Ignoring this painful study of my dialogue, such as:
I'm sure you do Leach, still no harm checking, is there?
which should be
I'm sure you do Leach, no harm checking.*
(*That pearl of wisdom courtesy of Gordon Rennie, I mean Milo:)
I was wondering................
Does anyone actually LIKE my script?
Yeah you can go on about this line or that forever if you want, but did you like the story?
The action?
Would it make for a good film?
No one has actually said so yes or no. All they do is go on about lines of dialogue.
Love to know what you thought of the PLOT.
The end sequence for example. No one has mentioned that.
scojo
Jesus, do you have to keep going on about it?
Haven't you heard of closure?
Milo
Ha ha ha
scojo
_THIS IS A CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENT_
Scojo, as I said before: those people who commented on the script explained *why* they didn't feel it rings true.
This, in many circles, is considered to be constructive criticism.
Constructive criticism, believe it or not, is there in order to help you. If you don't listen to it - and I mean *listen* to it, take it on board, seriously think about what parts of it cramp your style and what parts are serious - YOU WILL NEVER SELL ANYTHING.
Confidence only gets you so far.
The fact that so many people agreed with the basic criticisms levelled by Milo etc. might be indicative of one of two things:
Either:
1. They're part of a world wide anti-scojo conspiracy;
or:
2. They might have something there, which might be helpful in you selling your script.
The choice is yours.
Link: Wood's Online Column
Do you think it was wise to mention the possibility of a world wide anti-scojo conspiracy
;)
Where do you meet? Can I join? Is there tea & biscuits?
"I'm sure you do Leach, no harm checking."
Personally, I'd write this as:
'I'm sure you do, Leach. No harm checking.'
But that's me just being a pedant, I think.
Wils
> Where do you meet? Can I join? Is there tea & biscuits?
At the secret writers pub of course.
You mean that we get beer & chips instead???
BONUS!
You summed it up perfectly Wils.
All your criticisms of my dialogue are just that.
Pedantic.
Oh look Dredd says I am the law and you're under arrest, meathead!
No you're wrong! It's:
I am the law. You're under arrest, creep!
Everyone can write the same line in a slightly different way. Considering I wrote the script, I think I should be entitled to most of the lines.:)
And to know in what context they are said.
scojo
Scojo - a question:
Why did you decide to write scripts for Dredd Reck & Posession seeing as these films have already been started?
Would it not have been better to write a script for a Dredd film of your own title? I just don't see the producers suddenly scrapping there own work & adopting your (unsolicited) script.
I am genuinely curious about this.
P.S. I cannot (make that will not) answer your question about the plot (or indeed the clunkiness of speech) until I have read the script in full. Only then (you will agree) will I be able to make that (ahem) judgement and offer any "constructive"s.
"Did anyone actually like my script?"
Is the subtext of this question really,"Does anyone actually like me?"
For the love of God, Scojo. I try to inject an obvious bit of humour into the fray, and you start verbally attacking me.
BTW, that was the first post on here from me that has *anything* to do about your verbose dialogue, and that was in a lighthearted way as well.
Now you've got me riled, I *am* going to put in my two penneth, but not about your dialogue, you'll be sad to hear. No matter how good the dialogue or plot is, your script is technically atrocious: sloppy written grammar, bad spelling, poor puctuation and a lack of understanding of plurals.
WRITTEN GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION
Example:
"I'm sure you do Leach, still no harm checking, is there?"
I joked about this earlier, but it demonstrates both bad written grammar and poor punctuation. Using your original sentence, corrected it would be:
'I'm sure you do, Leach. Still no harm checking, is there?'
or even
'I'm sure you do, Leach. Still, no harm checking, is there?'
Throughout the entire script there are missing and incorrectly placed punctuation marks. This, in my mind, is either sloppy or just naive.
SPELLING
There is no possible excuse for this if you're planning on being a serious writer. Buy a dictionary.
PLURALS
Someone who's aspiring to being a professional writer should have a proper knowledge of these.
Example:
"Knifes are dangerous things to play with creep."
This is so glaringly obvious, that I'm not even going to bother correcting it.
THE CONSTRUCTIVE BIT
These errors prove that something your writing absolutely needs is proof reading. Give someone, who's armed with a red pen, a paper copy of what you've written, and get them to go through the whole thing page-by-page. They'll pick up on spelling mistakes, bad punctuation, sentences that are grammatically incorrect and any other things that pop up that reading it through yourself, you would miss. Get them to mark on the pages where corrections should be made, then go back to your original draft and alter it accordingly.
Please don't ignore what I've just said and just say that I'm being pedantic again. If you sent off written submissions of any kind with these kinds of anomalies in them, they would definitely be noticed, and your work would automatically be resigned to the reject pile. That, as an aspiring writer, is something that you want to keep to an absolute minimum.
I really do hope that you take this on board, Scojo.
Wils
I know I said I wouldn't critisize (sp?) until I'd read the thing properly but I was just copying it into word so I could print it out & read it later tonight when I read this bit:
"CHIEF JUDGE HERSHEY
Now, sub item 4. Proposal for compulsory euthanasia for criminals over thirty five. The pro life lobby may disagree but I think this has a lot of potential..."
Don't think Chief Judge Hershey would recommend this. Chief Judge Death maybe... But I didn't read it in context so I'm sure it'll be fine.
122 pages? PAH! I made it 89 now it's copied into word. Might delete some blank lines to save paper. (No jokes about deleting the text, puh-lease.)
And Scojo - the line where Dredd askes Hershey if she wants Vaga dead or alive - Unless the baddy is a monster (ie Raptaur/white werewolf etc) Dredd never sets out to catch perps dead. He always prefers to lock them up. (I don't need an example from a Wagner story proving me wrong because there probably are exceptions). MC1 doesn't tend to use execution as a punishment. Judges get sent to Titan for killing perps after arrest. Only folk like Sabbat or Cal or East Meg War Marshalls (generally the genocidal tyrants really) does Dredd get sent to kill. He isn't an assassin.
But - I didn't read it in context so I'm probably barking up the wrong tree.
Wake - Loved the page numbering on section 13.
$;?)
Eh??????
When did I verbally attack you?????
Wils, you got me wrong man. Seriously.
EXCUSE ME WILS, BUT SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS YOU CAN'T PUT COMMARS INTO A SENTENCE?
According to your flawed logic, no sentence can ever be broken up into more than one or two commas!
I have never read so much rubbish in my life.
Read that line but imagine a slight pause after every comma.
Oh yeah, the line works doesn't it!!
Jeeez I have heard some drivel here but....
Your second point:
JESUS H CHRIST THER ARE NO PUNCTUATION MARKS IN A SCRIPT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND????????????????????
NO " IN A SCRIPT. I WILL SAY IT AGAIN. NO PUNCTUATION MARKS IN A SCRIPT.
GOD U R THICK!
Take your comment about knifes. Or do you mean knives? A typo I admit. I do know the difference.
BUT TWO OUT OF YOUR THREE STATEMENTS ARE SHEER BOLLOCKS.
EMAIL ME A LIST OF ALL MY TYPOS PLEASE?
I BET THERE ARE VERY FEW.
scojo
COMMAS TOO!
I was referring to the use of "" of course.
Is that a punctuation mark?
Anyway, your criticisms are pathetic. Like eveyone else here who can't find fault with the actual story, you go on about where commas should be!!!!!!!!!
Can't you see how pathetic that is:))
Seriously. Who made you the expert on commas?
Where does it say you can't put 3 commas into one line?
JUDGE MY STORY NOT COMMAS.
scojo
Wah! Wah! Wah! God, you are just a big child aren't you?
AND WILS, ANOTHER THING!
For fuck's sake (sorry for swearing but) if you are gonna quote my bad grammar at least get it right in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is:
Dredd
I'm sure you do, Leach. Still no harm in checking, is there.
GO CHECK IT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!
NOT what you pasted:
WRITTEN GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION
Example:
"I'm sure you do Leach, still no harm checking, is there?"
I joked about this earlier, but it demonstrates both bad written grammar and poor punctuation. Using your original sentence, corrected it would be:
'I'm sure you do, Leach. Still no harm checking, is there?'
or even
'I'm sure you do, Leach. Still, no harm checking, is there?'
So PLEASE GET YOU FACT RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
THERE IS A FULL STOP AFTER LEACH.
OK?????????????????
scojo
Scojo - I'll look over it tonight & send you EVERYTHING I find. This won't be to attack you and I'll try to be as petty and pedantic as I can. I'm not a professional editor by any means but I do like Dredd & I do go to the cinema a lot (my fianc? is a supervisor at one so :) lots of free films! About A Boy is v. funny & Panic Room's pretty good but don't go & see it because it's the director of Fight Club. It's not the writer of Fight Club)
I hope it's good because I've got lots of 2000AD's I could be reading tonight instead.
NMAKAOBG
I think you owe me an apology Wils.
Let's see how long it takes him to apologise, shall we:))
scojo with stopwatch on
Why don't you hold your breath?
Wils,
Sorry for being rude. It's just you criticise me, yet don't get your facts right in the first place.
Kind of like shooting yourself in the foot bfore you stand up!
You can understand why I was annoyed!
There are probably typos in it. I found two when I was reading it. There's probably more. No one's perfect. I can't type very well and my spelling does have its off days.
Although I still think your comma crusade is ******. And you can quote me on that:)
Anyway sorry if I was rude.
scojo
Actually - I think I'll stick with the pile of 2000ADs I'm steadily working through. Robohunter Day of the Droids... The V.C.s... The Judge Child...
I can't be bothered to mark it. Hand it in to teacher & she'll red pen it. Hope you get an A+.
I'll find out just how good it is when I see it in the cinema & I'll review it then.
JUST CAN'T BE SNECKED WITH THIS.
I tried.
I did.
I tried to be fair.
But Scojo- friggin' work it out.
Link: If you're under 18 do not click on this link.
Darn link didn't work,
But it's funny.
www.tourettes.co.uk
Link: LINK!
All this talk of grammar. Must remember to give the old dear a call tonight.
You really didn't read that post properly at all, did you? Why won't you take *any* advice from anyone?
A comma: ,
Inverted comma or speechmark: "
I only put in the " to differentiate between your text and my corrections. I stand by everything I said in that last post, so if you're waiting for an apology, you've got a very long wait.
And as far as me not getting my facts right; I'm a qualified copy editor, so I know *exactly* what I'm talking about.
Admittedly, when I first started that post I was a tad irate, but by the end I honestly thought that you could learn something from it. I hoped, and I mean *really* hoped that you would be level-headed about it and take it on board, but sadly, you've done your usual act of completely reinterpreting and hurling abuse.
And by swearing at me and being abusive, you have made certain that I never give any input to anything of yours again.
Wils
excellent link :)
plastik****
And by swearing at me and being abusive, you have made certain that I never give any input to anything of yours again.
Wils
Well I am hardly gonna take someone seriously when they can't even get quote my dialogue correctly in the first place.
scojo