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Hell no, keep it as it is. The fewer people who enter, the better chance I have of actually getting into the top 3...

Seriously, though, I do like the idea of a Caption Competition... maybe take any panel or page from the last month's progs or Megs and let people choose their own image to reword and submit. Maybe do that every other month and have the usual format art competition every other other month... er...

I think people need competitions like this at the moment to take their minds off the general gloom settling over the real world. Of course, I may be entirely wrong about this. It's so difficult for me to see anything clearly from so far up my own colon.

Just drawing this made me feel mildly ill...



VO: "Dirty Frank is worried to find himself getting aroused..."

Video of the Trolig meteor: http://sydsvenskan.se/webbtv/article406 ... ext=webbtv

Amazing, huh?

And now I must don my Dancing Thong and Tappitty Shoes for the Dance-Off with Godpleton.

I choose a Triple Rhumba with Multiple Pikes, spangled Tango and a portion of Monster Mash augmented with a four-thee-three formation, castanets and a salmon balanced on my head.

I await the judges' decision with a quiet confidence.

I bring disturbing news from the Colonies. Barak Obama, the messianic president elect of the United States of America, is one of the poorest Mornington Crescent players I have ever seen.

As most Colonial League players know, one of the firmest traditions in U.S. Politics is the Incumbent Challenge, where an outgoing president challenges his successor to a game of the Honest Abe variant of our beloved game. Pundits around the world study this game in minute detail as the result and quality of play are often good indicators as to the the projected efficacy of the imminent administration.

This year's game took place in the White House's Crescent Office as usual and was attended by about two dozen officials and witnesses. I was honoured to once again take my place on the Adjudication Panel alongside Ko-Ko Hoodoo, Nash Foster, Wayne Rooney and Marjorie Gusset. The humph was Paragon and the traditional cherry wood board was used in a Carlyle configuration with Bilderberg counters and optional straps.

Having seen President Bush in action many times before, I knew him to be a cunning if somewhat limited player but of Obama's style and record, nothing was known. His people have drawn a veil of secrecy over his statistics, a veil they maintain with a tenacity quite out of keeping with the spirit of the game. We assumed that Obama simply didn't want the world to know how good a player he was. We couldn't have been more wrong!

Obama entered the arena first, dressed in the ceremonial gaming robes of a High Vizier of the Chicago Omerta and chose to sit at widdershins to the Northern Line with a view of the gardens and Pisces ascending. Bush, resplendent in the traditional silver moon helmet of the Children's Crescent Crusade, of which he is the patron saint (in waiting), took up the Holy Nook position with sunshine in the afternoons and a Glory Hole.

The Bishop of Scranton, the Right Reverend Dwight Reverand, blessed the board and gave the Sacred Benediction before deciding the order of play by tossing a dwarf. Obama's stain was judged to be closest and so he won the right to draw the first hoop, which he did.

In an unprecedented move which we all protested, the actual transcript of this year's Incumbent Challenge has been classified as Top Secret and everyone who witnessed the game has been advised not to reveal the details due to health and safety concerns. The score, however, simply could not be classified and was, as I'm sure most of you have heard by now, 9 to 1 to 8 to 0 to 3 with a 28% aggregate and only two fractions, both of which went to Bush. To be fair, I've had scores almost as bad as that against me in my time as well, but not since I was eight or nine years old.

I've been racking my brains trying to find a similar game that might give you all some idea as to what went on at the White House last Sunday, but there is nothing comparable in the tournament archives. Bob v Vic (1999, Strathclyde Olympics) comes fairly close but, sadly, the best match I can come up with appears in the Novelty Archive. It's a rather obscure game but can easily be looked up in Stovold's Almanac and Bungle's Ninth Addendum – Knapper Wainwright (drunk) Vs. Some Cats (1888), where Bush is Wainwright and Obama is the cats. I'll let you look that one up for yourselves so that you can comprehend the enormity of the situation on your own.

May God have mercy on us all...

Now, now, Godpleton... anyone would think you didn't know the rules to this game...

Using the Quaxxan Quiddich-Quest Conspiracy Confluences (Vol III), I take the Transatlantic Tunnel to the Rowdy Yates Block Overzoom. Ha! Get out of that one!

Eurostar Ruling on a Monday? Outrageous! That means I'll have to invoke Murgle's Fifth Paradox from the safety of an offside position and slink laterally into Drayton Park.

The Edge is now in spoon and the Bakerloo Line is without umbrage for the next two turns. What a mess...

If you removed all your veins and capilliaries and laid them end to end, you would die.

FACT.

We live in a hologram.  http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg2 ... ?full=true

Africa only exists on Thursday afternoons and the South Pole is not a pole at all, it's a gas lamp.

FACT:
Until the Bank of England is recalimed from the delegation of lizard adjusters it was accidentally sold to in the 1600s, nobody is going to have any money except lizards. Giving money to lizards is pointless as they only use it to make porridge with. Birds, on the other hand, are very good with money and hate porridge.

Also, Elizabeth II isn't really a monarch, she's a cabbage white.

Ah, so that explains all the sand in my underpants...

Bungle's Ninth Addendum contains many of the rare add-ons, including the Fantasy Writers' Station Pack.

Narnia via Ikea.