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Ok folks something MEGA CONTROVERSIAL FROM MOI:

Isn't John Wagner's writing often clunky?

Perhaps clunky isn't the word I mean. I mean he does tend to write exposition. Certainly minimalist dialogue. He certainly isn't a Dan Abnett Sin Dex type of writer. Can you imagine Wagner writing a scene where Sinny and Dex are just chatting in their car?

I can't.


That's not a criticism of John but maybe the Dredd strip isn't the best example of flowing naturalist dialogue.

I mean look at the scene last prog with Dredd and Hershey. John had to explain what Sin city is, why it's moored in the big meg, who this terrorist woman (or is it guy?) is.  See my point?

A comic strip (certainly in the 2k format) doesn't rely on much flowing dialogue, much character development. Perhaps Sin Dex is the exception. You only have 5 to 6 pages each week.

With film, you have more time to explain things. I wanted to mention the audit division etc. Yeah I know it may sound dull out of context but it makes it more believable. These are the judges.

Also the film is told from the judges point of view. Not the citizens. I think this is an important distinction.

So there is going to be less:

Cit#1
Hi, how's tricks?

Cit#2
Fine man. Had a great game of shuggy. Burnt that baize real good. You?

Cit#1
Na, watched Spice girls reunion on the historic channel. Cool it was. Ice cool.

You see that wasn't what I was trying to write.

Oh, Hope you like the rest of my script Tu!

scojo ice ice baby

Anyone wanna misquote more from my script?

Ha ha ha

scojo

Er Oddboygirl you are talking rubbish.

Here is the line from the site. Go check it if you don't believe me:

DREDD
Unless they plan to sell them to organ leggers. Criminals who profit from the illegal market in human body parts. Whatever the reason, the price in human suffering is immeasurable.

Plan not PLANE.

Blackblood typed it wrong.

I know how to spell plan.

PLEASE GET YOUR FACT RIGHT ODDBOYGIRL!

Geez!

scojo

I

Sorry Blackblood!:))

I didn't see your last post. Went straight to Watcher's!
LOL!

Your points.

Well considering Dredd is the star of the script/ movie, I feel he should be the one to impart key information. After all, if anyone knows what a futsie is, it's Dredd. Same with organ leggers.

Who has more authority to speak on the subject of futsies?

A citizen or Dredd?
Dredd of course.

So I can't go with your train of thought there.

On the leach thingy, I was going to leave out the word equally in my original version but I wanted to compound the comparison. 'Equally' was the word I used to do this. But I take your point.

scojo -  first among equals:P

The euthanasia line?

It's just a joke for the audience. To end the scene on a light note. It's like all the lines about taxes. Meant to be said seriously by the actors but are jokes.

Example re air tax:
Hershey:
The citizens have got to breathe, after all. But it cannot be considered their natural right to do so.

So as I say, I just wanted to end the scene on a similar funny note.

I don't agree with you about Dredd not being witty. I think Dredd is often jokey. Not overtly perhaps but he does have a black sense of humour.

Read all the short Daily Star Dredd's (the six panel ones) and you will see I'm right!

"The thought had crossed my mind" line is a joke too!

Here is this mad man killing people and Dredd states something that is so obvious. That is why it's humourous. Can't you see that?:)

Your line " you think" isn't as specific. I refer to Dredd's mind. I think it works better.

Humour doesn't always have to be in your face. Sometimes my lines are meant to be subtle. That is what I was trying to do with much of the humour.

Like the Elvis gag, or when the robot says" I wasn't built then."

You see it is their contradictory statements that make them sound absurd.

Its a style of humour that doesn't travel way when you just read it flat. Maybe it's too subtle for you lot!

You still haven't said whether you liked it!

scojo

synopsis synposess Oh sod it.

scojo

Er.. the euthanasia line was a joke believe it or not!!!!
Not to be taken seriously, as were the lines about air tax etc. Kind of obvious really if you think about it.:)

Read them again as humourous asides and you should get it!

I like the chute scene. It was meant to be OTT but could be interpreted as jokey. Don't quite see the Keystone Cops similarity but still...

The corrupt judges was not, I REPEAT WAS NOT my idea. I merely used the tagline from the original Shoreline Dredd Reckoning synopis. Truth without corruption. Their synopis implied corruption within justice dept so I just did my version.

I promise you I wouldn't do a corruption story if I wrote a Dredd script from scratch. In fact I once posted my idea for a Dredd film on this board. If I ever do a third script, that will be my idea. My true 'pure' Dredd script. Probably someone here remembers my idea!

Having said all that, the idea of Dredd fighting rogue judges is kinda appealing.

I can't agree with these dialogue quibbles.

For example.
Perp:
You'll never take me alive Dredd.

Dredd:
I think I can live with that.

Now everyone here will say Dredd should say:
I can live with that.

BUT by Dredd saying:
I think I can live with that

it makes the line more humourous.

You see of course Dredd can live with the fact that he is gonna kill the perp. So by adding the line I THINK you just reinforce the absurd line.

Get it now?

Thats the whole point of my so called doubting statements by Dredd. They are not supposed to be taken so literally!

I think it may have gone over some people's head that! It's supposed to be subtle!

As for rewrites, man I have wriiten many a post on screenwriting boards on that very subject.

The rewrite is the most vile thing there is. Serious. But that is for another board.

Oh by the way Wacher,

You never said you actually liked my script!
Did you?

scojo

I DON'T THINK ANY OF THOSE LINES YOU QUOTE ARE CLUNKERS.

Four of the six you quote advance the plot. I mean if Dredd didn't explain what a futsie was, the non Dredd audience wouldn't understand, would they?

So your criticism is ridiculous.

Same with the organ leggers line. Unless you want organ leggers to be left unexplained?

Basic storytelling. Sorry but go read a book on it.:)

Again, the Leach line is telling the audience Dredd has planted a tracer. Or don't you wanna know that?

So can't agree with you at all. Unless the non Dredd audience are psychic like you of course....

I suggest you consider that any screenplay is WRITTEN PRIMARILY FOR A NON DREDD FANS.

Basic storytelling.

As for the bad spelling, please enlighten me Rambo.

scojo

You know I think it's funny that Milo and others criticise my dialogue. Just finished reading this weeks prog.

Here is some of Dan Abnett's classy dialogue from this week's Sin Dex:

Ricardo:
"The funt is this? The funt is this? Eh? Eh? You funt! You funtwipe. You rocksucker smugfunt, eh?"

Or Mike Carey's 13:

"I wanted a shit."

Shakespeare it ain't.

scojo sad

Could be. I have a feeling I might be right.

Milo, are you Mr Rennie?

scojo keeping Milo's secret a secret

But Blackblood, my Dredd doesn't say such a line. He shows no petulance in my script.

Besides for every line you think proves my Dredd to be long winded, I can give an example to the contrary:

Here are some:

Dredd:
Just another perp to me.

Dredd:
Can't see its appeal myself.

Dredd:
You want Vega dead or alive?

Dredd:
Probably not. But you can try to convince sjs. Take him away.

There are LOADS MORE examples.

See what I mean?

In my script Dredd, in the main, speaks in short sentences. Only the exposition ones are longer.

That's why I disagree so vehemently with this "Dredd speaks clunky" stuff. 90% of the time he doesn't!

scojo

I can't believe I am trying to justify such lines here. And to of all people - Milo!

Geez, I need to get me a life.

And I need to stop posting here.

Goodnight and may your shooshi go with you.

scojo
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm off to be now, just thought I'd post this again without the word "though" which I put in the first post!

GOOD NIGHT.

scojo

You say the following line shows my bad dialogue:

Dredd:
I'm sure you do Leech. No harm checking, is
there?

Imagine if on screen, it was like this:

Dredd:
I'm sure you do Leech. No harm checking,
(As Dredd looks menacingly into Leech's face)
....is there?

You see, it's also how the line is said. What is implied. Just because you think Dredd says too many words in a sentence doesn't make it bad dialogue.

So frankly Milo, you talk absolute shit.

scojo

You say the following line shows my bad dialogue:

Dredd:
I'm sure you do Leach. No harm checking though, is
there?

Imagine if on screen, it was like this:

Dredd:
I'm sure you do Leach. No harm checking,
(As Dredd looks menacingly into Leech's face)
....is there?

You see, it's also how the line is said. What is implied. Just because you think Dredd says too many words in a sentence doesn't make it bad dialogue.

So frankly Milo, you talk absolute shit.

scojo




 

If Milo is the professional and attacks my writing because I use "There's no harm looking" then thank god I'm an amateur.

I'd rather take advice from a corpse than him.

As for Jim and his "there's rather than there is" train of thought, man I left at the last stop!

scojo on the right lines