Messages

Watcher, you didn't say you liked or disliked it.

Imagine a review of a film where all the reviewer does is go on about lines of dialogue and doesn't say whether he/she liked it.

Example:

This film really should have the line:

I'm sure you do Leech. Still, no harm looking.

Instead of:

I'm sure you do Leech. Still no harm looking, is there?

Hmmm, can't remember ever reading a review like that before.

No film review would be like that. Nor a script review. They would comment on all aspects of a script. And they certainly wouldn't make ridiculous comments like the ones you post.

Trivial that's all your suggestions are. Trivial.
Your comments don't have any effect on the plot, pacing, act structure etc. Nothing.

Is a cinema goer going to see a film and say:

Hey this film sucks cos Dredd said:

I'm sure you do Leech. Still, no harm looking, is there?

Instead of:

I'm sure you do Leech. Still, no harm looking.

Of course not.

It's just trivial inconsequential nitpicking from you lot.

scojo

I dare someone to say they liked or disliked my script.

Go on. Foget the dialogue debate, forget the commas and all the other stuff you go on about, did you or did you not like my script?

Quite a simple question.

So why has no one answered that question?

Who is going to be brave enough to give a yes or no answer?

A reason why would be welcome too.

I'm waiting...

:)

scojo

JJP,

If someone bothered to actually comment ON MORE THAN MY DIALOGUE, I may respect their point of view.

As no one has mentioned my plot, characters, villians, scenes, mood etc, I find this clunky dialogue debate rather tedious.

After all, dialogue alone a good film does not make.
I think a good plot matters too. Something you lot seem to conveniently ignore.

If somebody can post a reason why my script is poor, apart from trivial "change commas etc remove a word from a line"  clunky dialogue, I will go away.

Seeing as no one will talk about my story's plot and whether they actually liked it or not, (YES FOLKS, NO ONE OF YOU HAS SAID SO) I guess I'm staying right here.

scojo

Seriously Alun,

I'm not sure which Alien town story you mean....
but 'Alien Town's Burning' was in Progs 1133 to 1134. Wagner and Kennedy.

Could have a look later for you. I'm not sure if there was another Alien Town story. Can't think of one.

scojo

Sure I know.

But I aint telling you.

ha ha ha

scojo evil

If anyone else is bored my this thread, ignore it:)))))

Hi back at ya wood. Just a joke about your user name. Sorry! He hee.

My point is I fundamently disagree my dialogue is clunky, per se. Most here go on about exposition type lines. They ignore the fact that most of Dredd's lines are short and to the point.
This is why I find it hard to take their suggestions/constructive criticisms seriously.

However....

Hand on heart, I never rated my "try justice approved herbal tea" gag.
I just needed some line to end the scene on and it had to relate to sugar. I couldn't think of anything else so I left it in.

I loved the "Now that's gotta hurt" line at first but then realised it isn't very original. So I don't mind changing that line.

The final line? "Justice has a face and I am it." Well I don't mind that line, as Dredd IS the masked face of justice. The fact he never takes off his helmet proves he is the (anonymous) face of the law. So that was the point of the line.
But you could scrap it and say  "Let only the gulity fear me. For I am the law. I am Judge Dredd."
Or something similar.

The rest of the script may need to explain how characters speak.
For example when Dredd takes hold of the overdue vid slug:

Dredd
One day late. Now that is some crime. What shall we say? A 100 credit fine. Doubled if not paid by today.

Gives it to Leech.

BALTHAZAR LEECH
You're too kind.


I should change it to:

Dredd
(with a hint of sarcasm)
One day late. Now that is some crime. What shall we say? A 100 credit fine. Doubled if not paid by today.

Gives it to Leech.

BALTHAZAR LEECH
(returns the sarcasm back)
You're too kind.

I think that may help readers appreciate how the lines should be spoken.

Of course if rebellion liked my script (please say yes!!) I would change the dialogue.

To be honest, I am more concerned whether people like the story, the characters, the structure of the acts - than whether or not Dredd speaks one or two 'stiff' lines.

As you say no script is left untouched. It is rewritten to some extent. I am open to change.

scojo

Eh?

Why dont you answer my question?

Are the lines I state clunky?

And look what you've done, you made me talk about it again.

Pvs, it's his fault, I was shutting up.

Wood email me mate and we can have a chat.*

I love deleting emails you see!

I once knew a guy called Wood
Who never could get..er wood
He tried in vain
Viagra was a pain
And now he needs a crane instead!

* seriously you can if you like:)

scojo

I shut up now.

Sorry.

Still think you lot are talking complete **** but still...

scojo rude but nice with it:))))

Kiss kiss

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CLinky clunky it's all the same to me!

scojo bad typist

I don't care PVS.

I have a point. People criticise me for writing clinky Dredd dialogue. The fact is 95 percent of it isn't. See my last two posts on this thread to prove that.

I am insulted by people's petty remarks that my Dredd speaks clunky.

They pick a few exposition type lines to justify their position.

But do they mention the lines where Dredd speaks in short sentences? The vast majority.
No they don't.

If people say I can't take constructive criticism at least their comments should be factually correct in the first place.

I give as good as I get. But don't treat me like some idiot Milo, Jim etc. Start from a position of fact. Then I might respect your opinion.

scojo

scojo

Or how about the following Dredd lines:

Be careful.

Rapid Fire.

That better?

Certainly.

Target those gun turrets.

Get in closer.

Concentrate your fire on those two. this on'e mine.

Turbo boost.

This is your on chance to surrender. I won't give you another.

Visor to infra red.

Let's hope so.

Something's never change.

Choice is yours.

Point blank death, creep.

I can go on if you like with more examples.

Anyone wanna say these lines are clunky?

scojo

Just to prove once and for all you lot are so wrong about my clunky Dredd dialogue:

From my script. Chosen at random.
All Dredd lines:

But you ain't going nowhere punk.

Must have been planning this operation for some time.

And?

(Yes that's an actual line Dredd says)

I'll take your word for it.

In other words, sugar crazies.

Get down.

Halt in the name of the law.

Stay inside your door citizen. Lock the door.

In pursuit of felon.

There are loads more I can quote where Dredd says a maximum of three lines or less!

So what's with all this s*** about my clunky Dredd dialogue?

Unless you think the above lines are long winded?

Well?

scojo

"You have been having a relationship, sexual in nature, with Judge Mario Hortez. And please don't waste our time any further by denying this fact. Perjury is all too common an offence."

Try it out loud. You have to take a breath!

Nobody would say that, except perhaps a QC in a shite TV courtroom drama. Even then, he'd have trouble keeping a straight face, and he'd need more than one breath!!

Rambo, er... I know this might comes as a shock to you but ACTORS don't say all their lines at once.

THEY SOMETIMES PAUSE. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE ACTORS.

The lines you quote can have pauses. You know, to convey emotion?

What's with all this "Have to take a breath" stuff you're on about?

Not every line is one sentence long you know!

Also a film editor will cut the film in such a way that he may cut to the other people in the room after Hades says:

You have been having a relationship, sexual in nature, with Judge Mario Hortez.
Cut to woman then back to Hades as he continues.

scojo

But seeing as you call my script shit, I am gonna insult you back:

Rambo, you are a flower that has lost all its petals.

So there.

scojo

Hmmm, Dialogue I mean. Typos already.

Actually Rambo I made a mistake.

The line was:

If I knew what you were talking about, I might agree.

I didn't mean to say if YOU knew what...

It came out sounding like an insult.

Wasn't meant to.

Honest.

scojo