2000 AD Online Forum

Not since Battle was hurriedly rushed out in the wake of Warlords success has there been such an obvious attempt to get the same audience to build loyalty to one mag or another. 'Nuts' and 'Zoo Weekly' have hit the shelves - Testosterone flavoured versions of Womans Weekly, or Mini Loadeds. You decide.

I've got to say there's no way I'll be picking up any more after trying the free issues. They really are just Lad Mags in a new format. So - reckon they'll stay the distance? Who's buying these things? And why do publishers assume that all men are interested in the same things. I don't give a toss about sport, fast cars, and as nice as Kelly Brook is to look at I'm not going to buy a magazine because she's in it.

Hmm, cheap trashy magazine for thick blokes eh? Half of it's just TV listings! Not a sniff of real sport beyond shiny golden-boy english premiership uberplayers. Beyond that, it's just an advertising injection for retards, much the same as any other lads mag, womans mag or Marvel comic :o) The only thing missing is the Kelly Brook commemorative plate advert, the stsrt of a series of 350 slack-jawed tv presenters with tits displayed lovingly on fragile pseudo-porcelain.

Thank Grud for 2000ad.

One can only hope the chaps of this great nation have more sense than to go down this fucking gormless road.  

I'll keep posting these crap jokes until someone asks me how much prog 2 is worth!!


A store that sells husbands has just opened in Cincinnati where a woman may
go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6
floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends
the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor
you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot
go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have
jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs
and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder
what's further up?"

And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have
jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says "But
I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the
woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!"

And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 -
These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the
housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just
think... what must be awaiting me further on?"

So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You
are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank
you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day.

According to Private Eye the launch editor for one was poached by the second mag. So that's another reason why they are identical in every way.

 One can indeed only hope, but based on the success of all the lad-mags so far, I wouldn`t be too optimistic

yours gormfully

Floyd
reader of Private Eye, Spectator, New Statesman, Guardian Weekly, LRB, the Oldie and of course...

They should bring back Warlord & Battle :)

My fave is "Jack", the handbag sized magazine for men. Has it gone out of business yet?

"My fave is "Jack", the handbag sized magazine for men. Has it gone out of business yet?"

Wasn't that the one started by James Brown (the founder of Loaded, not the Hardest Working Man In Show Business)

I saw a couple of issues, but it seemed to be just a slightly more stylish mini-Loaded, and I couldn't really be arsed with it.

It's still around think it bi-monthly or something.
The first edition was out for ages for the simple reason it was a taster thing to see how popular the idea would be, as it was so popular they kept going.

These two new ones are rubbish really, if you want this stuff you buy FHM, Loaded etc for a more reasonable price vs pages and content ratio.
TV listings? What rubbish is that.
And anyone who is online will have already seen a lot of what is in them anyway.

There was a really scathing piece on them in the Guardian... I liked the way one of the editors was quoted as basically saying they were gonna have tv listings highlighting stuff of interest for blokes like: "A program on sharks or a really good porn film on channel 5". Attentive readers might spot a slight flaw here... like 'really good' going with 'porn film on channel 5'

Loaded, FHM, Maxim, etc The're all a bunch of arse... The whole concept of the so called 'New Lad' were a bunch of middle class over privaledged wankers suddenly discovering football, lager and Micheal Cane. Tossers.

"The whole concept of the so called 'New Lad' were a bunch of middle class over privaledged wankers suddenly discovering football, lager and Micheal Cane. Tossers."

Add "Hunter S. Thompson" to that list, then beat them all to death with a copy of "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas".

no seriously stop it NOW

My mum picked up the first issue of Nuts for me when she was getting my 2k (yup, my mum still buys it for me), and I can confirm to you all that it is shite.

Your *mum* bought it?!?  Honestly- that's right up there with "they're for my dad"!

It's all basically an attempt to publish pictures of women wearing as little as possible so why don't the people who buy this stuff get proper porn mags instead?
They have features on "blokey" stuff as well.


So I've been told.

 "Nuts" is dire, they've given out a free copy in every WH Smith in the land so they've  got to have a massive budget, pity they didn;t spend it on content.
 Find the whole mens market really depressing, read GQ when I'm really bored just for this years Cravat styles, but its a wasteland really.
 

I saw it t'other day. Sheesh it looks even sh*tter than Heat.
These magazines serve no purpose but to fuel the faux-celebrity worship of the tabloids, building them up, knocking them down - but who the heck cares about these d-list 'it' girls & boys?

Mind you, even the NME's crap these days.

No, the only periodicals I get nowadays are of the comic variety.

Most of the budget for these mags is probably spent on airbrushing the women who display themselves all over the insides turning them into these plastic inhuiman mannequins that the neanderthal readership like to drool over.
Honestly, the only people who read these magazines are morons who consider wife bashing  Vinni Jones to be a good role model and Richard Littlejohn to be an intllectual giant instead of the stunted midget he really is.

Anyway, they can't be that manly since they don't have moustaches on the front ;)

Even old favourites such as New Scientist and Fortean Times seem to be going downhill fats, getting more and more populist. It's gotten so I've started reading The Economist, but its probably only a matter of time before that starts running articles about supermodels tots or some such.

yeah, and is it just me or are all film magazines shite nowadays as well. Oh for the days of Vox and early Empire.

"Neon" in its prime was clealry the bestest film-mag evah! despite no one actually reading it.

Vox. Bloody hell, all the "Val Kilmer is Jim Morrison" news you could hope to eat.

Errr yeah, my comic addled brain was confusing Vox with Neon

I used to read Neon, and I still have my Rollerball poster on the wall from it, my Dark Star one has gone somewhere, no idea where.

The Kinski pisstake they did was inspired, *almost* (but not quite) as nutty as the real thing.

"Now I absolutely despise the murderer Herzog. I tell him to his face that I want to see him perish like the llama he executed. He should be thrown to the crocodiles alive! An anaconda should throttle him slowly! The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze him! His brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes! Panthers shouldn't slit his throat open with their claws, that would be too good for him! No. Big red ants should piss in his eyes, eat his balls, penetrate his asshole, and eat his guts! He should get the plague! Syphilis! Malaria! Yellow fever! Leprosy! In vain. The more I wish the most horrible of deaths on him and treat him like the scum of the earth that he is, the less I can get rid of him!"

Link: http://www.dantenet.com/er/Kinski/k2quotes.html

well, i would ?1.50 for some original BATTLE style stories each week

i wont be buying this tosh