Messages

"Being 8 years old is not an excuse.

Another Snail vote here."

You people are so cruel. You have no heart sir!

I think we should feel pity for her, considering that she's not even going to get her cover on the website because I don't have access to a large enough scanner.

'I'd say the worst comic I've seen in a long while would have to be "Snail"'

To be fair though, that wasn't a whole comic, just a (gatefold) cover. Anyway, she was only eight or something, give her a break!

"Without a doubt, though I couldn't narrow it down to any one comic in particular, it has to be the recent run on X-men by an American writer by the name of Chuck Austen.
Words genuinely cannot convey just how mind-numbingly awful his writing is, he makes that Fabien Nicenza (whatever he's called) look like Alan Moore, and what's even more shocking is that this is the guy who was picked to write the Superman book that Grant Morrison had asked to be considered for."

Interestingly enough, he used to be known as Chuck Beckum (before he and his ex-girlfriend changed their last names) and was the artist picked by Alan Moore and Eclipse to take over the art duties on the Miracleman title after the Alan Davis reprints ran out (prior to Rick Veitch, and then John Totleben taking over, after Beckum fell out with the publishers).

As for worst comic I've ever read, that has to be Spawn. I only ever read one issue, which my brother bought, and even at the time, when all I was interested in was violence and sex, I found it utterly distasteful. Added to this was the fact that I couldn't even figure out what the hell it was supposed to be about. It was a confusing, lazy, poorly scripted, ugly comic. All I think I really need to say, however, is that this is the only comic that genuinely made me feel sick reading it.

Any page of Brendan McCarthy or Kevin O'Neil, or a John Burns from the most recent Bendatti Vendetta series.

I believe (according to Steve Yeowell at least) that The Red Seas are to be released within the next year. I also (and I may be imagining this - in fact I probably am) may have heard something about a Srorming Heaven collection (probably complete pish...) But presumably we are going to be getting a Button Man II and another Durham Red collection (especially considering how popular the last one was)

Dunno, the art doesn't look to bad - kind of Ezquerr-ish. It's quite an interesting concept, and I've always liked the idea of a war of attrition, although I do worry when the plot is that they're trying to infiltrate the lair of a vilain called 'The Baron'...

Still, it only runs for like three episodes or something, doesn't it?

(Oh, and it is Abnett on writing duties, I believe)

Without wishing to disagree with m'learned colleague, but what about films like Get Carter and The Long Good Friday? Admittedly, most gangster films are utter crap (particularly the British 'Lock Stock' imitators), but you can't write off an entire genre that has produced great people like Kiteshi Kitano. Surely the genre is worth having for Sonatine and Hanna-Bi alone?

It's good that you asked them. To be honest, I just assumed you'd use them without asking!

Still can't quite see Nigel Kneale doing an adaptaion of Rue Morgue and Moreau though.Just doesn't seem quite like his other adaptaions, which were always a bit too plain and (relatiely) normal, compared to his works of his own fiction.

Still, just don't make any more comments about Hammer's rubber bats, okay?

They weren't exactly used with the same frequency as Amicus' disembodied hand, were they?

"Escaping! We can't start escaping now! What would future generations think of us?"

-The Adventures of baron Munchausen

"You cannot mesmerise me! I'm British!"

-At the Earth's Core

"Monster? We're British, you know."

-Horror Express

"How am I supposed to hit that?! I'm not Buffalo Bill, you fuck!"

-Sonatine

"There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature."

-A Mighty Wind

"I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?"

-Best in Show

"I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils."

-The Naked Gun

"I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money."

-The Return of the Pink Panther

I wanna know what happened at the end of Mr. T, the animated series. Every week Mr T and his team of gymnasts would travel across the USA putting on shows and fighting the bad guys. During the action, the young gymnasts would learn some valuable lesson and about doing things the right way. And at the end of the show, Mr. T would always deliver a live action moral (we once worked one of these into a film, as a moving tribute to the genius that is Mr. T).

Cities of Gold was the best of those cartoons from my childhood (and the only one NOT available to buy, natch!). But the ending didn't make total sense...

s

p

o

i

l

e

r

..because they spend the whole time looking for the City of Gold, then find it in the last episode, and then basically get told by the natives to bugger off again! So the whole thing was kind of pointless.
Still, a great series nonetheless.

1) Wrote a three act comic play when I was bored on holiday for two weeks.

2)Kept holding up the President of Pakistan's entourage whilst he was visiting Egypt. Shortly afterwards he was deposed and replaced by a military dictatorship. Coincidence?

3) Wrote an sf radio sitcom pilot with a friend of mine.

4) Improvised entire backstory of my character in a film during the first take whilst looking at a postcard of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever stuck to a wall, covered in fake fur and with prosthetics glued to my face.

5) Never got caught for anything I might have done.

6) Err...that's it.

"Robot Jox"

Oh my god, I'd forgotten Robot Jox. I used to love that film as well. I bet it'd be really shit now, though.

Rac, though, you actually like that twisted piece of dog excrement they call MI2?

You disgust me!

I liked Cats Eyes though - scared the shit out of me one Haloween as a kid (that was the same evening I thought Paul Daniels had been killed), especially the end bit with the little breath stealing gobliny-thing.


(by the way, this may have just been me, but the first time I saw the poster for Jaws IV, I thought it said:
This Time It's PORTUGAL)

Yeah, I enjoyed Battle Beyond the Stars. And Requiem For A Dream.

Why don't we all just agree to hate the works of Dolph Lundgren, Jean-Claude VanDamme and Lou Diamond Phillips and have done with it?

"How dare you slag off ROWDY RODDY PIPER, 80s trash cinema's finest male lead!

J-Bo-I-Came-Here-To-Chew-Bubblegum-And-Kick-Ass...

...And-I'm-All-Out-Of-Bubblegum-1"

Woah there! Did I say anything dissparaging They Live? I'm a big Keith David fan. I won't even mention the fact that it has one of the longest and most protracted, and entirely pointless fight scenes in the history of cinema. But don't try and claim Rowdy Roddy Piper as some latter day Kurt Russel or Jeffrey Combs, fer chrissakes!
What are you, some kinda shcnook?

I mean, never mind the fact that every film he's ever starred in has been some kinda shitty pun: Buy & Cell; Sci-fighters; The Bad Pack; or rip off stuff like Immortal Combat; or just the simply bizarre, such as Legless Larry & the Lipstick Lady. I mean, are you going to go and see Cyber Meltdown when (or indeed if) it gets released?


And as for mccarron, if you're such a fan of seeing Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise in crap racing films, then I've got a suggestion for you. Why don't you go and watch Smokey and the Bandit and All Dogs Go To Heaven in a double bill. In your room. On your own. As always. Helps ease the pain, eh?

Not one of you? I'd be bloody scared if I was anything like you at all, you 80's kid you!