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You're a judge, about to take the Long Walk - where do you choose to take it? The Cursed Earth, or the Undercity?**

Personally, I'd plump for the Undercity. It's been more neglected story-wise, and I always side with the underdog. Plus I hate hot weather - the sun in the cursed earth would kill me. Give me pasty troggies and ghouls, werewolves and killer rats in stinking sewers any day over all the cowboy malarkey of the CE. Much cooler.

**Seeing as the Long Walk is now apparently no longer mandatory, you could, if you really wanted, choose a desk job instead. If you did, this would really say a lot about what kind of person you are...

(Posted 'cos I'm bored, and The Paul O' Grady Show is angering up my blood - I need a distraction).

Undercity? No way! I'd rather see daylight once in a while. The undercity should by rights be sealed off and left to its own devices, which it is, by and large. At least there are decent folk trying to start a new life for themselves in the desert.

But yeah, the heat would be terrible. And the radiation; but murderous bandits are nothing worse than you get in the undercity, and at least you get a bit of time for reflection now and then, and the chance to sleep safely more often than not.

Has the Cursed Earth got less terrible over the years, the more that's been required of it for story purposes?

Has the Cursed Earth got less terrible over the years, the more that's been required of it for story purposes?

I think so - at least the Undercity's still got a sense of mystery about it.

Hrmn...so it's a choice between Koburn and Prager.

Damn.  That's tough.  (Well, as long as you ignore the risible Cry of the Werewolf sequel.)

Koburn gets to drink and be laconic, whereas Prager's just grim.

I dunno - I'm still torn.

Which movie is better:  A Fistful of Dynamite (aka Duck, You Suckers!) or The Omega Man?

Party animal or NRA?

Got it - it would have to be The Cursed Earth.

Cursed earth for me too. I can't handle the sun much either- i'd buy a sombrero before i left! Mind you, all the old technology lying around in the Undercity might be interesting.

Errr, can I get a job at the academy instead?

Just remember what prager said at the end of the original cry of the werewolf about the undercity
"Whats It like down there?"
 "Grim!"

you could, if you really wanted, choose a desk job instead

Also known as 'The Long Sit'.

Oh, I like a bit of a sit down, myself. I thought judge tutoring at the Academy was the obvious answer, so I went for deciding between the lesser of two evils instead. I'd much rather see out my retirement in Justice Department than out there with the baking sun and the dog-vultures.

I've always liked the Undercity and wish I'd developed the story I had planned for it years ago.

i'd go into the cursed earth, but try and find some wort of mutated horse that has grown armoured plates to ride :)

Cursed Earth - there's always the change that you'd end up in 'Cursed Earth Koburn' being drawn by Carlos Ezquerra, whereas if you went into the Undercity you might end up in 'Creep' being drawn by Kevin Cullen.

Not a fate I'd wish on anyone...

At least there are decent folk trying to start a new life for themselves in the desert.

Oh more than you might think Usher....more than might think.

critter
 

Link: From the Cursed Earth

That's a nice vignette, Crites.

:-)

I wonder what the life-expectancy of a judge who ends up teaching or having a desk-job is?
I meanI guess you'd get new bits if you had problems (fake heart etc, but not new legs for non-active judges as seen by several irate judges-turned-bad) so you could keep going for a long time. And if everyone takes the Long Walk who is there to teach new recruits?

I have to go against the flow here and go for the Undercity. Depsite the recent Undercity developments, which have included a Vampire society and the incursion of the Aliens (from the film of the same name.) I still believe that if I were a Judge nearing the end of my useful life, the Undercity would be the place for me. Why? Because a Judge must bring the Law to the lawless until death! It has to be said that the Cursed Earth has become much too civilised of late. What with circuit Judges and the Auxillaries and the Cursed Earth Rangers, it's just not as dangerous as it once was, especially after the recent Mutant army cull led by Dredd.
So for me, I have to go to the Undercity. I'd rather see my retirement out fighting Troggies, Werewolves, vampires, rogue robots, escaped criminals and The Creep, than sun myself on the Cursed Earth soft option!

IMHumbleO Undercity most likely.

Though with a Justice Dept launch and a harpoon gun there's always the Black Atlantic..

At least someone agrees with me!

I just started re-reading the original Cursed Earth saga again. The mere thought of setting foot in it seems to fill every judge and citizen with an unholy dread.
Compare that to now, when hardly a month goes by without somebody in the prog or meg sauntering out for a jaunt in the sun. There's burger bars, farms, saloons, prisons, factories, all sorts; hardly very barren any more. No, the Undercity's where the action is. Real men only need apply.*







*And pasty-faced loners.

I suppose it would depend on what part of the UnderCity that you go into, after all it's rather big. There might be bits that are quite nice and even occupied by semi-normal people!

I'd rather sow my wild oats in the Cursed Earth than in the Undercity; broads in the undercity would be pale & malnourished, in the cursed earth they'd have sun, nice mutant meat & veg to eat.

Judge Brunt was invalided out of active service in teh Apocalypse War and now teaches at the Academy. Meg 201.

Well as my surname is so long I'd be a Psi judge. As they don't tend to last long ... it's not really a concern

Deffo Undercity.

You could poke around until you find lots of 20th century junk, then sell it for a fortune and piss off to Banana City to end your days in luxury!

- Trout

so would the Black Atlantic be the Long Swim?  

I'd go for sternly tutoring cadets in the academy, then dying ironically while they were on a training exercise

"I'd go for sternly tutoring cadets in the academy, then dying ironically while they were on a training exercise"


What's ironic about that?

The Academy:

Tutor: "...always know your enemy..."

The Cursed Earth:

Tutor: "...don't worry, Cadet Greengrass, I'll get that dead gila-munja off you..."

To hell with the long walk I want to be Chief Judge GARENTEED to kill you in an interesting way.

Desk job, easy. The Undercity's too dark(my eyesight is shite at the best of times) and I reckon in the Cursed Earth my allergies might play up.

Not sure whether I'd choose The Cursed Earth or The Undercity, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to be stuck in the Academy, surrounded almost solely by brats for my remaining years. At least you can blow away Troggies and mutants if you take either of the walks.

I'd while away the days following around celebrities, learning every little detail I could of their lives, ringing their home phones and generally being a creepy nuisance. And I'd do this as long as I lived.



That's right. I'd take the Long Stalk.

You're fired.

Judge Floyd was always warning us to be vigilant yet that dune shark certainly took him by surprise

you know, that kind of thing

Undercity. That way I'll be ready to emerge and help in the next big Mega-Epic type danger thing.

Bolt-01

I'd like to retire so I could go full time tele-sales, thats right...........








wait for it.................











THE LONG TALK!  (boom tish)

Or eat the worlds largest bacon sandwich.....
...the long pork!


Sorry, I'll stop now.

I'd go into clothing and specialize in the long sock.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

I'm going to make it my mission to pan every one of your silly suggestions.




That's right...









The Long Mock.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

I'm going to make it my mission to pan every one of your silly suggestions.




That's right...









The Long Mock.

Dishounorable mentions to - Rac, Keef Monkey, Nerd-from-Oz, and Fegbarr.

You were supposed to use your powers for good, not evil!! FOR GOOOOOODDD!!!!!! :)

come to think of it, on retiring I would play up my resemblance to Robin Williams, get a space-suit/tracksuit thingy, say "nanoo, nanoo" a lot and improvise rings around Mindy and the others. You know - the Long Mork (and Mindy)

I'll get me coat

Alternatively, you could take over the role of Swedish Chef on the muppets, but get stuck on one of his catchphrase made-up words, never being able to finish.


Wait for it....






The Long Bork.

You'd think that as a reward for the long years of service and that whole business about not shagging anyone, that one of the retirement options might be to star in porno movies.


Bear with me...





The Long Cock.

Heh. Very good, all of you :-)

I think I'd probably take The (Not Very) Long Walk - a quick nip outside the city walls, take a few shots at a dog-vulture then back in again in time for a spot of synthi-caff & a Justice Department-approved vid...

I think it would be the Acadamy... giving long boring lectures to the cadets, droaning on and on... yes it would be...














The Long TALK.

You could always take up residence in the Justice Department kitchens, providing cadets and judges alike with healthy, nutrious meals to keep them fighting fit on the streets, Yes, that's right it's the...














Long Fork!

Dispensing Justice in the icy rad-wastes of Iceland, accompanied by an annoying pixie like mutant that can't sing in any key for more than 0.3 nano seconds.

The Long Bjork.

Or you could be quite offended at the crappy going away party they host for you, so that you blanche your face at them just as the wind changes...........












THE LONG BAULK!

(getting desperate now!)

I was thinking that things might be cleaner and clearer, with wide open spaces outside the city, but this is the Cursed earth.

I great place to be if you know how to survive.

So I am now expecting dust storms and I think there would be high radiation areas too.

Any the long walk is supposed to be is sort of like a suicide thing for Judges. They know they are gonna die on their long walk. So I guess it doesn't matter.

Still I would imagine that like in a real city the undercity would be a filthy place to live in and very depressing also.

A dirty claustrophobic place.

I would still think that I would like to take my chances out in the cursed earth.

I another I would like to know, is that as a Judge, what can I take with me?

A post at the Academy of Law, as tutor in Applied Sarcasm, ripping the piss out of cadets for their entire fifteen years of training, to toughen them up and prepare them for life on the streets.

The Long Mock.

>The Long Mock.

Very poor

Running in a slightly different direction, you could just spend your days masturbating.

The Long Wank.

Hey, just be grateful I didn't go with the Long Frock one.

You could spend your time building a huge eagle of justice which when struck with a baton would reverberate through the halls to call the Heads of the different departments together for meetings. You could call it.....





.....the gong hawk. Except it's an eagle so you probably wouldn't.

Or you could while away your days taking stock of illegal wines and spirits...





The Long Cork.

If you're a particularly unpopular Judge then you can always take the...











...Long walk off a short dock!



Oh come on all the good ones are already taken...erk!

Taking law unto the lawless, until death - it's possible that the radiation, and bites from strange mutant creatures could warp a judge into some strange long-lived hybrid of cursed earth eagle and judge - forever dispensing justice whilst also being a symbol of the law...





...yes, it's...





The Long *RawwWWKK*!

The Long Mock.

Wish I'd said that...

So you go out into the Cursed Earth and it's all right at the beginning because you still have the edge ... but age and the heat slowly grind you down... you get attacked by one group of muties too many. You fend some off but eventually one gets you, braining you with a rock. They tear you limb from limb. Cramming you into their fanged mouths and gobbling you down for sustenance in a cannibalistic orgy of greed.. you are... you are...






wait for it...








The Long PORK!

What about a situation where you head out into the Cursed Earth or Undercity, ready to take the law to the lawless until death finally claims you?

They could call it the Long Walk.

Nah, thats just crap. ;D


What you could do is, attack someone with your novelty mega-oversized swiss army knife, using a specific piece of it to hack your victims......





THE LONG SPORK!

Or become a wheat farmer but leave your crop left untended for too long until.....


THE LONG STALK!



Or get bitten by a radioactive baby delivery service.....




THE LONG STORK!


O.k, this time I really will stop.....

Last one I promise.....

Become a long distance teacher.....



THE LONG CHALK!

I would make all Germen people at least 10' tall because that would make them...





The Long Volk





 

That's a nice vignette, Crites.

Thanks Usher. Now If I could only fnd someone to turn into a small dose of Thrill Power.

critter

cursed earth chicken fucker

long brawk-brawk-brawk-brukker-brawk-sigh

DXB how do you know it sounds like that?

What about a situation where you head out into the Cursed Earth or Undercity, ready to take the law to the lawless until death finally claims you?

They could call it the Long Walk.

I like Fegbarr's idea. I could start a thread about it, asking people which one they would choose if they were a judge, and along the way the thread would somehow degenerate into a series of daft, funny, crap and sometimes just plain weird puns about the 'Long Walk' itself, the kind of gags that would make Frankie Howard and Kenneth Williams cringe.

Then someone would post a reference back to the 'Long Walk', and I, like a drowning man, would grab desperately for this piece of sanity and post about how I could start a thread about the -

Hang on....

Uh, yeah Jimbo - as if any of that would ever happen.

Anderson can retire because her jugs have started going south now she's pushing fifty.  You know, because of




The Long Norks.

...disgraceful

It would have to be the undercity for me.  Being a pale sickly person, I wouldn't last long in the Cursed Earth heat.

I wouldn't last long in the undercity either, but at least I wouldn't die sunburnt.

Or you could go down to the Black Atlantic and spend your time fixing up the boats so they stay watertight.... yes it would be...











The long CAULK

Link: It pays to enrich you word power

The long walk is a silly idea, judges should get a desk job or retire to some judge oap block.

That'd be the LONG BLOCK then, dreddd?

That'd be the LONG BLOCK then, dreddd?

That's just rubbish.

This thread got out of hand quite fast.

You could visit some obscure islands which were disputed during the late 20th century.



The long Falk(lands).

I think I'd retire to a classroom somewhere in the Cursed Earth and teach kiddies about justice. Of course, the classroom would be pretty low-tech and crowded. There would be a long blackboard and to write on it I would need (pause)

the Long Chalk

You could get bitten by a radioactive nerd and grow to 50 feet becoming..........











THE LONG DORK!

You could take the extinct flightless bird option and take...






...the Long (great) Auk.

Personally, I'd like to see some more weird threatening weirdness in the Cursed Earth (as opposed to meat farms, etc).  Return to Mount Rushmore, anyone?  Not...the teeth!! Aiieeee!!

At the end of your service as a judge I think they should relax the laws on sexual relations.  They should also allow old judges to use dimension warp and/or time travel to take justice to wherever it was needed.  Me, I'd zip back to 1978 and use my future gadgets to make Pam Dawber think I was an alien.  Of course, i'd be lying, which would make me...





The Wrong Mork.

Hey I've just thought of one...

I could take part in some kind of retired Judge exchange programme, bringing justice to the Radlands of Ji...





Which of course would be...






The Wong Walk.

Oh dear. Oh dear, dear, dear. Never again...

Or I might head to a remote island where the natives are forced by fear to worship a giant gorilla.  As the great ape approached, I'd use my incendiary rounds on the vegetation in front of him.  That's stop him in his tracks.  The native would worship me forever, as the judge who made






Kong Baulk.

When a judge gets so old and confused that he cant even put his footwear on correctly never mind dispense justice it is obviously time for...













The Wrong Sock!  


*WINCE*

You could spent you time taking up a recreational activity... with a table, some bats and a little ball, you know...










The PONG SPORT

Maybe, I'd spend my retirement sitting next to the Dark Judges exhibit in the Black Museum, lecturing on the dangers of Judge Fire's trident...



Giving...













The Prong Talk.

You could spend your time disbelievingly admiring pictures of Bisley-era Dredd's package.





The Dong Gawk.

I would use the technology at the Judge's disposal to finally solve that pesky problem of illegal mp3 downloads, creating a program that will make it impossible for any computer to download music of any kind. I would call it....









....The Song Lock

Perhaps my career would take a completely new direction and I'd find myself selling hookey copies of the eighties Disney Sci-Fi classic starring Bruce Boxleitner and David Warner out the back of a Robin Reliant van...


Which of course would be...








The Tron Hawk.

I would tit around with a device for smoking pot...

The Bong Lawk.

M@

I'd go into the Undercity and give guided tours of the Big Smelly.





That's right...







The Pong Talk.

If I'd been taken off duty through sustaining minor brain damage after being shot in the head, this might lead me to become easily confused. When I'd finished eating my Pasta Salad from down the newsagent, I might not change plastic eating device before starting my individual portion of Chocolate Fudge Cake...






Then I'd be using...





The Wrong Spork.

Head off down to Banana City to work in a Mutant Parrot sanctuary.










Take the Long Squawk .

However I retired I'd like to see it illustrated by one of the great Dredd artists. Knowing my luck though there would be some screw up and I'd end up having to do it myself. I may be from Calhab but I'd have to tell them  you have...











Stay with me on this...













The Wrong Jock!

Which, impressively, only works if said with an Oor Wullie accent.

At a stretch, you could bring justice to Cheech Marin's old buddies nasal hair....






Up....






(Tommy) Chong's Snork.

Oh dear, this one's a stretch...

Drawing on a large round percussion instrument (I don't know why a retired Judge would be doing this, I'll settle for the old headwound excuse.), with a stick of Calcium Carbonate...


The....






Gong Chalk  (Sorry...)






 

sorry to go off topic, but you'd feel like a bit of a wally going on the long walk these days wouldn't you? Given that most of your mates who reached retirement age are happily doing desk jobs and that the ones who did take the long walk all got crucified and burned by that badly drawn lizard monster a few years back

I think with the long walk being apparently optional some Judges will still take it just to show they have balls of steel.

Just to get this thread back on topic. I'd retire and open a new novelty eatery serving Chinese food from an open kitchen, using specially made cookware with unusually lengthy handles...







That's right...







The Long WOK!

I think I'd volunteer for a dirty dangerous job that needs doing. Specifically curing dioreeah in vulture dogs in the Cursed Earth using champagne corks.

They call it the Long Cork