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Silence in court! I put it to you that you can't keep that up for the entire day of Oct the 9th??


Hu! The defense rests me'lud.

Really? Did you just make that up, Huffy?

*shudder*

You'll turn the board into LA Law.

- Trout

I OBJECT

Hazzah!

Can  be the first to do the 'ORDER, ORDER!', 'Thanks very much, I'll have a pint!' gag?

If my learned friend has no objection, obviously.

Sustained.

For f'ck's sake...

Okay, in Scottish style:

Defence solicitor: "I appear for Mr Proudhuff, m'lord. He adheres to his pleas of not guilty to all charges and I move for bail."

Procurator fiscal: "The Crown moves for the usual diets. Bail is not opposed."

Sheriff: "Fix usual diets."

Sheriff clerk: "Middenface Proudhuff, a trial has been fixed for August the 23rd, 2009, with an intermediate diet on July the 19th.

"You will be released on bail. Please take a seat in court. Do not leave the court until you have signed a bail order.

"That's all."

And that's about as interesting as courts get.

Believe me. It's bloody torture.

- The world's least patient court reporter

 He we have a Stipendary in Portsmouth who is very entertaining in a scares the hell out of me kind of way and even bettewr is the spit of James Robinson Justice.  Fantastic entertainment compared to watching lay magistrates umm and arrr all day.

may i state for the record that this suggestion violates the humour ruling of 1979 on several counts. furthermore i wish to be excused from this thread until such time as it is deemed nessecary , nay relevant, for my introjection to be appropriate?

heh. O the irony.

thursday the 9th i shall indeed in fact BE in court, suited up etc with tie n all...

:)

F

Yipes !! good luck there Frazer ! er whatever the context of the appearance is.

wearing of suits can be most entertaining however. a posse of us went to town to a funeral today in our bestest smart suits, leaving the normal inverness attire of overalls & wellies behind. however we all had odd chores to do, like raiding a breakers yard for building stuff etc, in black ties.. tell you surreal was not the word.

posh Bou (ms Black)

One more outburst like that from you Sir Trouthack and you'll spend the night in the cells, now fellow mason what were you saying?

oh and any more from the teuchers and we'll have the gallery cleared, now explain about these beat-combos on this radio with pictures...

I put it to you, Mr Huff, that this "Talk like you're in court day" is but a fabrication, nay, a fiction, conjured by yourself for the express purpose of eliciting verbiose nonsense from the inhabitants of this board. I put it to you, in short, that you have deliberately, nay, purposefully, proceeded in  manner calculated to obfuscate and deceive the ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Well, Mr Huff? What have you to say?

Useless fact: despite being a bona fide partner in a law firm, I have never been in court (for business of pleasure, although the incident on George Square nearly resulted in being a customer of the courts). Nor have I ever sold a house or made a will.

In fact, I'm useless - but don't tell anyone.

Or mention the fact that I spend most of the day here.

Talk like you're in court day,
oh i want to play.

yes i would like to purchase this childrens cabin bed please.
do you offer free delivery?

Wot hav ah goat ta soy? some old lags done stiched me up like a kipper mate!

although my client did steal the sports car in question, the owner of said car did steal the money in a pension fund fiddle so one could conspire to say its a justice in itself m'lord

'Wot hav ah goat ta soy? some old lags done stiched me up like a kipper mate!'

I object!

Mr. Huff's Cockerney-type talking is the worst I have seen outside of the BBC! Clearly a disgraceful forgery.

I put it to you, Mr. Huff, that the speaking, writing or otherwise distribution of fraudulent or counterfiet Cockerney Chat is a breach of the Cockerney Code Act (1782).  I would further warn Mr. Huff that breaches of the Cockerney Code can result in serious consequences, to wit: leg breakages, a serious bottling, or, in extreme circumstances, a Right Old Knees Up.

   

One more outburst like that, Mr Machine, and you will find yourself in contempt of this court.

but my name is jeffrey archer, you cant send me down !

'One more outburst like that, Mr Machine, and you will find yourself in contempt of this court.'

My learned friend Mr. Johnny is clearly forgetting his correct court procedures - only the preciding judge (who appears to be Mr. Justice Dreddd) can find a bloke in contempt of court.

I think you meant the court will hold me in contempt.

Can we have a 'talk likes the gronk' day tomorrow?

ssssssssoooo you think i am guilty juddddge but you are guilty of liffffeeeee ssssssooon you will be judddgeeed

it wasnae me! am no guilty sir !

Oh my heartes!

"thursday the 9th i shall indeed in fact BE in court, suited up etc with tie n all... "

Hope that all went well, Mr F.

Must be something in the air, because m'lovely wife is in court next Wednesday.

Last December (!) some little cnut tried to take her bag as she waited for a bus not 100 yards from our house. She legged it home, unmugged, and we called the Old Bill who eventually turned up and practically dictated her statement to her. After that nothing.

Until TODAY when they come round and say she has to be in court as a witness next Weds.

She's never even IDed the fucker so what, I ask, WHAT is the fecking point?

Gaah.

Jim

don't get me started ! some bloke, some months ago over a period of two nights smashed up my garden etc, using like, my rabbit run to smash his own car, my planters to decorate neighbours rooves etc... ive had to just remove the damaged fences gates, still have a smashed light blah  blah ?100's damage, hours violent battling to control the fcuker, trauma, statments, waiting hours for polis, who sorta shrugged & said hmmm i suppose we better lock him up then? next day gave him back his car keys & were surprised when he started rampaging again.. oh it seems he's having mental problems, no shit.  so will he ever get charged? will i ever get compensated? not looking like it now, but i suppose mabbe in 2 years when i'm nicely over the whole trauma they summonse me?


yeah & we never did get the bunnie back. mr fox did. besterds.

Girl, I'm sorry to hear that, sounds like hell, hope you can salvage something,

Huffy B

oh hell huffster that's yesterdays trauma, theres been a few more since then! you live & ...toughen up. lives a bitch alright, & thats why we need to talk in stupid voices more often ! & why i need swords & a large motorbike.

ta for sentements.
Bou the post& present traumaticly stressed.

S'not funny this ain't...I had to o to ourt today after an assault on me early this year...

Finnigan Sinister

ouch, hope that worked out okay finn, have a dram tonight for yer nerves. & hope thats closured and all that.

Well he pleaded guilty so I could walk off but that was'nt before i'd spent about 2 hours shitting myself, reading over my statment and being told that the screens hadn't been assembled but I must be confident etc.

Finnigan Sinister