As promised, I said that I would start a few more unrelated threads, si inline with my New Years resolution - here's a joke. Enjoy!
LITTLE DAVID ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little David.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little David says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little David replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
biting off the top ? not sure i like your thinking!
That was great! You just made a load of bored workers crack up on a dull Saturday afternoon. In return, Ill give you a joke that has just been sent to me by a friend (it originates from an AUSTRALIAN FEMALE, the girlfriend of one of my mates, so any blame should be directed at her and not at me):
An Australian guy decides to travel around the
Greek Islands. He walks into
a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his
order, Fosters, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other
quite well. At the end of Jill's shift he asks
her if she wants to come backto this place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted
to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex.Jill is travelling the
world and because she is short of funds she
agrees.
The next night the
guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after
showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again
for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for
5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in,
orders Fosters and sits in the
corner. Jill thinks that may be she should pay
him more attention and may be
she can then skank some more cash out of him
again. So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia and
he tells her Melbourne.
"So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris" he replies
"That's amazing..." she says, "...so am I - what
Street?"
"Cameo Street" he replies
"This is unbelievable..." she says, "...
what number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe
this but I'm from Number 22 and my parents still
live there!"
"I know..." he says, "...your Father gave me
$1,000 to give to
you"
Cheers Tarantella.
OK, if you liked the first one, thiss will crack you up.
LITTLE DAVID ON. GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little David.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
LITTLE DAVID ON... MATHS:
Little David returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2 X 3? and I said 6," replied David.
"But that's correct!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"Well that's what I said!" replied David