You've spotted somebody you really fancy and would like to trap off with. Just one problem - they ask you to do something that's not really in your nature.
SO what's the worst/most embrassing thing you've done in an attempt to bag a perch?
Note: I'm not talking about "love" here, just things you've done that you wouldn't normally do just because you had the chance of a shag...
As well as "acting all sensitive and caring", I'm guilty of the following:
1) Attended a Steelye Span concert.
2) Became a Vegetarian (this one stuck)
3) Gone to the ballet (actually enjoyed this)
(Oddgirl & I went to the ballet the other day... Nutcracker is rather brilliant)
I don't know what the weather's like down in sunny England, but north of the border we're all freezing our extremities off.
I would therefore like to take the opportunity to defend a much-maligned Rogue Trooper character - good old Helm.
If it wasn't for my new biochip beanie, as bought at Dreddcon, I might be lying frozen in a doorway as we speak!
All the time we've been wondering just what Helm was good for and - even though he's really not made of wool, I admit - we missed the obvious fact that he was keeping Rogue's mohawk warm!
Good old Helm!
- Trout
Hmm... No ones mentioned last weeks Meg cover yet then?
Watersports. nuff said.
...that would be last Months cover...
Damn my quick fire but often innacurate wit.
Errr, just realised that sounds as though I partook in a goldenshower. Just for the record I have never let anyone waz on my head.
It's what PYREX casserole dishes were invented for....
Two words:
Harry Potter.
Wow. Thats pretty harsh.
Do you think you could have got away with just peeing on yourself?
wow, you guys just have it harsh, don't you, & thats why women will evetually rule the universe. If I DON'T want to pull, i just Don't wear the heels, the leather, & no swishing of the big sassy hair. & even thats not foolproof I still have to snarl & growl & say "F*Ck off Cretin, I'm not interested" a lot. And I'm old & no super model, imagine how tough it is for preeettty gals?
Mebbe next time I should force enamoured Mr BLoke into all sorts of ritualised humiliation BEFORE bombing him out? since yous clearly enjoy that sort of thing.
So Boudicca, do you come here often?
I came up with the novel approach of treating her like a human being and trying not to look at her breasts through her blouse. This kinda backfired and I am now married to this woman and have been with her for over 11 years...........
The morale of this tale is well Im not sure.
yer slippo
Definately a case of a pair of puppies been for life and not just for christmas!!! (I know, I'll get me coat)
whaa haaah haaaaaaa swish swish, see i can swish my hair as much as i like around here & I still don't have to run & hide or hit yous. see i don't even have to wear the cast iron saftey bra or nothing. heh heh heh I love cyber flirting its....wait whats that knock at the door...?
Boo I beginning to think that maybe the male gene pool in the highlands is a little thin?!?!?! :-)
Any more of that and yer Cyber husband DXB will be jealous......
yer slippo
Well Russia has a severe shortage of men so with a payment to the apropriate parties you can get a catologue of Russkie ladies. For a moderate fee they will then be shipped over and hey presto! Female companionship.
Lets see now... One eye missing, one previous owner.....
J Kat.
well dig, not so much a thin gene pool, just a knuckle dragging dribbling one.
But you must remember that me & DXB didn't actuall make holy matrimony on account of the evil cat lovers cunning ruse. I believe he is currently going through the divorce but i have recieved no further offers of any arrangements with him, & thus assume i am not to be chained to the sink and am FREEEEE FREeeeeee to swish my hair at my pleasure.
(bursts into a little song.."Freeedom freeedom la la la")
A poetry reading. In my defence I was 19 and she was lovely but still, poetry.
Amongst other things I rather wouldn't mention...
Joined a political party
Walked 20 miles in one go
Learned to cook
Danced to Agadoo (no I'm not proud of it)
Drank in the dodgiest, roughest pub in a town made of dodgy pubs
Went to a Hawkwind concert (quite good really)
Took up Martial Arts (lasted a few years that one)
Spent time in.... it still hurts when i think about it.... Wales!!
oh shit, totally forgot about the person i'm married to.
...
agreed to
have a kid!!!!
(actually i did that bit for more than just lust - i tell myself that every time he hits me)
Well I have never lusted, because lust is a sin. I pride myself on this, in fact I get VERY angry when people accuse me of such a vice. I admit I sometimes get envious of other peoples wives/girlfriends, sometimes even to the point of wanting them all for myself. I have never acted upon these feelings though, partly because I'm always eating, but mostly because I am too lazy.
me am partnered and damn happy in cakey heaven
things i have done in order to satsify lust?
cant think of to many i have not done.
everything from feinging interest in religion.to pretending to be a vegetarain. through to going to a karaoke bar.and buying a book on how to give sensaul massages.
i am a man and make no excuses.
but i never stopped reading 2000ad.no matter how sexy they where.or how depraved they offered to be.i always made time to read my weekly prog.
i would like to note this was in my younger days. when my son was a twinkle in my eye. and i thought singapore was in china.and alcohol was my main dietary substance.
Singapore is NOT in China then? Damn. I always thought it was.
I moved 80 miles to be near a woman I wanted. Got her. And three kids now. And a dog. And a ginuea pig.
Dave6795
er, er, pretended to like jane austen, urgh, she was doing english lit... what else could i do ?
er, read byron - crud
sometimes go to church with current bird 'to keep her happy and its not often anyway'
er, hide my porn, throw out my porn when discovered - shame, should have made male stand there lads.
girls are ok, they cook,clean,help pay bills and shag yer now and then BUT then they start to age and want babies and RESPONSIBILITIES...
moving to provence with current girly soon to keep her happy but then again IT IS BLOODY BETTER THAN HERE !...er,
lie,'no not looking at that girl',,er, not tried to shag other girls...
men, we wanna do it coz we are like doggies.. wuf wuf
ooo bit honest that lot, all single sad comic fans be aware, it may just be better to stick with comics, top ladies of the night and dodgy vids BUT you didn't hear me say that ok !
oh yea, and walk around an art gallery and explain how the dragon is a symbol of greed in that it cannot have the maiden it captures etc. etc. sounding really with it when actually it was just somet i saw on the telly...
darwin says 'its war for he genes !'
there is absolutely nothing wrong with poetry its no afront to your masculinity
byron said 'it gets yer babes man'
Too true girls dig it so you gotta respect its usefulness!
remove their clothes with the power of prose! im sure nikolai dante digs it too
as i fell in a burn (trans'=boggy stream)today i remembered a funny tale of the courtship variety;
hunky new batchelor failed to turn up to first rendezvous on account of lost runaway dog. by midnight very pished in pub awaiting, I'd located dog at house with no road back end of no-where, so off me & girl pal set to rescue it & impress the bloke with my heroism. to summerise i was carrying the collie in pitch black over a fence which led to a path...but i'd got my bareings wrong & placed my foot down & disappeared into cold wet blackness. twas a deep river, so i met the bloke with dog, soaking wet , face & head pishing blood trying to remain cool & sexy "oh its nothing I'm fine". there was medical complications & i now have a rather fetching scar. DOH ! ! ! that'll learn me !
Bou - I guess we just arent worth it eh?!?!
Anything anyone hasnt done?!?!?
Once a girl had a thing for me, it was when I was thin and handsome (well 18), whe manipulated the situation so that she may get me alone on the floor of my friends bedroom, despite a number of different attempts(i wont bore you with details), nothing worked. But I couldnt tell her to p*ss off coz my friend was sleeping 3 feet away. I just lay there pretending to e very drunk and not awake. Sad really?!?!
- yer confessional Slippo
No poetrys fine if you like that sort of thing , however listening to a 20 year old psuedo intellectual mummys boy reading his meandering thoughts on "life" when he's yet to have one is however utter wank, and pretending to enjoy it , as i did, is in fact even wankier. I took the same girl to a Kula Shaker concert as they were "the best band around" apparently, back then I really would sit through some shit to pull.
I attempted to conquer europe in order to cop off with one of Dee Dee's friends, unfortunately it failed to work because of the age difference.