Messages

I'm kinda hopin' that it is... 

Welcome, I hope you enjoy the boards!

You say that now... 

A pertinent and moving post, Jim, thank you for sharing and I applaud your honesty and your bravery.

I have felt a similar thing, and the empowering nature of the word "no," which I have long held to be the most powerful word of them all. Of course, me being me, my "no" triggered a series of misadventures culminating in my currently living in a shed with barely a hundred quid to my name (and I need most of that for whiskey and weed). But life in the Sharkshed is good, if a little lonely at times, and on the whole I count myself a contented man.

It's been hard, though, so very, very hard. Most of it documented on these very boards - all the ups and downs and (hopefully) temporary insanities. I want to try to explain what I think I have learned, inspired by Jim's example and hopeful that maybe it will help somebody.

From 2000 to around 2013 I was a shut-in, depressed and in a state of almost constant fear. During this time I had what is generally referred to as an awakening, and my whole perspective on the world shifted wildly. It's like being on a ship suddenly hit by a massive swell; everything shifts and it's a scary experience that doesn't help an already anxious person. Anyway, I began to take an interest in the power of the word "no" and, after meeting with some initial success (and a concomitant drop in fear levels), my final battle left me homeless and the subject of a (piffling) criminal record. That was a pretty low point, but even then I had the choice to go grovelling back to the system I'd rejected.

No.

So I persevered, building on that no, relying on my own self and the help of others. I've lived in a friend's loft, a cheap-ass tent in the garden of the flat I'd been evicted from, a much-missed friend's canal boat, another tent but this time of more sturdy design, and finally the Sharkshed. I was lucky to find enough cash-in-hand jobs to keep body and soul together and enough friends to keep brain and psyche together as well. Throw in a handful of brief dalliances and a heart attack or two and, overall, it's been an interesting ride - a ride that left behind the largest portion of my fears and darkness in the Time Before the Eviction. I've learned to depend on myself more and to depend on others and be myself dependable. I've learned how to value the Now as the only time there is. Do I want to worry about the future? No. 

And it all started with that minuscule, monosyllabic, mighty word.

What I've learned is that "no," whilst being a negative word, can have an enormously positive effect on the self, strengthening the will and emboldening the heart. But of course, that's only the brawn of it - half the joy of "no" is knowing why to use it. But that's another, far more philosophical discussion for another time. In short, "no" makes you stronger. Doesn't matter if you win, lose or draw - like the man said, "all you have to do is say 'no I won't' one more time than they can say 'yes you will.'" To me, it really boils down to being that simple, and that hard. It's also good for filtering out the little stuff. "Do I want to be worried about this?" Some of it yes, some of it no.

Okay, so now I feel like the waiter at the end of Monty Python's Meaning of Life. It's not much to have learned from all that palaver but it's served me well. Though the darkness is never completely gone, I think this world makes it wise to retain a certain amount like a lab specimen, it is at least now manageable at worst and most days it hides from me altogether.

And Jim, if it's not too creepy, give your Good Lady a kiss from me and tell her, "that's from some nobody on the internet who wants to thank you for looking after this grumpy old curmudgeon, without whom my intellectual workshop would contain far fewer sparks." Then shrug and say, "fancies himself a writer." Then we'll tastefully cut away.

You are so lucky, Jim, to have that love, someone to share the burdens with, and I wish you both the very best for now and for always. The word "no" is truly powerful in its own right, but combine it with the word "love" (metaphorically speaking, of course) and it becomes unstoppable.

That is pretty damn cool. 

[Weird Tales]

Slither on over to the Internet Archive where you can download a shedload of Weird Tales magazine from the 20s, 30s and 40s.

https://archive.org/search?query=subject%3A%22weird+tales%22

I'd want folk complaining now, though, to have been just as vocal during previous dalliances.

I think that's a tad harsh. Maybe I didn't mention it before because I hadn't really thought about it before. Or maybe I didn't mention it because I was afraid my feelings came from a dark place in me, that place that rankles at never having found sustainable affection, let alone love. Maybe I was afraid it was small minded and petty.

But now I've thought about it and stand by what I said earlier. Understand, though, that this is how the Doctor is in my mind - a paragon of respectability who invites youngsters into his creepy shed and then watches over them without being distracted by hormones - but I'm willing if not always happy to accommodate other perspectives. Maybe even change or alter my own if a better one comes along.

Anyway, I am seeing a lot of potential in this latest Doctor (his companion, I'm afraid, not so much) and I think that right now the writers are struggling to properly channel his potential. If they can do that, I think we'll be in for a treat next season or the one after (a-la Picard; pap, shite, out-of-the-park).

Well, I can dream...

DP - Sorry

[Enola Holmes]

Enola Holmes. Thoroughly enchanting.

Maybe so, but that doesn't make it right. Every now and again, sure - but it has to be rare, imnsho, otherwise it detracts from the mystique (and arguably the trustworthiness) of the character. Every snog must really and deeply mean something - I don't see the Doctor being a fan of one-night stands. That's the kind of shit plebs like me get up to, and he has to be better than that, otherwise just give Big Dave a TARDIS and never watch t.v. again.

Hang on, Big Dave in a TARDIS, hmmm....

...the Doctor should have always been an asexual, aromantic figure...

^This^

Sexuality just makes it creepy; it would have made the Hartnell years simply unbearable.

I enjoyed the first half hour but unfortunately the bloody adverts chased me away in the end.

Thanks, chaps!

I recommend trying the GIMP, it's free and does just about everything Photoshop does (without spying on your work).

ftfy

Thanks, Le Fink. Scars and scratches are my favourite part