2000 AD Online Forum

General Chat => Creative Common => : mrstu 12 January, 2012, 08:33:06 PM

: 'it' returned
: mrstu 12 January, 2012, 08:33:06 PM
hey guys heres another script i've written. its only a three pager, so if you've got a few spare seconds i'd really appreciate it if you had a read and let me know what you think. thanks guys.


‘IT’ RETURNED.

PAGE 1

FOUR EVENLY PLACED PANELS, EACH TAKING UP A QUARTER OF THE PAGE.

PANEL 1
A SPACE SHIP SHAKES INTO LIFE, WE CAN SEE SMOKE AND FIRE BURSTING FROM THE REAR OF THE SHIP. IN THE BACKGROUND WE CAN SEE THE CHARRED REMAINS OF AN ALIEN WORLD.

FX – BUBUBUBUBUB!

CAPTION- ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF SECTOR 11C A SHIPS ENGINES RUMBLE INTO LIFE.

PANEL 2

SHOT OF THE SHIP TAKING OFF, THE FIRE AND SMOKE HAVE NOW ENGULFED THE GROUND BELOW.

FX – KAPUFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

CAPTION: THE SHIP ONLY HAD A FEW MINUTES LEFT TO REACH ITS DESTINATION, AND TIME WAS RAPIDLY RUNNING OUT.

PANEL 3

SHOT OF A PANICED WOMAN (THINK FAY WRAY) LOOKING OUT OF A WINDOW TOWARDS THE READER.

WOMAN: OH GOOD LORD NO!

PANEL 4

SHOT REVEALING THE SHIP FROM THE FIRST TWO PANELS LANDING OUTSIDE OF A HOUSE, (MAYBE HAVE THE SHIP LANDING ON AND DESTROYING THE FENCE THAT SURRONDS A BEAUTIFULLY LAID OUT FRONT GARDEN.) WE CAN SEE THE WOMAN FROM PANEL 3 PEERING OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH HANDS UP TOWARDS HER FACE.

FX – COMMFIZZZZZZ!

PAGE 2

4 PANELS AGAIN AND SET OUT THE SAME AS THE LAST PAGE.

PANEL 1

CLOSE UP OF AN ALIEN HAND PUSHING OPEN THE HOUSE’S FRONT DOOR OPEN.

FX- CLICK!

PANEL 2

SHOT OF ALIEN STOOD IN THE FRONT DOOR WAY, WE CAN ONLY SEE HIS OUTLINE (THINK JABBA THE HUT WITH LEGS) BUT WE CAN TELL THAT THIS CREATURE MEANS BUSINESS.

ALIEN: GGGGRRRRRR!

PANEL 3

SHOT OF THE WOMAN, WHO IS NOW BACKED UP AGAINST A WALL. SHE HAS ONE HAND REACHING OUT WITH THE OTHER HAND PLACED ON HER CHEEK. WE CAN SEE THE ALIENS SHADOW CAST OVER HER.

WOMAN: PLEASE, I’M SORRY. I THOUGHT I HAD MORE TIME!

PANEL 4

SHOT OF THE WOMAN RUNNING AWAY FOLLOWED BY THE ALIEN.

PAGE 3

SAME PANEL AMOUNT AND SET UP AS PREVIOUS PAGES.

PANEL 1

SHOT OF A MICROWAVE

FX – PING!

PANEL 2

SHOT OF A HAND REMOVING A STEAMING PLATEFUL OF FOOD FROM THE MICROWAVE.

PANEL 3

SHOT OF THE ALIEN SAT BEHIND A KITCHEN TABLE, IT IS NOW REVEALED THAT HE IS WEARING A THREE PIECE BUSINESS SUIT. THE WOMAN IS PUTTING THE PLATE THAT WAS TAKEN OUT OF THE MICROWAVE ON TO THE TABLE WHILST HER OTHER HAND IS PLACED LOVINGLY ON THE ALIENS SHOULDER.

WOMAN- THERE YOU GO DEAR, YOUR FAVOURITE- THE CRUSHED REMAINS OF YOUR ENEMIES.

ALIEN: THANK YOU VANESSA MY LOVE, ANY KETCHUP?

PANEL 4

THE WOMAN IS NOW IN THE FOREGROUND OF THE PANEL LOOKING AND TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE READER, THE ALIEN IS BEHIND HER SAT AT THE KITCHEN TABLE ENJOYING HIS MEAL.

WOMAN: LADIES, KEEP THE EVIL SPACE TYRANT IN YOUR LIFE HAPPY WITH BARRY SLUGBUCKETS ALL NEW RANGE OF MICROWAVEABLE READY MEALS.
: Re: 'it' returned
: The Enigmatic Dr X 12 January, 2012, 08:41:24 PM
I'll assume you're taking the piss and leave it at that.

EDIT: No, I won't. I've had a bad day and came to this board for a quick 10 minutes before doing more work. I was willing to read the script and comment. However, I am not sure if it is trolling or simply a poor attempt at a joke (I suspect not, given you make no indication that it is a joke). Either way, posting this is simply a waste of time and clogging the board.

BACKGROUND: In case anyone doesn't know, this "script" is a direct copy of an Alan Moore Futureshock. It may not be a good one, but I fail to see why we are asked to comment on a re-hash of a 20+ year old Futureshock that most of us recognise.
: Re: 'it' returned
: mrstu 12 January, 2012, 08:43:08 PM
so i take it thats a thumbs down is it? oh well, never mind
: Re: 'it' returned
: mrstu 12 January, 2012, 09:00:46 PM
i've genuinly not read any future shocks stuff for longer than i can remember. so maybe something has stuck in my memory banks.
: Re: 'it' returned
: locustsofdeath! 12 January, 2012, 09:06:32 PM
BACKGROUND: In case anyone doesn't know, this "script" is a direct copy of an Alan Moore Futureshock.

Ooooh, you're right. I just reread the Alan Moore FutureShock last year and mrs tu's script is almost exact...
: Re: 'it' returned
: Spaceghost 12 January, 2012, 09:30:48 PM
What a massive wanker.
: Re: 'it' returned
: TordelBack 12 January, 2012, 10:04:11 PM
This is a bit weird.  There is another way MrStu could present this - he has written a script for the Future Shock which already exists, and that's probably a good exercise in itself.  He could ask us how successful his script would be to produce the four pages we originally got.  It's a pity he doesn't.   
: Re: 'it' returned
: The Enigmatic Dr X 12 January, 2012, 10:19:25 PM
The original was two pages.
: Re: 'it' returned
: locustsofdeath! 12 January, 2012, 10:22:09 PM
I can only assume that Mrs Tu is a young lad and maybe didn't realize that this is silly. When I was round 10 or 11 I used to write Lovecraft stories that were dangerously close to being (okay, were) ripoffs. As Tordel said, it's good practice for a youngster...so I'm hoping that's the case.
: Re: 'it' returned
: JOE SOAP 12 January, 2012, 10:24:11 PM
What you needed 3 pages to achieve, Alan Moore could do in 2. That's my criticism.


(http://cdn.comicartfans.com/Images/Category_48622/subcat_98458/DG_Prog265pg9+10_REV.jpg)
: Re: 'it' returned
: locustsofdeath! 12 January, 2012, 10:28:21 PM
What you needed 3 pages to achieve, Alan Moore could do in 2. That's my criticism.

 :lol: :lol: :lol:
: Re: 'it' returned
: M.I.K. 12 January, 2012, 10:31:47 PM
Going to give MrStu the benefit of the doubt here and assume he's inadvertantly dredged an existing future shock up from some darkened corner of his long term memory. It's certainly not impossible. There've been a few times I've come up with what I thought was an entirely original idea and then suddenly realised it bore an uncanny resemblance to a Two Ronnies sketch I watched when I was five, (or whatever).



: Re: 'it' returned
: locustsofdeath! 12 January, 2012, 10:37:14 PM
Going to give MrStu the benefit of the doubt here and assume he's inadvertantly dredged an existing future shock up from some darkened corner of his long term memory.

The problem is, even the dialogue is almost exact:

PLEASE, I’M SORRY. I THOUGHT I HAD MORE TIME! = OH NO! NOT YET! I'M NOT READY!

LADIES, KEEP THE EVIL SPACE TYRANT IN YOUR LIFE HAPPY WITH BARRY SLUGBUCKETS ALL NEW RANGE OF MICROWAVEABLE READY MEALS. = YES HOUSEWIVES YOU CAN KEEP THE SILICONE-BASED LIFEFORM IN YOUR LIFE HAPPY WITH.......PRESSURE COOKER.

Truth be told, I'm now leaning to Dr. X's original assessment - he's taking the piss. (which is weird, because he's been pitching scripts to all the small press mags on the forum)
: Re: 'it' returned
: DoomBot 12 January, 2012, 10:51:48 PM

Truth be told, I'm now leaning to Dr. X's original assessment - he's taking the piss. (which is weird, because he's been pitching scripts to all the small press mags on the forum)

I note he's had a very critical reception to his own scripts. Perhaps this is a new tack to gain favour, but to try and pass off a future shocks script as his own on this, of all forums, is madness.

No excuse for plagiarism either.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Alski 12 January, 2012, 11:10:41 PM
It's really weird, this. So close I just can't see it being a memory disguising itself as a new thought.

I didn't like his script, but I did like the original 2 pager. I think that's because the script was too light on detail.
: Re: 'it' returned
: TordelBack 12 January, 2012, 11:26:18 PM
Perhaps this is a new tack to gain favour, but to try and pass off a future shocks script as his own on this, of all forums, is madness.

As you say, trying to pull a trick like that here, where the hive-mind can give you writer, artist, Prog number, and letters page stats for that week for any given panel or line of dialogue from any given story and probably before your tea's gone cold, would be utter madness.   Partly for that reason I'm prepared to extend benefit of the doubt myself, this sort of thing happens all the time - to Alan Moore, for that matter! 
: Re: 'it' returned
: locustsofdeath! 12 January, 2012, 11:28:35 PM
And...it's not the first time Mrs Tu has posted a script heavily inspired by Mr. Moore's work: http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,34770.msg637776.html#msg637776.

Huh.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Chris Fain 13 January, 2012, 03:34:28 AM
Posting a cribbed 2000 A.D. Future Shock would be, well, laughable. Posting one by the most celebrated writer in comics history, a name up there with Stan Lee, would be crazy. Posting one on the forum of a site whose comic featured said writer's work, that's just downright career suicide.

Luckily, you were just suffering from a brain fart.

: Re: 'it' returned
: Buttonman 13 January, 2012, 08:04:18 AM
I'll save the day and post my own script about an orbiting future prison. The men are given sentences based on what funny puns can be made up for their names. I call it 'Harry Heaven 17 and the flying prison in space'. Any takers?

I suspect this is an attempt make people look foolish so that once the script has been slagged off for being rubbish he can 'reveal' it was in fact a Moore original and we are fools who know nothing. A less obvious example should of course have been used.
: Re: 'it' returned
: TordelBack 13 January, 2012, 08:13:12 AM
I suspect this is an attempt make people look foolish so that once the script has been slagged off for being rubbish he can 'reveal' it was in fact a Moore original and we are fools who know nothing.

You've spent too long with that Ann Robinson, you have!
: Re: 'it' returned
: Spaceghost 13 January, 2012, 08:54:05 AM
I don't even think he even wrote this nicked script.

If you compare it to the script he posted a week ago about David and Goliath ---

http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,35024.msg643214.html#msg643214

--- which was so riddled with spelling and grammatical errors that it was virtually unreadable, it's clear that the two scripts were written by different people.

Very, very sad.

: Re: 'it' returned
: TordelBack 13 January, 2012, 09:17:49 AM
Or he's been working hard to improve, on foot of criticism received.  Go easy folks, everyone makes mistakes.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Jimmy Baker's Assistant 13 January, 2012, 09:48:08 AM
The script must obviously be abandoned due to similarity with the Alan Moore Futureshock.

mrstu, I would advise you to re-read all the Alan Moore/2000AD material forewith so you can be sure what to avoid. It's also mostly wonderful.

Whilst I think it's right to give you the benefit of the doubt on this occasion, if you come back in a few weeks time with "The Ballad of Hello Jones" there will be uproar.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Proudhuff 13 January, 2012, 11:00:05 AM
maybe its Alan Moore doing a time travel thing? now he goes back to the 80's and makes it two pages, delete the detail and asks for Dave to do the artwork...
: Re: 'it' returned
: Roger Godpleton 13 January, 2012, 11:41:35 AM
Or maybe he has Altzheimer's.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Bolt-01 13 January, 2012, 12:43:49 PM
Well, shows me what happens when I don't pay attention. This script was in my files as well.

I say 'was'.

Note- FQ aren't in the habit of commissioning artists to draw scripts that have been extensively shared.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Ghastly McNasty 13 January, 2012, 01:34:51 PM
if you come back in a few weeks time with "The Ballad of Hello Jones" there will be uproar.

Other classics in the range include:

(http://www.backfromthedepths.co.uk/art/moore.png)
: Re: 'it' returned
: Proudhuff 13 January, 2012, 01:38:54 PM
I think they jumped the shark getting Johnny Depp to play John Prescott in From Hull.
: Re: 'it' returned
: Spaceghost 13 January, 2012, 01:40:25 PM
if you come back in a few weeks time with "The Ballad of Hello Jones" there will be uproar.

Other classics in the range include:

(http://www.backfromthedepths.co.uk/art/moore.png)

Oh bravo sir! Fine work.