Title: Office parties..... oh....my......god......
Post by: Buddy on 22 December, 2003, 07:04:03 AM
Post by: Buddy on 22 December, 2003, 07:04:03 AM
I had this really long story about the office do, but all you need to know is I got really drunk and ended up taking my trouseres off in a gay club.
Any one else got any 'office do' horror stories?
Any one else got any 'office do' horror stories?
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Mangamax on 22 December, 2003, 07:06:11 AM
Post by: Mangamax on 22 December, 2003, 07:06:11 AM
"Trouseres"?
Did you turn into the Gronk too?
Did you turn into the Gronk too?
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Buddy on 22 December, 2003, 07:07:51 AM
Post by: Buddy on 22 December, 2003, 07:07:51 AM
Turning into a gay club was traumatic enough without turning into anything else!!!!
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 22 December, 2003, 03:04:16 PM
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 22 December, 2003, 03:04:16 PM
At my first ever Chirstmas night out, Mrx X (then only Dr X's burd) got into an argument with a waiter who couldn't see the logic in her following statement:
"but I like these spoons and that's why I'm putting them in my bag".
At my first Chirstmas night out with my current work (1998) I got bladdered. Next day, we were locked out the office cos everyone forgot keys. We were on the third floor, outside lifts, in a very small foyer. All 40 odd of us. It was cold outside, and very warm there. So, I did the sensible thing. I fainted, collapsing on top of one of the partners. Next thing I know, I am covered in blood and in a taxi on the way to the Royal Infirmary...
I still have the scar (thankfully hidden by an eyebrow) from where I banged my head on the way down.
"but I like these spoons and that's why I'm putting them in my bag".
At my first Chirstmas night out with my current work (1998) I got bladdered. Next day, we were locked out the office cos everyone forgot keys. We were on the third floor, outside lifts, in a very small foyer. All 40 odd of us. It was cold outside, and very warm there. So, I did the sensible thing. I fainted, collapsing on top of one of the partners. Next thing I know, I am covered in blood and in a taxi on the way to the Royal Infirmary...
I still have the scar (thankfully hidden by an eyebrow) from where I banged my head on the way down.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 22 December, 2003, 03:04:45 PM
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 22 December, 2003, 03:04:45 PM
But I did keep my trousers on. And avoided gay clubs.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Devons Daddy on 22 December, 2003, 03:47:18 PM
Post by: Devons Daddy on 22 December, 2003, 03:47:18 PM
i managed a legendary evening at my last Club for the staff party.
to the level of which i am told it is still talked about when the coming years event is organized.
think senior manager/chef.= fear /respect and total acceptance of if chef says no it means no so dont ask again.
i bought the kitchen brigade hats badges and plasic six shooters.
cooks badges = posse.
sous chefs badges =deputies
and mine said sherrif.
i ended up being very very
drunk and being the party animal, including soliticing amongst others . my own sectary, a 63 year old female dishwasher and the
transvestite performer. before moving onto the single females avaible.
we ended up in a local bar full of females who all wanted to be my friend it was not until a little later i realised they needed to be paid for this friendship.
im told the parties since have not really managed to reach the same highs as no senior managment member ever really led the way since.
not my proundest moment, but it was a kind of icing on the cake. for my percieved character and attitudes.
to the level of which i am told it is still talked about when the coming years event is organized.
think senior manager/chef.= fear /respect and total acceptance of if chef says no it means no so dont ask again.
i bought the kitchen brigade hats badges and plasic six shooters.
cooks badges = posse.
sous chefs badges =deputies
and mine said sherrif.
i ended up being very very
drunk and being the party animal, including soliticing amongst others . my own sectary, a 63 year old female dishwasher and the
transvestite performer. before moving onto the single females avaible.
we ended up in a local bar full of females who all wanted to be my friend it was not until a little later i realised they needed to be paid for this friendship.
im told the parties since have not really managed to reach the same highs as no senior managment member ever really led the way since.
not my proundest moment, but it was a kind of icing on the cake. for my percieved character and attitudes.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Woolly on 22 December, 2003, 05:12:05 PM
Post by: Woolly on 22 December, 2003, 05:12:05 PM
Only ever been on one staff outing, all i can remember is buying a round of vodka/tequila/red bulls, no one else liking them, me drinking them all and ordering another round which i then quaffed.
Dressed in 70's gear.
With a massive afro.
Only thing i can remember after that is shouting at taxi's in a Glaswegien accent, whilst still wearing the afro.
So if anyone had a run in with an afro'd fool about 3 years back in the Republic in sheffield, please post here and let me know what i did!
Wul
Dressed in 70's gear.
With a massive afro.
Only thing i can remember after that is shouting at taxi's in a Glaswegien accent, whilst still wearing the afro.
So if anyone had a run in with an afro'd fool about 3 years back in the Republic in sheffield, please post here and let me know what i did!
Wul
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Matt Timson on 22 December, 2003, 05:23:57 PM
Post by: Matt Timson on 22 December, 2003, 05:23:57 PM
Not going into specifics, but: Refused access to the darts, refused any more drinks. Trousers around ankles in shop doorway- pissed in own trousers*. Woke up naked in running shower (vomiting) with then girlfriend shouting at me.
And those were the highpoints of a truly horrible evening. Works outings always end in tears- or at the very least, vomiting.
Matt
*I saw somebody else doing this last night and thought "what a twat".
And those were the highpoints of a truly horrible evening. Works outings always end in tears- or at the very least, vomiting.
Matt
*I saw somebody else doing this last night and thought "what a twat".
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: judge dreddd on 22 December, 2003, 05:47:48 PM
Post by: judge dreddd on 22 December, 2003, 05:47:48 PM
vomiting...oh never again, i had that party before, now its mr moderation
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Art on 22 December, 2003, 05:53:50 PM
Post by: Art on 22 December, 2003, 05:53:50 PM
Absinthe: don't do it.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Wils on 22 December, 2003, 05:56:41 PM
Post by: Wils on 22 December, 2003, 05:56:41 PM
The last time I was actually sick through drink was about five years ago. I have this vague memory of being sat up in bed in the dark, throwing up onto my duvet. The next thing I knew was waking up the next day, unable to move, knowing I was lying under a duvet smothered in vom. Nice. :s
Thankfully have not been *quite* that drunk since, although there was the incident in the kebab shop after a night drinking Lowenbrau...
Thankfully have not been *quite* that drunk since, although there was the incident in the kebab shop after a night drinking Lowenbrau...
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Dudley on 22 December, 2003, 06:03:46 PM
Post by: Dudley on 22 December, 2003, 06:03:46 PM
Absinthe - I bought a round of this for 6 people in a Prague cafe. It was served straight (without any of that set it on fire on sugar business). I polished off my shot, set it down, only to find that everyone else was swearing off having smelt their glasses. So I methodically did the other 5 shots (shame to waste it).
As we walked out the cafe I stumbled and fell over the rail of the subway entrance, approximately 12 feet to land on my back.
Not only did I feel no pain, I also had no bruising the next day.
Absinthe - turns you into Superman.
...Dudley
As we walked out the cafe I stumbled and fell over the rail of the subway entrance, approximately 12 feet to land on my back.
Not only did I feel no pain, I also had no bruising the next day.
Absinthe - turns you into Superman.
...Dudley
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Mr C on 22 December, 2003, 08:59:49 PM
Post by: Mr C on 22 December, 2003, 08:59:49 PM
My last Chrimbo do was at HMS Warrior, an Ironclad restored ship musuem thing at the historic dockyard in Portsmouth.
Me Pissed.
In a ship.
Surrounded by colleagues in fancy dress.
Having sea shanties sung at me by crusty old men.
Sat next to the boss.
And without any fags.
What a night of hilarity that was.
Me Pissed.
In a ship.
Surrounded by colleagues in fancy dress.
Having sea shanties sung at me by crusty old men.
Sat next to the boss.
And without any fags.
What a night of hilarity that was.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Dounreay on 22 December, 2003, 09:26:57 PM
Post by: Dounreay on 22 December, 2003, 09:26:57 PM
I was going to post here but after reading Devons Daddys post, I realise it would be pointless.
Jeez, what a night DD. I suspect you have been possessed by the spirits of Ollie Reed, Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole all at once.
Jeez, what a night DD. I suspect you have been possessed by the spirits of Ollie Reed, Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole all at once.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Dunk! on 22 December, 2003, 10:08:01 PM
Post by: Dunk! on 22 December, 2003, 10:08:01 PM
I have many embarassing moments from Xmas do's but unable to compete with DD's I'll highlight the most recent one which was mainly positive.
We had it at the Heritage motor museum surrounded by vintage vehicles and I ended the evening in the bucket seats of a Ford GT 40 drinking champers with a lovely lady/buxom waitress who knocked off work while we were still partying.
A fine end to the business year.
Now if i could genuinely remember her name i could phone her on the number she gave me.....Doh!
We had it at the Heritage motor museum surrounded by vintage vehicles and I ended the evening in the bucket seats of a Ford GT 40 drinking champers with a lovely lady/buxom waitress who knocked off work while we were still partying.
A fine end to the business year.
Now if i could genuinely remember her name i could phone her on the number she gave me.....Doh!
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Noisybast on 23 December, 2003, 12:51:38 AM
Post by: Noisybast on 23 December, 2003, 12:51:38 AM
Bah! I haven't been out at all over the festive period. Too much work to get through. How I miss the alcohol...
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: James on 23 December, 2003, 01:27:55 AM
Post by: James on 23 December, 2003, 01:27:55 AM
I went to London for a party/poker/Dredd boardgame night on saturday. Got very pissed and stoned with my old mates and passed out on the sofa after throwing up.
Then last night went to the work do, disco/lame meal etc and got really pissed again, got home at 2am.
Had to get up for the busiest day in work for months.
Hung. Over.
Just want to smoke a joint now and crash out.
Then last night went to the work do, disco/lame meal etc and got really pissed again, got home at 2am.
Had to get up for the busiest day in work for months.
Hung. Over.
Just want to smoke a joint now and crash out.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Buddy on 23 December, 2003, 01:40:04 AM
Post by: Buddy on 23 December, 2003, 01:40:04 AM
Did I mention there was a stripper?
Each passing hour brings another flashback....
Oh the horror....
Each passing hour brings another flashback....
Oh the horror....
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: longmanshort on 23 December, 2003, 01:45:52 AM
Post by: longmanshort on 23 December, 2003, 01:45:52 AM
Any one else got any 'office do' horror stories?
Yeah, it was sh*t and filled with blonde empty-headed advertising reps. And no, that's NOT a good thing ...
Yeah, it was sh*t and filled with blonde empty-headed advertising reps. And no, that's NOT a good thing ...
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Darren Stephens on 23 December, 2003, 02:44:04 AM
Post by: Darren Stephens on 23 December, 2003, 02:44:04 AM
Funny. I ended up in a gay club, too. Dancing on the stage.....shirt unbuttoned.......with deely boppers on my head. Didnt pull, though, you'll be surprised to hear. At work today, not one person took the piss. Amazing!
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Matt Timson on 23 December, 2003, 03:01:20 AM
Post by: Matt Timson on 23 December, 2003, 03:01:20 AM
It's still a lot better than peeing on your own trousers and then having to pull them up again.
There's something wrong with you, Molcher!
Oddly enough, I bumped into one of the guys from that particular works do earlier this evening- first time I've seen him in years. Funny that.
There's something wrong with you, Molcher!
Oddly enough, I bumped into one of the guys from that particular works do earlier this evening- first time I've seen him in years. Funny that.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: longmanshort on 23 December, 2003, 03:27:45 AM
Post by: longmanshort on 23 December, 2003, 03:27:45 AM
There's something wrong with you, Molcher!
You really, really, really would not say that if you knew any of the vacuous, simple-minded, odious bints who populate our ad department. They manage to absorb any atmosphere from a room due to the terrible vacuums between their ears ...
You really, really, really would not say that if you knew any of the vacuous, simple-minded, odious bints who populate our ad department. They manage to absorb any atmosphere from a room due to the terrible vacuums between their ears ...
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: petemaskreplica on 23 December, 2003, 03:35:11 AM
Post by: petemaskreplica on 23 December, 2003, 03:35:11 AM
Am I the only person here whose office party consisted of getting nicely pissed with people whose company I enjoyed, and not copping off with anyone at all?
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: longmanshort on 23 December, 2003, 03:44:44 AM
Post by: longmanshort on 23 December, 2003, 03:44:44 AM
Am I the only person here whose office party consisted of getting nicely pissed with people whose company I enjoyed, and not copping off with anyone at all?
Weirdo.
Weirdo.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: judge dreddd on 23 December, 2003, 04:42:48 AM
Post by: judge dreddd on 23 December, 2003, 04:42:48 AM
best is when someone gets pissed and start going 'i bloody hate you !' and stuff
odd bit is where you all sit down to eat and find nowt to talk about coz you work together
top tip - get joke section from fhm/gq and take with ya to pass jokes off as yer own
odd bit is where you all sit down to eat and find nowt to talk about coz you work together
top tip - get joke section from fhm/gq and take with ya to pass jokes off as yer own
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Pyroxian on 23 December, 2003, 04:43:58 AM
Post by: Pyroxian on 23 December, 2003, 04:43:58 AM
>Am I the only person here whose office party
>consisted of getting nicely pissed with people
>whose company I enjoyed, and not copping off
>with anyone at all?
No, mine was pretty sedate - we just went for a curry and had a few beers. Quite civilised.
Oh, and never order a Jalfraezi curry. Ever... My taste buds still hurt...
Steve
>consisted of getting nicely pissed with people
>whose company I enjoyed, and not copping off
>with anyone at all?
No, mine was pretty sedate - we just went for a curry and had a few beers. Quite civilised.
Oh, and never order a Jalfraezi curry. Ever... My taste buds still hurt...
Steve
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: esoteric ed on 23 December, 2003, 05:29:16 AM
Post by: esoteric ed on 23 December, 2003, 05:29:16 AM
I DJ'd again for free at our office party last Thursday, it was a long day (3pm till 10pm) but well worth it to see various and usually straight laced work colleagues who I don't really mix with, drunk and sitting on the floor giving it loads to "Oops upside you head", I'm only sorry I didn't play the 12" version... the good old "fire water" never fails!
Ed
"I sorta fuse Flashdance with MC Hammer sh*t"
Ed
"I sorta fuse Flashdance with MC Hammer sh*t"
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Buddy on 23 December, 2003, 09:52:14 AM
Post by: Buddy on 23 December, 2003, 09:52:14 AM
Was out with my mates tonight for our annual 'lads night out'. Went out for a chinese, near the end of the meal my mate found a pubic hair in his food!!!!!
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Dunk! on 23 December, 2003, 03:13:51 PM
Post by: Dunk! on 23 December, 2003, 03:13:51 PM
"Am I the only person here whose office party consisted of getting nicely pissed with people whose company I enjoyed, and not copping off with anyone at all"
All our previous Xmas bashes have been of the enjoyable disaster category especially the one where they got in a murder mystery troupe to "entertain" us at our tables. Poor thespians.
This year two of our Directors had just been sacked (Pigman and the Witch) and there was a fantastic air of relief and relaxation without their David Brent style shenanigans. Even the traditional brawl with the serving/bar staff by the drunkest member of our company was forgotten for this one year.
All our previous Xmas bashes have been of the enjoyable disaster category especially the one where they got in a murder mystery troupe to "entertain" us at our tables. Poor thespians.
This year two of our Directors had just been sacked (Pigman and the Witch) and there was a fantastic air of relief and relaxation without their David Brent style shenanigans. Even the traditional brawl with the serving/bar staff by the drunkest member of our company was forgotten for this one year.
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Woolly on 23 December, 2003, 03:43:07 PM
Post by: Woolly on 23 December, 2003, 03:43:07 PM
Just remembered, i WAS sick after the afro wig incedent, so sick in fact that i was left with gastroenteritis (retched up my stomach lining. Nice!)
How the f*ck did i forget that?!?
How the f*ck did i forget that?!?
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Oddboy on 24 December, 2003, 06:12:25 PM
Post by: Oddboy on 24 December, 2003, 06:12:25 PM
Our office Xmas party isn't until 23rd January.
The trick is how do you avoid getting plastered in front of collegues/bosses/directors when the drinks are free?
The trick is how do you avoid getting plastered in front of collegues/bosses/directors when the drinks are free?
Title: Re: Office parties..... oh....my.....
Post by: Trout on 24 December, 2003, 07:35:23 PM
Post by: Trout on 24 December, 2003, 07:35:23 PM
Oddboy: You don't, fool.
I can confirm all advertising staff in the newspaper industry are wankers.
"We pay your wages."
No you don't. You answer the f*cking phone. And you're very, very stupid.
And I will write anything I like about anyone I like, whether they threaten to cancel their incredibly lucrative advertising or not.
Heh, heh, heh.
- Trout
I can confirm all advertising staff in the newspaper industry are wankers.
"We pay your wages."
No you don't. You answer the f*cking phone. And you're very, very stupid.
And I will write anything I like about anyone I like, whether they threaten to cancel their incredibly lucrative advertising or not.
Heh, heh, heh.
- Trout