Nikolai was up to his usual tricks. Sex sex sex...
Nikolai
(admiring a beautiful girl)
The last time I saw a pair like that, it was in a fruit market. *(Pear you see if you didn't get the joke)
Women
Oh Mr Dante, you are wicked!
Nikolai
Carnal sin is my crime baby! Punish me! The name's Dante, Nikolai Dante. But you can call me Nik.
Woman
And you certainly have nicked my heart! Give it back handsome!
Nikolai
Heart to heart is how I like it ma'am. I also like my pubic hair toasted by the fire so burn me!
Woman
Oh you say such dirty things!
Nikolai
I always try to speak in sexual terms. Did you know your eyes are the shape of my testicles?
Woman
Oh you are full of spunk! *(as in courage, you dirty lot!)
Nikolai
I never make mistakes. The only cock ups I ever have, girls adore.
Woman
Oh! More please!
Nikolai
Willy, titty, my name's Nick...too hard to kill and with an even harder prick.
Woman
Oh a divine poet! Come to me!
Nikolai
(looks down at his trousers)
It looks like I already have!
They get down to the horizontal fox trot.
Dredd comes in.
Dredd
Dante, you are under arrest!
Nikolai
Eh?
Dredd
For crimes against clean comic writing and repeated use of of willy, titty, pubic, balls, dicks, whips, cock, knob, screw, and of course pussy. Though enough of scojo's cat.
Dante,
F**K!
Dredd
Yes, I forget that one too.
Dredd pulls him off the woman.
Dante
I am Russia's greatest lover you know! You can't do this to me!
Dredd
Well I'm Mega City One's greatest celibate, but do you hear me boast about it?
Nikolai
(shouting in anger)
Screw you Dredd!
Dredd
I knew you were a randy creep Dante, but this is ridiculous!
The End
carry on up the scojo
Jesus Christ, that was fucking appalling
LOL! I didn't get past the first few lines.
I think it would be funny if Scojo discovered he actually was Robbie Morrison and wrote all his Nikolai Dante while he was asleep.
Obviously a gutter for Mr Morrison though.
Just kidding Scojo. Where do you get these thoughts from?
That good huh?
It was meant to be a piss take, Mr Articulate.
Oh right I hear you cry.
So maybe I should be flattered you didn't like it.
Then again, maybe not...
scojo
What thoughts are you referring to PVS?
You mean my witty dialogue?
Well it just flows out of me.
I am not sure JJP really understood what I was writing. It was meant to be a joke on Robbie's obsession with sex and bodily function.
I dunno, some people need to be sign posted to get the joke...
But humour is subjective I guess and from JJP's articulate critique, I won't lose any sleep over it. Man with prose like that, he should work for the tabloids.
scojo
Hi Scojo.
It may have been inarticulate (i dunno) but it was a funny response!
I understood full well what you were getting at though, but really reading a parody of Morrison at his worst isn't any more fun for me than the real thing. I did read a bit more afterwards.
Bad Scojo.
The problem with noticeboards is that as it isn't easy to denote emotion or intent in a comment it is easy to misconstrue. I guess. What am I typing about?
ND isn't back this week is it? Anyway if we stay real quite it may go away.
Oh well I've been overcome by inertia. Must go away for a while.
Cheers
PVS
Oh sod it, life's too short.
scojo
I rather liked the cock up gag myself. And the spunk line.
You see spunk means both courage and sperm...oh what's the point!
The people on this board are so slow of thought, they'd miss their own funeral.
scojo
Yeah, but I can spell "versus" and "Dredd"