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As I've got five minutes before my beard dries, here's a quick- very quick- "review" of what I thought...

And yes, I did get the crime scene tape. very cool, if useless.

Cover: Nice. Oldy stylee. Tweak! yay! Don't know who that is pretending to be anderson though, unless Cass has been on the pre-xmas pies since about, oh, June.

Dredd: Funny, clever, great art. Exactly what I wanted from my Xmas Dredd. A seasonal classic.

Death: Can't wait for this to be collected- or finished, so I can read the whole lot together. Some parts have been dissappointing, but this wasn't one of them. Despite Wagner's protestations, Death is still a comedy character though.

TOTC: Um... filler? if this is the best they can come up with to fill the text pages, then can we have more strip please?

Tweak: YAY! Pat Mills rocks! (Did you see what I did there?) Marvellous. A shame it's not a Tweak series though.

Apocalypse Soon: Goodbye. Don't call again.

Satanus Bloodline: Probably interesting, but not to me.

Dredd: B.O.S2: Pat Mills, again, delivers up a slice of classic strip. And Duke Mighten, whom I fondly remember from Toxic!, has developed into one of the clearest and innovative storytellers I've seen in the Meg this year.

Bernard: Don't know, haven't read.

XTNCT: Don't know, as I gave up on this months ago.

Rennie: If he weren't such a damn good writer of Dredd and Cabbies, I'd question why we have to suffer this each month. Obvious, unfunny and wide of the mark in several places.

Charley's War: As ever, the best thing in the Meg. Although it shouldn't've been there, according to last month's closing caption. No 'to be continued' caption here, either, and no response to the letters praising it, either. Does this mean anything? Drop it and regret it, creeps!

Anderson: Surprisingly, my second favourite thing this month. Doubly so as I don't ordinarily like Anderson and loathe Arthur Ranson's art. Grat opener though.

Stronty Gold: Will get around to it, eventually, no doubt.

Calender: Oh. Great.

All in all, a better than average issue. I will sleep more easily knowing that Charley Bourne is back next month though...

That's it, beard's dry, I can go and shave around it now.

Steev

Right. Here goes nothing. And a quick nothing too, cos I want a fag.

Cover: Loved it! Embossed, black, menacing Tharg. Oh glory be, it's almost perfect. And (I may have mentioned this) IT'S THE RIGHT FORMAT!  to the thinny look!

Dredd: beautiful, beautiful art disguises a weak story that just sputters out after being a bit obvious. I'll forgive it though, as it's Christmas.

Red Seas: Quite liked the first series, but found this opener to be far more enjoyable. I'm going through one of my periodic phases of liking Steve Yeowell's art, so this caught me on a good day.

Alien Invasions: entertained by all three. Though the Orange Jellyfish Crisis could have done with an extra page to make the joke work.

Shako thing: Right. Listen. 2000ad could do with more like Shako. I ask you- what would you rather see- the continuing adventures of some badly drawn, badly written "sexy" (as if!) superspy in space a la Synnammon, or a story about a big fuckoff polar bear that kills people? I know what gets my vote. Okay, so there's no opportunity for a sequel, but why not just tell the same story over again, rewritten for 2004, with Jock on art? Eight incredibly gory episodes, 'Shako redux' or similar. Stick a massive polar bear eating people on the front of the prog every week and I'm damn sure kids'd buy it.

Monsters of Rock: Excuse me, but this was awful. By chance I was listening to the Levellers 'Levelling The Land' album this evening, while doing the washing up, and it struck me that of the two examples of rapid, 'hard-hitting but funny critiques' of Authority and mind-control (M.O.R and a couple of the Levs' songs, notably 'battle of the beanfield' and 'the river') 2000ad came out very badly indeed, depite the datedness of the other. A policeman saying 'stay safe, stay sane. stay bland'! How cutting edge! I think I actually said, "oh fuck off", out loud,  as I read that.

Savage ad: Excellent! But please, please, you can't go with that logo! It's dreadful! It needs to be some big, drawn, 3D thing, like the first prog logo, but with the 'v' in 'savage' being a Volgan badge with a cross through it, like Ghostbusters. Something like that. Simply writing 'savage' and crossing it out just won't do!

Slaine: What can be said? Astonishing art, and the saga continues. My favourite ever 2000ad strip is once more at the tp of its game.

SiniDex: Haven't read yet.

Cabbies: I'll have to read this again, cos it wasn't clear to me. However, the mere fact that I'm willing to reread it should say something.

RoboHunter: We'll see how long the joke lasts.

Chopper thing: new series coming? Oh. Good. I think.

The VCs: Not usually a big fan of Anthony Williams' art, but he suits this strip marvellously. A sleeper from Abnett, probably to be most admmired years after it ends.

Dante: More! Please! Now!

There. That done, I can actually get on with some of the paperwork I have to do before work tomorrow.

Steev

Yeah, I just wanted to be among the first to say:

WOO-HOO! We've seen the back of the 'slimline' page format! The last remnants of the old regime have been swept away! Big, fat 2000ad a-go-go! This is as it should be. Thank you, Thargy-baby, for putting aesthetics before any potential American repackaging concerns.

Haven't had a chance to read it yet though. Or the Meg. All I can say is a quick flick through reveals it to be at least 200,000% more thrill-powered than the last few weeks.

Splundig Vur Ho-Ho-Ho.

Steev

May as well stick me thoughts down:

Cover: Nice, in a kind'a olde worlde style. Another irritating speech balloon though.

Dredd: Liked it, liked Siku, liked Smith. Not to everyone's tastes, but there you go.

Telguuth: Yay! ToT does it for me. It's written such a warm, comforting style and the art is always interesting. Not one to look forward to, but seldom dissappoints.

Synnamon: Don't know, as I gave up on this weeks ago.

Dead Men Walking: Another pretty-enough, but vacant, episode. I don't understand why, when there's zombie-mayhem going on, we aren't seeing any of it. I feel like I've wandered into the dull part of a choose your own adventure book and all the exceitement is happening elsewhere. Will read again when complete though, as I've enjoyed it so far. Kind'a.

Future Shock: Predictable, stupid and puerile.

Erm... 5 out of 10 if you demand a rating. Mostly for Telguuth.

Steev

Oh wow! Congratulations David, and please pass my love and best on to Mary. Hardly seems five mins since you said Mary was expecting another. Yikes. I trust photos will be posted here as and when!

Well done my friend!

Steev

Ah, good old eBay. I wonder just how far along the autistic spectrum you have to be to find a buggered copy of 2000ad 'collectible'...

Steev

Anyone else get a subs copy of the latest prog minus staples? Mine's ended up scattered all over the living room floor. Argh.

Steev

(apologies if this appears twice. Server died)

No, you're all wide of the mark. The greatest movie titles ever, as seen in an Amsterdam shop window, are:

'Bum Hunter'
and
'F*ck My sh*tty A*se, Ni**ers!"
The comma and the exclamation mark there are very important I think.

Steev

I like Siku. Never used to- his early work for the Meg looked like he hadn't learned to paint yet, but the latest story really floats my boat.

It flows well, the reinterpretation of Dredd is fun (I like the helmet and see absolutely nothing wrong with the eagle pad whatsoever) and it's very dynamic. I prefer this version to many of the new, static efforts we've seen of late that may have "good draughtsmanship" but no storytelling ability or dynamism whatsoever. That 'Juliet November' thing springs to mind, as does Synnammon and, sadly, Richard Elson (I think it's him) whose work sends me to sleep faster than fifteen pints and a long walk home.

Yes, anyway, Siku. He's great.

Steev

I've been away at center parks in Longleat all week, so this is my first chance to read and report. Ahem.

Cover: Quite audacious of Ian Gibson, this. How many times have we seen this before- it's just a stock Gibson bird pic with long hair and a hastily redrawn costume. Dreadful. She hasn't even got red hair. Try harder sir! And note to editorial droids: sticking a Gibson pic of a space-bird on the front WON'T make us think something like Halo Jones is inside. Piss. Up there with the worst of them.

Dredd: Really liked this and loved the art. Not enough to write much about though.

Dead Men Walking: Readable, well drawn and funny. Though the pic of that frog-alien bloke who got torn apart at the end seemed lifted wholesale from an old Alan Davis pic of one of the Special Exec/ Gatecrasher's Technet, whatever. Faux-swearing is just ridiculous though. Bovvux to it.

Cabbs: Highlight of the prog. I may go back and read the older series now, as I seem to remember not liking it too much back then.

Synna- oh arse, I can't even be bothered to type the name. Didn't read it as the first two were bad enough.

Durham Red: Didn't read, as it seems deliberately confusing and the art is slipshod and ugly and murky. Even the arses looked wrong. Load of old cock. And indeed arse.

All in all, still worth reading for Dredd, Cabby and DMW- but I await the end of all this, and Prog2004, with baited breath.

Steev

Bah! To those slating TCM, I say: Bumholes! Greatest, scariest and nastiest horror movie ever made.

Bah2! To those lauding The Shining I say: Overwritten, overacted, mishandled tosh. I'm 100% behind Stephen King on this, and the TV miniseries was far superior. Kubrick was a fraud.

Bah3!: To the makers of 100HorrorMoments I say: Don't ever employ that idiot presenter for anything ever again. Unless it's a live 'Faces of Death' type reality show.

Steev

I fumed over that Mirror review this morning, over my cornflakes. This afternoon I cancelled my newspaper delivery and emailed the Mirror explaining exactly why I couldn't continue to buy it. Not just about that comment, you understand, but the paper's general level of shit and the fact that it continues to employ Miriam Stoppard and jonathan Cainer- two complete fuckwits who should never be allowed anywhere near the general public ever again. Did those Mirror readers amoung you read Stoppy's reply to the 50-year old naughty texter this morning? Moralistic fucking old cow. And Cainer doesn't even know the fucking DATES that star signs begin and end!

The trouble with the british press is that if you are looking for an intelligent, left-wing paper that isn't the approximate size of a bedspread and can be read without 'Mr fantastic' style arm-stretching powers, you're fucked. All newspapers should be the same size as the prog was in the mid nineties. Broadsheet is an affectation that should be stamped on HARD.

I now have no newspaper delivered, except the local rag. And that doesn't even carry film reviews.

Steev

I think that photostrips are ready to make a comeback. I was lucky enough to receive all three collected photo-story volumes of Doomlord a while back- and while they are great from a nostalic point of view, they are, well, shit.

However. They were produced in the days before PhotoShop and with the awesome power of that particular tool, and a decent photographer under orders of someone who knows how to direct, photostories could come into their own.

I'd like to see Tharg give it a go. And I know a FANTASTIC photog who'd love to do it- and cheaply- who's just waiting for his big break.

Steev

I said:
">But what about the older readers who make their living as keyworkers at a care home for people with autism and learning disabilities, being paid about tuppence an hour "

So Logan said:
"did that sort of work for 10 years and can confirm that the pay is crap."

Yes. Funnily though (and stop me if I'm wrong about this) you and I seem to be going about our careers in reverse of each other. I spent ten years as a New Media Developer and Webmaster, before realising that if I ever have to build another website or turn a computer on for something other than pleasure, I would be likely to go futsie, so decided to do what I always wanted to do and work with people with autism.

The pay is crap, but even at their absolutely most challenging, I don't work with anyone (as fellow staff or support worker) who is as big a wanker as 99.9% of the people I met in my previous career. Fuck em all to hell.

Good luck in what you do though.

Spooky The Steev

"but what of the younger readers at school, or college, there not gonna have the cash to buy these expensive collections"

But what about the older readers who make their living as keyworkers at a care home for people with autism and learning disabilities, being paid about tuppence an hour and being roughly buggered in regard to their overtime AND who have ladies, babies and cats to support? Eh? What about THEM? We can't go out "spit roasting old ladies", or whatever the newgangled current "street" expression is, and selling our cracks to support our habit, oh no. We have to be on a budget, like in the old days when comics were rationed and we had to make our own gravy out of boiled-down rats. Kids today don't know they're born. Monthlies bugger off! Less is more!

Spooky The Steev