Messages

It does take the concept of bad to entertaining new levels doesn't it?  

They clearly write the thing with a check list.
Guns? Check.
Dialog nicked from an Andy McNabb book?  Check.
Topless ladies?  Check.
More guns?  Check.
More topless ladies?  Check.
Naked blokes at the end so the girlfriends will let their other halves watch the next episode? Check.

I bet that ending seemed really, really clever couple of months ago.

I brought Raiders of the Living Dead a few months ago on DVD.

Remember how bad it was?

Double it, any you still won't be close.

With you on The Postman and Dungeons and Dragons.  They both reside in my pile of DVDs for when very drunk with mates.

The worst thing I have seen recently was Catwoman.  Obviously I had seen the trailers and things, so I saw it on a hooky DVD, not in the cinema.  Technically I know it is theft, but in this case I regard it as a Robbin Hood style action, as nobody involved in that film deserves a penny.

The absolute total worst film I have ever seen is Ninja Terminator.  It is half of a Hong Kong gangster movie with spliced in scenes of blokes running about in their jim-jams.

Highlights include:

A ninja fighting crabs!  Not giant mutant ones, just normal ones that have escaped in his kitchen.

A ninja getting a video message from a Robot!  Not a big stompy cool one, but a 8 inch tall plastic kids toy one.  With a video cassete stuck to it.  With duct tape.

Magic ninja fighting skills!  Or jumping, as most of us call it.

Although, on the bright side, if such an oppotunity was a reward from a past life, your continued saintliness could result in a roll-over situation, and you'll get an oppotunity with three women in your next life.

Super pets.  Especially Krypto the bleeding super dog.

Picture the scene if you will?

*swirly/wibbly screen-wipe effect*

A man and a woman stand in a high-tech room.  We can tell it is high-tech because the floor is glass and the walls have lots of flashing lights on.  A pod takes off from the middle of the room and shoots off into space.  Bits of styrofoam fall from the ceiling, showing us that it is the end of the world.

?Well, that?s the last son of Krypton sent on his way then.  Shame we didn?t bother building more than one of those things.?

?Well there was that other one you built Jor-El, but decided not to use because the colour was wrong.?

?I suppose so.  But who could we put in it??

?What about Kal?s cousin Kara??

?She?d just be eradicated from history in a bloody great cross over or appear in a rather bad movie with Faye Dunaway and Peter O?Tool.?

?Good point.  I?m out of ideas then.?

?Bollocks to it Lara, I?ll just bung the dog in it.?

*swirly/wibbly screen-wipe effect*

See.  Super pets.  Always a shite idea.
 

That really is rather wonderful.  If you don't get in with that, there is no justice.

I think Predator 2 actually benefits from a lack of Arnie, and has the edge over Predator.  Glover is more of your every-man hero, and the one-liners are not missed.

And it has Gary Busey in it.

Alien and Aliens are both great fun, though in different ways. Alien 3 is ok, I haven?t got round to watching the extended version.  Alien Resurrection had a great director, top nothc writers and a pretty good cast, and is absolutly bloody awful.

Name: Sam Granatt

Sex: The boy variety

Age: 25

Location: Tunbridge Wells in Kent in the evening and during weekends, near Waterloo Station during weekdays.

Height: 5'9" ish

Eye colour: Blue/Grey

Hair colour: Currently bleached with occasional bits of blue/red/green as the mood takes me.

Occupation: Civil Servant. Currently doing business analysis, but my background is in direct marketing.  I was responsible for around 70k items of direct mail a year, wich makes me 30% less evil than Dudley.  However, some of mine was for the Inland Revenue, which probably makes us even.

Political leaning: Lefty.

Hobbies/interests: Comics, computer games sci-fi and horror films/telly.

Musical taste: Very poor.

Three fave films: Robocop, Mad Max 2, Empire Strikes Back.  This obviously changes roughly three times an hour.

Any celebs you have the hots for: Kirstin Dunst, Eliza Dushku

Authors: Robert Rankin, Harry Harrison, Harry Turtledove, Larry Niven, Terry Pratchett

Sports playing/watching: What is this sports you talk of?

Fave item of clothing: My hats, including but not limited to:  An Indiana Jones hat, an Arab headdress, a Greek tassely thing, a British GS Mark 6 Combat Helmet and S10 gas mask, a couple of Russian military hats, my 2000AD beanies and a load more.

Fave 2000ad character: Dante

Favourite holiday destination: Doesn?t really matter providing you are with the right people, but recent highlights include the Dominican Republic and Blackpool.

Birthday/starsign: 24 July/Leo

Favourite colour: Purple

Your three best personality traits: Good at entertaining people, easy going, good in a crisis situation.

Your three worst personality traits: Lazy bugger, turns into a genocidal psychopath when commuting, tends to end up in crisis situations far more often than strictly necessary.

A bit of advice on life:  Never injure yourself in the same way twice.

Ok, from the front...

Cover:  Very nice.  I especially like the way the logo, the "in orbit..." circle and the bar code are integrated into the picture, rather than being plonked on top/obscured.

P14:  Laughed like a small child with a fresh sheet of bubble rap. Bonus marks for the name of the refreshment trolley.

Dredd:  Loving this.  Top quality writing and art.  I?m looking forward to another full page of Dredd musing on life, the universe and extreme violence soon.

Savage:  The politics has been a little heavy handed in this at points, but it?s still been great fun and the best thing Mills has done for a while.  The art is wonderful, even better than Charlie Adland?s work on The Walking Dead.

Tyranny Rex:  I?m new to the character, but I?m getting into this a bit now, and I like the art, so I?ll call it a potential grower.

Future Shock:  I?ll reserve judgment on the story until I?ve seen the all important twist.  The art is pretty good, and a special shout out to Annie Parkhouse for a nice bit of non-standard lettering.

Low Life:  Smashing ending to a great story, backed up by great art.  I really, really want some of those glasses.

Overall, three very good to great stories, one that is growing on me and one on which I?m reserving judgment on, so I?d call that an 8 once the joy that is P14 is taken into account.

Cheers.  Glab people got a laugh out of the letter!

Well I wasn't to know he was bonkers was I? (although, now I think about it, his initial letter should probably have given me a clue?)

Promise hand on heart that I am not he who cannot be named.  I used hover boards and personal robot servants because joe public would recognize them as generic sci-fi/comic-book things and stuck the anti-mugging suits in for the amusement of other Squaxx.

Samg

If you leave by the Waterloo Road exit next to McDonalds, turn right and go past the Firestation pub you should reach it, but I was in there on Monday and didn't see any, so they may have run out.

They occasionally get a bundle of Dredd stuff in though, so next time I see it I'll stick a thread up.

The remainder bookshop near Waterloo had a bundle of these in recently, one of which I picked up.  There is a major page/content balls up half-way through where they repeat roughly a progs worth of pages (but only on the left hand side), and on my one the glue/binding was shot to buggery, so it fell apart on the train.

On the other hand, it did cost ?2.99, so I coped.

Originally and currently residing in sunny Tunbridge Wells (hence my predication for being disgusted and writing in green crayon), with three year stint in Colchester a few years back.