2000 AD Online Forum

since it's the season whats the worst present you have ever had?and what did you do with it? or what was the worst present you've ever gave?

A number of years ago a female friend made a big deal of not knowing what to get me for Christmas then claimed she had found the perfect gift for me.

In the lead up to Christmas Day there was lots of 'can't wait for you to open your present' type comments.

On the big day I was presented with quite a large rugby ball-esque type present, which I unwrapped and had to look very pleased with my own electronic beaver.

It was a scary looking cuddly toy, the kind for children not one of these oh-so-amusing adult things that sing funny songs or something, with batteries that made noises & shook in a possible gnawing action. And it had a big tale.


 

"I do not own a gun, let alone several, that would necessitate a rack."

This lassie got me a dirty old man's raincoat once.  For one thing, I was 28, and for another thing, I had no urge (not even a secret one tucked away at the back of my subconscious) to wander the streets flashing my "last chicken at Tescoes" at unsuspecting passersby.  Or even to look like I might.

When I say "got", I mean it belonged to her dead grandfather and stank of mothballs:  two more things to add to the now burgeoning list of reasons why I would never wear such a garment, and why I could now envisage a long and healthy future of washing my hair whenever she called.

The crappest present I ever gave was a pack of playing cards that had a traditional Scottish bagpiper (in full military regalia) printed on each card - the same picture on all 52, as well.  It was really crap because I'd been given ?5 to buy my sister a present, spent ?0.99  on the cards and bought myself sweeties with the rest of the loot.

She still has those cards, and brings them out to show me from time to time.

Maybe she asked her pals "what would any guy want for xmas?" and they said "an electronic beaver".

ha- nail on the head! :_)

Link: http://www.alexgrantz.com/images/humor/beaver_shave.gif

My poor father gave me "Battlefield Earth" one year.  Apparently the lady in the shop had told him it was very popular.  I believe I pulled all kinds of muscles trying to look pleased, and then a whole new set trying to lift it.  

I ended up reading it of course (aaarghh), but what I *wanted* to do was make use of it in an applied proctology experiment at the local bookshop.  I still have it.

The worst present I ever gave... hmmm.  In a roundabout way that would be the Action Force Floating Command Centre that I persuaded my mother to get for my little brother.  He of course utterly hated it and still brings it up every Christmas as "worst present ever" (all he ever wanted was football gear), but I found that it provided an interesting new bathtime environment for my Star Wars figures...

 

I ended up reading it of course (aaarghh)

Uhhm.. why ? Couldn't you have lied if you had to?

Mine was a real double whammy of disillusionment, as my birthday is two weeks before Xmas, and my mum seems to think I'm still 5 years old.

Several years ago (I must have been about 24 or 25  at this point), during a protracted (and unwelcome) period of unemployment, my dear old mum got me a Star Wars Episode One talking moneybox for my birthday. It was a plastic Qui-Gon Jinn, which spouted tinny soundbites and waved it's tatty little plastic lightsaber around when you put money in it. Having been unemployed for some months, I didn't have any actual money to speak of, and wasn't likely to obtain any in the forseeable future.

Imagine my joy when two weeks later, I got a matching Darth Maul moneybox. It harks back to FATC's Wayne's World quote: "I do not own a ten pence piece, let alone several that would necessitate two moneyboxes".

Nngh... Thank.. you... You really, really shouldn't have...

"Uhhm.. why ? Couldn't you have lied if you had to"

I have no idea why I did it, I only know that I regretted it.  This was a happy time when I could not suffer to own a book that I hadn't read, rather than these dark days where i obsessively buy popular science and history books secondhand and then watch as they become painfully outdated while sitting unread on my shelf.  I've been know to buy new editions of archaeology books (a field prone to rapid revision) while the older versions sit like smooth-spined ornaments at home.  What have I become?!?

Surely this is a form of a Karmic reckoning for all those Boba Fett versus Walrus Man sub-aqua tussles that I enjoyed while my brother stared forlornly at last year's Liverpool strip....  I can almost hear the cackling of a higher judge: "I sentence you to buy worthy books at bargain prices, but never to find time to read them!  Ahahahaha!".

Last Christmas I was given a copy of The Dark Night Strikes Again.

I completely failed to pretend in front of my parents that I was pleased with it. Not in a bad way or anything, I was just all "Ah, um, ok..."

When I read it I found it was every bit as bad as I had been told. Really made me appreciate the quality  of good comics though.

Character building, thats what it was:)

my first boyfriend gave me pot puri ( i don't even know how to spell it) ... i was 16. and it was the present that i had helped buy for his mum.

last birthday my mum brought me light pink fluffy sandles. light pink. fluffy. sandles. ouch.

well thankfully all the worst gift ideas have been passed by me and shouted down!

my dad wanted to get me a leather suit!!

i hate my parents

:-)

Fortunately I've never has any memorably crappy presents, but a friend of mine always recieved well-intentioned but ultimately hilariously bad presents.  These include a set of suitcases for his 18th birthday, driving gloves and a car care manual (he couldn't drive and had no car) and a set of really nasty drinks coasters.  The last one was almost useful, but we still all found it side-splittingly funny for some reason...

Terry Pratchett's Discworld Book script thing or something. I hate (well, not really, just don't like) Terry Pratchett. That was quite a few years ago. Just didn't make sense. An educated guess gone wrong I'd say.

Oh and just last month I got a pair of sort of tiger skin g-string brief type things with "sexy beast" written across the red elastic for my birthday. From my brother!! Granted, they were from a pub quiz thing he'd won the night before so was more a joke than a present, thankfully.

And no, I haven't worn them :o)

mmmm....Gay lobster incest!

oi, wotchit you!

;)

well the 4 'm's suggest that he enjoyed the mental picture. ;)

Last Christmas an ex of mine gave me a Nana Maskouri Greatest hits collection on cassette which has remained unlistened to in it's wrapper and unmoved from where I popped it down. It's merely the latest in a long line of failed gift purchases from her to me. Though this year she bought me a tartan tin of Shortbread which has the benefit of having shortbread in it.

Worst I ever got? I've had presents that I think were great rejected out of hand (such as the time I bought someone a set of pure silver Rene Mackintosh inspired jewelry and got the response "What made you think to buy me this?") and bought things in a hurry without thought (a random book from a second hand book shop that have been accepted with tearful gratitude (An Elinor M. Brent Dwyer novel was greeted by "This was my favourite book when I was little, it's out of print and only had a small print run I never thought I'd read it again!") so I just give up.

This year I've taken to walking up to random people and saying "You're a woman, wouid this be acceptable from a Brother in Law?" which has had great results and led to presents that I think will go down well this year.

A work colleague (female) about a year and a half ago gave me, out of the blue, not a birthday or christmas in sight, a box, not just a packet, but A BOX! of out of date crisps. And I think they were smokey bacon, which of all the crisps I hate, I hate smokey bacon the most.

I'm still trying to figure out if she really liked me or really hated me.

I've probably had worse, but the only crap present that springs to mind is the DVD of Johnny English I got from my parents last Christmas.

I smiled, thanked them for it and let them get on with opening the presents I bought for them. The DVD sat on my shelf unwatched and unwanted until a few weeks ago. I toyed with selling it then decided it wouldn't be worth the hassle and threw it in the bin.

It's the only gift I have ever thrown away, and I've felt quite guilty about it ever since. It's a shit movie, but one of my parents took the time to look for something they thought I would like, buy it, wrap it and give it to me as a gift. I get a little stab of guilt every time I think about the damn thing, and I wish I'd just popped it in the cupboard and left it there.

Ah, well.

I love my Mum, but God she buys me some rubbish.  Year before last it was a solid steel globe- the decorative kind.  Nothing was to scale and you'd have a hard time navigating to France with it, never mind anywhere else.

Although I didn't manage to hide my displeasure (in fact, I seem to recall it being met with gales of laughter), I've not been able to bring myself to throw it, or any of the other junk that doesn't have to wait for birthdays and Christmas to arrive at my door, away.

Please don't be sad if you're reading this, Mum.  I still love you- I just don't want any more shit presents!

When I was 19, my mum thought it would be an *excellent* idea to buy me a brown and tan tank top, for some unknown reason. Rather than try and hide my displeasure, though, I seem to remember that I went ape shit.

Denise from subscriptions sent me the Red Razors collection.

my family all seem to have a plan to make me into a girly girl...

lets just say that the charity shops really do benifit from their attempts.

on a stupid note i've been too affraid to tell members of my dad's family about changin my name, and the last xmas and birthday i recieved ?5 cheques from both his sisters. i write thank you letters and wonder if they notice they never get cashed...

When I was 14 I got a tape from my soon to be sister in law.Before I tell you what it was,I should point out that at this point in my life I was proud to be a punker,wore nothing but black combats and counted the Dead Kennedys as the finest band EVAH!

So I opened the present to find none other than Jon Bon Jovi-Young Guns OST.

"I was going to get you a mix tape,but then remembered you liked heavy metal"

I know she meant well. I even had to put it on so everyone could enjoy it!

M.

"So I opened the present to find none other than Jon Bon Jovi-Young Guns OST. "

Priceless.  No-one's going to beat that for sheer awfulness - at least Nana Muskori (sp) has curiosity value...

A couple of years ago, my Dad bought me a toy PDA - thinking it was the real thing. I joined Equity on Boxing Day.

M@

ahh- another chance to air my hilarious nana joke..

not many jokes can be based on her you know.

Once one of my "Tree" presents was a light up picture of Jesus Christ. I can only assume my mother thought I liked "ironic" room decor.


I mean, I'm not even a Christian, and if I was, I would almost certainly have found that image blasphemous.

That was the same year I got roughly a million books, most of which were on subjects I would never read about at that age. I hate being vaguely pretentious.

Worst Gift: A bar of Bournville and some Fudge for my dad. I had a lot of money (for a 13 year old), and I really should of spent more. I hate being selfish this Christmas.

I also hate the fact that I ALWAYS end up buying vouchers, this is due to the perpetual reply of "Oh, I don't mind" whenever I ask the question "What would you like".

Also, this year, I'm getting my Mum Pen Refills. She asked for it...

Problem solved- when my Mum asked me what I wanted today, I told her that there was nothing I wanted that I didn't already have and asked her to make a donation to my favourite charity instead.

NSPCC gets some extra cash, my Mum thinks I'm great (which I am) and I have one less piece of junk cluttering up my house come New Year.

Hurrah!

A friend once recieved a toy wrestling ring from his girlfriend.
He did like the wrestling. However:
It was for his 25th.
He owned no figures, nor did he recieve any.

I think he may still own it.
He hasn't quite the heart to throw it away.

And no-one will pay on e-bay for it.

Snigger...