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Two Madeleyisms I remember:

(To Sophie Ellis-Bextor): "Where did you get your face?"


RICHARD: "Do you think there's any chance that there may be an afterlife?"

HAWKING: "There is absolutely no evidence to support such an idea. I'm afraid such an idea is merely wishful thinking"

RICHARD:(Disapppinted) "Oh, you've depressed me now. I was hoping for a 'yes'."

(On Steven Hawking): "He seems to be p**sed off - but in a nice way."

Some I've found on the internet:

"I REALLY love ducks - they've always got a smile on their face."

"WILL the gentleman with 1 nipple please reveal it?"

(To Jade Goody": "I've never met anyone who thought Sherlock Holmes invented the toilet. You're quite sharp. It's just that in the pure sense of the word, you're ignorant."

"That particular octopus committed suicide, didn't he? He stabbed himself with his own beak."

"Next time you go for a country walk," he exclaimed excitedly, "give a cow a cuddle. It's the new cure for stress!"

(To John Lydon): "If I could throw a fishing rod into the corridors of time and reel you in, you'd throttle you, wouldn't you?"

(To a mad suffering from stuttering): "You looked as if your head was going to come off!"

MADLEY: Bernadette Hughes, who was abandoned by her mother as a child.

MADLEY: "You were found on the doorstep of a church, were you in a little basket?"

BERNADETTE HUGHES: "No,I was naked, with the umbilical cord and afterbirth still attached, wrapped in a pile of newspapers and left on the doorstep."

(To a woman who missed out on £928,000 because she couldn't face the queue for the Lottery): "Maybe it was for the best."

(To Charlotte Church): "Imagine I'm someone from with a record company with a ponytail. I OWN you, Church!"

RICHARD: "Tell us why your mum was so ghastly."

JUDY: "She was Welsh-speaking, wasn't she?"

(To a transexual): To a post-op Man to Woman Transsexual: "Do you miss having a penis"

"So, Jane, when did you first realise that you were quite clearly mad?"

"And that's a self-portrait of himself, by himself."

â??When we were trying to conceive, I would douse
my balls in icy cold water before intercourse.�

"Frankly, I don't think that what we see on television is erotic enough. I haven't seen a sex scene on television recently that has remotely turned me on. And I've been there till 4am waiting for it."

Congratulations Peej.

Try this, you can thank me later.

ADE

Link: http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/R/richardandjudy/keep4archive/useful.html" target="_blank">Baby Bliss

"Jeff ordered a special glass casing that eliminates the decomposition of a dead body."

Boing, the miracle plastic!

ADE

Anyone remember the scandal when Billy Bragg found a keep out notice on the so-called socialist Manic's private toilet at an festival a few years back? I laughed so much I re-wrote Billy's seminal song To Have And To Have Not and tried to get it to him so he could perform it (original lyrics at http://www.billybragg.co.uk/releases/albums/life_riot_spy/life2.html

Ahem:

To Have And Have Not (A Toilet)

Up in the morning and out for a poo
A hole in the ground just like every year
Just remember the golden rule
Take some toilet paper

(CH: Just because you're wetter than me
Doesn't mean the lavs are free
Just because I stand like this
Means let us in mate, I need a piss)

If you're in the band you can use the bog
At last year's Reading it was hour-long queues
The truth is son it's a private shitter
They can afford comfy loos

The queue's a mile long and the bushes are full
I don't know what I'm going to do
I've come to learn in the world of The Manics
There's only a toilet for the chosen few

Crouching down on top of a crap-heap
A mound of shite an inch from your arse
When you read the NME it seemed a good idea
The cistern has failed you don't wet yourself

Here's a question that happens to bring it back on-topic: Does Kerry look more like he was drawn by Arthur Ranson or Carlos Esquera?

ADE

This a great fun - weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

You have to download the Flash version really for the full effect, the html version is no comparason.

ADE

Link: http://razghul.ice.org/misc/zoom/zoom.htm" target="_blank">The Zoomquilt

Vivian Stanshaw of The Bonzo Dog DoDah Band: Set fire to his own beard.

ADE

I loved the way he tackled the obvious Superman problem - that he looked exactly like Clark Kent and noone ever notices, by using the power of acting and making Clark a bumbling geek. Not only does it make it entertaining for us knowing his secret but it highlights how fickle people are: that we're so busy looking for the superman who's going to solve all our problems we miss the bleeding obvious right in front of us. Great film, great actor. Goodbye Christoper.

ADE

If anyone hasn't played it yet the 20th Anniversary edition of the classic Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy 80s adventure game from Infocom can now be played online, complete with new graphics and buttons. Well worth having a go especially as the game was designed by Douglas Adams himself so the puzzles are full of twisted logic.

ADE

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game.shtml" target="_blank">Hitchhiker's Game

Allo Allo had a very daring scene in an early episode: The british airmen have escaped using the German's uniforms as disguise. However, the German pair now need to be fitted with new usiforms before they get into trouble with their superiors so the British promise to parachute a tailor into France to measure them up. When the tailor arrives it's quite obvious that he's jewish. There's a look of complete discomfort on the German's faces while the Jewish tailor is perfectly charming as he takes the measurements. It's the only time the show ever refered to the fact the Nazis were anti-semetic.

Only Fools And Horses loses points for just going on too long, and don't start me on the falling over scene.

Overrated:
Fawlty Towers - too much of a one-man-show for me.
Blackadder after the first series - X-er than a Y doing Z blah blah blah. The sincerity of the final scene is somewhat undermined by the fact it's just so unrealistic up 'til that point.

Top of the pack:
Dad's Army - the greatest sitcom ever, much of the humour is similarly about what's left unsaid: Jones' bribery, Mrs Pike and 'Uncle' Arthur, Godfrey's ineptitude, Manwaring's class issues, Walker's draftdodging & criminality etc.
Rising Damp - pretty much a masterpiece in my book.
Friends up til about series 9.

ADE

Link: http://www.jacktherippermusical.com/" target="_blank">http://www.jacktherippermusical.com/

If you wany wild living fast and
If you want to end up giving your all - lets because
Pussycat is living reckless Pussycat is riding high
If you think that you can tame her, well just you try!
It's that she doesn't know what's wrong from right
She's living fast and free, child of the night
She will tease and taunt you and she'll take just what she wants as she goes along
You belong -
to Pussycat she's living reckless, Pussycat she's riding high
If you think that you can tame her, well just you try
C'mon just you try
C'mon c'mon and try
Yeah just you try!

Amen

Heh, Religion teachers make me laugh since all their teaching is based around something tat doesn't exist.

Frank Hampson and Marcus Morris who created Dan Dare worked on a strip based on the life of Christ called Road Of Courage, at the end of their career at The Eagle. Well worth a look if you can find a copy on Ebay, it's beautiful stuff.

There was a unpublished Swamp Thing episode where Swampy becomes the tree that the cross was built from. Never read the script, but possibly controversial.

There should be heaps of 2000Ad strips, not least Judge Anderson: The Jesus Syndrome.

ADE

You would think Rebellion would have sent Fathers For Justice a bloody Judge Dredd costume by now wouldn't you?

ADE