Here's an idea for a future shock. I don't know where the inspiration came from...
The Lonely World of Johnny Snuggle
Johnny Snuggle is a big fan of the comic FUTURITY and it's top character CJ LAZER. He has heard that they are planning on making a CJ LAZER film and he wants to be in on the action.
From his bedroom (which is a shrine to all things fanboy; Star Wars, Reservoir Dogs and Buffy posters line the walls and, when he's feeling a bit naughty, he'll pull out his little statue of an alien grey having a spliff), Snuggle starts to write.
Snuggle doesn't get out much - he is a fatter, uglier, less well read version of uber-geek Harry Knowles (if such a thing were possible) and uses his email and websites to talk to the outside world. He barely stops for tea - shouting thanks to his never seen mum who leaves plates of food for him.
He struggles with some of the dialogue and checks it's authenticity against his computer games, an old book of plays by Ernie Wise, his secret stash or porn videos (they must be art, they were reviewed in STARLOG) and some Babylon 5 scripts before continuing.
As his script takes shape, he begins to think his computer is working against him; it starts to underline words with red and green squiggles.
He ignores this and eventually, having stayed in his bedroom for two months, he finishes his script: CJ LAZER - CRIMINAL ERASER. He sends it to the editor of FUTURITY magazine for consideration.
There is no reply. A few semi-abusive phone calls later - Snuggle can't understand why he seems to be getting the brush off and decided to post his magnum opus on the FUTURITY website.
He explains to all the helpful professional writers on the site how he is grateful for the opportunity to do this and how he looks forward to hearing their comments.
And then he begins to suspect something is wrong; the comments display a complete lack of understanding of Snuggle's vision of CJ LAZER.
Some say it is too wordy. Others say it's not excting enough. Some don't even read it all the way through because they say they got bored!
They focus on the presentation, they pick nits in his dialogue. They just don't understand how good story writing, let alone, good screen writing works. How can they all be so stupid?
He attempts to explain this to them but still they fail to understand. What can be happening? He repeats himself, ignoring any comments they make and focusing on what he feels are the real issues. Can't they understand why his lines are always the best in any given situation? Can't they understand subtext? Don't they understand why he didn't write a synopsis? If they published other bad things, surely they can publish his?
Still they miss the point and at his wits end, he finally ventures from his bedroom. Strangely, he doesn't seem to be in his house - it seems more like an alien space craft. He calls for his mother. In answer, a huge insectoid alien rounds the corner.
The Twist
The Alien explains the truth. They had abducted Snuggle several months ago. The Aliens had recognised that he was the most brilliant of his species and recreated his bedroom and all his interactions with the outside world in an attempt to learn from Snuggle's huge intellect. But, advanced as they are, the aliens could not keep up with the sheer brilliance of Snuggles mind.
Snuggle can see it all now; the world begins to make sense again and he offers to help the aliens.
In return for his kindness, the aliens explain that they are not really insectoids.
They switch off their holographic projectors to reveal that they are in fact all fabulously attractive women.
"You have passed our test. We really wanted you to seed our race as our men are barren. We have forgotten how to love. Will you teach us the art of sex, Johnny Snuggle. Will you accept this challenge?".
Snuggle tosses his screenplay to one side; "Well up until now, there has only been my cat but of course I will. Though I think you'll find I'm a bit HARD to keep up with".
Everybody laughs, "Ha ha ha ha ha".
The Second Twist
The laugher dissolves and we see Snuggle sitting alone his bedroom. On his computer screen is his CJ LAZER script with the word REJECT flashing over it in big red letters.
His mother and father look from the hallway at their child, their only child, as he sits alone laughing to himself.
Mother:"If only he would go out more, learn some social skills and meet some friends, maybe even a girl".
Finally, we see where Snuggle gets his delusional nature.
Father: "Perhaps, but when one is destined for greatness, you do not trivialise your life with such matters...."
THE END
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo biting
whens scojo going to sue ?
Mr Tips will be proved so so so wrong when, or if, he reads my Possession screenplay.
I let my writing do the talking.
scojo
I don't understand. How could you possibly think this was about you?
In about two weeks time, you, Jason Kingsley, Shoreline, and John Wagner will see the true Dredd versus Death screenplay.
So you are welcome to mock me until then, cos after that you will be proven wrong.
scojo
Mr Tips,
My screenplay makes "MY Name is Death" look like a nursery rhyme.
scojo
I wish to apologise for my somewhat arrogant posts of late. Mr Tips started it though.
So there.
Na na na na na.
scojo aged 4
Hmmmm..... Now where did I leave that killfile?
Was it Carly Simon sang the song?
"You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you"
Mr Tips this is the way I look at it.
I may be deluded, a bit nutty, arrogant even,
BUT...
if my screenplays are great, who cares?
Look at it this way. Would you rather see a great scojo Dredd screenplay made into a film than a mediocre one by some other writer?
I think I proved my credentials with Dredd Reckoning. I really think that would make for a magnificent Dredd film, I really do. Budget permitting of course. And I have tried to write a wonderful Death screenplay too.
So I don't mind being vain. At the end of the day if you write a good or great story, who cares.
It's all about entertainment at the end of the day.
scojo
Dear scojo,
do you say you have written the screenplay for a Dredd film? I did not think there would be another after Stallone. Is it true or a joke?
C
Chris,
Sure I have written 2 screenplays. Cos I like pain.:)
Dont ya know? Blimey!
Rebellion are planning to make 2 new Dredd films, each around the 15 million dollars mark.
One is called Dredd Reckoning, the other Possession.
So I decided to write my own screenplays. My Dredd Reckoning script is up on the fan input pages.
Go to:
www.2000adonline.com/index.php3zone=input&page=scojo
and you can read it!
122 pages of Dredd action! It is not in the correct format and some of the spaces in between the dialogue have been left out. I may ask Wake if I can send him the correct version when I email him my second script.
My Possession one will be up (hopefully) before the end of next week. It's 100% finished but I need to do something with it first. Top secret but Milo knows what it is!
It's 132 pages long.
If you want to see the original synopses for the movies go to:
www.shorelineentertainment.com
Shoreline are the US production company who are planning to bring Dredd back to the screen.
But those synopses have been scrapped. Cos frankly they were poo.
As for my screenplays, well Jason Kingsley, CEO of Rebellion is more than welcome to use them. I would love him to. I am not sure if 15 mill is enough as I wrote them to be mega budget. Think Star Wars Episodes 1 and 2 type effects.
But if Jason does read them and thinks they are better than the ones he is working on - and would like to use them, I would gladly take a small screenwriter's fee. A basic minimum. 100% serious Can't say fairer than that Jason.
But I guess he has his own ideas. So I doubt my screenplays will be made.
I think they are good.
scojo