It comes to something when the highlight of your day is reading the junk mail headers- here's the best of a bad bunch:
"very elegant, live like the upper-class"
"SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: She was well prepared, but not for that KIND, johnnyeyebrows!..."
"my destiny salsify bagpipe crossarm held bib censorial tentacle childbear chiefd..."
And my favourite of the day:
"Expired. Please Contact me ASAP"
Sorry. As you were...
;)
I'm currently offered "cheap OEM soft shipping //orldwide" (??), "seriate Pharramacy", "detachable Phaaramacy", "Limited time special for leading elargement product!", Bobby Hardy wants to know if I'd like to buy "almost free software"..., and I have an offer of juicy gossip about someone I don't know: "RE: Andrea Galloway Do You Know What?"
My favourite sender of the day was 'Trinidad Small' and I may decide to steal the name for myself...
Messages were from Oli Napoli, Berkie Delois, Brenda Lazard, Trenton (Ontario?) Alexander, Aspen (Colorado?) Singer, and support@barclaysbank.co.uk
and Ryly Clem (pronounced R'lyeh, eh, H.P. Lovecraft fans? ;-)
Straight from the spam box:
"SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: image interested finally sale women at please bike televised making Y8w0oEfTg54"
"Do you want to take your wife to paradise in bed?"
"Do you know that whales dick weights 1 ton"
Fairly boring spam title (Project 2003 Professional) but what the fuck is this message all about?
please gelatine the contemporary yesterday. out risk where pearson you. bicameral keep who debar virtuosi give bedraggle through. axial babysit enough punctuate yesterday before pendant. sextuple yesterday mileage he arsine. trumpery woolworth who rightmost be why tenure. calcutta north residual for dyad. appear fairfax only datsun be north gao. fatima all among arteriosclerosis gasoline enough connive well. earnest will repartee well donaldson.
"reader. The Fable partly agrees with, and partly differs from clad in his heavy coat of mail. The Horse fell down straightway"
Sounds like a particularly odd haiku.
Just. Don't. Read. It....
ALOUD!
Grief..
I picture some idiot moron with US dollar signs in their eyes, English quite obviously their second, or even third language aimlessly bashing away at a computer keyboard chortling to themselves (in their first language) "..thees time next yeear I will bee reech I tell you- reeeeech!"
Where's the originality?
Surely there's more ways to get folks to part with their cash than with (yawn) bootleg PC operating systems and software, black market Viagra, penis extensions (just how does that one work via electronic post?) or the *always* grammatically incorrect plea to up date your bank / building society / paypal account details online..
I've even had the "..I am an African dignitary, my country is in turmoil of civil war, rebels have murdered all my family, I have 11 million US dollars I will share with you if you just give my your bank account details.."
If you entertain that mail as truth just for a moment you'd have to wonder how many people this "dignitary" possibly ripped off, stepped on or rubbed out to make that kinda cash.. *if* the rebels are coming for you, I hope they seize more than just your liquid assets.
Shower of c'nts the lot of them.
Are you going to properites and reading the email source?
They do that to get it past spam filters, but most of the words are removed with some html tags, leaving only the words of the advery viewable when the email is opened
"honeys burn from spicy salamis Movies"
I don't know if it's meant for pr0n or a cooking recipe!
The latest I got was:
"When somebody is saying that something is unreal we interrupt him by doing it!"
I am a fan of this recent technique that's turned up, whereby they put a random name in the subject line and hope it's yours. Apparently, I'm Brad, Susan, Neil, Mark and, somewhat incredulously, Knutson.
"When somebody is saying that something is unreal we interrupt him by doing it!"
Now THAT is brilliant! I'll buy it! What is it? Never mind- I'll buy it anyway...
"When somebody is saying that something is unreal we interrupt him by doing it!"
Now THAT is brilliant! I'll buy it! What is it? Never mind- I'll buy it anyway...
"When somebody is saying that something is unreal we interrupt him by doing it!"
Now THAT is brilliant! I'll buy it! What is it? Never mind- I'll buy it anyway...
Dudley, you sound just like an Adherent of the Repeated Meme, there!
"When somebody is saying that something is unreal we interrupt him by doing it!"
Now THAT is brilliant! I'll buy it! What is it? Never mind- I'll buy it anyway...
Do we all get a go?
"When somebody is saying that something is unreal we interrupt him by doing it!"
Now THAT is brilliant! I'll buy it! What is it? Never mind- I'll buy it anyway...
I'm sure all you guys are familiar with this little beauty i received earlier today as well.
"NATWEST BANK UK
The Financial Ombudsmen Service
South Quay Plaza 183
Marsh Wall London E14 9SR
Dear Friend,
In order to transfer out (USD 12.6 M) Twelve million Six Hundred United States Dollars) from National Westminster Bank uk. I have the courage to ask you if you are capable,reliable and honest to assist us with this important business believing that you will never let me down either now or in future. I am Mrs. Nancy Brooks, the Chief Auditor of National Westminster Bank uk (NATWEST BANK). There is an account opened in this bank by Mr Smith B Andreas and since then nobody has operated on this account again. After going through some old files in the records, I discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently,it would be forfeited for nothing.Smith Andreas, a foreigner,and a miner at kruger gold co., a geologist by profession, died in a ghastly motor accident. He opened a non-residential U.S dollar bank account.Since then no other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that this company does not know anything about this account and the amount involved is (USD 12.6M) Twelve Million, six Hundred thousand United States Dollars.
I want to first transfer US$6,000,000:00 Six million United States Dollars from this money into a safe foreigners account abroad before the rest is transfered,but I don't have any foreign partner. I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money cannot be approved to any other person other than the next of kin to Mr Smith B.Andreas.I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we do not know ourselves before now,We will then sign an agreement,but be sure that it is real and a genuine business transaction. I believe in God that you will never let me down in this proposed business.You are the only person that I have contacted in this regard, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you of the next step to take immediately.
I want us to meet face to face or sign a binding agreement to bind us together so that you can receive this money into a any reliable account of your choice where the fund will be safe. And I will fly to your country for withdrawal,sharing and other investments oppourtunities as well. I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with foreign account and foreign beneficiary.I need your full co-operation to make this work, because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account which I will provide to you later. Furthermore,with my position now in the office I can effect the transfer this money to any foreigner's reliable account, which you can provide with assurrance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. I will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place.
I will use my position and influence to effect legal approvals and onward transfer of this money to your account with appropriate clearance forms from the ministries and foreign exchange departments. At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 35%of the total amount,65% will be for us, Lastly,if you are interested in assisting us in this ransaction,kindly respond to my principal Partner Mr.Donald at (donald1brown@zwallet.com)
I look forward to your earliest reply
Mrs.Nancy Brooks
PLEASE DO NOT FAIL TO INCLUDE YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER WHILE REPLYING THIS LETTER FOR EASY COMMUNICATIONS"
"The best midget sex site!
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This isn't recently. But just after I established Mega City Tours someone emailed me and complimented it. They proceeded to go further and said how they could make it better, they only wanted total control of it.
Critter
I just got the "when somebody is saying that something is unreal" one again, this time from 'Alan Elvis' (?).
No beating around the bush here:
"YOUR D1CK IS TOO SMALL TO FCUK, 0NLY $60 TO BIGGER IT reading"
Can anybody lend me $60? I need to bigger my too-small-to-fcuk dick...
i dunno, do you really want your cock big enough to reach france?
I'm really not sure how i should take that, Max. Are you saying that my penis is already of gargantuan proportions? More worryingly, when were you looking?!?
no, i was just saying that you'd never get laid if your cock was long enough to connect to france. And how would you be able to move if people used your cock as a bridge?
For $60 you could ruin your life by getting a 10 mile long cock!
Now I'm REALLY suspicious. How do you know how much bigger your old chap will get for $60? Come on now, Max- fess up...
;)
And I really feel that I ought to point out that a ten mile long cock would not reach France. From anywhere in the UK.
Not so much persay,more of a diving board off the cliffs of Dover?