To be honest, Scojo's screenplay sucked a bit. It was too run-of-the-mill, too much Dredd muttering to himself (which he does in the comic, but it doesn't work well in a screenplay) and the grammar kind of put me off (or lack of it).
Sorry man, try again. You can only learn from your mistakes, young padawan.
Doc the mild critic.
Cue at least three messages from S***o telling you why his script is excellent and why you know nothing at all.
RL
The Killfile feature is really rather good.
On the subjct of grammar,
I was taught at school that you should never start a sentence with the word 'AND'.
But I ignored that when I wrote the script!
You see when a character says....
Judge Rainer:
Dead. Killed on impact. Records have him as Hernest Peeve, unemployed of Gabor conapts. No previous form. And the roadliner's not registered to any known company.
....strictly speaking that is bad grammar. But I started lines and sentences with AND as it was supposed to indicate a pause:
Judge Rainer
Records have him as Hernest Peeve, unemployed of Gabor conapts. No previous form. PAUSE THEN RAINER SAYS: And the roadliner's not registered to any known company.
You see you can put the word (beat) in instead, to indicate a significant pause but I didn't want to litter the script with it.
Of course if I wrote a book, I would never start a sentence with 'AND'. Or the word 'BUT'.
Just wanted to clear that up.
scojo.
AND shooshi
Or write typos either.
Ha ha.
Remember kids, I before E except after C!
Too many commas make for a gay day.
I made that last one up.
scojo english prof:)
Actually that rule about never starting a line with AND or BUT is dumb.
Why not?
It's like:
Always give way to traffic from the right.
Why should I?
I was there first and I gotta give way. And (done it again) to some pensioner in a mini too!
Blooming cheek.
scojo with car
HEIGHT!!
HEIGHT!
HEIGHT!!!!!!!!
What did I tell y'all?
I Win!
tee hee
Eh?
I don't use the word height in my script you mad fool.
Oh by the way, I emailed John Wagner the other day. I asked him about you know what.
No not about my script.
Whether he wants to go out for a curry.
Ha fooled ya then!
I'm off now. Gonna pull some section f's.
That's Jenny mek love baby to you non scrots.
scojo in love:)
Scoj... did I say it was in your script? DID I STOMM!!
I was referring to this:
Link: My post dated 14/05/2002 13:22
Hey oddboy, if i say sorry will you read the rest of my script.
The sex scene at the end is so hot....
( o ) ( 0 )
Damn that owl's eyes!
Follows me everywhere.
Shoo shoo!
scojo
Actually - I read the first bit of it last night.
To be honest it isn't really good reading material so I had to give up but then it's a script so it's not meant to be. That's why people turn them into films... so it isn't a reflection of your abilities but it's like trying to appreciate a painting by looking at the paint pots & the brushes & the model without having seen the painting.
The opening bit sounds great though. Good view of Dredd, the Meg & Justice Dept.
Obviously I can't comment on the plot because I didn't get very far into it but if you could do a synopsis then I'd read that as I do want to know how the plot goes.
On the touchy subject of "the dialogue" what I read seems okay to me.
The only negative point I want to make (and don't shout at me, please) is that you may be trying to fit in too much of MC1. The following is an example - the juves talking about shuggy. The kid explains it as a bit like pool. This line is for the nonscrot audience only and doesn't really cover the matter properly. I'd rather see the game being played in a scene to explain what it is then have this *weak* explanation.
The plan for these films is to make them a series, in which case the script droids (you or anyone else) shouldn't have to fit in everything in the first one. I think that was the problem with the Sly movie - everything had to be explained. When Tim Burton did Batman he went back & did the 'origins' thing too, but he didn't really tell us anything about Gotham. I don't read the DC comics but I'm guessing that there's quite a bit of Gotham City background story that was unnecessary to the films' plot. Judge Dredd is a very different character to Batman though. Batman needs an 'origin' set out because otherwise he's just some perverted thug with a furry mammal fetish. Judge Dredd's 'origin' - the whole clone brothers thing - isn't needed to set up who he is - he is the product of the Justice System, he doesn't have a secret identity and he doesn't need one.
Any new film being made would do well to just delve in there and tell a good Dredd story. Screw the explaining stuff. No nonscrot will go and see it anyway so they don't matter except for the poor girlfriends/wives of people like us lot who won't think it's wonderful even if we do. If something like Sin City is vital to the plot then some explaining might be needed but not for the first few films.
Seriously - How many films have more than a 4 in the series, Star Wars.... (just about if you read this tomorrow) Friday 13th (or was it Nightmare on Elm St?) Anyway those are really different parts of the same ongoing story rather than a series. So we're left with two - only one of which is a going concern: The Carry On films & James Bond 007. Dredd films need to be Bond's successor - that's what should be aimed for.
Any way I've ranted enough.
Make of that what you will.
Nathan.
AKA Oddboy.
Ive not even read Scojo's script. Which isnt critisism, or indeed praise, in any way. I just cant be arsed.
Oddboy,
Wow a positive review!!!
Nurse, pick me up off the floor!
I agree that you either like reading film scripts or you don't. They can be a bit of a slog at times. My script starts with loads of description which can put people off. I mean I had to write it and I was dozing off sometimes...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzz
The shuggy line?
Yeah I guess so, I had to explain it. Of course the muggers don't really want to play shuggy. It's just to get the dult's attention. You could replace shuggy with say, ten pin. As in ten pin bowling.
I think the beginning would be great. I know it reads too long. If it were filmed, my guess is, it wouldn't be as long. Fast cuts etc.
I agree about the clone history. I don't mention Dredd being a clone. BORING!
Well I know there is a fair amount of detail in my script, but there's loads of stuff I left out.
Here's some stuff for any future film:
Job riots, block wars, robot gangsters, serial killers, crazed trends, clones (Arrghh star wars!!) mutants, aliens...
There's so many different ways to do Dredd. Black comedy. Dead serious. But I think you should respect the source material. I know 99% of the audience aren't going to care if Dredd has an infra red visor, but as it's in the comic and works well in a particular scene in my script, I thought I'd leave it in.
If the script is good enough, little details should enhance one's enjoyment, not detract.
scojo nitpicker
Like I said - I didn't read that much of it so I wouldn't exactly call my post a "review"! But it's good to hear Scojo accepting something said against the script so I'm quite proud about that!
Good luck with the script, but be open to ammending it.
How about getting some people you know together and get them each to read a different part - that would soon show up if any of the dialogue sounds wrong.
Any way.
Enough of this. Let's all go down the Strand.
Yeah.