There's a great bit right at the end of the film The Abyss, where the people at the bottom of the ocean have just been raised to the surface, improbably quickly, by the space aliens.  One of them wonders why they didn't get the bends and another says "I guess the aliens must have protected us."

As for bad lyrics, there's Starship's delightful song "We Built This City," every line of which is a nightmare.

--Grant

"The heat is on, the time is right,
it's time for you, for you to play the game,
people are coming, everyone's trying,
trying to be the best that they can,
when they're going for, going for GOLD!"

> I don't like sand. It's so hard and coarse. Not
> like your skin. It's so smooth."
>
> Or something like that anyway. Die Lucas die!!!

Except he doesn't say that. He says "not like *here*. Here everything's soft and smooth".

Still not exactly Shakespeare, but hey. There are so many genuine bad lines in Star Wars there's no need to make 'em up.

"It's like something out of a dream... or maybe I'm just going crazy" (Luke on Dagobah in the Empire Strikes Back)

"Many things will change when we reach the capital, Annie, but my caring for you will remain" (Queen Armadillo in the Phantom Menace)

"Yippeee!" (Anakin, ibid)

"The heat is on, the time is right,
it's time for you, for you to play the game,
people are coming, everyone's trying,
trying to be the best that they can,
when they're going for, going for GOLD!"


Very good memory - or maybe you have it on video  ;-D

Well I double-checked by google but it was burnt into my cerebal cortex during my student years...

Next you'll be admitting to having watched every episode of Eldorado

"A MATRIX PRINTER! It'll stomp over us like a ROW OF SPIKES!" - Rogue Trooper

Oowwwwwwww . . .

The worst 2000 AD line is, of course, "Hey!  What the hell happened to our quintuple-X-rated movie?" from Michael Fleisher's Harlem Heroes.

--Grant

the worst line of all time has to be from 4 weddings and a funeral where that tefal head andy mcdowell beatch says to hugh "hump a skanky crack ho" grant - "is it still raining -  i hadnt noticed" when they snog at the end - supposedly cause she is so enthralled by him....

Why do I know this? My wife makes me watch this stuff.....she also likes Scarface too so its not ALL bad.....

I have in my hand a piece of paper...

Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves
"This is English courage.."

What? From an American? Piss off Costner!

And just how did he manage to walk from Dover to Nottinghamshire in just one day? Balls!

And whats so great about English courage anyway?

Silly twat.

Caught the train, didn't he?

The real question is why is there are a bunch of westcountry yokels in the middle of Yorkshire?

Not to mention the yanks...

there's nothing you can do to stop the catharsis of spurious morality!!!!






wtf?

Worst line ever? simple

"I got a little cooked, but I'm okay"  

"But I was going in to Tashi Station to pick up some power converters!"

'your insides serves you well'
     - obi-wan, return of the jedi

"This poison is more virulent that the Australian Brown Box Jellyfish!"

These words are my own
yeah

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
It's who I am, it's what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you

I Tried to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)
Whoah oh...

Tryn'a find the magic
Tryn'a write a classic
Don't ya know, don't ya know, don't ya know
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see ya later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

Read some Byron Shelly and Keats
recited it over a hiphop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines
You know I had some studio time, booked
But I couldn't find the killa hook
Now you've gone and raised the bar right up
Nothin' I write is ever good enough

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

I'm getting off my stage
The curtains pull away
No hyperbole to hide behind
my naked soul exposed
Whoah.. oh.. oh.. oh.. Whoah.. oh..

Tryn'a find the magic
Tryn'a write a classic
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see ya later

These words are my own
From my heart flown
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you...
I love you, is that ok??

I came in to work, just after listening to this awful track and the first verse is more awful than the rest.

SLips

And she has a very annoying voice.

My wife bought the album.
It. Is. Shite.