1 You fall asleep in the Underground station & miss the last tube. You wake to find the gates have been locked & there is no way out. To make matters worse (or more interesting) there is a mysterious killer somewhere in the underground system. What do you do?
2 You are a simple orphaned farm-hand living & working for your aunt & uncle when you intercept a distress call from a foreign princess. You have no previous experience in heroiscism. What do you do?
3 You are an 80?s teenager and have accidentally caused your parents to split up ? 30 years ago, after travelling backwards through time. Your mother now has got the hots for you and you are in danger of ceasing to exist. What do you do?
4 You?re a nerdy school kid who has been bitten by a genetically modified super-spider and are now coping with a very unexpected version of puberty. The girl of your dreams has told you that she loves you, but you know that if you went out with her that it would put her in constant danger, unless you gave up the superheroiscism. What do you do?
5 You have been incarcerated in a mental institution because no one else believes you when you say that the world as we know it will end in August 1997. Meanwhile a robot from the future is trying to assassinate your son.
What do you do?
6 You are a teenager who has been sucked into reruns of your favourite 50?s telly show. Inside everything is perfect, albeit in black & white, but you cannot leave the town limits. You only have one chance to return to the real world. What do you do?
7 You are the mayor of a small island community which relies on tourism & fishing for its economy. After a few shark attacks the chief of police demands the beaches to be closed. What do you do?
8 You are on a scientific expedition and believe you have found the remains of a completely new bipedal life form. One of it?s still living relatives kidnaps your girlfriend. What do you do?
9 You are a singing young Puerto Rican woman who has fallen in love with a singing American man from your rivals? all-singing-all-dancing gang. He accidentally kills your brother in a gang-fight. What do you sing?
10 As part of a government scheme to deal with ?the youth problem?, your class has been selected to take part in a death match. You?ve been given one weapon each of varying usefulness and you are expected to fight until there is only one of you left. What do you do?
11 Nazis have occupied your country and you are a known nationalist. You have been offered a position of power with the German Navy, but to accept it would go against your principles and you would have to be separated from your new singing ex-nun wife and your seven singing children. What do you sing?
12 The dead have risen from the graves and are intent on eating the flesh of the living. You and a group of people made up from a diverse cross-section of society are taking refuge in an old house. Some have taken to hiding in the cellar. What do you do?
13 You are a TV weatherman forced to live the same day over and over and over and over again. That day involves Andie McDowell. Sorry.
What do you do?
14 After being the only survivor in a nasty train crash, you discover that you have never been ill or injured in your life. You also realise that there is no limit to the amount of weights you can bench press. What do you do?
15 You are a na?ve singing teenaged girl who has just started at a new high school, after spending a wonderful summer holiday with a singing boyfriend. Upon reaching the school, you find out that the boy isn?t as sweet as he seemed over the summer, as he has a reputation of cool to uphold. What do you sing?
16 You have inherited some gold jewellery. An old man and his friends want to have it sent halfway across the continent to throw it away. Doing so might just save the world from a tyrannical dictator. What do you do?
17 You?ve just lost your steel worker job when they closed the plant. You?ve got a son to provide for and your dignity to keep. One of your ex-colleagues suggests that there?s money to be made imitating the Chippendales strip routine.
What do you do?
18 You are an internationally known & critically acclaimed film director who is attempting to adapt a film version of the 1605 book ?Don Quixote? by Miguel de Cervantes. Your lead actor becomes ill during shooting and has to leave to go to hospital for an operation ? when he returns he will not be fit to ride a horse. On top of this, the weather turns to storms and the funding is fast running out.
What do you do?
Apologies if it's already been noted but an article in The Times about Rich Johnston's The Flying Friar concluded with some interesting numbers:
- Sales of graphic novels in Britain are worth an estimated ?7.5 million. Children?s comics account for ?2 million and adult comics ?5.5 million
- Sales have increased by more than 25 per cent every year since 2001
- In the US the comics market grew by more than 44 per cent last year and accounted for 6 per cent of adult fiction
- Harlequin, which owns Mills & Boon, published its first graphic novels last month
- The most expensive comic is Action Comics No 1, the book that launched Superman. It sells for $485,000 (?274,000)
I guess there's hope yet.
Nigel
Link: www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005007_1,00.html
Good fun! I've seen pretty much all of those, give or take a couple.
(It's "heroism", by the way. ;-) )
SPOILERS
1. Creep
2. Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope
3. Back To The Future
4. Spiderman
5. Terminator II: Judgement Day
6. Pleasantville
7. Jaws
8. King Kong [?]
9. West Side Story
10. Batoru Rowaiaru (aka Battle Royale)
11. The Sound Of Music
12. Night of the Living Dead
13. Groundhog Day
14. Unbreakable
15. Grease
16. Lord Of The Rings
17. The Full Monty
18. Lost In La Mancha
(It's "heroism", by the way. ;-) )
Maybe - but heroiscism is much better word.
8. King Kong [?]
No - but I see your point....
But that's all besides the point - What would you do?
Bah! Screwed up italics!
Drink heavily seems to fit most answers
Stella Huff
1. Telephone the police and politely point out that there's a mysterious killer in the underground. If no response is forthcoming, phone back and tell them there's a bloke in a heavy coat, carrying a rucksack, looks a bit foreign. Look for tea/coffee vending machine, sit back and wait. Remind self not to visit London.
2. Hop on my combine harvester and charge to the rescue. Slowly. Probably have to ask for directions at some point, too. Wonder if getting involved in international politics is really a good idea; weigh potential pitfalls against expected gratitude of foreign dignitary.
3. Ceasing to exist actually seems like quite a good option if your mum's trying to pull you. Alternately, use knowledge of future events to quickly amass a small fortune, give dad-to-be said fortune with which to impress mum-to-be (failing that, just buy lots of alcohol and invite 'em to a party).
4. Don't take up the superheroism in the first place. Use newfound powers to embark upon a life of catburglary, use proceeds to fund a life of luxury with the aforementioned dream girl. Grin periodically.
5. Wonder when the hell I got a son. Ah, timetravel, I suppose. Other than that, sit tight and use the impossibility of changing the timeline as an excuse for not doing anything. Possibly ask for more medication.
6. Um... don't think I know any fifties telly shows offhand, so I can't really say. Probably get back to the real world if given the chance, 'cos if nothing else, fifties telly world probably won't have this week's Tooth.
7. Leave the beaches open, but stick up huge signs saying "Warning: Big Fucking Shark! Swim and be Eaten!". Stick up second wave of signs showing graphic photos of what happened to the people who ignored the first lot of posters. Hire a bloody good lawyer.
8. Resolve never to go to Dundee again.
9. All thoughts of singing pushed aside by the fact that I'm now a woman. Cue afternoon of shopping for lingerie, mirrors and cameras.
10. Forge a note from my mum and go home.
11. Position of power... far away from singing wife and horde of singing children... hell, I'd be signed up quicker than a quick thing. Inquire about availability of secretaries/personal assistants/cabin girls.
12. Go upstairs, possibly onto the roof. Zombies never seem to climb very well in the films, and housemates in the cellar can probably be relied upon to distract any that get inside. Come down periodically for tea and to check on cellar-dwelling housemates.
13. Good question. What would I do, given infinite time and zero accountability? Bloody everything, mate.
14. Cancel life insurance policy, start living a daredevil lifestyle and making large bets on performing dangerous stunts.
15. See no. 9.
16. Post it. Second class.
17. Recommend friend pursues stripping idea. Take a quick course in psychotherapy and trauma counselling. Set up a practice near the stripping venue and wait for the paying customers.
18. Go back to bed. Or film it anyway, then go back to bed.
1 You fall asleep in the Underground station & miss the last tube. You wake to find the gates have been locked & there is no way out. To make matters worse (or more interesting) there is a mysterious killer somewhere in the underground system. What do you do?
Get near the surface. Call police using fully-functioning mobile. Alternatively, use payphone. Wait for all of 5 minutes for them to arrive.
2 You are a simple orphaned farm-hand living & working for your aunt & uncle when you intercept a distress call from a foreign princess. You have no previous experience in heroiscism. What do you do?
Muck out the Banthas, then get on with harvesting hydroponically grown crops. Probably phone the cops to let them know about the princess at some point.
3 You are an 80?s teenager and have accidentally caused your parents to split up ? 30 years ago, after travelling backwards through time. Your mother now has got the hots for you and you are in danger of ceasing to exist. What do you do?
Try it on with her mate, thus becoming the father of your worst enemy at school. Wait till the bastard?s born, then give him the worst childhood anyone has ever experienced.
4 You?re a nerdy school kid who has been bitten by a genetically modified super-spider and are now coping with a very unexpected version of puberty. The girl of your dreams has told you that she loves you, but you know that if you went out with her that it would put her in constant danger, unless you gave up the superheroiscism. What do you do?
Duh. Give up superheroicism. Get laid. I?m a teenager ? what?s more important than that?
5 You have been incarcerated in a mental institution because no one else believes you when you say that the world as we know it will end in August 1997. Meanwhile a robot from the future is trying to assassinate your son.
What do you do?
Start taking the meds. Accept that there is some evidence to support the ?loon? theory. Do some macram?.
6 You are a teenager who has been sucked into reruns of your favourite 50?s telly show. Inside everything is perfect, albeit in black & white, but you cannot leave the town limits. You only have one chance to return to the real world. What do you do?
Um. Take it?
7 You are the mayor of a small island community which relies on tourism & fishing for its economy. After a few shark attacks the chief of police demands the beaches to be closed. What do you do?
Paint myself in meat and hop around in the shallows with a big hook attached to my back. Sell ?Human Shark Bait? tickets.
8 You are on a scientific expedition and believe you have found the remains of a completely new bipedal life form. One of it?s still living relatives kidnaps your girlfriend. What do you do?
Get back to the mainland and sell the documentary rights. Blub to the cameras about how the love of my life has been ripped away.
9 You are a singing young Puerto Rican woman who has fallen in love with a singing American man from your rivals? all-singing-all-dancing gang. He accidentally kills your brother in a gang-fight. What do you sing?
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You dont eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long
(farting noises)
Hmm!
(farting noises)
(laughing)
(farting noises)
What's going on here?
(farting noises)
OOOoooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (uncle fucka)
You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka I must say
Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
(laughing)
Uncle fucka... thats U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaa tonight...
Suck my balls!
10 As part of a government scheme to deal with ?the youth problem?, your class has been selected to take part in a death match. You?ve been given one weapon each of varying usefulness and you are expected to fight until there is only one of you left. What do you do?
Make sure I?m the one who gets the Bren gun. Make my way to a hilltop.
11 Nazis have occupied your country and you are a known nationalist. You have been offered a position of power with the German Navy, but to accept it would go against your principles and you would have to be separated from your new singing ex-nun wife and your seven singing children. What do you sing?
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You dont eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long
(farting noises)
Hmm!
(farting noises)
(laughing)
(farting noises)
What's going on here?
(farting noises)
OOOoooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (uncle fucka)
You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka I must say
Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
(laughing)
Uncle fucka... thats U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaa tonight...
Suck my balls!
12 The dead have risen from the graves and are intent on eating the flesh of the living. You and a group of people made up from a diverse cross-section of society are taking refuge in an old house. Some have taken to hiding in the cellar. What do you do?
Hand over the fat ones first.
13 You are a TV weatherman forced to live the same day over and over and over and over again. That day involves Andie McDowell. Sorry.
What do you do?
Roughly what Bill Murray does for most of the middle of the movie, right up until he suddenly decides to become a good person despite there being nobody around to impress.
14 After being the only survivor in a nasty train crash, you discover that you have never been ill or injured in your life. You also realise that there is no limit to the amount of weights you can bench press. What do you do?
Enter ?Mr Universe?.
15 You are a na?ve singing teenaged girl who has just started at a new high school, after spending a wonderful summer holiday with a singing boyfriend. Upon reaching the school, you find out that the boy isn?t as sweet as he seemed over the summer, as he has a reputation of cool to uphold. What do you sing?
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You dont eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long
(farting noises)
Hmm!
(farting noises)
(laughing)
(farting noises)
What's going on here?
(farting noises)
OOOoooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka
Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (uncle fucka)
You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka I must say
Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
(laughing)
Uncle fucka... thats U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaa tonight...
Suck my balls!
16 You have inherited some gold jewellery. An old man and his friends want to have it sent halfway across the continent to throw it away. Doing so might just save the world from a tyrannical dictator. What do you do?
Pawn it for drugs.
17 You?ve just lost your steel worker job when they closed the plant. You?ve got a son to provide for and your dignity to keep. One of your ex-colleagues suggests that there?s money to be made imitating the Chippendales strip routine.
What do you do?
Expose his gay antics to his other mates, before getting out of Sheffield and into a part of the country where they have employment.
18 You are an internationally known & critically acclaimed film director who is attempting to adapt a film version of the 1605 book ?Don Quixote? by Miguel de Cervantes. Your lead actor becomes ill during shooting and has to leave to go to hospital for an operation ? when he returns he will not be fit to ride a horse. On top of this, the weather turns to storms and the funding is fast running out.
What do you do?
Fly out for a weekend sitting by my pool in the grounds of my gigantic house in the Hollywood hills, surrounded by beautiful, intelligent women dying to have my babies, with my butler mixing cocktails for all of us. Get some perspective.
>5 You have been incarcerated in a mental institution because no one else believes you when you say that the world as we know it will end in August 1997. Meanwhile a robot from the future is trying to assassinate your son.
What do you do?
Accept that since it's 2006 and still no end of the world, I was probably wrong. That, or make friends with a big silent native indian chap and revolt against the big evil nurse.
"8 You are on a scientific expedition and believe you have found the remains of a completely new bipedal life form. One of it?s still living relatives kidnaps your girlfriend. What do you do? "
Is that one The Creature From the Black Lagoon, by any chance?
1 You fall asleep in the Underground station & miss the last tube. You wake to find the gates have been locked & there is no way out. To make matters worse (or more interesting) there is a mysterious killer somewhere in the underground system. What do you do?
Hide in a bin.
2 You are a simple orphaned farm-hand living & working for your aunt & uncle when you intercept a distress call from a foreign princess. You have no previous experience in heroiscism. What do you do?
Farm.
3 You are an 80?s teenager and have accidentally caused your parents to split up ? 30 years ago, after travelling backwards through time. Your mother now has got the hots for you and you are in danger of ceasing to exist. What do you do?
Invest heavily in IBM.
4 You?re a nerdy school kid who has been bitten by a genetically modified super-spider and are now coping with a very unexpected version of puberty. The girl of your dreams has told you that she loves you, but you know that if you went out with her that it would put her in constant danger, unless you gave up the superheroiscism. What do you do?
Stay with her and avoid heroics. Only put her life in danger if she starts talking about marriage.
5 You have been incarcerated in a mental institution because no one else believes you when you say that the world as we know it will end in August 1997. Meanwhile a robot from the future is trying to assassinate your son.
What do you do?
Ask for more drugs.
6 You are a teenager who has been sucked into reruns of your favourite 50?s telly show. Inside everything is perfect, albeit in black & white, but you cannot leave the town limits. You only have one chance to return to the real world. What do you do?
Score with naiive 50's chicks. Then leave.
7 You are the mayor of a small island community which relies on tourism & fishing for its economy. After a few shark attacks the chief of police demands the beaches to be closed. What do you do?
Close the beaches and hire Steve Irwin to wrestle the shark. Film it and make a fortune selling it to major TV studios.
8 You are on a scientific expedition and believe you have found the remains of a completely new bipedal life form. One of it?s still living relatives kidnaps your girlfriend. What do you do?
Run to safety and call the coast guard.
9 You are a singing young Puerto Rican woman who has fallen in love with a singing American man from your rivals? all-singing-all-dancing gang. He accidentally kills your brother in a gang-fight. What do you sing?
"The final countdown"
10 As part of a government scheme to deal with ?the youth problem?, your class has been selected to take part in a death match. You?ve been given one weapon each of varying usefulness and you are expected to fight until there is only one of you left. What do you do?
Try really hard to kill lots of people, preferably by pretending to be friends and stabbing/shooting them in the back.
11 Nazis have occupied your country and you are a known nationalist. You have been offered a position of power with the German Navy, but to accept it would go against your principles and you would have to be separated from your new singing ex-nun wife and your seven singing children. What do you sing?
"Knock on wood"
12 The dead have risen from the graves and are intent on eating the flesh of the living. You and a group of people made up from a diverse cross-section of society are taking refuge in an old house. Some have taken to hiding in the cellar. What do you do?
Hide in the cellar.
13 You are a TV weatherman forced to live the same day over and over and over and over again. That day involves Andie McDowell. Sorry.
What do you do?
Kill as many people as possible.
14 After being the only survivor in a nasty train crash, you discover that you have never been ill or injured in your life. You also realise that there is no limit to the amount of weights you can bench press. What do you do?
Become a pro wrestler.
15 You are a na?ve singing teenaged girl who has just started at a new high school, after spending a wonderful summer holiday with a singing boyfriend. Upon reaching the school, you find out that the boy isn?t as sweet as he seemed over the summer, as he has a reputation of cool to uphold. What do you sing?
"Soul man"
16 You have inherited some gold jewellery. An old man and his friends want to have it sent halfway across the continent to throw it away. Doing so might just save the world from a tyrannical dictator. What do you do?
Sell the jewellry to make money.
17 You?ve just lost your steel worker job when they closed the plant. You?ve got a son to provide for and your dignity to keep. One of your ex-colleagues suggests that there?s money to be made imitating the Chippendales strip routine.
What do you do?
Claim welfare until I can fake an injury and make loads of money in compensation. All the while, training my son to steal without being caught.
18 You are an internationally known & critically acclaimed film director who is attempting to adapt a film version of the 1605 book ?Don Quixote? by Miguel de Cervantes. Your lead actor becomes ill during shooting and has to leave to go to hospital for an operation ? when he returns he will not be fit to ride a horse. On top of this, the weather turns to storms and the funding is fast running out.
What do you do?
Give up.
Is that one The Creature From the Black Lagoon, by any chance?
Spot on!
Stay with her and avoid heroics. Only put her life in danger if she starts talking about marriage.
I really like that idea. Don't have the time to do anything with it myself, but it ought to be highlighted - a superhero whose only real motivation is to avoid a loveless mrriage...
1 You fall asleep in the Underground station & miss the last tube. You wake to find the gates have been locked & there is no way out. To make matters worse (or more interesting) there is a mysterious killer somewhere in the underground system. What do you do?
Shit my pants.
2 You are a simple orphaned farm-hand living & working for your aunt & uncle when you intercept a distress call from a foreign princess. You have no previous experience in heroiscism. What do you do?
Display obvious signs of teen angst and try to shag her.
3 You are an 80?s teenager and have accidentally caused your parents to split up ? 30 years ago, after travelling backwards through time. Your mother now has got the hots for you and you are in danger of ceasing to exist. What do you do?
Either shag my mum or vomit - or both.
4 You?re a nerdy school kid who has been bitten by a genetically modified super-spider and are now coping with a very unexpected version of puberty. The girl of your dreams has told you that she loves you, but you know that if you went out with her that it would put her in constant danger, unless you gave up the superheroiscism. What do you do?
Shag, baby, yeah!
5 You have been incarcerated in a mental institution because no one else believes you when you say that the world as we know it will end in August 1997. Meanwhile a robot from the future is trying to assassinate your son.
What do you do?
Shit my pants.
6 You are a teenager who has been sucked into reruns of your favourite 50?s telly show. Inside everything is perfect, albeit in black & white, but you cannot leave the town limits. You only have one chance to return to the real world. What do you do?
Watch a good movie instead.
7 You are the mayor of a small island community which relies on tourism & fishing for its economy. After a few shark attacks the chief of police demands the beaches to be closed. What do you do?
Retire.
8 You are on a scientific expedition and believe you have found the remains of a completely new bipedal life form. One of it?s still living relatives kidnaps your girlfriend. What do you do?
Retire.
9 You are a singing young Puerto Rican woman who has fallen in love with a singing American man from your rivals? all-singing-all-dancing gang. He accidentally kills your brother in a gang-fight. What do you sing?
Thanks for the mammories.
10 As part of a government scheme to deal with ?the youth problem?, your class has been selected to take part in a death match. You?ve been given one weapon each of varying usefulness and you are expected to fight until there is only one of you left. What do you do?
Shit my pants - and, if possible, shag.
11 Nazis have occupied your country and you are a known nationalist. You have been offered a position of power with the German Navy, but to accept it would go against your principles and you would have to be separated from your new singing ex-nun wife and your seven singing children. What do you sing?
The World Belongs To Us.
12 The dead have risen from the graves and are intent on eating the flesh of the living. You and a group of people made up from a diverse cross-section of society are taking refuge in an old house. Some have taken to hiding in the cellar. What do you do?
The pants again, plus any shagging that's going.
13 You are a TV weatherman forced to live the same day over and over and over and over again. That day involves Andie McDowell. Sorry.
What do you do?
Slap her forehead. Repeatedly.
14 After being the only survivor in a nasty train crash, you discover that you have never been ill or injured in your life. You also realise that there is no limit to the amount of weights you can bench press. What do you do?
Retire (after making a fortune as strongest dude in the world).
15 You are a na?ve singing teenaged girl who has just started at a new high school, after spending a wonderful summer holiday with a singing boyfriend. Upon reaching the school, you find out that the boy isn?t as sweet as he seemed over the summer, as he has a reputation of cool to uphold. What do you sing?
Thanks for the mammories.
16 You have inherited some gold jewellery. An old man and his friends want to have it sent halfway across the continent to throw it away. Doing so might just save the world from a tyrannical dictator. What do you do?
Give it to Borimir.
17 You?ve just lost your steel worker job when they closed the plant. You?ve got a son to provide for and your dignity to keep. One of your ex-colleagues suggests that there?s money to be made imitating the Chippendales strip routine.
What do you do?
Get drunk.
18 You are an internationally known & critically acclaimed film director who is attempting to adapt a film version of the 1605 book ?Don Quixote? by Miguel de Cervantes. Your lead actor becomes ill during shooting and has to leave to go to hospital for an operation ? when he returns he will not be fit to ride a horse. On top of this, the weather turns to storms and the funding is fast running out.
What do you do?
Make a sequel to 12 Monkeys.
"Only put her life in danger if she starts talking about marriage."
"a superhero whose only real motivation is to avoid a loveless mrriage..."
Thinks: hmmmm... if she tries to get me tied down to a suburban home and kids, I'll see what I can do about putting her in the way of one of Dr. Doom's killer androids...
...A mortgage? Time to send these bank blueprints to Doc Oc before they can agree a loan!
The Husband!!!
Criminals cower before him! Crooks cringe at the sound of his name!
Virtually indestructible, he can lift tall buildings with a single heave, melt diamonds in his laser glare, hear the sound of crime wherever it rears its head!
Women want to love him, men want to BE him!
Only one thing scares this all-conquering hero?The Ring Of Commitment!!!
...and how would he keep his secret identity secret? Surely not being a husband is his gimmick?
Ah, but you see, he is the uber-Husband! He stands for all husbands everywhere!
?His voice is their voice??
1. Find a corner to cower in and wait to be rescued, stay awake all night, think about how I might be able to defend myself, and with what.
2. Stick with the farming. Keep thinking about that princess, worry about her and hope she's all right. Take up drinking.
3. Damn. I wouldn't know which way to turn, there.
4. Turn to a life of crime. Or go on the talk show circuit and appear in advertisements. Totally sell out.
5. Give up. Let the time-travelling robot do its thing. What does it matter anyway?
6. Make the best of things, I suppose.
7. Definitely close the beaches. Encourage people to fish off the pier now that swimming is off the cards. And open a bait shop.
8. I'd go after that monster with a big net and a harpoon gun.
9. "Didn't You Kill My Brother?".
10. Write a will.
11. "Life Is a Cabaret".
12. Wave a handkerchief on a stick out the window the next morning to signal there are people alive in the house instead of sticking my head out the door and getting shot dead by racist hillbillies.
13. Make the best of things, I suppose. Until it gets boring. Go mental. Try to fix things and escape. Like Bill Murray.
14. Carry an umbrella. Fight crime. Commit murder now and then.
15. "I Hate You so Much Right Now".
16. That's a tough one. Try to use the ring's power for good, and get twisted to evil by its malign influence (yeah, I'd give it to Boromir! lol).
17. I would cease manufacturing brogues at my family's shoe factory and turn production over to glamorous boots for giant transvestites, thus saving the workforce and keeping our community together.
18. Hmm. I'd be canny enough to film myself making the film, so that at least I get a documentary out of it.
Crap. I thought this was about early Noughties R&B/Pop songs co-written by Wyclef Jean.
What would you do,
If your son was at home,
Crying all alone,
On the bedroom floor,
And he's humgry,
And the only way to feed him,
Was to,
Sleep with a man for a little bit of money yo?
"the only way to feed him" ?
I'd suggest try using a small plastic spoon or similar utensil first.
I always figured the author of that song was fairly backwards in the head. Without wanting to sound like Thatcher too much: Get a proper job, girl!
Whats she feeding her son? Lobster? If its those tiny babyfood jars cant she just shoplift like everyone else?
Tip: Only do this when theres a really fat/old security man.