2000 AD Online Forum

On holiday in the Czech Republic last week, my wife turned to me and observed: "Have you noticed that in London you usually have to push the door, but in Prague you usually have to pull?"

I had to point out that it more depended on the side of the door she found herself, rather than which country she was in.


Anyone else got any "dumb partner" stories?  

...Dudley

Actually in countries where snowfall is high the outside door almost always opens out, in the UK the opposite is true.  Im being pedantic for the sake of it now arent I?

However, yes wifes say the silliest things.  Thing that gets on my t*ts the most is the constant questioning through a film.  
"What excactly did he say?"
"Well he said roughly he needs to put on a coat as its cold outside"
"no exactly"
"Ive just missed the bit where he explains why he is a villain and what the plot of the film is."
"yes but what exactly did he say before that"
Bang!
I blow my own brains out

Yer SLips
 

hmmm, ive a nasty feeling this thread could degenerate into a dodgy area here dudley;

heres some ex classics ;
"but pretty girls ARE crap shags"
"I'm sorry it was the drink"
" But the others arent as nice as you"
"comix? arent they for kids?"
"i often wonder what it would be like to kill someone"
" but i only told some of my mates our intimate details"
"I love watching you work"
"I have no problem with you working, as long as you spend more time with me"
"I'd love to help with the rent, but am a bit skint after that boozy weekend"
"why don't you let your hairdown & get pissed more often"

etc etc etc etc

oh yeah and the classic " but it meant nothing, all i could think of when i was sh*gging her was you "...





time to do some work... i'm degenerating here...

>Thing that gets on my t*ts the most is the
>constant questioning through a film.

I had a housemate who'd do that, very annoying. Except she'd do it right from the start so it was:

'Why is he doing that?'
'I don't know! Watch the film to find out! Aaargh!!!'

Major pain... Almost as bad as people talking in cinemas (Some bugger was doing it the other night during Last Samurai...)

    Steve

...then you turn round to scream "SHUT UP!" and find out they're narrating the action for a blind person...

you see...being single has sooooo many plus points really :)

The annoying thing is my daughter has started doing it as well......  So both of them sit and ask questions about films...  

Yer Slips

My mother says some truly stupid things.

Once watching a wildlife documentary about lions which showed an injured lion cub. What does my mum say?

"...Poor thing. It just wants picking up and loving!"

yeah, mum. And after that, YOU'LL need a few weeks in casualty!

The talking through films bit really gets me.

I remember watching the Matrix for the first time, Morpheous was explaining the history of mankind and the war with the robots and we're all just batteries (and I was really paying attention 'cause it was soooo gooood)when she says "I don't understand this"
Ignored her and listened to the tale
"You don't understand it either, do you?"
"What, yes I do, shut up"
"No, you don't, I can tell, besides its all crap anyway"

Which often leads to her favourite line as you begin to argue the case for the movie/TV/Book/computer game "but its not real"

aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!

YES! Talking in movies really gets on my tits. Do girlfriends have no concept of dramatic tension, and other scriptwriting techniques such as keeping plot details a mystery?
"Why did he do that?"
"WAIT AND SEE!"

Or if someone comes into the room and they start yakking, and then they turn back to the TV and say "Well, what's happening?"
GRRRRR...

We still love each other, though, in case you were wondering.

"I don't like films where all the characters are men in suits. It's too confusing to work out who is who."

Oddly, while this dictum applies to the Godfather(s), it does not stretch to Men In Black.

Sorry, I forgot my favourite quote:

"I really love that movie, what's it called... A Fish Called Rwanda."

Dredging the ex-files *always* brings up good quotes. e.g.:

"It's not pronounced Pert-wee, it's pronounced P'twee."

my ex on phone lastnight 'i am low on petrol, the lights flashing'

of course, i did advise she find a petrol station but i mean...what am i supposed to do...pour petrol into the car down the phone line ?

bizarre

"How would you capture a baby salmon?"

On getting an unseasonally hot day...
"It's El Nino,I'm tellin ye."

"ooh,I love that song,wadaya call it"'Who's it by?'"I forget"'What's it go like?'"Well *I* don't know"

"You'll know the answer to this(insert question)"'I don't know'"You're no use"

Films-this seems to be a common one.I have developed an extra sense with this one...I feel the air change in some barely perceptible way which tells me there's a question brewing,or plot/character confusion afoot.I have actually pre empted the question on many occasions and give the answer before she's breathed in to start.

H.

my wifes and one or two ex GF faves.
tend to be when they have half a conversation in their own heads and then ask you something.

G/F-wife i totally disagree you know.
its not right is it.

ME,???????????

other movie related ones.
what was he/she in before,you know the one with him from that as the bad guy.

bloody annoying.

Not dumbass, more just bizarre, but the first thing my girlfriend said to me this morning was:  "Are you Chaka Demus and Pliers?"  I reckon she was still a little groggy from sleep...at least I hope that's what it was?  Way to weird me out for the whole day...

Jings, this could take forever!

just a couple: while watching any whodunnit the SO insists on say 'it could be him/her' to each actor with more than two lines, then claiming at the 'Hercule Poirot' she had worked it out 'right at the start'!

Insists on 'finishing' the newspaper while the first ten minutes of a film is on, there asking about all the set up stuff she missed.

Also mentioning previous roles each actor had ie; 'Isn't that thingy from that film you liked?'

mind you she puts up with my pedentic 'well that couldn't happen because...'and 'What about the external alarms?'etc

There is also her (East Lothain) trait of pronouncing the P in wardrobe.

 Huffy B
 

My current housemate says all these sort of things, but she does at least wait until the end of the film or an advert break.

    Steve

When watching a who-dunnit or Outer Limits, I write down the murderer/ twist and give it to her.

I have about a 75% hit rate on the murderes and 90% on the twists.

She hasn't cottoned on that I only do this when I am really, REALLY, sure about it.

My ex used to say some very fucking strange things in the middle of the night, whilst (she claimed) asleep.  The freakiest one was where she sat bolt upright, eyes wide open, pointed directly at my face (so her finger was like an inch away from my nose) and shouted "Bamboo!  There's BAMBOO there!"  My attempts to calm her down didn't do much good, with her continuing to insist that there was, apparently, bamboo - moving bamboo - on my face.  Then she lay down and went back to sleep.

Very odd, and she had no memory of it in the morning.

bamboo !

thats the ex than el spurioso

the ex

i wonder why

lucky escape !

Oddgirl has trouble seperating the difference between being at work & being asleep.

Many's the time she's got up in the middle of the night to help any customers that might be in the bathroom or to sort out stock in the hall.
I try to get her to remember that if she's in bed then she's not at work, but there's no reasoning with a workaholic.

I used to live in a shared flat - 2 guys, 2 girls.  3 of us lived upstairs, the other guy had a room on the ground floor.  Early in our time there, he was woken up by one of the girls sleepwalking across his room.  She then proceeded to pull down her trousers and was starting to pull down her underwear when he woke her up.

Turned out his room was exactly where the toilet was in her parents' house.

heh heh, my middle daughter has an outburst of sleep talking about 1am everynight, much halarity for us poor girl, it ranges from gobbledegook ( actually, is that word PC ?) to her shouting at siblings or dogs ... not so different from wake time then.

Bit of a dilemma for that person, I would think - after all, it can be _very_ dangerous to wake sleepwalkers.

My girlfriend has a habit of waking suddenly and letting out a short scream. She goes straight back to sleep, and I spend the rest of the night gripping the edge of the quilt, white-knuckled, with eyes like saucers.

My girlfriend and I are as bad as each other. although she is slightly more scary. I occasionally wake up and say quite cryptic things. The last one, I woke up, turned to her and said, "the road we must travel is long", then turned over and went back to sleep. Another time I sat up in bed, still asleep. She half-woke, saw me and then screamed and scratched by back. She _said_ she thought I was someone else leaning over the bed getting ready to attack me.

She is also a major arachnophobe and constantly has nightmares from which she awakes screaming.

But what scares me most is the story she told me of when she was a teenager and she woke up one morning in the cupboard with a knife in her hand.

Paul C

Back on the original topic of dumbass things she's said, the most recent one I can recall is her belief that hot air ballons ran on helium.

My then-partner and I were driving through her homeland of Wiltshire when we passed the impressive man-made Neolithic mound of Sudbury Hill.

"Oh look," she said. "That's the biggest man-made hill in Europe."
"Really!" I said, actually fascinated and expecting more information.
"Mmmmmmmmmm, no." She said, absent mindedly and continued staring out of the window.

Mad as a box of badgers ...

'i am low on petrol, the lights flashing'

Exact same thing happened to me.

Phone call 'The petrol light is on'

Me: 'How much petrol have you got when the light comes on?'

Her: 'Don't know, but it's been on a while'

Me: 'How long?'

Her: 'Don't know'

Me: 'Are you near a petrol station?'

Her: 'Yes'

Me: 'THEN PUT SOME PETROL IN IT YOU STUPID BITCH, WHY THE FUCK ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION???'

Well that last bit wasn't exactly what I said... but it was what I was thinking.


We are no longer together.

mmmm....my wife doesn`t so much say dumb things as things which sound surreal because it would never occur to me to say them; things like "you`re so lucky having those foreign legs" or "do you eat so much meat because your stomach is different to Japanese stomachs?"
  My last ex was a psychotic on the lines of Rebecca de Mornay (looked similar too,  and said that the Fabians were evil, eating raw vegetables could cure cancer and that she walked funnily because she had a lot of "male energy". She was going to reverse my baldness with a diet of spirulina but then we broke up. Thankfully....

"We are no longer together. " the risk of accidentally breeding with a moron are too high

My wife once woke me from my sleep to feed the baby becuase she was crying. I stood there a good three minutes watching her (my daughter) sleep, wating for here to start crying again. Then my wife yells "Nevermind and come back to bed."

But then my wife woke me another night and said something was climbing on her. In my infinite wisdom "Are you sure you're not dreaming?" So's I turn on the light and my daughter's hamster is walking on my wife between the comforter and sheets.

Will

Link: Hamster Hell

ha ha ! poor hammie ! who was more scared !

well recently in my bed i thought i saw something dart next to my eye "nahhhh i'm being paranoid", then it scuttled along my face next to my mouth... yup a big feck off spider. luckily i'm a sci-fi super powered chick who beats off room fulls o heavies & ain't feared o spiders.

Great, thanks Bou(!)  Now I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Arachnophobic Dudley

i need to vent my anger in relation to talking through movies.  When i went to see return of the king the other week.  there was this kid right behing me, who would not shut up.  eg: what's she seeing, what's he doing, what's that?  a tear ran down my face as theoden bit the dust, only to be followed by "is he dead then?"  aaahhhrrrggg!!!

Sitting watching Buzzcocks last night.  The end came when they pulled up all those false papers that had "tommorows" headlines.

She turns to me and asks (you know whats commong don't you) "Are they the real papers?"

Once my youngest sister woke up screaming from a nightmare. I really shouldn't of killed her rabbit...

This is SO the icon you should have...

Title: Re: Dumbass things your partner sa...
Post by: Krustabi on 20 January, 2004, 06:28:57 PM

I can't see it

Too fat for my liking...

For reasons I won't go into, we were singing at work today a rousing chorus of:

"Phil* and Tabitha*
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G"

...except we changed the spelling part to "B-O-N-K-I-N-G".

Tabitha* immediately asks..."Why would we be smoking?"



* Names changed to protect the innocent.

A few times.

"the talking through films bit really gets me"
 with you my freind!especially when you've never seen the film before and she's asking you whats going on and why he's doing that etc.

Oh and my wife USED to do battle effects in the middle of "sharpe" grud knows why,probably just to piss me off.

"Yes".