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According to the following excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names. Follow the instructions to find your new name. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
     
      a = poopsie
      b = lumpy
      c = buttercup
      d = gidget
      e = crusty
      f = greasy
      g = fluffy
      h = cheeseball
      i = chim-chim
      j = stinky
      k = flunky
      l = boobie
      m = zippy
      n = pinky
      o = goober
      p = doofus
      q = slimy
      r = loopy
      s = snotty
      t = tootsie
      u = dorkey
      v = squeezit
      w = oprah
      x = skipper
      y = dinky
      z = zsa-zsa
     
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
     
      a = apple
      b = toilet
      c = giggle
      d = burger
      e = gooey
      f = barf
      g = lizard
      h = waffle
      i = cootie
      j = monkey
      k = potty
      l = liver
      m = banana
      n = rhino
      o = bubble
      p = hamster
      q = toad
      r = gizzard
      s = fart
      t = gerbil
      u = chicken
      v = pickle
      w = chuckle
      x = tofu
      y = gorilla
      z = stinker
     
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
     
      a = head
      b = mouth
      c = face
      d = nose
      e = tush
      f = breath
      g = pants
      h = shorts
      i = lips
      j = honker
      k = butt
      l = brain
      m = tushie
      n = chunks
      o = hiney
      p = biscuits
      q = toes
      r = buns
      s = fanny
      t = sniffer
      u = sprinkles
      v = kisser
      w = squirt
      x = humperdinck
      y = brains
      z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts. Very apt don't you think?

Separated at birth?

https://secure.2000adonline.com/secure/images/products/quinchharrop.jpg>

You can't sing for toffee and you smell.

http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/a/American_Idol/sq-simon-cowell-grin-id.jpg>

S'right.

Read the story below before you click on the link.

Apparently the owners of this house had been seeing images and hearing voices for quite a while. They did some research and found that a lady once lived in the house who lost her husband during the civil war.

Legend says that she used to sit at the table and look across the fields in anticipation of her loved one returning home. He never came. So, they say she still waits. They caught this photo (using digital imaging and sound) of what they claim to be her.

This one is wild and a little spooky once you find the ghost in the picture. It took me about 30 seconds to find it, but when you do, it just stands out. Like one of those optical illusions.

To save you some time, concentrate around the table and sort of towards the window. Also, if you have volume, turn it up as you can hear some faint murmurings which they say is the ghost talking. Click on the following link for the picture.

Link: http://home.attbi.com/~n9ivo/whatswrong.swf" target="_blank">Ooh, that's spooky!

Lookee at what I got today. Now all I need is a cornish pastie on me bonce and I'm ready to rock!

QuPLA!
http://www.schwert-shop.de/Schwerter/Batleth/Valdris02UC0800/klein.jpg">

Philip Bond is great isn't he, so go and visit his site.

http://home.att.net/~planetbond/hitch01.jpg>

Link: http://home.att.net/~planetbond/" target="_blank">Philip Bond's great site

[Mr Majestyk **]

Just been skimming through tonight's TV listings in the Radio Times when I noticed this:

BBC1 12.05 AM

Mr Majestyk **Action thriller starring Charles Bronson as melon farmer Vince Majestyk who becomes an embattled Mafia target.

A bad-ass, Mafia battling, melon farmer with a name more suited to a Las Vegas stage magician. Can you imagine how much bottle the bloke who pitched that idea must have had? It got two stars as well.

Like a number of other boarders, I go to work, suffer many indignities, return home and then log on here and expect to have my spirits raised by the generally tongue in cheek nature of the board. I do not expect to encounter a debate over whether or not humour is a requisite of this site, therefore I'm somewhat confused as to why a number of boarders are having such a problem with humorous posts and the subsequent attack upon his Troutship. Is this an opposites thing? Whereas I have bad days and want to be amused, are there professional comedians or something out there that come here wanting to be depressed? Is it a case of "All day long...laugh...laugh...laugh, if I see one more humorous topic today I'll kill someone!"

Now obviously you would expect me to take this viewpoint considering I'm just as guilty if not worse than Trout when it comes to generally arsing about, but as I've stated before, this site would be in a sorry state if it was left to the postings of sad fanboys who only wish to talk about all things 2K.  Don't get me wrong, as anybody in the know will tell you my own fanboy knowledge of Science Fiction, 2000A.D. and British comics in particular is encyclopaedic, but I'm of the opinion that my social life would suffer greatly if all I could do was have serious, analytical conversations involving those subjects.

I admit, that like many others I am guilty of neglect when it comes to selecting categories for posts, but most of you know what to expect when I post so what's to stop you ignoring them? Anyway, I could debate this all night, but I doubt we'd all end up agreeing so let's have a compromise and try to remember the category select from now on. As a final note, I'd like to add that when I do actually add a serious post or reply to one, no one seems to reply back. That being the case, I expect to see this drop to the bottom of the list instantly.

Regards,

Karne (loyal to the Trout, but an individual none the less)


P.S. Thanks go out to DD for the inspiration behind this posts title.

 

Which one of the Wombles would you like on your side in a fight?

I'd go for Tomsk 'cos I reckon he'd be pretty handy with all that weight training he does.



http://www.planarchy.com/Images/July2002/wombles.jpg>

Oi! Pick that f*cking litter up!

As the replies to my "You'll never take me alive copper!" post were so disappointing, I have decided there is only one course of action to pursue...So does anybody know Tweaks home planets co-ordinates, as I fancy looting it of all its gold and other mineral wealth.

Link: http://www.2000adonline.com/index.php3?zone=fan&page=message&choice=3905.0000000000" target="_blank">It's still not too late!

[just]

You know when you get one of those obscure, bizarre and usually unanswerable thoughts popping into your head, but there's never anyone around to share it with?
 
You know the type of thoughts I mean: Why don't fish drown? Why are colours all different and are we all myriad splinters of one single schizophrenic being? All the things we take for granted, but seem unlikely when you really think about them, that sort of thing.

Well here's your chance to unburden your mind of all of those annoying little things that make no sense and get in the way of you living a healthy well adjusted life, whilst giving the rest of the boarders the chance to solve life's little, and not so little mysteries.

My current musing's are:

Telephone's transmitting your voice, how unlikely is that?

What inspired someone to mix all those ingredients together, bake them at just the right temperature, and produce a cake? (Or indeed any recipe).

Why do so many people reject the existence of supernatural events, but accept the cycle of reproduction and birth unquestionably? (That's VERY unlikely when you think about it).

Feel free to attempt answers, and add questions of your own, but I'll leave you with one final thought:

Remember, just because evidence can be provided to justify why some thing is possible does not make it any less unlikely.

I made the mistake of comparing this board to a soap opera and now DXB want's to know who's who.

Off you go then.

P.S. You can't be Hilda Ogden DXB, because you are Richard Hillman. :P

For those of you old enough to remember, cast your minds back to the days of the very first Dredd strips (in B/W you recall). Right here we go...Wow that Judge outfit is so cool, I'd love to have one like it. Everybody would be so scared of me if I had...Ooh, hang on, a colour picture of it... ... ...Whu?... ... "GREEN" BOOTS!... Oh my! It's not just his boots, it's the gloves and pads as well! My tiny dreams are shattered. Why would crooks fear me if I looked like a harlequin?

You see my point? I always thought Dredd's outfit would have been better if it had been all black except for his badge and shoulder pads (which should have been gold). I still think this now, but the problem is that people seem to dislike changing established characters even when those changes would be beneficial. For example: Superman's outfit, like Batman's was based on the circus strongmen outfits of the era. Although the idea of a man wearing his pants over his tights may seem ridiculous now, at the time it was associated with great strength and superhuman feats. Because these values no longer apply, he just looks extremely embarrassing these days.

Marvel comics have a number of very old and well-established characters, and despite this fact, they never seem to have a problem experimenting with their costumes. I accept that over the years Dredds outfit has changed in design, but the colour remains the same. Why is this? If he can be given an updated Lawgiver and Lawmaster, couldn't he be given a better-coloured outfit? Surely 2K's audience cannot consist solely of fanboys (and girls) who think that you shouldn't change anything that has already been established whether good or bad...can it? Am I alone here or can we get a poll going on this?

Bestest,

Karne, unsealing Pandora's vase and looking for hope at the bottom of it.


P.S. I thought Spidey should have kept Venom's symbiotic costume. It was cool as!

I'm fed up working for a living but have got used to my rather elaborate lifestyle, therefore I have decided to turn to crime in order to finance it. Do any boarders know of a sure fire way I can accomplish this without getting caught and having to pay the price?

Regards,

Karne

Talk about losing the thread...

Link: http://www.2000adonline.com/index.php3?zone=fan&page=messagethread&choice=3884&Replies=42" target="_blank">The Breakfast Club

[boned]

Double entendres, can anyone think of examples of writers or artists slipping one in?
I'm going to give you one anyway. It's from prog 187 and appears in part 6 of the Strontium Dog story "The Shicklegruber Grab" (ouch!).

Armstrong Jones: Damn your eyes Alpha! You've boned me!

Johnny Alpha: What were you going to do to me, Jonesy? Hugs and kisses, was it?

 

I'm at a loss for something to post today, so in the spirit of contrived space filling I've taken an old idea from 2000ad (recently revived for prog 2003) in which I get you all to name your favourite 2K prog cover whilst giving a few reasons why you like it, and why you think that anyone apart from yourself would be the slightest bit interested in your opinion.

I'm going for prog 473 by Jim McCarthy (I always thought it was Brendan) closely, if not followed alongside by prog 552 by John Higgins. I like them because they are likable. Whilst I'm at it, I'd like to predict (probably unsuccessfully) that I don't think any prog this year will beat prog 1323's Moloch cover.

Also I would be grateful if you could all make a small monetary contribution towards some "old rope" I have my eye on at the moment.

Karne the short-changer.

Link: http://www.2000adonline.com/index.php3?zone=covers&page=coversindex" target="_blank">Post a pic & slow the thread!

Cool or what?

  http://www.lopezwritersguild.org/eggs.jpg>

      "After all - we're just eggs with legs..."
          31"x 25 1/2" pastel and graphite
                  ?2002 Kate Scott

Link: http://www.lopezwritersguild.org/911.html" target="_blank">Here's where I found it.

How many times have you been totally blown away by a comic, book, film, game or whatever, only to have it ruined by an inappropriately or stupidly named character. You know what I mean: Luke Skywalker, Perpugilliam Brown that sort of toss. I have too many to list here, perhaps you could all do it for me?

Wake, why is it that when I go to post or reply to a post, my subject list keeps defaulting to Admin. It does this even when I leave the cookies and autocomplete function active?

Just checking something...