//http://adamcadre.ac/lyttle.html
This makes me smile. It's a competition to write the worst or cheesiest sounding opening lines of a fictional novel. It runs every year and it's been on for a while so there are many to see already. A few choice ones;
"Sadly, Jim retracted his penis; it obviously wasn't welcome here."
"On November the 22nd, 1963, an innocent man by the name of Lee Harvey Oswald stood inside the Texas School Book Depository, burdened with the knowledge of what would soon happen, but with no way that he could possibly prevent it. Seconds later an American presidency was destroyed. He never had a chance to tell his story. This is his story. "
"The door dilated1.
1This is in the future, when doors dilate instead of opening the way they do now."
They're taking entries until April by the way....